Yung Pueblo
@YungPueblo
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#1 New York Times Bestselling Author • General Partner @wisdomventures_ • New Book: The Way Forward
Joined May 2016
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My new book Lighter is officially a number 1 New York Times Bestseller! I am honestly shocked! Grateful to all of you for supporting Lighter!
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Find a partner who not only wants to love you right but is also emotionally prepared to create a home. Your natural attraction is just the beginning, you both know that the health of your relationship is linked to your personal growth and the healing of old reactive patterns.
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Maturity is realizing that half of what you want to say does not need to be said. Being able to see the difference between ego reactions and helpful points that can uplift harmony or reaffirm your values makes a real difference. Speak your truth does not mean speak your ego.
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Unpopular truth:
Being around people who need nothing from you can be deeply rejuvenating. It is hard to fill your own tank when you are always around those who need your help. Make time for friends that ignite your joy, fill you with laughter, and recharge your inspiration.
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A relationship without hard moments does not exist. Even emotionally mature people will not get it right every time. Being attached to things always being pleasant and entertaining is unrealistic. There will be occasional down moments as you learn how to love each other better.
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You are not helping yourself by entering environments that feed old patterns you are working on breaking
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There is an attractive vibe that people who are willing to grow emit. Even if you are just starting on your journey, being comfortable with the fact that you are imperfect and are ready to move beyond old limits gives off a special energy that calls in emotionally mature people.
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The connection brings you together but the emotional maturity is what makes it work
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A healthy relationship is a balance between loving your partner for who they are and being open to each other’s growth. Real love isn’t attached to changing you, but it will embrace the changes that emerge when you decide to evolve. Willingly growing together is a real blessing.
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Emotional maturity does not create a perfect relationship, it just sets you up to better handle the ups and downs that are bound to happen while you learn to love each other well. Long conversations, tears, apologies, and embracing vulnerability are common when the love is deep.
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Maturity in a relationship is when you can both be calmly grumpy at the same time without taking it out on each other. Sometimes moods become heavy without a real cause. Not giving your temporary mood an unjustified narrative or any control is a powerful way to love someone well.
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There is huge power in letting go. Not only can it heal you but it can also bring you what you wanted. Good things come more quickly when there isn’t tension blocking their way.
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It wasn’t time that healed you, it was your courage to feel everything you used to run away from. Being with yourself and meeting your tension is hard but it’s the only way to release everything that’s been bottled up inside of you. Your pain was simply asking for your attention.
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Love is rejuvenated when partners occasionally ask each other, "how can i better support your happiness?"
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Maturity is recognizing when your mind is creating fake stories that cause you unnecessary worry and no longer falling for it. Bringing yourself back into the present moment helps cut the false narratives. Redirecting your attention preserves your energy.
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Find a partner who is working on their self-awareness. Someone who can feel their emotions change and notice inner turbulence will be more likely to catch themselves before projecting their tension. Self-awareness combined with compassion helps you both communicate clearly.
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Double down on love. Not the superficial love that ignores reality or history, but the real love that is ready to move mountains. The type of love that is not afraid of action, change or personal growth. The type of love that wants the best for all people, including yourself.
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You know you have matured deeply when you encounter someone’s rough emotions and instead of letting their volatility consume you, you mentally affirm within yourself “I am not going to join them in their turbulence.”
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People who have revived themselves after almost drowning in trauma do not get enough credit. Even though the pain was massive they did not stay stagnant or bitter. They knew the only way out was the path of healing and they used it to start a new life.
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As we heal ourselves, our relationships will naturally become healthier
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If they make you feel rejuvenated after hanging out with them, give them more of your time
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If it doesn't feel right anymore and it no longer interests you then why are you still putting energy into it?
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Ask yourself: is the connection real if there is no space to be vulnerable ?
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A big red flag is when someone can’t spend time alone. If they feel lost when no one is around or when they aren’t in a relationship, then they are deeply disconnected from themselves. They will use your presence to avoid dealing with their issues, this makes your union unstable.
