Sunday Polls Guy (6’4 btw)
@AsherHBaron
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Finance, Tech & Nightlife. Rarely at the Same Time. Model. HOF Athlete. Go Packers, Terps & Whips. That Guy from The Thing. Having fun on Al Gores Internet.
NYC
Joined October 2011
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@FowlClaytoris
There’s a screenshot from one of TikTok comments that’s like “I just know her parents work for Lockheed Martin”
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Thanks to Dr. Fauci and his "Vaccine", 4th of July falls on a Tuesday this year
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Had sex for an hour and 30 seconds last night. Shout out Daylight Savings fr
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I’ll say it:
Tomato adds relatively nothing to a sandwich. Rare you get a solid slice that isn’t a soggy piece of shit. Tomato’s are at their worst in their original form. You can do a lot of beautiful things w/ Tomatoes, yes, but a slice just on my sandwich, unnecessary
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“Yeah you can come over but we just gotta be quiet because my roommates (3) are asleep”
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Dude canceled our Uber because we “smell like beer” you dumb motherfuck why the fuck do you Lyft and Uber exists ?! I was fucking stunned
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Can’t believe
@PFTCommenter
admitted on
@PardonMyTake
that he doesn’t send chicks Memes. That’s like ? 90% of the game nowadays ?? Chicks dig memes
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A girl just DMed me saying she met me last night and asked if she can stay at my apartment for 2 months in between leases. What
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@keepoffgrasss
My condolences. I used your tweet for a poll yesterday too. Turns out the orange peels aren’t everything
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Diabolically horny
Every time you want to shower with Wifey, the kids just won’t let you.
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HOF Non-deleted tweet
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So out w/ a chick rn. Helped get her into the club we’re at tonight. She offers to buy first rd b/c of that. Eh okay fine. 2nd rd I try to buy—she insists to buy again
?? No let me
Goes “no really my dad pays for my credit card it’s fine”
Chivalry or not, can’t argue there
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*nobody*:
*absolutely no one*:
*not a single god damn soul*:
Holly Rowe: “”JJ McCarthy likes a finger in his ass when you’re deep throating it. Really lets him enjoy the full experience. Back to you guys in the booth”
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@DanaBeers_
The multi-tasking ability of running on a treadmill, chugging a beer and recording yourself will go under-appreciated here. I’m sorry
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@stoolpresidente
He asked for who Dave wanted to bring on (as like his Vice President) and Dave read it as “formally announce you are running, mate” like he was an Aussie just trying to give him a nudge. Fucking love it
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@stoolpresidente
Just have him sign every tweet w/
#DKPartner
. Gambling or otherwise. Get him in the habit
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Idk if there’s a show that puts you in a better mood w/ tears streaming down your face quite like Ted Lasso
My favorite 82 seconds of TV the last couple of years.
Listen. Learn.
Be Curious. Not Judgmental.
#TedLasso
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Asking to move-in w/ me after 10 minutes 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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Greg’s over the TV show component. This is a real relationship for him. That’s why it hurts and we’re witnessing the toughest conversation of all season.
#bachelorette
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Hate Symbols Ranked (in order) ((apparently)):
1a. The Swastika
1b. Horns Down
2. Everything else
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“No, hang on just give me a sec”
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Gotta love some chick making out w/ me going “okay but that’s all I can do because I have a boyfriend”
Trust the following:
-Nobody
-Nothing
-Never
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@iUsedToBeADuck
24 Year old Male Teacher dated a 14 Year old Female Student (at boarding school so access to his on-campus apartment) for about 8 months. When they get caught he jumped off the GW Bridge.
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Well my ex canceled the Spotify premium I was using which unfortunately means I am revoking her Dads access to my Disney +. Good guy. Hate to see him caught in the crossfire
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@screentime
@MyTimeToShineH
Perhaps the single least reliable source on the internet but okay have at it
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Never seen that woman in my life, why do you ask ?
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Oh thank God, I thought it was the Tequila & Blow I had been doing until 8am
Long COVID could be the reason for your bad hangovers: research
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The girl I really like came to CG LN Ws a boi (whomst I know) and they made out in front of me and left together and liking people ever is so dumb and silly and pointless and silly and dying alone isn’t actually all that bad if you really think about—I’m doing great why do u ask?
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The Fake ID China line got me. A solid giggle
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No lol
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The Other Guys gets funnier every time you watch it. That’s a fact
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@stoolpresidente
@dixiedamelio
@charlidamelio
@BFFsPod
Ya gotta love Dave being at the center of all this TikTok drama. Truly an art. Nobody does it better
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Standard Fraternity Satellite House living conditions. I’d argue it’s cleaner than most if we’re being honest.
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Sorry but Sappy Tweet: My Mom is really the only family I have left and we don’t always see eye-eye, so for her to come to the bar and have as much fun as she did, just melts me. Love her so much
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GOT AN INTERVIEW FOR THE COMPANY I REALLY WANNA GET A JOB OFFER FROM EVERYONE SAY YAY CONGRATS ASHER YOULL DO GREAT THEYD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU AND MAYBE GIVE ME
@LIKE
A FOREHEAD KISS OR SOMETHKNG THAT COULD BE CHILL IDK
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Greg is STILL in the real relationship zone. To him rn, there are no cameras, no mics, nothing. He’s talking to his gf. Katie’s got cue cards and a teleprompter. Ya hate to see it
#bachelorette
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I genuinely don’t know who’s worse, His brother or His Wife
Hopefully there were no kids in the crowd tonight. Wouldn’t want anyone to have to go to jail tonight
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Kings,,,
if she says "my friend", she's talking about a girl
if she says "a friend", it's a guy.
Never forget 🙏
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“Hey, we met at Nicole’s apartment last night. I know this is super random but my lease is up at the end of the month, can I stay with you for a month or two while I get back on my feet?”
What’s the number one question that most ppl ask you in the DM’s?
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