Cottagecore Spider Jerusalem
@AndyEyeballs
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National Lawyers Guild NYC, @ChosenFamilyLaw & . 'Not just one of the great legal revolutionaries of our time, also a really filthy babe.'
Hudson Valley, NY
Joined July 2012
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Pinned Tweet
My helper golem is done! Thinking about asking me for help? Try this first!
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A lady at the apple orchard disco the other night asked if I was born a man or a woman and I, drunk, beckoned her close to whisper and then hollered I WAS BORN A BABY into her ear
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Last night I led a consent workshop at an org for LGBTQ elders, and I started by asking them to shout out their answers to "what is sex for?" And two old ladies sitting near each other both yelled "pleasure" in unison and then one turned to the other and said "what's your name?"
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Good morning to everyone wondering what an apple orchard disco is! The owners of one of our nearby orchards made an outdoor farm bar with the hard cider they brew and they teamed up with a local gay org to throw outdoor disco dance parties. It was GREAT 🪩🕺💃💕🍎
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Omg follow me for more gender noncompliant buffoonery
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Hey so my aunt is an infectious disease researcher and she gave me some real talk last night about Delta that made me feel a little less freaked out. She said, "What do you want your vaccine to protect against?" I said "Getting sick," and she said "No, dying."
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I think a helpful way for people who don't have experience in the BDSM world to contextualize safewords is to think about haunted houses.
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BTW in all this discourse around transition-related healthcare being an anti-suicide measure it's important not to forget this: the goal is not just to keep our fam from being literally dead. That's the floor. The goal is a world where every trans person is resourced and joyful.
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My solstice wish for you is that you be as cozy and resourced and triumphant in achieving the desires of your soul as this perfectly spherical boi who has eaten all of our decorative corn.
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If you're in the northeast and not a fuckin creep ping me and I'll send you the details if you promise to come dancing with us next time
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She showed me this graphic -- this is about Delta. Yes, it's bonkers contagious. It's spreading like a motherfucker. But it's also burning itself out really fast, not only in areas that have high vax rates.
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People go to haunted houses bc they want to have intense experiences that push them out of their comfort zone, but in a way that's controlled. They want to feel fear, they want to scream, but they want to have those experiences in a context that they can ultimately trust is safe.
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@KyleLukoff
We rotate the Dad role here based on whether the task at hand needs proficiency with hand tools, puns, remembering where you put that thing, or not being afraid of the lawnmower.
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In an unplanned interaction, someone screaming is a clear expression of "I want this to stop happening." At a haunted house, it's not, because the structure of the haunted house is set up to facilitate that kind of experience.
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She said we're about a month behind the UK in terms of our Delta-related spike, and the UK is already more than a week past their peak. Went up fast, came down fast. Takeaways: get vaccinated, don't start licking subway poles yet, but don't panic.
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So if the actors in a haunted house took every time someone screamed as them saying "I want this to stop happening," the thing wouldn't work. They go into it with the understanding that things that usually communicate "no, stop" have a different meaning in this context.
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@VPS_Reports
@NYCAntifa
@LAPDHQ
@andrewkimmel
"where are the police" do you ask where Miley is when Hannah Montana is onstage
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At the Drag March last night there was a butch standing over a grate in the street and guiding everyone with stilettos around it and that's the kind of solidarity I want to see from everyone this Pride 😍
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For that reason, haunted houses usually have some preplanned way for participants to communicate "stop." You're told going in that if you don't want the actors to scare you, you walk through with your hands up, or you say "please do not scare me," or something like that.
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If you go in knowing that instead of communicating "stop" like you usually would, you have another effective way to communicate it in that setting, it allows you to have thrilling experiences and let yourself scream your head off, knowing the whole time that you're safe.
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Similarly, if you go into a BDSM interaction knowing that you have a preplanned effective alternate way to communicate "I want this to stop happening," it allows you to have thrilling experiences, scream your head off, struggle, etc., knowing the whole time that you're safe.