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We allow ourselves to love because it’s worth the risk. Even though there is the chance of loss or hurt, we take the leap again and again because love is one of the best parts of being alive. We don’t do it because it’s easy, we do it because connection makes everything brighter.
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Saying less is incredibly helpful. Every thought is not valuable. Every feeling does not need to be voiced. What is often best is slowing down to spend time developing a clearer and more informed perspective. Ego rushes and reacts, but peace moves intentionally and gently.
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It is not about finding a partner who is fully healed, it is about finding someone who is not afraid of their emotions. A person who does not suppress what they feel and can gently be present to their inner ups and downs will have a foundation of emotional maturity.
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The real game changer is when you stop making assumptions about what your partner is saying and simply ask them for clarification. This can stop your feelings from getting hurt and stop false narratives that cause arguments from sneaking into your mind.
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Let's stop treating each other like machines. It's okay if someone doesn't immediately respond to your email. Don't expect quick replies for every text message. The internet and social media have sharply increased the demands on our personal energy. Be a human and take your time.
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Not reacting does not mean not feeling. If you are not feeling then part of you is either disconnected or suppressed. Not reacting just means you feel whatever is authentically arising within you without letting it control you or confuse you into thinking that it is permanent.
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Healing isn’t about filling your life with pleasure or never having a hard moment again. It’s about being real and facing what you feel so that it doesn’t accumulate in unhealthy ways. Being with the down moments is better than carrying unprocessed pain everywhere you go.
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Love yourself incredibly well, make your healing a top priority, follow through on your goals and do not worry about how others will react to that level of focused energy. Emotionally mature people will be attracted by your flourishing.
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How many times have you fixated on controlling things around you and found that the only thing you successfully accomplished was burning away your energy?
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There is no shortage of people that you will find physically beautiful, but finding someone who matches the maturity you are looking for, the dedication to grow, the humor that brings you comfort, and someone who just feels right in your arms and life is incredibly unique.
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There are people who enjoy misunderstanding things. They will not attempt to take a genuine look because they get too much pleasure from hating or their ego is too invested in twisting what they see. If you can't reason with them, focus on saving your energy and living your life.
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Emotional maturity does not mean you don’t have emotions or that you have it all figured out. It means that you’re deeply in contact with what you’re feeling but also know better than to react blindly and make things worse. You can act in ways other than just repeating your past.
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Let yourself disappoint people, especially if you need to take care of your mind or because your intuition is telling you that what they want does not align with who you are becoming. Betraying yourself is not virtuous. Remember, no one can feel your heart better than you can.
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Everything changes when you realize that the challenge itself isn’t the toughest part, it is your reaction to the challenge that is filling your mind with tension and struggle. Before you can set yourself free, you first need to understand how you make things harder for yourself.
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Vibrant relationships feel like a sanctuary, where you are safe to bring your vulnerability and are given ample love and care. A home that is equally for rest and growth, free from judgment as you both seek to evolve. A union void of control but filled with mutual understanding.
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Maturity is realizing when your mood is low and knowing that it will negatively impact your assessment of the people and things you encounter. Instead of making judgments when your mind feels turbulent, focus on moving slowly and not building unnecessary narratives.
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The magic happens after you accept that you can’t regulate other peoples emotions or experiences. That’s when you start living your most authentic life. Some people will get you, but what matters is that you get you. Be kind, help others, but don’t forget to live for yourself.
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It is not always time to grow. Find the balance between staying committed to your evolution and taking time off from continuously advancing to new levels. Intentionally being where you are and enjoying how far you’ve come helps you break the attachment to always craving results.
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Eventually the day comes when you take a good look at your life and notice that everything has changed. All the effort you put into pulling yourself out of a bad place has paid off. Life feels fresh, your mind feels healed and the tough parts of life no longer feel overwhelming.
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Not sure if you got the memo but we’re not competing anymore, we’re appreciating and uplifting each other instead
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Two things make life easier: having a good relationship with your intuition and not being afraid of change
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You know your relationship is going in the right direction when you can both deal with tension without making it worse and your communication helps you understand/support each other better. Loving connections emerge organically but it is up to the both of you to nourish the bond.
