#bbcfootball future predictions, Jose to Chelsea, Moyes to United,Guardiola to City and Laudrup to Arsenal. You heard it here first.

@welshbollocks Scouse sea? I think you mean Colwyn Bay Bay

@giffgaff why in the ever loving fuck is 5g not available after 10pm?

@nocontextfm1 Mr. President, there has been a second bid from PSG

@nocontextfm1 2219 determination? Sounds like some bullshit my scout would make up while telling me a player is 5 star potential

@nocontextfm1 This is the sort of salary your fourth choice 2.5 star LB wants before they'll sign an extension

@FootballManager

@MarinaPurkiss You're wrong Marina, this absolutely IS a tweet from an angry little Twitter troll

@PokemonGoApp Pokemon Go fuck yourselves, I'm out

@welshbollocks I have a new hero

@TomiCaws Too right, where was Wrighty when I was deservedly sacked from my seasonal job at the Welsh Mountain Zoo.

@OwsWills Pumps, plimmies or plimsols in the Gog

@richardosman I see the working title for the next book, 'The Typewriter who typewrote' is going well!

@giffgaff After switching I've had no problems with your network until today. 4G and phone signal dropping out entirely.

@AdahopAda I did but I wasn't very sure about it, I'm a sceptic narcoleptic narco-septic

@RockstarSupport My Mk II Oppressor has disappeared, its not in any garage, not in the impound and not available to be claimed back by insurance, little help

@OwsWills 425,270

@WelshDalaiLama Out of respect for the queen, all farts have been postponed until after the funeral. Show some respect man

@treflesg @BennyButton8 @louiseenglish77 @OwsWills @michael_enea Many object to 'Principality' because it is factually incorrect.

@nocontextfm1 Guess I'm starting with AJ Aja

@nocontextfm1 This explains why I'm single. That and an unhealthy addiction to scouting young South American boys