ANTIFAldo
@ANTIFAldo
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Golf. Arkansas football nihilism. Cutco knives.
Lag’n’Traj Resort, Switzerland
Joined November 2018
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LINGORM TSOU FINAL EP
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you’re 34, last remaining unmarried college friend is getting hitched, Day 3 of the bachelor party, 8:15am tee time, back flared up on 13 yesterday
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LSU fans ritualistically eat alligators every year. An Alabama fan poisoned Auburn’s trees. Georgia fans bark at children. Tennessee fans throw golf balls onto the field. Arkansas fans used the Freedom of Information Act on their own coach.
Are we sure Texas is ready for this?
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Scottie: “This is going to ruin the Tour.”
Officer: “What tour?”
Scottie: “That’s on me, gotta be more specific,
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“Never done drugs before, so I’m starting out with something called “PCP.” Any pointers?”
Today I’m going to my first tailgate. As a Brit who’s never watched a single game of American Football, it’s going to be a fish out of water situation. Wearing this in an attempt to blend in.
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seppuku is a brutal penalty but Greg Norman does not tolerate failure
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Bloody Mary mix companies looking at Team USA playing a 9:00 game on Saturday morning
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pulling out a sleeve of current era Pro-V1x’s at a charity scramble in 2040 like they’re quaaludes from the early 90s
“Here, everybody take one and let’s have some fun out there today”
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Full PXG bag fitting vs. a guy in exercise shorts with a set of Ping Eye 2s from 1986
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Meredith Scheffler has the chance to do the funniest thing of all time and greet Scotty on the 18th green with a newborn
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If Phil Mickelson and even Kevin Na can have their own logos, I think it only fair that Zach Johnson gets one, too.
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Takeaways from this week:
1. Morikawa, officially a killer.
2. Brooks, finally got caught writing checks his ass couldn’t cash.
3. Bryson: it’s real, and it’s spectacular.
4. DJ might never care.
5. Cat is fine, Spieth is less than fine, JT and Rory are fine.
6. Give Phil a mic.
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when your wife catches you watching Open Championship leader Brian Harman at 4:35am:
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Mirrored, polarized Bagwell shades. Short-sleeved mock turtle. A heavy John Waters mustache.
Absolute sociopathic shit. LFG.
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how can it be a crime if no pants were destroyed beyond repair
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Luke Donald putting Rahm and Hatton together in the same pairing
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“And when you pet the Crown Prince’s pet cheetah, keep in mind that she’s very skittish. You want to make sure you support her chest by placing your hand underneath, like so, before giving gentle pets and scratches to her back. She likes those.”
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Greller: “I don’t think you can hit one of those drones.”
Spieth:
BREAKING: Jordan says it is ready to shoot down any drones that violate its airspace
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All I’m saying is, Tiger stayed with Nike even after they came out with THIS fucking thing.
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when you have eleven beers at the company Christmas party and wake up fully dressed on your couch the following morning
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Charley Hoffman is EXACTLY the type of golfer that the top guys like Rahm, Cantlay, Rory, etc. have complained about.
Thrives in easy setups? ✅
Maintains status without sniffing greatness? ✅
Pampered, entitled, middling player? ✅
Living his life one T32 at a time? ✅
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Patrick Reed, when he sees that they’re doing post-round video review of practice swings in Augusta’s bunkers:
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Mark Stoops winning a power struggle with the Kentucky basketball coach is going to be taught at West Point
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They dressed Tony like he was on the Cleveland Browns during breast cancer awareness month
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When your Saturday night is going to consist of the Arkansas Razorbacks and Oral
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[a man about to say the meanest thing he’s ever said about a college town]
TNT Sports will televise 2 1st round
@CFBPlayoff
games in 2024-25 & 2 quarterfinal games in 2026-28. They are sub-licensing the games from ESPN
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I’ve dogged on Quail Hollow in the past, but no greater proof that this is a big tournament than Xander Schauffele melting like a wax candle down the stretch
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Working theory that Hovland is wearing the exact same shirt as yesterday, only it’s a reversible and he’s turned it inside out:
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if you flip it by 90 degrees, Tiger’s new logo looks like a bunch of vertebrate that have been surgically fused together
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I might spend the rest of the day contemplating Jordan Spieth’s gnarled, Apes Together Strong hands
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The salary of a U.S. Senator is $174,000 per year. This is Joe Biden’s house.... seems legit.
