Andrew Dawson
@ADawsonBros
Followers
6,382
Following
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Media
1,307
Statuses
21,399
Comedy writer (The Bubble,Brian Butterfield Tour,BAFTAs,Peter Serafinowicz Show,Mitchell&Webb Look,Ant&Dec Takeaway,Big School,Dawson Bros Funtime) & OUFC fan
Joined February 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Ten years ago today, I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me. All three said “no”.
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🎵 Limit contact, stay alert
Thank you Vague Potato
Stay at home but go to work
Thank you Vague Potato 🎵
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I could watch Serena Williams and Andy Murray play tennis together all day. And then, at night, solve crimes.
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31st Jan: TELL US PRECISELY HOW MUCH EACH OF YOU 4.8 MILLION SELF-EMPLOYED BASTARDS EARN AND WE WANT IT TO THE FUCKING PENNY!
20th Mar: You probs all make 92 quid a week.
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Every time it’s like she’s Quantum Leaped into the middle of a live interview.
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1346: Black Death
2020: Black Lace
Residents in Grappenhall near
#Warrington
keep to
#coronavirus
rules by performing socially distanced conga to celebrate
#VEDay75
. More in
@BBCNWT
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What actor can play a hero and villain equally brilliantly?
What actor can play a hero and villain equally brilliantly?
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Strong & stable.
Coalition of chaos.
Magic money tree.
The three Tory sound bites, each one gloriously returning to bite them on the arse.
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It has just occurred to me how much our democracy has been destabilised by porcine interference.
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It’s obvious what happened. Bill Gates activated Margaret Keenan and she blew up Google’s servers. Bing wins.
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Me 3 days ago: Do we get CNN?
Me now: Amanpour really DOES ask the tough questions.
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Big Train, one of the greatest sketch shows ever, is repeated from tonight, BBC2, 10pm. It accelerated the careers of a generation of incredible performers and writers. TV needs more Big Trains to give the next generation their breaks.
@BritishComedy
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When Kim K is schooling Trump, you know things are badly wrong.
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Theresa May crying at the podium is a total betrayal of the last three years’ character arc. Pls sign my petition to have the speech rewritten.
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Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens
Star Wars VIII: The Force Hits Snooze
Star Wars IX: The Force Gets Up
Star Wars X: The Force Eats Pop Tarts
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Who wrote this shit.
This Mitchell and Webb sketch will always be hilarious.
You see it coming a mile off and it still pays off 😂😂
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We're in a golden age of rich people falling back on their personal wealth the moment their jobs got a bit tricky.
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While Ariana Grande was coordinating her return to Manchester for this near-impossible show of unity and courage,others were busy tweeting.
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I think perhaps comedy became more anti-Tory somewhere around 6th May 2010, just as it became more anti-Labour somewhere around 22nd May 1997, but I can’t figure out why?
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The ages of England players at the 2046 World Cup:
- Jude Bellingham (43)
- Phil Foden (46)
- Declan Rice (47)
- Harvey Elliott (43)
- Bukayo Saka (45)
- Reece James (46)
- Ben White (49)
- Marcus Rashford (49)
Face it. They’re just too old.
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Look at all those cowed, afraid, divided Londoners.
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Four Oxford Utd fans looking forward to tomorrow's big FA Cup game vs Newcastle!
#oufc
#nufc
@antanddec
@alanshearer
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One of the all time great sketches. Written by
@tobydavies
LISTEN | Mitchell and Webb's cash register shop sketch is a great example of a key comic idea being exploited for all it's worth.
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The Missing Crown Jewels starring
@antanddec
and many others has been put together into a full half hour and is on ITV at 7:30. Fact fans: This was Britain’s highest rated narrative comedy of 2017 (probably...).
Saturday Night Takeaway Presents... The Missing Crown Jewels on the telly tonight at 7.30pm!! It’s a special full-length omnibus and we’re veh veh excited..🔍
@itvtakeaway
@itv
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The government messaging couldn’t be any clearer. We’re at level 4. And 3. And we’re also at 2 and 1.