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You build inner peace exactly for moments like these, so that even when things around you feel turbulent, there is a reservoir of calm and clarity at your service. A space within you, untouched by the storm, from where you can think, feel, breathe and make good decisions.
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I blamed love until I realized that it was my craving for time to stop that was causing the real heartache. Beautiful moments would come and I would crave for them to last forever.
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Maturity is letting the temporary thoughts of tension pass by without allowing them to control your actions
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You cannot build a deep connection with someone who is disconnected from themselves
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If connection alone were enough, there would be no breakups. Connection needs nourishment from the both of you cultivating emotional maturity and self-awareness. When you can each embrace personal growth, you create a home spacious and flexible enough for real love.
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Find a partner who realizes how their emotional history impacts the way they show up in your relationship. They don’t need to know themselves perfectly or be fully healed, they just need enough self-awareness to see when their past is getting in the way of loving you right.
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Emotional maturity is not about being above your emotions and no longer having mental turbulence, it is about being able to sit with the rawness of every feeling without letting them take over your mind and actions. You can face storms more skillfully without getting blown away.
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Some of the best and deepest friendships don’t last forever. Your stories come together in a critical chapter where you laugh and learn as a team. But then life takes you on separate paths. Even so, the love is not lost between you and you happily cheer each other on from afar.
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The energy for 2022 is: only doing what feels genuinely right in your intuition and letting everything else go
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How can you move forward if you treat yourself like an enemy?
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Love is much bigger than relationships. Love is the way you heal yourself, the kindness you give to others, the space you hold for close friends, the energy that changes the world. It’s everything that elevates the human experience and all the small things that make life shine.
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Maturity in a relationship is both of you realizing when your moods are down for no particular reason and doing your best to not project that tension onto each other or create stories that cause further agitation. Self-awareness decreases unnecessary arguments and blaming.
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If time actually healed people, no one in the world would be hurting. Time is simply space, what matters is how you use it. If you fill your time intentionally with self-love, letting go and building the new habits your being needed, that would make a real difference.
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Take care of yourself, do not let others harm you and, if you can, do the higher level work of treating difficult people with compassion. Unconditional love can simultaneously protect itself and shine radiantly.
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No one can show up 100% all of the time. Next time you feel upset for temporarily not being the best version of yourself, notice the attachment you have to perfection and remember that you occasionally need to slow down and preserve your energy to fully restore your well-being.
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It is exhausting to be serious all of the time and it is unhealthy to look at yourself and always see things you want to change. Personal growth is real when it is balanced with acceptance. Maturity is changing because you love yourself, not because you hate what you see.
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The deepest and most healing friendships are often between people who are very different from each other. What keeps the bond strong is that they each embrace personal growth. As they evolve and transform, the love and care is still there, because they do not fear change.
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A real conversation with a good friend can be so powerfully healing. Sometimes what you really need is to be truly vulnerable and feel completely seen. Connecting with them at such a deep level can leave you feeling lighter and refreshed.
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Successful healing is not forced, it happens organically. You can’t rip old layers off, you have to gently feel and accept for there to be real progress. Suppressing, condemning or getting upset with the parts of yourself that you want to change will not speed up the process.
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It is easy to cause friction and unintentional harm in a relationship when you do not know yourself and have spent little time addressing your past pain. How many relationships have folded under the weight of unprocessed trauma, unhealthy patterns and unchecked reactions?
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A strong self love helps you find a balance between giving selflessly and protecting yourself from harm
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Let go more than once. Let go when an old pattern wants to drag you back into the past. Let go when narratives run wild in your mind. Let go every time you try to cause yourself extra trouble. There is healing in repetition. Soon, peace will feel familiar.
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It is not about controlling your emotions, it is about controlling your reaction to your emotions
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Transforming your mind and life is not easy. It takes time to really undo heavy past conditioning and impulsive behavior patterns that have been repeated countless times. This is work that takes determination, where you keep building the new you even when unexpected tests appear.
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If you expect your relationship to always be fun, high energy and without conflict then you are unconsciously attached to perfection. Even great relationships have down times, slow moments and conflict that appears so you can better understand each other and reach deeper harmony.