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If you can't imagine wanting to explore sexual desires that feel scary and dangerous in real life, that's okay! But if you can imagine wanting to go to a haunted house, you get it!
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I need my american anti-zionist comrades who aren’t Jewish to be very, VERY careful right now.
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@NursingRox59
Bless you for doing what you can to make the world a little kinder for the next generation!
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And if you do have desires or fantasies that feel dangerous, that's also okay! People have developed a huge range of tools for seeking out and safely having experiences that challenge and frighten them, and safewords are one example!
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Holy shit I just remembered that I gave an FBI agent an existential crisis at the showtunes bar last night.
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This is doing some numbers and so far a real minimum of daffy shit, good work everyone
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I do my consent classes through a nonprofit called the Chosen Family Law Center (,
@ChosenFamilyLaw
) so if you want to find sweet old dyke love too, check us out!
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Jews: what's something you love about being Jewish? Please share and boost this - I just want to spend my day surrounded by answers to this question.
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Jewish anti-zionists are seeing the rhetoric around us escalating. Language like “wiping israel off the face of the map” & “every dead zionist is a victory” coming from leftists who are fighting w their whole heart – as we are – for a liberated Palestine & a liberated world.
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I have just been informed that Shel Silverstein was slutty and I'm so happy to have this news
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Then "Gee, Officer Krupke" started and he walked out of the bar without saying anything 😂🤣😂🤣 I think this might be the best thing drunk Andy has ever done
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If you haven’t been navigating the landscape of how nationalism, white supremacy, anti-semitism, and conspiracy theories are entangled in the US and have been getting increasingly meme-ified in the last few years,
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I put my hand on his wrist and said, "the solution is to not be a cop anymore, honey." Then the pianist started playing "Somewhere" from West Side Story and I stage whispered to him, "this song is about you not being a cop anymore!"
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@mr_butlertron
I think I'm less trying to demonstrate "sometimes things that are not okay in one scenario are okay in another scenario" and more "wanting a safe structure to explore experiences that outside of that structure mean something bad is happening is a common and fine human desire"
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I had to email the Jersey Heritage Archives to get permission to reproduce some images and while I was tootling around in there I found a bunch of PDFs listed of unpublished Claude Cahun poems, so I requested them and I've been translating them and they're UNBELIEVABLE
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I need you to know this because when the stuff you as a leftist are saying looks a lot like the stuff white nationalists are saying, it’s going to make it look like they agree with you, which is going to make it seem like maybe the other stuff they’re saying isn’t so out there.
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Please be careful. Please read up on how anti-semitic conspiracy theories have historically functioned and how they’re functioning on the american right wing today so that you can spot when right-wing grifters are trying to craft false equivalencies to lure you in.
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He asked how I could tell and I said, "All cops look like they're aliens who saw a movie about humans one time and were like, I can totally do that." After a minute he told me, "I do feel out of place and alienated wherever I go, like I can't really relate to anyone."
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you might not know that that is the same rhetoric that american white nationalists have been using this whole time to say that the global cabal of (((elites))) need to be violently overthrown, which is to say that all Jews across the world must be killed.
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Google Calendar is down this morning, devastating polyamorous communities worldwide.
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Your anti-state and anti-violence anti-zionism and their anti-Jew “anti-zionism” are absolutely crucial to distinguish as you are constantly consuming traumatic propaganda that is designed to turn off the critical analysis functions of your brain.
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Here's my opinion: it's good to explore your gender! Maybe you're trans and maybe you're not but that's a decision that should be guided by joy, not fear.
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And while we're at it, the goal is to build a world where every person is resourced and joyful. EVERY person thrives. EVERY person can access what they need to build a loving relationship with their body, whatever that means for them. EVERY person is protected from harm.
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This is how people get radicalized and I’ve already seen people transform with frightening speed from anarchist to Marxist-leninist to tankie to nationalist without realizing that’s what’s happening.
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In conclusion five year olds are chill if they're given the opportunity to be.
