Presenting the trailer to my 16th film,
THE 4:30 MOVIE!
It’s in theaters everywhere
SEPTEMBER 13th,
but you can get tickets to the
WORLD PREMIERE
on August 24!
It’s a benefit fundraiser for
@SmodCinemas
(a 501c non-profit)!
Buy tax deductible tix here:
After the first show this evening, I had a massive heart attack. The Doctor who saved my life told me I had 100% blockage of my LAD artery (aka “the Widow-Maker”). If I hadn’t canceled show 2 to go to the hospital, I would’ve died tonight. But for now, I’m still above ground!
6 months ago yesterday, I had a heart attack. The Doctor told me to lose 50 pounds, but I have a problem doing what I’m told. So I lost 51 pounds instead. Read about it here:
Just saw
@captainmarvel
. I am a blubbering mess. After a lifetime spent referencing the movies, the movies just referenced me! Many thanks to
@MarvelStudios
and to my friend
@TheRealStanLee
for the shout-out! But if I’m now part of the
@Marvel
Universe... Did I survive The Snap?
Home again, home again, jiggety-jig! Home is where the heart is and the heart is feeling good! It’s actually getting more blood flow and oxygen than it has in a long time. So I am ALERT, to say the least! Thank you for all the kind words, folks - from Vegetarian Kev, Day 2!
2 years ago from today, I almost died of a massive heart attack. 1 year ago today, we started shooting
#JayAndSilentBobReboot
. Tomorrow, we end the 65 city Reboot Roadshow Tour. Thank you to everyone who has been with this 49 yr old through it all, either in person or in spirit.
Just finished a huge writing gig that I haven’t talked about publicly yet. It’s the most massive IP I’ve ever been allowed to play with and if the powers that be decide to move forward with the project, it would be the biggest budgeted anything I’ve ever done. Wish me luck...
Down 26 pounds today! Started March 8th and now 4 weeks later, I’ve lost a small child worth of weight! Doc told me to lose 50 pounds and I’m now over halfway to that goal! Ironically, this heart attack was the best thing that ever happened to my health!
Please create something today. Create something positive. Create on behalf of all the people killed in the last 24 hours, robbed of their chance to ever create again. Create because you might help someone get through all this destruction with your creation. Just Create. Please.
One Week from Today: ASSEMBLE! Voting is the ENDGAME! (Help me give credit to whoever made this! I got it from a follower who also doesn’t know. Anybody have any idea where this Marvel-ous piece of editing came from?)
#VOTE
One of the best moments I ever saw across a then 48 years of watching (and even making) movies. Love that Tony snapped AT Thanos. But Strange holding up one finger: I take it to mean “And THAT was our one chance” - hence Tony’s sacrifice. Anyone else have a different read on it?
Fare thee well, Louis Vuitton Schwalbach Smith! You came into our lives on January 1st, 2004, as the sweetest and most curious little scientist on four legs. And while you may have left our world this morning, you will remain in your family’s hearts forever. I miss you already...
How does a person ignore their sense of self preservation to do something as astonishing as this? Shielding others from harm with your one and only life is the very definition of heroism. I know I will never be as brave as Anthony Borges was that day. He’s truly a super hero.
My Mom is back in the hospital. I feel so useless. If I’d studied medicine maybe I could’ve been able to treat her chronic pain. But oh no - like a self-centered dick, I had to become an “entertainer” instead. In any event, if you have the space, please keep her in your thoughts.
This is Louis, our third dog. Sadly, after 15 years in the Smith/Schwalbach family, blind-ish, deaf and crippled Poo-Poo will be leaving us Wednesday. This is the only downside to loving dogs: having to let them go. I know it’s time, but not sure I have the strength to say g’bye.
I was writing in my office when I suddenly heard screams. Went outside to see people in the street in my neighborhood screeching their heads off in celebration. And that is how I learned about
#PresidentElectJoe
. Congrats to
@JoeBiden
and
@KamalaHarris
on their historic win!
Same guy, I swear. Pic on the left was taken in 2008 at age 38 when I weighed 330. Pic on the right was taken today, age 48, weighing 205. I look younger now that I’m older. Read about it here:
Bernie, bro. (Thank you to whoever thought of including me and
@JayMewes
, as this is the closest we’ve ever gotten to being at an Inauguration. And thank you to all the people who texted and Tweeted the pic to me.)
Left my Mom’s hospital bedside at 2:30am. She had a rough night. Got on a plane to Utah at 7. Landed to learn that Mom was emergency helicoptered to another hospital where they drained a liter of fluid from around her heart. Fuck Father Time for beating up my Mom. Stupid asshole.
Way too early to bawl my eyes out but holy Sith, that
@themandalorian
season finale was like watching my life flash before my eyes!
