Rich & Rox • ADHD Love
@ADHD_love_
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creators of @dubbii_app 📱authors of SMALL TALK + DIRTY LAUNDRY 📚
Joined May 2022
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𝗦𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗧𝗔𝗟𝗞 is out now 😁
We explore the 10 most damaging core beliefs in the ADHD community!
Things like:
𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘭𝘢𝘻𝘺
𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥
𝘈𝘋𝘏𝘋 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭, 𝘐’𝘮 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯…
…and so much more. 🩵
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Tip for keeping a zero inbox with ADHD: start a new email account and don’t give it to anyone
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RIP to all the tabs ADHD people left open as a “little reminder” and never looked at again.
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Having ADHD is an excuse for being late.
People with ADHD struggle with time blindness.
But what actually is it? 🧵
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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you can’t New-Years-Resolution yourself into being neurotypical.
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Heartbreaking how many ADHDers have internalised the message that if they just “tried harder” their struggles would disappear.
This leads to feeling like a failure, and a deep sense of personal brokenness.
What actually does help ADHD?
Acceptance, and support.
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The ADHD urge to leave a tab open as a “reminder” and leave it there until you get a new laptop.
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Worst phrases to say to somebody with ADHD:
😡 just try harder!
🤯 how are you this stupid?!
🙄 ADHD is the trendy new thing
🤬 you’re just being lazy
🤫 stop making excuses
🤔 everyone is a bit ADHD
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The ADHD urge to believe that a ✨new notebook✨ is the answer to all of your problems.
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How to say “I love you” in ADHD
💛 I hope you like this restaurant, I researched 235 options in a 15 mile radius!
💜 I hope you like this gift, you spoke about it once 8 months ago!
🩵 I extensively researched the problem you told me about, here are all of the solutions!
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there is a special place in hell for companies who make the “unsubscribe” button hard to find.
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One of the strangest things I have learned as someone with ADHD, is that non-ADHDers often have quiet minds…
I cannot for the life of me imagine this?!
Because I have an old argument, two songs, a business plan, and a couple of intrusive thoughts running at all times 🤣
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One year since DIRTY LAUNDRY! 🧺
And we’re celebrating 100,00 copies sold 🤯😭
The response to this book from the ADHD community has totally and utterly blown us away…
Thank you so so much to everyone who has bought it and reviewed it, we are so so happy it’s been helping
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The ADHD urge to leave a tab open as a reminder for later, and never look at it again.
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shout out to the ADHDers who were going to get their life together today, and didn’t. tomorrow is a new day… for the exact same thing to happen again.
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Calling an ADHD person lazy / unorganised / or disrespectful won’t get the result you are looking for; AKA changes behaviour.
We know this because we’ve been calling ourselves these things (and worse) in our inner monologues relentlessly for years.
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The ADHD urge to constantly apologise for our symptoms, because it’s been hard wired into us that we could change if we just tried harder.
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today we launched
@dubbii_app
a 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗽𝗽 to help ADHD people with housework!
we’re here to help you:
🧺 fold the laundry
🧽 do the dishes
🛌 change the bedsheets
…and so much more
download and try a task for free
➡️
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If ADHD people were lazy, they’d be having fun. Not hating themselves for struggling with things that other people find easy.
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The ADHD urge to take a screenshot as a “reminder for later” and never look at it again.
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𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 & 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗯𝗶𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀
It’s estimated that 80% of people with ADHD will also have another condition.
These include:
🩵 Autism
💜 OCD
🩷 ODD
❤️ Anxiety / Depression
🧡 Learning difficulties
💚 Substance abuse
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ADHD ✨REMINDERS✨
📸 endless screenshots of things that you never actually look at again
🖥️ 100’s of open tabs that you never revist and one day will just select “close all”
💬 leaving texts unread to remind you to respond (you currently have 102 unread texts)
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Most people think the worst part of ADHD is being a bit disorganised.
It’s not.
It’s the crippling shame that comes from a lifetime of trying (and failing) to become neurotypical.
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The ADHD urge to “prepare a room for work” by tidying, lighting candles, setting mood lighting and then be too tired to actually work.
