22Minutes
@22_Minutes
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The longest-running comedy show on Canadian television. Tuesdays at 8pm on @CBC & @CBCGem ! 💥
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BREAKING: The Conservatives and the People’s Party have finalized a deal that will see them both out of power until 2025, with an option to extend.
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The Ontario government says it has no choice but to pass a bill preventing a strike, because kids need to be in school so they can grow up, get jobs, and have their Charter rights taken away.
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Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron sign bilateral agreement to only gossip about Trump in French from now on.
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Trudeau under fire from Quebecois journalists for not repeating his 21-second pause in French.
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Doug Ford introduces new stay-at-home orders to a province that thought they were under strict stay-at-home orders.
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Trump says there is “no political necessity” for Canada to be in NAFTA. Canada responds that there’s no political necessity for Trump to be in the White House.
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Dr. Anthony Fauci says keeping U.S. border closed may keep a lid on coronavirus numbers. “WE KNOW!” said the entire country of Canada.
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Andrew Scheer is the only party leader who skipped today's
#climatestrike
, but he insists he's doing his part by recycling Stephen Harper's campaign platform.
#Compromise2019
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It’s impossible to pay the rent while working a full-time job for minimum wage, according to groundbreaking new research called math.
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Drake is launching his own brand of cannabis. It's a real missed opportunity if he doesn't call it De Grassy.
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Bill Maher roasted Canada this week, saying it's a cautionary tale of what America could be. Maybe, but we've got at least one thing going for us: we don't have Bill Maher.
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BREAKING NEWS: Doug Ford has said something. More updates to come when we find out what the hell he's talking about.
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Harry and Meghan have left Canada and moved to California, which means the only Canadian royalty left is Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara.
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Trump warns he could cause the "ruination" of Canada, but says it will have to wait until he finishes the ruination of America.
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Trump claims Canadians are smuggling shoes back to Canada due to high tariffs. It's more like we're helping those shoes start a new life in a better place.
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BREAKING: Donald Trump to slap huge tariffs on goods imported from the North Pole unless Santa brings elf jobs to America.
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BREAKING: Doug Ford announces cuts to his own popularity.
Ford is less popular than Wynne was when she lost power, poll suggests
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The Pfizer vaccine has been approved for use in Canada. It needs to be stored at -70 degrees celsius, so it will be kept in either specialized refrigeration units or Edmonton.
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Justin Trudeau should have asked Donald Trump what year the War of 1812 took place.
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Kylie Jenner has pleaded for people to donate to her friend's GoFundMe for medical care. During the time it took her to write that thoughtful tweet, she earned enough to fund her friend's medical care herself.
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IDEA: Put beer in the vaccines so Doug Ford will make them available in every corner store by next week.
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Canada-U.S. border closure likely to extend through November, and if Trump is re-elected, potentially 2024.
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TRAVEL ADVISORIES FOR CANADIANS:
Traveling within Canada: use caution due to whiteout conditions
Traveling to the U.S.: use caution due to White House conditions
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Women on an arctic research mission were told not to wear tight fitting clothing because of the dangers of being at sea with men for many months. Said the women, “Maybe you could pick different men for us to travel with?”
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Alberta has revealed a new COVID app. It’s just Facebook, but you monitor who posts anti-vax articles and then stay away from those people.
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Finland ranked happiest country in the world, Canada drops to 7th. But Finland doesn't have to live next door to you-know-who.
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Donald Trump claims Canada wants the U.S. border reopened. We’re beginning to think this guy may struggle with telling the truth.
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Survey finds most Canadians want the U.S. border closed during this pandemic and/or presidency.
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Ford government proposes that new Ontario teachers must pass math test. In response, opposition proposes that new Ontario premiers must pass poli-sci.
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Justin Trudeau will only participate in two out of five debates. To be fair, you wouldn't want to hang out with Andrew Scheer five times either.
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Canada is the first country to warn that it won't send its athletes to the Tokyo Olympics; wins automatic gold in BEING RIGHT.
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CBC calls a Liberal minority, which also happens to be Trudeau's favourite costume!
#elxn43
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Andrew Scheer still has his U.S. citizenship despite his 2019 claim that he was in the process of renouncing it. Even worse, he still has his Conservative party leadership despite his 2019 claim he was in the process of renouncing it.
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At its current rate of vaccination, apparently Ontario would need 5.5 years to get 70% of Ontarians a single dose. One would think certain premiers would be more experienced at distributing drugs.
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New Zealand is considering moving to a 4-day work week and everyone else is considering moving to New Zealand.
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Maxime Bernier has lost his seat in Beauce. Let's take a look back at all his best moments as People's Party leader:
#elxn43
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Rogers customers all across Canada have been hit with unexpected outages. Said Rogers “Not to worry! We’re in the process of finding a way to bill you for this.”
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People are waiting hours in line to get
#Hamilton
tickets in Toronto. It’s the first time people in Ontario have ever been excited to go to Hamilton.
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BREAKING: Canada holds perfectly still, hoping U.S. and Iran won’t notice it.
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Madonna says Prince Harry and Meghan Markle should not go to Canada because it’s “boring.” Then they should also avoid her last 4 albums.
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Andrew Scheer is calling for the CERB to be reduced so that Canadians will be incentivized to return to work. He’s never sounded more like a guy who doesn’t tip.
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Ontario launches anti-carbon-tax TV ads paid for by taxpayers. Yes they're taking Ontarians' money to tell them someone else is taking their money.
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BREAKING: Doug Ford uses notwithstanding clause to declare himself President of the United States
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Andrew Scheer says Liberal MPs should push for Trudeau to step down, although Scheer’s definition of stepping down is “to hang around for 7 more months.”