@Jon_Favreau
has the biggest balls in the business with that incredible third act flex! Easily the most positively surprising moment of 2020 for me!
I met Chadwick the day Stan put his hand and footprints into the Chinese Theater Forecourt. He was nice and a little nervous, but very regal - like T’challa. And so talented. This is heartbreaking. 43 is too to die. My heart goes out to his family and fellow fans tonight.
He was my Dad’s James Bond, so Dad supported Mr. Connery’s career his entire life, always taking me to see any movie his fave actor was in. I have sweet memories of watching Dad watch his movie idol. So Sean Connery’s passing also feels like I’m losing Dad again. RIP, Dr. Jones.
Having been a creature of the Internet for 28 years now, I fully expect to get trolled for this. But if it can help some folks, it’ll be worth it.
So here goes…
A few months back I went through a mental health crisis.
This is some of the stuff I learned:
I was born in Jersey 49 years ago today. Dad worked at the PostOffice and Mom called me Tiger (still does). As a kid, I was never into sports, politics or reality: I fell in love with comics, movies, TV & pop culture. So I learned how to write stories and one day, I made a movie.
Dave Grohl goes above and beyond to make 2020 a little more tolerable. Man, this is just heartwarming as fuck! There goes my hero indeed. I wanna be Dave when I grow up.
My wife offered me anything I wanted for my birthday, so I said “Watch
@Avengers
with me” (she hadn’t seen it). When she agreed, I realized I should’ve requested to fuck instead. But as the credits rolled, Jen said she liked the movie and I felt gratified. Marvel: As Good As Sex.
Wide World of Jorts. Years ago, a paparazzo snapped the infamous shot on the left of me wearing my giant jorts at my all-time heaviest. The photo on the right was taken at the same gas station today. Story here:
SPOILERS! Watched
@Avengers
twice today. Out of everyone who fought Thanos, Wanda came closest to killing him. If he didn’t call for the “Rain fire!” then the Scarlet Witch would have butchered the Mad Titan. (Even though I turn 49 on Friday, shit like this still matters to me.)
I am overwhelmed. The movie is epic beyond compare. LOVED it. My legs are still shaking. It’s a gigantic
@Marvel
masterpiece. So much to say but I’ll stay Silent Bob til Monday so as not to slip in spoilers. Suffice to say it’s gonna be a looooong year until
@Avengers
4...
I lost a hero today. We all did.
The one true Batman - the voice I’ll always hear in my head whenever I read or write a Batman comic book - has passed. I’ll miss you forever,
@RealKevinConroy
. Thanks for defining the Dark Knight with your powerful pipes... and for being a friend.
My Mom is in recovery now but her hernia surgery went great! The Doc told us Mom’s stomach was up in her chest - so they pulled it out of her esophagus and reattached it, lifting it off of her heart. THANK YOU to the Doctor, the staff and you, for the positive vibes you sent!
My first film is now older than I was when I made it. That means I’ve been working in entertainment longer than when I was just simply dreaming about being in show business. I offer so many thanks to anyone who ever sampled my stuff. Your support saved me from getting a real job!
Friends & folks I work with have been sending thoughtful Get Well baskets since I got home. But
@DisneyChannel
just won the prize for funniest gift when they sent these cookies. Last week I was telling them a certain percentage of people I meet always call me
@KevinJames
. So...
Right now, marijuana is 100% legal in Toronto! In 3 hours, it’ll be 100% legal here in Vancouver as well! Congratulations on this historical day, Canada! You’re now America’s cool older cousin who can get us weed!
Took the kid for my second soaring screening of
@captainmarvel
! When the
@TheRealStanLee
-filled
@MarvelStudios
logo and Stan’s cameo occurred, we both bawled in the same exact way like mirror images of each other. If I ever wanted a paternity test, this flick kinda covered it!
Picking up milk and a fan stopped me to say “Thank you for a happy childhood.” I told him it was a mutually beneficial relationship, as folks like him have allowed me to avoid getting a real job for two decades now. Same goes to all of you. Thanks!
This is Doctor Marc Ladenheim. Last year, he used his uncanny abilities and extraordinary powers to rescue me after my heart went rogue and attacked me. Fuck Batman - this is what a real superhero looks like!
3 hours later and I’m shook! My God,
@Avengers
Endgame is beyond epic! It’s everything you hope it will be and more - an absolute
@MarvelStudios
marvel! And I’m pretty sure it will make all the money ever printed! Loved it and would watch again instantly!
DOGMA debuted 24 years ago today!
I dream of getting it back one day.
