AdrianAssman Profile Banner
Adrian Assman Profile
Adrian Assman

@AdrianAssman

Followers
25K
Following
38K
Media
7K
Statuses
8K

Just for laughs. Memes and Satire.

Toronto, Ontario
Joined January 2018
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
God this takes a long time. Had to order a Pizza.
Tweet media one
3K
20K
232K
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
5 years
What kind of monster would invent this?
Tweet media one
449
7K
20K
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
She came in for a job interview dressed like this. The boss has been laughing for 2 straight hours.
Tweet media one
1K
1K
12K
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
3 years
And it's entirely your fault. Who told you to study Fine Arts?
Tweet media one
2K
951
8K
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
5
141
969
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
I'm not really good with signals. What does this mean?
Tweet media one
340
72
920
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
When posting the "She Said Yes" picture make sure the guy behind you isn't naked.
Tweet media one
83
106
782
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
I parted the sea brother.
Tweet media one
75
92
795
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Please sit down. We need to discuss your diet choices, I’m tired of eating left over Popeyes chicken from your garbage bin.
Tweet media one
15
109
746
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
That is how I became a volunteer ball boy.
Tweet media one
22
38
770
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
A true friend will let you look.
Tweet media one
35
49
701
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
3 years
Tweet media one
26
57
656
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
I think Smokey likes you.
Tweet media one
24
47
586
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
11
78
563
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
23
61
557
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
He liked his meme so much he framed it.
Tweet media one
10
56
555
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
It's a tough job. No one ever says thank you.
Tweet media one
4
67
551
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
Tweet media one
68
74
512
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
For a brief moment your heart stopped and you thought…”so this is how it ends”
Tweet media one
25
41
490
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
25
48
467
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
5
82
482
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Send recipes.
Tweet media one
28
58
457
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
18
47
460
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
4
62
448
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Well yeah.
Tweet media one
8
41
429
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Am I. Batman?
Tweet media one
11
55
423
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
She died last week. I've been selling her parts on eBay.
Tweet media one
108
35
413
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
I was thinking the exact same thing. Who puts a piece of gum on a plate at a restaurant?
Tweet media one
47
38
414
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Young people have absolutely no idea what we are talking about.
Tweet media one
35
44
407
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
It’s very important to keep proper form when playing pool.
Tweet media one
15
10
403
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Burgers for life or 48 seconds of sex? . I'll take the Burgers.
Tweet media one
153
22
389
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
This kid looks like he's in Divorce Court for the 2nd time.
Tweet media one
9
34
406
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
13
36
392
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
He beat the system.
Tweet media one
12
52
387
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Be very careful. That’s how you start a bush fire.
Tweet media one
20
46
390
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Just a friendly reminder that single use plastic straws will be illegal in Canada soon. I have provided a picture of a straw for reference. Thank you for your attention on this matter.
Tweet media one
32
29
389
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
You can see the pain in his eyes. He wants to look down so badly.
Tweet media one
31
24
372
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Gone in 60 seconds.
Tweet media one
431
16
368
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
3 years
I would take that deal if it was $50.
Tweet media one
128
22
356
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
😂
Tweet media one
2
40
362
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
I have no idea what this man is reading, but it must be the best book ever written.
Tweet media one
48
37
361
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
The only time you will ever see me hanging out in the vegetable section.
Tweet media one
29
22
342
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Eye test: tell me when you see the monkey.
Tweet media one
104
21
340
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
This is outrageous. We should go over there and complain in person.
Tweet media one
42
23
348
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
5
49
346
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
This is why no sex before marriage is always risky.
Tweet media one
28
48
337
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
11
42
344
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Yes you may pet him. Take your time. I have 9 hours.
Tweet media one
5
19
334
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
😂
Tweet media one
5
50
331
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
That's how I accidentally signed up for a marathon.
Tweet media one
17
23
346
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Ralph isn't Chief Wiggum's son.
Tweet media one
13
29
323
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
I can see why she's smiling.
Tweet media one
20
23
323
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Lift the wipers up they said. It will help they said.
Tweet media one
20
46
338
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
11
33
321
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
He was alive when he started
Tweet media one
16
31
326
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
Tweet media one
6
44
332
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
It's a car from IKEA.
Tweet media one
15
23
320
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
That beautiful moment when you finally meet all of your twitter friends in person.
Tweet media one
13
63
318
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
17
37
310
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
17
32
307
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
Still waiting for Hallmark to publish my card. No response yet.
Tweet media one
13
40
311
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
7
39
302
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
This is how we apologize up here.
Tweet media one
22
23
292
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
I'm pretty sure he didn't wear a cross.
Tweet media one
19
42
293
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
2
34
304
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Family Guy is based on a true story.
Tweet media one
7
37
295
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
54
29
297
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Yes.
Tweet media one
20
46
301
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
11
31
283
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
16
50
289
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
Insurance company: “What caused the accident?” . Me: “Batman”
Tweet media one
25
18
285
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
You are grounded for life.
Tweet media one
11
34
288
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
5
47
281
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
😂
Tweet media one
4
22
276
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
3 years
Tweet media one
4
50
274
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
I'll help you look.
Tweet media one
11
14
273
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
I’ll start packing my things. Can I move in today?
Tweet media one
87
20
268
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Are you a fan of art? . Yes…I am here for….art.
Tweet media one
56
13
270
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
Do we have a lost and found section?
Tweet media one
4
21
281
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
This blind guy has a great sense of humor.
Tweet media one
9
32
266
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
They managed to turn this into a 3 hour movie.
Tweet media one
9
43
268
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Just hired a new babysitter. Does anyone have a baby I could borrow?
Tweet media one
17
15
256
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
What Mr Miyagi was doing while Daniel painted the fence.
Tweet media one
8
28
266
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
3 years
I know exactly what you're thinking. She's using a straw. This is so environmentally irresponsible of her.
Tweet media one
53
23
247
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
3 years
It was a traumatic experience
Tweet media one
129
23
258
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Why are we putting potatoes in our anus exactly?
Tweet media one
103
25
256
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Why would I go pumpkin picking? That sounds so stupid! . Never mind. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.
Tweet media one
24
24
254
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
I’m really sorry for this post.
Tweet media one
7
31
265
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Not allowed to see Sam anymore.
Tweet media one
6
26
266
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
3 years
Oh my god this must be a really old picture. The shelves are full!
Tweet media one
49
19
256
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
3 years
Tweet media one
5
23
262
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
1 year
Please stop posting Spam.
Tweet media one
15
21
269
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
I feel the need to remind people that this is a satire account. I’m getting death threats for the pizza joke 😂.
25
12
258
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Tweet media one
15
36
260
@AdrianAssman
Adrian Assman
2 years
Honest question, what would they do if this was their only wish?
Tweet media one
9
23
249