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Would’ve been much quicker and clearer if he’d just read out Peston’s tweets.
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What a classy manager and honest, hard-working, likeable team. Proudest I’ve been of the country since 2012 Olympics.
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@andy_murray
@serenawilliams
@BBCOne
All we need for the drama series “Wimbledon Nights” - in which Serena and Andy play doubles by day, then solve crimes by night - to be greenlit is three “yes”s from you -Serena, Andy & BBC1. Are you in?
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At least Liz Truss can fall back on her writing career.
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The new Pointless presenting team. Sure to freshen things up, but I do feel bad for
@richardosman
.
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If only Euro 2016 was won by passing a ball around the edge of the box and singing The Great Escape for an annoyingly long time.
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Biden should hold his Inauguration at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
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Piers Morgan's Life Stories: Nigel Farage.
So sexy. Lotta babies getting made tonight.
#2018BabyBoom
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I remember seeing Mel Brooks interviewed on the subject of Spaceballs years ago. When asked about a possible sequel, he said he already had a title “Spaceballs 3: The Search For Spaceballs 2”
A “Spaceballs” sequel is in development at Amazon MGM Studios. Josh Gad is attached to star, as well as produce alongside Mel Brooks.
Josh Greenbaum will direct the film from a screenplay by Benji Samit, Dan Hernandez and Gad. Kevin Salter will executive produce.
Get the
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For balance, I demand we have another version where the snakes win.
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Watch the new
@Chris_Kendall_
video and you'll be like "That looks like 5yrs work - he made it in only 7 months?!"
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This is it. 4 years of discrediting experts. Why is anyone going to listen to a bunch of scaremongers now?
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Look how easy it is to make these if it doesn't matter where the queue is! This one's Glastonbury.
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@JKCorden
Don't play down the mean streets of HW. Things could get tasty after 241 cocktails at TGI Friday.
#StraightOuttaBuckinghamshire
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Only 4 days until the SEASON FINALE of "Who Shot Simon Cowell?" Catch up with all episodes so far on youtube...
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10,443 days ago, my now writing partners
@SDawsonBros
& Tim & I watched Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey at the Wycombe 6 multiplex. This evening we reconvened at that same cinema for Face The Music and it was both most excellent and most emotional! Thank you
@winter
and
@ed_solomon
!
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The lighting at last night’s
#oufc
game was exceptional. 10/10. You just don’t sunsets like that in your fancy four-sided stadia.
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If she only had one more K in her name, Trump might listen to her.
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@RishiSunak
He explained that he broke lockdown rules, went back to work when he should’ve been quarantining, travelled unnecessarily, didn’t need childcare, helped a contagious patient to a local hospital, went to a tourist spot, drove his family whilst unwell. None of this is safe
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Can understand the government delay with tracking & tracing app - it might reveal how many National Trust properties Dom’s visited and wherever the fuck Boris is hiding.
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@andy_murray
@serenawilliams
Okay,
@BBCOne
took too long. Hey
@HBO
. All we need for the drama series “Wimbledon Nights” - in which Serena and Andy play doubles by day, then solve crimes by night - to be greenlit is three “yes”s from you -Serena, Andy & HBO. Are you in?
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It's 7 years since Dawson Bros. Funtime aired on BBC3 (humblebrag, trended
#3
in the world). Hasn't been on iPlayer since 2012, but look here's the whole thing, starring
@JennyBede
@mrmikewozniak
@ladycariad
@Chris_Kendall_
& voice of
@serafinowicz
...
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It’s 10 years today since Ronnie Corbett’s The Blackberry Sketch was released into the world. To mark it, a short thread about how it came to be. …
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I wrote about why sketch comedy is so important to TV & how it has always been a great breeding ground for new talent. Fewer sketch shows means fewer opportunities for new writers and performers. (Now that I’ve summed it up, you don’t really need to read it, but please do anyway)
With sketch output declining on television, comedy writer
@ADawsonBros
has written this compelling call for more shows to be commissioned:
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She’s already a socialist you donut. She just went knocking on doors asking people with more than they need to give her handouts.