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"Cispondent" (adj) the way a cis person feels when you correct them on your pronouns and then have to comfort them for forty five minutes
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I just had a client meeting w the parents of a trans 11-yr-old to change his gender marker, & I wrote him a sticky note that said "If anybody gives you a hard time for being trans, call me! You have a lawyer who's a trans grownup and that means nobody's allowed to mess with you!"
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The creation of a liberated world is going to take all of us and we can’t afford to lose people to this. I don’t want to lose any more people to this. Please, please, please keep your eyes open and your hand in mine.
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(This is why trans liberation cannot be separated from Black liberation, from disability justice, from immigrant justice, from the end of capitalism and war and the state. A world where everyone can thrive can't be achieved by piecing out one issue at a time.)
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Please carefully evaluate the information you’re consuming, not just for how it makes you feel but for who might benefit from you believing it & acting accordingly. Please do what you need to do to keep your nervous system regulated & boundaried so that you can’t be manipulated.
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I want you all to know that I talked to a kindergarten class about gender nonconformity on Monday and one of the children asked, "Why are you wearing earrings? Only girls wear earrings!"
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LMAO raise your hand if you're a gender goblin and you're cute as fuck
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"You don't need a reason to be whatever you want to be other than that you want to! What do you want to be?" and the kid said, "I want to be a bus!" and then we all were buses for a minute and yelled "BEEP BEEP" really loud.
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If you like cute rural trans shit you should join the Patreon for my tranarchist commune
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It's the morning after someone shot up a gay club in Colorado. It's two mornings after two men were stopped in Penn Station on their way to massacre a synagogue in Manhattan. It's two mornings after someone threw a lit firework at our house from the road.
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OK word check out my soundcloud
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I'll start: I love that so much of our mythos is about being a smartass in the face of certain destruction, and I love the sense of humor that derives from that.
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It is REALLY SILLY to fight about who is/isn't allowed in queer spaces. In a space about solidarity & collective liberation, then the appropriate gatekeeping question is: "Are you a comrade? Are you up for the fight?" not "Is your personal sexual identity sufficiently righteous?"
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Don't dream of a world where they stop trying to kill us. Dream of a world where every single one of us has enough to share.
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His friend told me he was an FBI agent, and I -- I should interject here that I was not what you would call sober and had just come from working a protest -- said "yeah, obviously."
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This guy behaved like a perfect gentleman for his mani-pedi today, he sang mournful songs the whole time but stayed still in my arms, everybody say GOOD DOG TOBERT!
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A healed world is going to grow like grass through broken concrete. It's going to push its roots into the foundations of the old world until -- little by little -- the old world releases its hold and topples. It probably won't fully happen in our lifetimes and that's okay.
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Hey psst in case u didn't know: the reason so many anti-semites are so pro-Israel is because they want all of us to go there and not be here anymore 🤫
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And before I could say anything, one of the other children said, "No, PIRATES wear earrings!" and another one said "So does my dad!" and the first child was like, "Ohhhh."
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A common mistake that I see people engaging in restorative or transformative justice making is thinking of it as transactional -- that once they have performed the requisite acts of penance, they will be redeemed, forgiven, and all the consequences they are seeing will be lifted.
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But in the meantime, we get to smell it coming on the breeze, and feel little brushes of it when we touch each other with love, and build dreams of it together, and those dreams need to be as big and joyful and all-consuming as they can be.
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When tarot readers unionize: seizing the means of prediction
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One of them also asked me if I was a drag queen, and I said, "I'm like a drag queen, but the difference between me and drag queens is that drag queens are fancy for their job and I'm fancy for fun!"
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"What's your degree in?"
"Linguistics."
"Wow! How many languages do you speak?"
"Six, but that's not what linguistics is."
“What’s your degree in?”
“Library Science.”
“So you’re a librarian?”
“Yep.”
“So you just read books all day?”
/my librarian face tentacles emerge and quickly consume them/
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Please celebrate queers aging. It's something most of us didn't think we would ever get to do. It's something too many of us don't get to do.