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Nantz: “What do you think Glover’s routine is going to be as he warms up for this playoff?”
Lucas Glover:
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looks like Scottie Scheffler’s going to see two crownings this week
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When you make a hole-in-one and ask Rory McIlroy “did that go in?” you immediately ascend into Heaven and begin preparing God’s armies
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submarine hitting butter fades through the Mariana Trench
What controller y’all using for your submarine? Imma use this.
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your youth pastor who calls himself “the Sword” at the paintball center
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Easter 2021: Jordan Spieth wins the Valero Texas Open.
Easter 2022: Jordan Spieth comes back to win the RBC Heritage.
Easter 2023:
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Can you get kicked out of a tournament if you call Harris English “Hudson Swafford” but it’s an accident?
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You could not have explained this image to 2019-era me with a 4,500-word essay
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If Stewart Cink hangs on to win at Harbour Town, he gets to be the Lighthouse for the next calendar year.
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Not a great day to have a wacky golf-related handle, I see
The United States of America will be designating ANTIFA as a Terrorist Organization.
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“Honestly, I feel like I am being cancelled for my decision to take the tens of millions of dollars from LIV & destabilize professional golf on the world’s stage. I don’t know why I can’t just be allowed to keep the money but also not have to suffer consequences for my actions.”
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Jordan Spieth might need to just chill out and smoke some weed more than any other person has ever needed to just chill out and smoke some weed.
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watching players putt onto the green and watching the ball roll off the green
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Somewhere, out there, on a municipal course, there’s a guy in jean shorts who’s combined Jordan Spieth’s practice swing with Scottie Scheffler’s footwork and believes that it’s going to allow him to break 90.
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Imagine telling your wife that you’ve decided to put on 45 pounds over the next six months “to get better at golf”
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Tiger: *hits approach on 2*
Announcer: “that is ideal”
Patron: [hit by golf ball]
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what dragging? this is a huge day for “the officer soiled himself” truthers.
This appears to be the initial “incident” with Scottie scheffler
Looks like he’s slowly crawling his way into the entrance and the cop runs over, smacks his windshield with something, and Scheffler immediately stops the car and is in handcuffs moments later .
YIKES .
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this would be a deeply funny result if I didn’t like the sport it was happening to
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This pattern is best described as “the forest walk art installation between Concourses A and B in Hartsfield-Jackson”
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Patrick Reed, finally seeking out justice against those who have soiled his reputation:
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This is an XFL coach who just watched his safety unsuccessfully attempt a lateral after an interception
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┳┻| _ What if Bryson still sucks in
┻┳| •.•) majors this fall and people
┳┻|⊂ﾉ call him “Thickie Fowler”?
┻┳|
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2021 Wish List:
-Tiger remains healthy
-Kiradech’s 1st PGA Tour win
-Sungjae’s 1st Major
-Monthly Bryson rules kerfuffles
-Wolffikawa Ryder Cup pairing
-Spieth looks happy playing golf again
-Rory wins the Masters
-No concerts at the Players
-Coffee Golf returns with a vengeance
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Huh. Did you guys know that Wikipedia lists the edit history for each article, as well as the name of the user that made the edits and their supposed justification?
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I guess I’ll have to become a full-time fan of a different sport, one that isn’t scandal-plagued, flooded with realignment talk, increasingly all about the money, or morally-compromised.
Something wholesome, like college football.
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