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Maturity is realizing there is a big difference between what you think you want and what you actually want. Your cravings can twist your mind and make elaborate fantasies that seem good but in real life they aren’t worth all the trouble. Align with your goals, not your cravings.
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You need to do more than just eat nourishing food, exercise and rest to feel your best. You also need to be around good people, spend time healing your emotional history, live in alignment with your values, say no to people pleasing, stay open to growth and deeply embrace change.
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The pause before we act is the space where we reclaim our power
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When your self-love increases, you become far less willing to harm others. Why? Because real self-love slowly opens the door to unconditional love for all beings.
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I am no longer seeking to shift my moods, I am simply focusing on observing calmly while they all arise and pass away. Without pushing them away or letting them take control of me, simply making space for their release.
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Stay committed to making things easier for your future self
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Every now and then you have to throw away all the guidelines and rules you have built for yourself and just do what feels right. When growth is your aim, your intuition will connect with what you need to do to flourish greatly, even if that means stepping boldly into the unknown.
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It is okay to not have the answer. One of the bravest things you can do is boldly embrace the unknown, accept your fear and still continue to move forward. A clear mission does not always have a clear path.
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Detachment does not mean we no longer care it just means that our cravings/expectations are no longer blocking our mental clarity
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Letting go is not easy. You have to face yourself without running away. You have to bring love to the areas that craved love from others. The hurt and hardness you find will not always have a name or a story, but you will feel a new lightness when acceptance cleanses your being.
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Your life changes immensely when the energy you would give to worrying about how other people perceive you is transfered into rebuilding your inner peace whenever you fall into false narratives driven by anxiety. Having a strong self-love can radically improve your life.
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Be as serious about removing toxic habits from your life as you are about removing toxic people from your life
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I knew the progress was real when I started being able to choose my actions instead of falling into automatic blind reactions
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The most genuine version of who we are is not the one that keeps repeating the past in a looping pattern, but the one where we intentionally decide how we want to feel in this current present moment
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Insecurity will manifest itself as control, which blocks the flow of real love
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An attachment to control essentially comes from having a bad relationship with change
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Your immediate reaction doesn’t tell you who you are, it’s how you decide to respond after the reaction that gives you real insight into how much you have grown. Your first reaction is your past, your intentional response is your present.
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Unpopular truth:
What’s meant for you will sometimes feel scary, risky, and new. Easy and calm doesn’t always mean you’re going the right way. The biggest rewards usually come from having the guts and perseverance to create your own path.
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Maturity in a relationship is when you catch your mind as it is creating a false story about your partner that is based on inner tension that is unrelated to them. Self-awareness helps decrease unnecessary conflict.
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A healthy relationship is taking turns stepping up for each other when one of you feels down. Between life’s unexpected challenges and growth that sometimes makes you feel heavy as you shed old layers — loving support can make a difference and fortify you both through the storms.
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Two skills support authenticity:
Allowing yourself the freedom to change and observing how you really feel instead of letting old patterns decide for you
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In a mature relationship your partner won’t expect you to be the same every day. They understand that you have your own ups and downs, and your own process of growth. Instead of complaining when you can’t show up 100%, they ask “how are you feeling and how can I support you?”
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Goal:
No more falling for someone’s potential, save your love for a person who is actively building healthy communication habits and is emotionally ready for a real connection.
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Healthy relationships are becoming more common because people are letting go of their hurt instead of projecting it at everything they see. Healing is based on compassionately communicating with yourself — this new skill immediately changes the way you approach your connections.
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People who experienced deep suffering and are still gentle with others do not get enough credit. To not let the hard things that happened to you win is heroic work. To drop the bitterness and still live with an open heart despite it all is a massive gift to the world.
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Make sure the boundaries you create don't become walls that stop you from cultivating good conflict resolution and problem solving skills
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Real maturity in a relationship is letting your partner know when your mind feels heavy/turbulent before your thoughts find a way to make up a story that blames your tension on them. Naming it allows you to know it is there and your partner to know that it is time to support you.
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