Alice Slater 🍂 (offline)
@alicemjslater
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👻 Just a lil creep 📖 Death of a Bookseller (Hodder, 2023) 🖤 Rep: @zoe_ross12
London, UK
Joined February 2009
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She’s smaller, she’s thriftier, and she’s an eye-aching electric pink: my horrible little book is out in paperback today! This has been the wildest, most wonderful year and I’m so grateful for all the support and love 🥹 I feel like the luckiest peach in the punnet 🐌🩷💚
💚Out Now! 💖
This Horrible Little Book is now available in paperback. Of course, we kept the iconic pink & green theme.
Happy publication day
@AliceMJSlater
and
#DeathOfABookseller
!
Shop now >
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I can't believe this is what F. Scott Fitzgerald's hair looked like. No one ever talks about it.
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I had such a grim experience last night. I sat near a drunk couple on the tube – woman fast asleep, head sagging right down his chest. I missed how the convo started, but a young woman caught my attention, pointed to them and said “She doesn’t know him, they aren’t together.”
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I just fucking hate men who do the whole “who me?? 🥺” thing and pretend it’s outrageous for women to intervene when they’re actively proving themselves to be untrustworthy, unsafe and predatory. I still feel really fucking rattled by this experience.
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“Sick note culture” is a vile phrase dripping with contempt, cruelty and lack of empathy. These callous cunts will work you to death and still call you “work-shy” when you’re six feet under
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The Great Gatsby is entering the public domain soon and I’m just saying: Kermit as Nick, Miss Piggy as Daisy, Timothée Chalamet as Gatsby.
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Heard my dog going fucking bananas outside and of course it’s all because her nemesis is sitting in his garden, quietly minding his own business
My dog hates our neighbour’s gentle boxer so much that when she caught a glimpse of him this morning out the window, she was too angry to eat her breakfast
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Btw in this hot weather, it’s a good idea to carry around a teaspoon and a lil jam jar that’s half lager half cider and topped up with black current cordial, in case you need to revive a goth.
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Creme eggs are from Birmingham so it’s actually pronounced croime egg thanks for following x
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There was a knock at the door just now and when I opened it, I was greeted by a man who said “good morning, is the man of the house in?” and I just said no and shut the door because my husband is not the man of the house he is a little bitch x
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and I just fucking *knew* he was a lying sack of shit, and sure enough when he realised we weren’t going to let her get off the tube with him, he got off several stops early – still protesting his innocence and carrying on like he was the victim of a big misunderstanding.
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And this fucking man was sitting there with a cocky smirk on his face. He had the exact same energy as the type of wanker who’d walk into the bookshop and think it’s funny to say “I can’t read 🤣🤣” and then get all arsey and offended when we believed him.
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He just kept shaking his head, rolling his eyes and laughing. None of us could tell if he was joking or backpedaling or what. And then finally the drunk woman woke up. We asked her if she knew him. She turned to him, very disoriented, squinted at his face, and said no.
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He started laughing and trying to tell this poor disoriented woman how hysterical we had all been, how we were accusing him of this and that, how we all thought he was a bad guy, how silly the whole thing was. I asked what stop she needed, she told me, and he said “yep me too!”
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After quite a lot of back and forth, I snapped and said, “look if you’re joking you need to come clean, because you need to understand that if you don’t know this woman, she’s incredibly vulnerable right now and I need to wake her up.”
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The position they were in was so intimate though, I assumed he was having us on, perhaps trying to flirt with this young woman while his wife was asleep. I asked him to clarify and he just shrugged and smirked.
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Honestly, put me in a little dress and drop me in a beer garden and pick me up at midnight when the last of the sun-warmth has finally left the flagstones and I’m shit-faced and cold and full of fun
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I don’t think booksellers are paid enough to be expected to pander to bigotry in their free time, and getting a bookseller fired because she doesn’t like the smell of your shit is trash behaviour
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Portrait of us all just clinging on by a thread
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Ottessa Moshfegh buying vintage lockets to sell with little handwritten affirmations via her depop has real Caroline Calloway energy and I won’t hear a word against it
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I’m in a ~metal bar~ in Camden, and every woman looks like an angel in leather and lace and every man looks like he’s spent the last ten years stuck against a brick wall having layers of gig posters pasted over him until eventually peeling himself off to come out for a pint.