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Trump Spokesperson says "Americans don’t want to go to Canada anyway." That sensation you're feeling is equal parts offended and relieved.
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TFW Elizabeth May tells you you're not going to be Prime Minister.
#Compromise2019
#leadersdebate2019
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Doug Ford threatens to walk out of first ministers conference. Said the other ministers: "We'd prefer that, actually."
#cdnpoli
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Doug Ford has received his first dose of the AstraZeneca vaccine, in the province’s effort to vaccinate the people whose jobs are most at-risk.
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Doug Ford says he'll cut funding for the CBC even though the CBC isn't provincially funded. Don't make him mad or he'll cut Netflix and the BBC too!
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BREAKING: Canada's children ask why the whole country smells "like uncle Randy's apartment."
#LegalizationInCanada
#420
#CanadaCannabis
#WeedTheNorth
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BREAKING: Two countries who aren't Canada played soccer, one of which outsoccered the other to move closer to the soccer Stanley Cup or something.
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A Toronto couple held their wedding ceremony online. Unfortunately they’re with Rogers so the reception wasn’t great. 🥁🥁🥁
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Alberta Premier Jason Kenney’s approval ratings have plummeted. In terms of popularity he now ranks somewhere between “colonoscopies” and “outdoor colonoscopies.”
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WEATHER WARNING: Canadians in the east being warned not to Google "Vancouver Weather."
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Andrew Scheer says pipeline protesters “need to check their privilege.” Not to be confused with the privilege checks he used to get from the Conservative Party.
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Sources say Canada in talks to extend border closures with U.S. until pandemic situation improves... or until someone else is in charge down there.
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Maxime Bernier that guy who invites himself to Thanksgiving dinner and then yells at you about immigrants.
#leadersdebate2019
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And in lighter news this week: Nope, sorry. We've got nothin'.
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Pretty sure Americans have never spent this much time looking at a map of Canada.
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Pierre Poilievre is the new leader of the Conservative Party. He brings to the table an extensive resume that ranges from “Hall Monitor” to “Politician” to “Louder Politician.”
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Doug Ford is at war with Ontario teachers, and this time it's not because they won't let him sell hash in the school parking lot out of his '76 Camaro.
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The US is building a wall or fence to separate itself from Canada. Canadians are wondering: can we chip in to make it taller and get it built faster?
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Senator Lynn Beyak has retired. She says she wants to spend more time with her various prejudices.
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Okay, now where were we before we were so rudely interrupted 4 years ago.
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Hudson's Bay Company drops Ivanka Trump's clothing line over poor performance. If only the White House had the same standards.
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Lytton, B.C. broke the record for the hottest temperature ever recorded in Canada. The coldest is still within Stephen Harper’s heart.
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Liberal MP Joel Lightbound is telling Trudeau it’s time to stop dividing Canadians. He’s got a point, it’s time we all decided once and for all whether to listen to scientists or honking.
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Bell: Let's talk.
People: [ask very valid questions about tax breaks and employee mental health supports]
Bell: No not about that, silly :)
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PM Trudeau criticized for tweeting $50M charity pledge to
@Trevornoah
. Because world leaders' twitter use should be limited to angry 3am tirades.
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BREAKING: Doug Ford somehow still furious he's not going to be elected Mayor of Toronto tonight.
#TorontoElections
#TorontoVotes
#MunicipalElection2018
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Some countries reconsider 2-metre rule for physical distancing. Meanwhile Canada wishes it could physically distance itself from the U.S.
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Canada and the U.S. (but mostly Canada) agree to keep border closed for another 30 days.
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An expert lip reader has decoded Meghan Markle's private words to Prince Harry at the Platinum Jubilee last week. Apparently she said, "I think some weirdo is staring at my mouth."
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Doug Ford says working like a "rented mule" prevented him from getting involved in the federal election. Because like a mule, everything he does is half-assed.
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Some people are angry with Hasbro after it renamed its Mr. Potato Head line to simply Potato Head. No offense, but if you have time to get upset about that, this pandemic hasn't been hard enough for you.
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Legend has it they’re still shaking hands to this day…
Watch our latest episode now on
@cbcgem
!
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BREAKING: Gary Bettman announces Quebec City will get an NHL team if they move their entire city to Seattle.
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Public service announcement for those of you in that post-holiday limbo existence where every day feels like a Sunday:
Today is actually Sunday.
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Ontario education minister flip-flops on sex-ed curriculum position. In her defence, she didn't know that there was more than one position.
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Scientists have found that one dog year does not equal 7 human years. In fact, the only thing that equals 7 human years is 2020.
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CBC Marketplace recently concluded an investigation into why Canada's cellphone bills are so much higher than other countries. And would you believe: it turns out it's because the phone companies are charging us way more money.
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BREAKING: Conservative Party calls for criminal investigation into why the Liberal Party's ratings are so high.
#cdnpoli
#TrudeauResignNOW
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Melania Trump has started decorating the White House for Christmas. The theme is "boxes and bubble wrap."
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Loblaws' quarter 2 profit is up $356M from what it was last year. How doooOOOOoooOoo they do it?! ($18 avocados)
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The Ontario Science Centre has officially closed, in an attempt by Doug Ford to bring the entire province down to his reading level.
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Canada drops one spot in world happiness rankings. Which is pretty good, considering who we live next to.
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Andrew Scheer is resigning amid allegations he was using Conservative Party money to pay for his kids private school education. On the bright side, at least someone in his family is learning about climate science.
#cdnpoli
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Remember: if you had a rough Saturday, it could be worse. You could have lost on hockey night in Canada to your own zamboni driver.
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