The medical student: comes across a difficult topic, tries to read about it but doesn't understand it, so asks the attending to explain it to them
Attending: Why don't you read about it and give us all a talk about it tomorrow
The med student:
Me to the patient: yes it is ok to take NSAIDs in moderation if you really need to and you have no other alternatives
The nephrologist outside the patient's room, waiting to talk to them once I am done:
Pre-med students explaining to their college friends their master plan to get into medical school, match into residency, then into fellowship, complete an advanced fellowship, get an academic job & then get promoted to a professor so that they could have a chill life afterwards
Me when I leave internal medicine rounds to go to the restroom, see three patients, discuss a discharge with a nurse, get coffee and them come back to find the team still discussing the same patient they were discussing before I left
Me on my first day of medical school: Getting into medical school has been a life long dream of mine, I am endlessly grateful to be here.
Medical school:
Me at the end of every e-mail or note: Please do not hesitate to reach out to me with any questions or concerns.
Me when anyone reaches out to me with a question or concern:
Healthcare workers when they spend 12 minutes buying groceries and 10 minutes doing chores after a call shift before they go to sleep to wake up and do another call shift
Surgery note: “patient had half their body removed last week, but they were able to walk and poop”, ready for discharge.
Medicine note: The patient coughed 3 times when I was talking to them, the cough makes me suspicious they have one of the following 17 conditions.
Surgery note: The patient had half their body removed last week, but they were able to walk and poop, ready for discharge.
Medicine note: The patient coughed 3 times when I was talking to them, the cough makes me suspicious they have one of the following 17 conditions. Will
Attending: Now if you position your stethoscope over the left lower lung lobe and listen carefully, you will be able to appreciate some really fine crackles
Me with my stethoscope positioned over the colon, alternating between hearing nothing and bowel sounds:
When your co-resident is driving you home after your third 24 hour shift that week, and goes "I don't know man, I should've gone into law school" as he starts speeding
The 2 shocks every doctor goes through in life are becoming an adult and realizing what an average adult is like, then becoming a doctor and realizing what the average doctor is like.
Me to patient: you need to have a good sitting posture when you do your desk job so as to not develop back pain
Also me sitting down to finish 13 notes at the end of the day:
ICU attendings going "but who knows what could be truly going on with this patient" after spending 20 minutes explaining the detailed pathophysiology of what's going on with them
When you're behind on 4 research projects & doing ICU nights after a stretch of multiple inpatient blocks, & the division director of the specialty you want to go into is enthusiastically telling you about the research project they're starting but need someone to help with.
Me after showing up to internal medicine rounds a few minutes late: Sorry guys, did I miss anything?
The medical student who just started their internal medicine rotation:
Patient in the hospital: gets all their medical issues managed, their discharge orders are released, but they cough 2 times as they're about to leave the hospital
No one:
The internal medicine team:
In the intrinsic pathway of coagulation factor XII activation culminates in factor IXa, which along with factor VIIIa activates factor X which along with factor Va activates thrombin which cleaves fibrinogen into fibrin. Now for the extrinsic pathway: ...
Just another day of me staring at myself in the mirror and debating whether I should get my hair cut to be able to get ready for work faster when I am on call
When you finally finish your fellowship and you gain the ability to respond with "Oh this is not really my specialty, you should discuss it with your primary care provider" to every question that you don't know the answer to
Patient tells me they have abdominal pain > me: here are 17 differentials, and the 23 steps of how we’re going to work this up and manage it.
Me when I get abdominal pain > meh it is probably nothing.
Oral contraceptive pills increase the risk of development of Gallstones. This is secondary to an estrogen medicated increase in cholesterol production by the liver which can later precipitate in the gall bladder forming cholesterol stones & a progesterone related decrease in 1/