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I feel like we’re in a vampire novel renaissance – are there any more vampire books out in 2024?
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[CN weightloss] So... NHS doctors are going to receive financial rewards for forwarding patients to ‘slimming clubs and online weightloss programmes’ – are we talking about for-profit companies like Slimming World that we know don’t work because we have the data? Mmhmm okay :)
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Can I interest anyone in some fluffy ginger cat feet
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Reading an obituary about Robbie Coltrane that’s crammed with ten (10!) references to his weight, and I’m reminded once again that regardless of talent or accomplishment, the dignity fat celebrities are offered in death is scarce
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Spare a thought for all the men who had their sense of humour surgically removed at birth.
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My dog hates our neighbour’s gentle boxer so much that when she caught a glimpse of him this morning out the window, she was too angry to eat her breakfast
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This year I did a disgusting thing and kept track of how many physical books I purchased, and then how many of those books I actually read, and let me tell you when it comes to propping up the industry I’m really “Doing My Bit”
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When you fav fatphobic memes on your timeline, they show up on the timelines of your fat friends 🤗 and then not only do we lose trust in your judgement, but we also have to see the fatphobic trash that we generally try to avoid 🤙🏻
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Top Shop closing down is what happens when you ignore the juicy value of the plus size £££ 😌
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Buzzkill alert but if you’re gonna do “x won’t see your tweets but your y friends will” memes I hope you’re calling out fatphobia when you see it on your timeline too because that’s where that language comes from and it’s not actually that funny to see it framed as a joke ✨
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Instead of doing something cute for
#IWDay2019
like giving your female staff chocolate, take a little peek at your maternity packages, your wage gap, the dominant demographic of your workforce, accessibility & the pay and rights of your less visible colleagues (i.e. cleaners) 👍🏻
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I have ✨ some news!! ✨ so much love to my agent
@zoe_ross12
and my new editor
@bwickssss
at
@HodderBooks
📚
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In my 20s, I’d have stayed up all night smoking bad weed with Eyal and let him explain the entire plot of Aronofsky’s The Fountain to me even though I saw it and hated it, and then he’d tell me my first was on a par with his 2:1 because my degree is easier.
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Excuse my debut author basicity but I’m absolutely screaming 🥲🐌📚💀
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The three genres of vegan cookbooks are:
🌸 little tallulah’s happy little vegan kitchen 🍦(a woman laughing, bare feet)
🍆 FUCK YOUR MUM LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING VEGAN 🍑 (man with a very moustache-forward face)
🥦 VEGAN 🥕 KIND 🥬 (clip art and a distorted picture of raw broccoli)
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We can solve the obesity crisis by... *throws dart* banning guacamole and *throws dart* criminalising Halloween
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“This would never be a problem for me,” is the cherry of cognitive dissonance on the cake for me. The writer indubitably believes in an alternative reality in which they accept their imaginary queer child even though they are openly rejecting the reality of having a queer child.
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I keep tabs on a few cool girl LA influencers so this is hot off the press: talk to the young people in your lives, start having open conversations about how the choices we make when we’re young can affect our future selves – cos skinny brows are coming back.
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And you can “prescribe bike rides” when you make roads safe, bikes free and a work-life balance that isn’t soul crushing x
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A vegetarian’s lament; why do so many fast food outlets offer vegan meat, but only in conjunction with vegan cheese and vegan mayo? 🎻
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☹️
/|\
/ \ 🐚
🐚☹️
\/|\
/ \
🐚🙂🌊 ᶦᵗ ᶠʳᶦᵈᵃʸ ᵐʸ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᵇᶦᵗᶜʰ
\/|\
/ \
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Some wild news! I’m so over-the-moon delighted to say I have signed with the amazing
@zoe_ross12
at
@UA_Books
! 🥂🍾
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As a very successful and famous beauty viner, I take a lot of selfies so it was hard to choose but here are my
#BestSelfies2016
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We found a tiny little one-bed basement flat, full of natural light and in our ideal location, with a bright blue front door and bluebells in the garden. It has built-in bookcases! Please send us good vibes because my heart can’t take it 🥹
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The shitty experience Torrey Peters (and Akwaeke Emezi before her) has received when longlisted for the Women’s Prize in this spiteful, hateful little country is shameful, a fucking embarrassment.