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I am so tired of people saying "religion" when they mean "christianity." "Can religion exist under anarchism" have you ever met one single Jew my good bitch
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In the MSNBC RNC coverage one of the commentators said "The difference between a religion and a cult is that in a religion, your savior dies for you, and in a cult, you're expected to die for your savior." (ccing
@JustSayXtian
)
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I let this guy out to pee before bed last night and he trotted off into the woods and came back carrying a bagel
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"Should asexuals be at pride?" "IDK Karen is my asexual friend gonna link my arm to help keep the pigs away from vulnerable comrades? ARE YOU?"
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We don’t need a men’s prison, a women’s prison, and an X-gender prison. We need to knock down the prisons. The ways in which the state regulates gender don’t need to be broadened to include us. They need to be destroyed.
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omg I don't remember anything that was happening in my dream last night EXCEPT me confidently leaping into the middle of a problem and going "don't worry, I'm going to BISEXUALIZE this"
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I see a lot of people struggling with the question of "Should I be out in the street right now?" I think it's about letting your your emotions about it matter but not guide you, and thinking strategically.
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did you spend your childhood obsessively rereading this or are you straight
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I just saw a dog lay down in the middle of the sidewalk and refuse to keep walking until he got his tummy rubbed, and that's the level of advocating for our needs and effective direct action that I wish for for all of us this fall.
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Hi friends! If you are T/GNC, fly frequently, would benefit from pre-check or global entry to keep you from getting groped & harassed, & can't afford the $80 fee, send me your paypal/venmo! (If you are cis and want to help fund, @ andy-izenson or andy.izenson
@gmail
)
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At a climate action film festival recently, I ended up talking to an old woman who told me, after talking for a few minutes, that she'd been a member of the Daughters of Bilitis.
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When you get double incision top surgery and they give you surgical drains for recovery, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TUBE IN THERE THAN YOU THINK. When they pull em out at your follow-up, tube is going to just keep coming out of you like a magician's scarves.
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All right, listen up, nerds, because I'm only going to say this once. The work didn't start in 2016 and it's not going to end tomorrow regardless of what happens. Tomorrow isn't going to be the dawn of a bright new age and it's not going to be the end of the world.
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I told my boyfriend that the internet was overwhelmingly like "WHAT IS AN APPLE ORCHARD DISCO" and they wanted me to let you know that rural queers exist.
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HEY LISTEN, are you full of despair? Are you daunted by the enormity of the world's grief? Are you certain that nothing you can do is worthwhile because the problems at hand are too great for you to impact?
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Imagine going to a leather bar with a teddy bear sticking out of your pocket and just looking for a hot butch dyke who also had a teddy bear sticking out of her pocket and when you find each other you're like "aw yeah we're gonna fucking SNUGGLE" 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Leather & Lace was a women's BDSM club founded by Lee, Jody and Jamie in LA in the early 1980s. L&L was a sister club to Avatar. They organized workshops and play parties, and their home bar was Cuffs. They disbanded in ca 1993.
#leatherdykes
#losangelesleather
#queerLA
#thelword
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::walks up to a polycule:: so...which of you is war, which is famine, which is pestilence, and which is death?
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POP QUIZ what is the answer to every single question a cop might ask you about anything?
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We took a lot of COVID precautions and had a real actual dinner party for my birthday tonight! Hello 35!
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The Dog's prescription bottle says "give with cheese" and it seems very unfair that mine doesn't say that.
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You know, [mumble] years ago, when I was first getting my bearings in the gay leather scene, older and more experienced queer men taught me, mentored me, kept me safe, even though they were going out on a limb welcoming a trans person into a gay scene.
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I keep seeing people pointing out in horror that state drag bans ALSO have the effect of criminalizing performances or public appearances of any kind by trans people and I just want to say YEAH THAT IS THE POINT. THAT'S NOT A SIDE EFFECT. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE TRYING TO DO.
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OK while you're all here do you want to know the story of how Uncle Claude got themself thrown in jail for spiritual warfare against the nazis because it is a VERY good story
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