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them: what’s your most expensive hobby?
me (an ADHDer): losing things
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Phrases ADHD people hear more often:
😴 stop being lazy
🙄 you’re just making excuses
💪🏼 you just need to try harder
☕️ can you tidy up after yourself?
🎨 great, another thing you’ll quit
👓 can you just try and focus?
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We started a Twitter in 2022 and, utterly convinced we would tweet everyday.
This is our first tweet this year 🤣 on brand? We think so.
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So much damage comes from the assumption that the neurotypical way is the OBVIOUS, and CORRECT way to do EVERYTHING.
There are different ways to get things done, and it’s never ok to shame or judge someone into doing it your way 💜
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We asked over 30,000 people what their biggest ADHD struggle was… the overwhelming majority said HOUSE WORK!
Here’s some things to remember:
🏡 You are not alone
🧼 There’s no shame in struggling
🆘 It’s ok to ask for help!
🧹 It doesn’t need to be perfect
❤️ It’s ok to
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It takes a really long time to undo the years of being called lazy, disorganised, messy, and absent minded. By others, and by ourselves.
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Don’t know who needs to hear this but 5 minutes is only 300 seconds.
You don’t have time for a shower.
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If calling ADHD people lazy made us more productive, we’d all be millionaires. We’ve been screaming this internally at ourselves our whole lives…
You can’t shame someone (or yourself!) into being someone else. Acceptance and kindness are the birthplace of actual change. ❤️
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Rich has been away for 4 days. Here’s what has happened:
-forgot my keys and got locked out
-dropped and broke my favourite mug
-washed the same clothes 4 times
-stayed up till 3AM doom-scrolling
My theory I would utterly regress without him has been proven CORRECT 🤣
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The ADHD urge to overthink which eye you are looking at when talking to someone.
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We won
@bcreatoruk
“Health and Well-being” creator of the year 😭
Thank you so so much to everyone that voted 🙏🏼 It’s an absolute joy creating content about something that is so important to us 💜
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The ADHD urge to overshare with someone and then lie awake and think about it for the next 5 years.
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Today I…
bought the wrong train ticket
forgot my headphones
bought a replacement pair which turned out to be the wrong ones
lost the receipt
got lost in a station
had a panic attack in a coffee shop
boarded the wrong time home
Some days ADHD is exhausting. And expensive.
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Painted an ADHD flag today. The lines are wonky and I got bored before I could finish it.
The perfect representation.
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The first app developer we met told us our app wouldn’t work. They said “people don’t struggle with cleaning enough to need help” and if they did, they’d just get a cleaner.
Today
@dubbii_app
reached
#19
in the App Store 🥹🙏🏼
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Signs of ADHD Inattentive Type:
❌ Makes careless mistakes
🐝 Difficulty focussing
🙉 Seems not to listen
🗒️ Fails to follow through on tasks
📆 Difficulty organising
⏳ Avoids admin heavy tasks
🔑 Loses things
🧠 Easily distracted
😩 Forgetful
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shout out to the ADHDers opening a brand new notebook today to write a detailed to do-list, get overwhelmed, and not do any of it.
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A lot of ADHD advice is actually just:
‘Here’s how to be more neurotypical’ - in disguise.
Advice that begins with acceptance will be more long lasting. And cause less shame. ❤️
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ADHD paradox: if you have something to do, all you want is to do nothing.
If you have nothing to do, you are desperate to do something.
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Just reminding ADHDers that you aren’t failing, and no one is mad at you ❤️
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Many neurodivergents have been masking their whole lives. Trying to hide behaviours they are shamed of.
The problem is, that leads them to feeling utterly unknown by everyone. And it’s in the act of being deeply known and loved, flaws and all, that true healing begins.
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The ADHD School Report 📚
-can be disruptive in class
-a lot of wasted potential!
-always late to class
-can be disruptive
-would achieve if they applied themselves!
