Every now and then I think of jokey ways to update my Twitter bio but never do bc I don't like *that* much chaos. So here's a thread of would-be bios that I'll add to whenever I think of new ones.

RT @eagleman42069:

Oh my god JD baby you can't just like tell everyone you're stupid. This is so embarrassing! You have a law degree from Yale. What will your wife think when she finds out your illiterate?? :/ praying 4 u

Gays pourin one out for Queen Hatheway at this bar 😄

@manboobwpurpose No Man Knows My History

@That_Boy_Nic

@purrtah "We need to give the Chancellor emergency fry sauce."

@purrtah

Literally every time I get on this godforsaken site now I am convinced that Tr*mp and El*n's entire coterie of corrupt clowns needs to be drowned in the ocean or shot into space. They cannot be permitted to return to society. They cannot be tolerated anymore.

RT @BenAybar: I think part of the problem in the American political system right now is it's so unresponsive to voters concerns that a sign…

RT @whstancil: The media refuses to cover it, but JD Vance is deeply networked with openly antisemitic and racist neo-Nazis on Twitter. He…

RT @whstancil: So look what happened: -a DOGE employee was outed as a Twitter neo-Nazi who supported eugenics, and was fired -one of the Tw…

Rep. Ward represents the small suburb I used to work for & is very much NOT a woke liberal (quite the opposite) and yet faced STRONG resistance from his (in-theory) ideological compatriot city leaders bc they couldn't fathom anything smaller than 1-acre home sites in ½ the city🙃

RT @JudiciaryDems: By all means, release the Epstein files.

Profesor Jenkins only has 1 more class to teach tonight 😮‍💨😌

@devinzander

They're infecting the cows! They're infecting the dogs!

RT @quadcarl_carl: They’re eating the checks They’re eating the balances