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Rotten to the core – and shame on every last person involved with it. But I’m also curious to know why our industry magazine feels the need to give this insidious crap any attention at all?
A publishing network for those “concerned about the impact of gender ideology on our sector and wider society” launched today for publishing professionals, authors and creatives 👇
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The belief that you are only deserving of healthcare and life-saving treatment if your body looks a certain way and functions in a certain way is a position that’s rooted in eugenics ✌🏻
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Yet another thing to worry about
We are aware of a number of horses that are currently loose in central London and are working with colleagues, including the Army, to locate them
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My cheeky* little landlord fancies keeping our deposit to fix the kitchen lights, which were noted as not working in the inventory when we moved in.
*scumbag
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Imagine my supreme disappointment at finding this cute book stack Christmas decoration and then reading the titles and finding this garbage
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Hello friends, book lovers and fellow things that go bump in the night.
On this auspicious day of Halloween, it’s a pleasure to share the final cover of my horrible little book Death of a Bookseller with you 🐌💚🩸
Available to preorder now:
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SCREAM!! Thank you so much to everyone who voted for my horrible little book at Capital Crime’s Fingerprint Awards – we scooped Debut Book of the Year! Plus the talented
@HodderBooks
team were awarded Campaign of the Year for filling the book world with snails 🥲 I’m buzzingggg
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Low income households choosing between a cold home to save money on their heating bill or keeping the house warm enough to keep the damage from damp at bay, which their wildly under-regulated landlord will try to blame/charge them for 🙂
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[fatphobia] I was gonna tweet about the self-pitying, pro-diet culture crap that’s blooming on my timeline, and then I remembered that the most powerful tool I have in my toolbox against fatphobia and diet culture is the privilege of remaining fat, relaxed, joyful & unbothered
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Mambo No. 5 but it’s about all the dogs I see on my way to work
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I haven’t watched any of it, but there’s 4 seconds of archive footage from the night of the London Docklands bombing in which my late father passes the camera in a triage officer bib and I have watched it about 4000 times 🥲
do i want to watch the blair/brown documentary while i’m home with the baby today, and other questions i probably wouldn’t be asking myself if i was normal
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While the book job transparency spreadsheet is really interesting, if you’re asking how people in publishing “live in London on £25-30k” I suggest you google what the national living wage is and think about that the next time you vote in a General Election
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In all my years as a bookseller, working across the UK as a Christmas temp, an RP gal, a bookseller and a bookshop manager, I have literally never heard of someone pretending to be an author to… sign stock? What an utterly unhinged assumption to make??
Waterstones has apologised and said it is "deeply embarrassed" after award-winning author Derek Owusu was asked for ID in a London branch when he offered to sign copies of his books.
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Colour blocks of book stacks for your viewing pleasure
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Bought a heavily discounted bonne maman advent calendar on Friday in an attempt to squeeze a droplet of serotonin out of a frankly miserable December, but now I have achieved the desired dopamine by deciding to save it for the new year and calling the entire month Jamuary x
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Give us a set of period emojis you cowards: I want a tampon, a bloody tampon, a wrapped pad, an unwrapped pad, a stained pad, big stained period pants, an empty mooncup, a full mooncup, a spilled mooncup and this emoji 💦 in red. Cheers ✌🏻🌚🍷
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Omg I feel so blesséd 🥲
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Very special early proofs for very special early readers 🐌💀📚
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Last year, I wrote about what
#cookjan
means to me during a pandemic and it still rings true today. Read it if you like 🖤
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I know there’s more to this rogue GoodReads author story than simple jealousy (racism, potential mental illness) but my God. Jealousy is a rot on the soul. Imagine being so distracted by sabotaging your peers, you don’t realise how far ahead you are to begin with.