No wonder so many of us struggle with low self-esteem ❤️
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🧵 ADHD & Working Memory
1/8 Ever wonder why you can remember song lyrics from 20 years ago, but often forget why you walked into a room?! 🎵
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The only place you can guarantee your keys AREN’T, is the key pot you bought to stop losing them. 🔑
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Unmasking ADHD can look like:
😢 letting out emotions
🎤 singing random songs
✋🏽 no more promising to change
🗣️ telling people you have ADHD
💃🏼 dancing like no one’s watching
🎈 letting go of perfectionism
🦵 letting your leg bounce
🎭 dropping the “I’m ok” act
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The ADHD urge to spend an hour choosing an outfit, and then take it off at the last minute because something “just feels off”.
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Most ADHD advice tries to make us neurotypical:
📝 How to be more productive!
📆 How to get organised!
🕰️ How to stick to a schedule!
This can lead to shame, and burnout.
What we need instead:
💜 Acceptance
🫂 Support where we struggle
⭐️ Validation of different skills
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Going to add “worrying about all the things I have to do” to my to do list, so I can at least tick one thing off.
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ADHD superpower: the ability to lose your phone while it’s in your hand.
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The important thing isn’t actually when you got diagnosed with ADHD. It’s when you got supported.
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The ADHD urge to say no to something and feel crippling guilt for the next 3 years.
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So many ADHDers struggle with TIME BLINDNESS. 🕰️
But what does that actually mean?!
🧵 Here’s how it works (or doesn’t work) for us:
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Newsflash: shaming yourself, or allowing others to shame you, will never actually help you get better.
You can't shame yourself, or be shamed, into being more functional.
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The ADHD dilemma…
📝 write a to do list and then feel like a failure when I don’t get through it
OR
🤪 be guided by impulse and then not be able to sleep tonight because I haven’t dont anything productive
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ADHD will have you learning a new skill in record time, but forgetting why you walked into a room 🙃
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ADHD MASKING:
⭐️ becoming a perfectionist
🔑 obsessively checking belongings
🙈 hiding strong emotions
😓 overworking to not seem lazy
👁️ forcing eye contact
⏰ making up excuses for lateness
🪞 mirroring personality traits
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LANGUAGE MATTERS 🗣️
People with ADHD are very used to being shamed for behaviours they cannot help.
This leads to low self esteem and relationship difficulties.
Here’s some phrases to try instead: 🧵
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The ADHD urge to buy an expensive perfume and then be over stimulated by the smell.
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As an ADHDer I don’t understand how people can drive a car on autopilot without remembering the journey!!
I can’t even pick a T-shirt up off the floor without thinking about doing it for 2 hours first!!
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ADHD 💜 Love Languages 💜
👭body doubling for tough tasks
🍱 reminders to eat and drink
😣 meltdown cuddles
🎨 support for new hobbies
📆 important event reminders
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Thank you so much to everyone who has got a copy 🥹🩵
We're thrilled to announce that
@adhd_love_
have done it again!
🗣️🩵🎉SMALL TALK is a Sunday Times bestseller! 🎉🗣️🩵
Find out more and get your copy here:
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DOING THE LAUN: how ADHD people clean clothes, it’s similar to doing the laundry, but without the drying part.
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REJECTION SENSITIVITY DYSPHORIA
Can look like:
🤗 people pleasing to avoid criticism
🤬 imaging people are mad at you
😰 difficulty regulating emotions
😞 rejection triggers massive shame
🧨 intense reaction to criticism
🫣 avoiding conflict
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The irony of people calling ADHDers lazy, is that they are often working 10x harder than everybody else, just to keep their head above water.
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The ADHD urge to work until you’re burnt out, because no matter how much you do, it still feels like it’s not enough.
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Our favourite
@YouTube
creator just picked us as one of his favourite creators?! 🤯🥰
Thank you
@noahfinnadams
! We love you in this house.
Watch the full video here and see who else Noah recommends:
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the joy of turning on noise cancelling headphones on a busy train >
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How to know if you live with someone with ADHD
1. Coffee table of chaos
2. Wet washing in the machine
3. Random piles of ‘stuff’ everywhere
4. The hyper fixation graveyard cupboard
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The ADHD urge to start a new creative venture, even though you are utterly overwhelmed by your current workload.
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Don’t know who needs to hear this, but that task you’ve been anxiously avoiding for months will only take 10 minutes to complete.
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Writing a book about ADHD, when I have ADHD was an “experience”. Lots of focus challenges came up!
One thing that massively helped was keeping all the other senses busy.
