Amy Taylor
@AmyTaylorNYC
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32,727
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My therapist: what do we say when we feel upset?
Me: I think us bad bitches is a gift from God, I think you broke hoes need to get a job. Now I’m a boss, I write my own name on the checks. Pussy so good, I say my own name during sex.
Therapist: no
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Prostitutes are named that because they’re an awesome combination of prosperous and astute I will not be taking questions at this time.
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“Dominant” men online:
Girls you aren’t ready for my kinky mind’s take-charge sex
Suits are so scary
Ties are so scary too
I post black and white pictures of skinny white women bent over and an occasional image of a wolf or lion roaring
I’ll be the little spoon by date
#3
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Stop reinforcing the idea that women need marriage and children to be happy sometimes we just need money and dogs
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I’m in my 40s, and yes, I’m hotter.
It’s not a compliment to tell me I look like I’m in my 20s. I’ve been in my 20s. I don’t want to look like I have roommates, drugstore skincare, a coke habit and shitty towels.
Call me ma’am. I’m not “miss” anymore, thank God.
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When guys email me asking "ARE YOU REAL?" I don't answer, because I am actually three stacked raccoons in a dress and they mustn't find out.
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Me: I’m a companion; I look like a model, socialize like a queen, fuck like a porn star, research like a detective, manage like a CEO. I got this.
Also me: sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read instructions for microwave burritos.
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When I see a non-heaux heartbroken over a guy who drives a Kia, goes Dutch with her at Buffalo a Wild Wings, and falls asleep immediately after he orgasms and she fakes it, I really wish these indentured servants would unionize and demand better conditions.
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He asks: what the heck do lesbians do when they have sex?
He means: I have never ever seen a woman orgasm in my entire life.
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Nobody values a woman less than a guy who’s fucked her for free.
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Nobody values a woman more than a man who hasn’t yet fucked her.
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Thank you Sir, for sponsoring my trip! You’re the best. I can’t wait to say thanks in person, as locals, very soon. It’s finally all happening… 🙏❤️😘
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Minimum rate hobbyist:
-bitches over deposit & screening
-hires you once, uses you for 25 references
-“I rEqUiRe DiScReTiOn”
Million dollar benefactor:
-sends wishlist items just ‘cause
-appts include spas, dinners & events
-“wired you; see you at Signature at 7”
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There are only 3 sure things in life:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. If you go to sleep in lingerie, when you wake up one titty will be out.
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Pro tip, men: on long trips, book a big suite. Give her a few hours a day away from you (shocker, she too has a life). Ensure proper amenities & snacks are available (duh).
Or don’t, and have a miserable companion on your hands.
How you do anything is how you do everything.
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I may not have been born with wings, but I’ll continue to use the sky as a stage for my life’s aerial dance.
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Girls actually do love nice guys.
You just aren’t as nice a guy as you think you are.
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To those women who saying being a companion seems awful: the alternative is dating. Have you tried dating? Exactly. I rest my case.
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Contrary to myth, women never go out of style.
In maturity, women get all that’s denied to girls: developed character, dangerous liberty, enriched minds, sexual skill, maternal nurture, wisdom, status, money, joie de vivre.
Women are immortal. They bewitch men forever.
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I hate when clients are ashamed of themselves.
As if a badass bitch like me would ever spend time with a guy who’s less than awesome.
Clients, you rule. They’re wrong.
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Not bragging, but I don’t need drugs and alcohol to make choices I’ll regret.
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when guys say I should try dating them for free, I wonder how they think I learned don’t wanna date guys for free
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I’m on the cover of FHM in France this month!
Grab a copy at
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thoughts and prayers to his loved ones…I just destroyed someone’s son 😈💦😆
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Some lady in line at the grocery store just glared at me and said “you look like someone who’s late to her Botox appointment” and the worst part about that is that I am late to my Botox appointment.
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Porn is lame. Either MILF dominatrix or barely legal being choked.
What about middle aged spinster who takes her dog to cafes and thinks missionary position is lit? Nobody wants to rub one out to that?
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My therapist: be gentle with yourself, don’t drink so much coffee, sleep enough, don’t deal with people who upset you, eat healthily
Me: 2nd hour on Twitter, chugging a venti drip after 3 hours of sleep, arguing with Internet trolls, eating Swedish Fish for breakfast
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I correctly fastened my garter clip to my stocking on the first try and it didn’t pop off for over 2 hours.
I’ve never felt more drunk with power.
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Passionate in spirit and discerning in style, we were made for one another.
Our romance is one for the ages. Happy Valentine’s Day, Sir.
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I hate that people judge me for being a companion. Why don’t you try getting to know me? You’ll find out I’m trash but for other reasons.
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“No man will want you later!”
Got it. I’ll charge even more now.
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People make love in prisons, in concentration camps, in the face of deep fear. Sex is a fundamental part of our humanity.
Don’t let thieves steal your connection to the erotic. Dont abandon the need for pleasure in the midst of crisis. Don’t lose your desire to feel alive.
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How to approach companions when you want to date them for free, not having to pay them:
1. Get into a trash can
2. Set the trash can on fire
3. Roll the trash can away
4. Into the ocean
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Shoutout to all the dudes who call me ugly because they can’t hire me
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Him: Tell me what you really like, baby.
Me: I like money.
Him: I meant besides money.
Me: Oh, I don’t like that.
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#Hey19YearOldMe
that 35 year old man doesn’t think you’re mature for your age. Women his own age just know he’s a predator and won’t date him.
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Client asked if my real name is Amy Taylor and now he feels special, getting to call me by my full name Amygdala TaylorSwiftly
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Escorts are successful & it cannot be stopped. Why? Because people are starving for kindness & attention. We give what humans badly need.
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Girls, they all cheat. Date the rich nerd. It’s better to end up a bitter single mom in a Paris penthouse, than one on WIC in a double wide.
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Dates 1-3: let me tell you about my very normal interests and life
Dates 15-20: I’m not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens
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I’m not allowed to have my 6-pound dog on the beach in LA but I can set up a tent and live there doing crack, any time I want
#genius
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As an adult I can’t believe staying home, spankings and naps used to be punishments
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Thanks for my glam
@Bridgetzglam
! Your pro skills are so appreciated, beautiful brilliant one. ❤️🙏🏻
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Why update your photos and website and ads to earn money, when you can update your Twitter photo and instantly get hundreds of compliments from guys who require your affection but understand you pay your bills with air
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when you keep being unable to get an appointment, but my calendar says I’m available, it’s because the “but not to you” is silent like the g in lasagna
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