I’m going to take half of Chloe’s candy tonight & give it to some kid who sat at home. It’s never to early to teach her about socialism.
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@RufusHound
I think Britain was greatest when I was a sperm. There's no unelected EU bureaucrats or social media or avacado-on-toast inside testicles. Just all-day swimming. MAKE BRITAIN SPERMS AGAIN.
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You've probably seen Flight Of The Conchords being wonderful for charity, but in case you haven't...
http://t.co/8ixAd7qx
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I was today years old when I realised the band name Beatles was an acronym. 🤦♂️ 🤷♂️ 😂
Best (Pete)
Epstein (Brian)
Alex (Magic)
The Beatles
Lennon (George)
Epstein (Brian)
Sutcliffe/Starkey (Stuart/Ringo)
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Q) How does Batman's mother call him in for tea?
A) She doesn't. She was murdered.
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@ed_solomon
This is fascinating. Also - now imagining Tommy Lee Jones doing the song instead of a Will Smith.
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"And that's just the tip of the Eisenberg." - The sexiest bedroom pun I'd use if I was Jesse Eisenberg.
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The BBC Policy Guide 1948 on vulgarity. No reference to the c-word (Chambermaids).
http://t.co/7uuFAhWRiQ
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@richardosman
@ingridoliver100
I remember when you first pitched me the show idea; “Only Connect meets The Bachelor”
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@richardosman
@MarinaHyde
So that means I reckon we’re about 5 years from the Total Wipeout reboot…
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@WeeMissBea
Standard feature of all iPhones. Main reason I opted for Apple. (Samsung Galaxy default song is We Like To Party by Vengaboys, Google Pixel’s is Mr Vain by Culture Beat)
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When Winston Churchill was asked to outlaw congas in public to aid the war effort, he simply replied “Then what are we fighting for?”
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52% = the will of the people.
On whether Dominic Cummings should or should not resign from his job as advisor to the Prime Minister:
Should resign: 52%
Should not resign: 28%
via
@YouGov
, 23 May
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Timely! Our Sherlock sketch from Dawson Bros Funtime
http://t.co/KgIIF1uiWV
starring
@Chris_Kendall_
@mrmikewozniak
and
@jenharrisbede
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A pitch to
@itv
.
Get the Ingrams to drop court appeal in exchange for a one-off ep of Millionaire with Charles, double or quits.
Tarrant back to host.
No studio audience.
His phone-a-friend must be Tecwen Whittock.
One question wrong: £0m.
All questions right: £2m.
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@edgarwright
The Adam & Joe Show. Series 4, Episode 2. (People Place: South Mimms, 1980s House, Media Chaos Collective: Pranks, Toy Fight Club, Omniken: Pat Sharp and Quizzlestick. All killer, no filler!)
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CSI: WHO DID THIS??!!
Procedural crime drama where forensic team tracks down who was responsible for the funny viral clip they just ripped off and posted. Each investigation lasts 4 seconds.
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If someone could turn Sergio Ramos related schadenfreude into energy, climate change would’ve ended tonight.
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Of all the dance crazes worth dying for, the conga wouldn’t even make my top 10.
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Massive missed prank opportunity from Margaret - should’ve clutched her throat and rolled around on the floor for a bit.
90-year-old Margaret Keenan is the first to receive the Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine, administered by Matron May Parsons, as UK's mass vaccination programme begins
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To those who loved last Saturday’s Match Of The Day and are heartbroken that commentary and punditry will return, I pray that one day a button is invented that removes sound from your TV, or allows you to go forward, faster, through a show. 🙏
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Qatar: The PR for this World Cup couldn’t get any worse.
Gianni Infantino: Hold my beer.
Qatar: Wait, your fucking what now?
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How to deal with tricky wingers in the first minute. For the attention of
@trippier2
&
@kylewalker2
#oufc
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