👂🏽 Focus music
🕯️ Candles / incense
👚 Soft clothing
🍬 Regular sweets
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ADHD anger can be triggered by:
👄 loud chewing sounds
💻 unexpected slow wifi
🪑 building furniture
🚂 loud talkers on the train
😡 being interrupted in hyper focus
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The “UNOFFICIAL” symptoms of ADHD
🧺 forgetting to take out the washing
🎧 losing headphones
🎵 the same song on repeat
😡 hyperfocus interruption rage
⏰ running late or early (never on time!)
😞 thinking people are mad at you
📆 forgetting important events
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How to make an ADHDer malfunction: include two different topics in one sentence
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If you love someone with ADHD, moving from judgement to curiosity will be a game changer for your relationship! 😍
Swap:
🤬 “Why haven’t you done this?!”
…for
🤗 “I can see you are struggling with this, can I ask what’s going on?”
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ADHD imposter syndrome: when someone doubts that they actually have ADHD due to internalised negative messages, guilt, and shame.
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ADHD Biggest Lies 👀
🧽 I’ll tidy that up later
📆 I’ll 100% remember this appointment
⏰ I’ll snooze the alarm for 5 minutes
🏃🏻♀️ I’ve got loads of time to get there!
📔 Todays the day I get organised
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Hard-work is viewed as constant, consistent effort over a long period of time.
If you have ADHD, this can lead you to internalise that something is wrong with you — that you are lazy.
Truth is, ADHD people can work extremely hard as well. It just looks different…
It is
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The ADHD urge to feel guilty about having ADHD because you got so used to beating yourself up for being lazy and useless, you don’t actually feel you deserve support.
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5/5 🌟 For many women, finding out they have ADHD represents a turning point in their lives, where they finally get the support they need, and stop blaming themselves for their struggles.
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🎭 Unmasking is an act of ADHD advocacy 🎭
Evert time you live out loud, you give other ADHDers permission to do it too.
So be yourself. The world only knows what ADHD really looks like when we stop burning ourselves out trying to fit in.
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8/8 🎂 If an ADHDer forgets your birthday, an appointment, or even what they are saying mid sentence… Go easy on them, their working memory is not the same as yours. 😁
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The “just nipping to Tesco for milk” to smelling every candle in the home aisle pipeline.
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when you’re trying to sleep but you can *feel* your ribs
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I cannot imagine a worse fear than leaving something to the last minute and hyperfocus NOT kicking in…
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1/5 Did you know boys are diagnosed 3 times more often than girls? 😱
Let's talk about why women have often been missed in ADHD diagnosis! 🧵
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We joined the amazing women of “ADHDAF” for a podcast episode 🎙️
We discuss addiction, dysfunctional families, and of course… EVERYTHING ADHD! ⚠️
We truly hope this can be helpful 💜
You can listen here:
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The ADHD Dictionary:
👚Floordrobe
•clothes stored on the floor.
👎🏽 Notivation
•no motivation for a low dopamine task.
🫣 Hidy-Up
•hiding mess in cupboards and under beds.
⛏️ Dopamining
•mining for dopamine by scrolling, shopping, or hyper focussing.
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IMPORTANT REMINDER: creativity, out of the box ideas, problem solving, hyperfocus, and sensitivity are incredibly important skills too.
In a world that worships organisation, rationality, logic and discipline, it’s VITAL we see the value in what we bring to the table.
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Just reminding you to take the washing out of the dryer…
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ADHD is having really clean clothes because you keep forgetting to take them out of the machine and have to wash them again.
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🚶🏼♀️ADHD WALKS 🚶🏼♀️
🚘 The Bumper Car
•knocking into posts, walls, and other people
💭 The Daydreamer
•planning world domination with our new arts n crafts hyperfixation on Etsy
🪴 The Gardener
•picking bits of leaves and twigs for no apparent reasons
🦖 The Dinosaur
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ADHD CATCH 2️⃣2️⃣
We KNOW these things can help manage ADHD, but it’s incredibly hard to commit to… because of ADHD 🙃
🏃♂️ Exercise
🍲 Balanced diet
💨 Breathing exercises
😴 8 hours sleep a night
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