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I’m sorry – I want Waterstones to get through this, but bookshops are not an essential service. It doesn’t seem like Waterstones are doing anything to protect staff, customers or jobs.
Working in
@Waterstones
today following the lockdown. No hand sanitiser provided, no wipes, no disinfectant, no reduced shop hours, cash still being accepted. We're being told by head office that gloves and masks are not permitted, meanwhile administrative staff...(cont.)
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My parents went on holiday and my step-dad put poundshop bubble bath in the bougie jacuzzi and fucked it
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Thank you so much to everyone who has shared, preordered and reviewed Death of a Bookseller and turned my mentions into a sea of green and pink 🥹 you can now just walk into a bookshop and buy it like it’s the most natural thing in the world!!!
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Thread on how to spring clean before you move house 🏠 (nb: when I say “bin”, replace with donate/sell/recycle/whatever as appropriate.)
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This book has had me in a CHOKEHOLD. Absolutely gripping, scream-worthy, dripping with dark humour and honeyed empathy, with a sting sharp enough to pop even the must delulu bubble. Trust me: buy it today, spend the long weekend hooked, and thank me when you come up for air x
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If we clapped once a second for every life lost to covid in the UK under the Tories we’d be clapping for over 21hrs
Clap for Carers is to return on Thursday under a new name of Clap for Heroes 👏
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Reminder: you don’t have to lose weight to be incredibly hot and ruin lives with an elaborate revenge plot that involves throwing punches and possibly setting someone on fire 💋
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Bookshops are ecosystems. Brand authors sell reliably in ASTRONOMICALLY big numbers every Christmas. Those sales keep bookshops open for the rest of the year so there’s space on the shelves for backlist paperbacks. Bookshops aren’t the enemy! Brand authors aren’t the enemy!
This is what small presses are up against at this time of year. Books from only three authors (I’m sure they’re great) whilst a multiple award-winning novel like
@Ofmooseandmen
@MumblinDeafRo
’s Leonard and Hungry Paul is lucky to find shelf space for one copy.
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Dweeby tweet but: at the start of the summer my mom joined a local photography group. I’m at her first exhibition and she didn’t know her photos had been chosen until she arrived. I’m just so proud 😭 look at her with her lil tinny when everyone else is drinking wine.
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I don’t normally go in for regional dialect discourse but can we please discuss what some of you are calling snails 🐌
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Raise your hand if you’re chub and have avoided seeking necessary healthcare because you feared you might encounter a healthcare professional carrying this disgusting energy
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Sorry I just found out in series 5 of Angel that in one episode he gets turned into a fucking muppet WHAT
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My first acquisition as commissioning editor at penguin classics
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I was going to do a 99p Kindle book thread, but halfway through compiling it, I just lost heart. Instead, here’s a thread of indie bookshops and small presses that are finding new ways to stay afloat while we’re all stuck being shut-ins. Support local, support indie 🤙🏻
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Have you considered adding the juice of a blood orange and a lime to a jam jar of ice with two shots of tequila and one shot of sugar syrup and just shaking her until she froths and then pouring it into a glass of massive ice cubes and having the best margarita of your life? 🍊🩸
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I just read the words “if you’re allowed to be annoyed [by the cost of plus size clothing] then smaller people are allowed to -“ but I didn’t read the rest because I just smashed that block button so hard I broke a nail. Farewell my bitch.
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but put your prosecco/champagne/beers in the fridge now and top up your ice trays ❄️🥂
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Christmas dinner and I give you this look but it’s because I’ve just said something really mean about you
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You know what, I cannot even begin to explain the radical pleasure of spending an afternoon sun-drunk, lazing in cool water, half-naked, unbothered and thriving as a fat person. I feel REFRESHED I feel REVIVED I feel ALIVE
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[weightloss]
the diet industry flogging a weightloss service that’s based on discredited pseudoscience??? I cannot believe it
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Caroline is writing a response piece, which confirms my theory that Caroline and Natalie are Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale in a millennial retelling of The Prestige.
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My husband just turned to me and said “to be honest, all I feel like doing is rewatching Buffy from the beginning again” and I’m so psyched, I could bite a chunk out of a house brick
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