I’d pray for that but I think the Lord would have a helluva time granting this particular wish…
Hiked Runyon for the first time in a month. A maskless passerby told me “Two masks is overkill.” I replied “Batman wears a mask.” Maskless guy looked at me like I was an idiot. In moments like this, instead of arguing, I like to counter unsolicited opinion with unsolicited fact.
Happy Birthday,
@HamillHimself
! Whether it’s the Force or the Sword, you’ve always had the power to change a kid into a fan and turn grown-ass adults into kids! You’ve been a light in my life since ‘77, and while I dig the little plastic yous, the maxi-size version’s much better!
By the Power of Grayskull! I have to shower! No - I mean I have the flour! Myah! One more try: I HAVE THE POWER! Thank you
@Mattel
and
@netflix
for letting my play in your Universe! I promise: this will not be a Stinkor!
#MOTU
HAPPY NEW YEAR! May you accomplish all the things you dream of doing (unless you dream of hurting people)! 2018 was the year that almost killed me, but 2019 will be the year of the REBOOT!
So after the sig-stalker called
@JayMewes
& I pricks (for not signing 10 copies each of pics he plans to re-sell), I went “Jersey” and stalked HIM for a pic (to post and warn other folks about his shitty hostility). But Mr. Big Talker pulled up his hood & kept ducking me!
Whenever I feel blue, I remember all the blessings I’ve enjoyed my whole life: from a Mom and Dad who shaped my journey, to the wife and kid who share said journey, to an audience of folks who’ve been supporting my endeavors for 25 years. If none of that works, this pic helps...
This is heartbreaking. We love you,
@TheRealStanLee
. You are always welcome to come live with me - or please let us fans buy you a new place to live. We miss you, sir.
Religions have been founded on the Bible, resulting in millions of people deriving inspiration and moral strength from amazing stories about fantastic feats of faith. Hundreds of years from now, our descendants will find divine inspiration from the story of Cap wielding Mjolnir.
SNOOGANS! To celebrate my 25th anniversary at Sundance, I’m pleased as a pot-head to announce that the good folks at SABAN and UNIVERSAL have given the green light to
#JayAndSilentBobReboot
!
@JayMewes
and I start shooting on 2/25 (the one year anniversary of my heart attack)!
On Day 1 of
#JayAndSilentBobReboot
, we shot 9 pages, which represents nearly 10% of the entire flick.
@JayMewes
and
#JasonLee
had tons of tongue-twisting dialogue about pop culture - something the boys have done in 2 different centuries now, starting back in 1995 on Mallrats.
Filet Mignon for Marty, tonight and in the morning - because tomorrow she goes to sleep.
They say this is the price we pay for a dog’s unconditional love.
That sentiment doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier.💔
It’s an old story, but...
She sure was a rescue dog:
She rescued us.
Today I weigh 198! First time since high school I’ve been under 200 lbs! Thanks,
@ww_us
! To quote Prince, “Yes! It’s jacked! ‘cause I’m back! And I’m harder than a heart attack!” Read about it here:
Watched it 3 times.
Loved it ALL.
Show was everything I wanted it to be.
For the folks who say I cry over movies/TV because I’m too stoned?
I haven’t smoked weed in a week.
Stop blaming the herb.
I’m just a soft boy.
Anyway...
Goodbye,
@wandavision
.
We’ll say hello again.
Yesterday when we were shooting, these industrious young entrepreneurs opened a lemonade stand near our set and called it a “Clerks Jr.” It totally worked, resulting in our crew spending much money there. Then I called my lawyer and sent all the kids cease-and-desist orders.
Last Day of CLERKS III.
It’s been a blissful shoot.
I’ve already cut together about an hour of the movie and it’s a funny as fuck, emotional paean to cinema.
Tonight, these 2 old fools wrap their 10th movie together.
Today, they’re just trying to survive a 7 mile Highlands hike.
Here’s me pretending to direct. My entire goofy job is predicated on capturing images; and yet after 25 years of making movies, I still don’t know how cameras work. Nearest I can figure is they got pixies or demons in there. I probably shouldn’t have dropped out of film school...
Devastated to report that my beloved best friend Shecky has passed away. There is a miniature dachshund-sized hole in my heart that will never be filled. Go hug your furry friend or anyone you love right now: no day is promised.
An homage to my Baby Dog:
IT IS ACCOMPLISHED! Last night, after a 21 day shoot (the same number of days in which we shot CLERKS some 26 years ago), we wrapped my Askewniverse magnum opus
#JayAndSilentBobReboot
! Thank you to my
#NewOrleans
crew, my cast and especially
@JayMewes
for his stellar performance!
Quite the opposite! I just saw my cardiologist last week for a stress test, 1.5 years after the heart attack that almost killed me. He said my ticker’s in excellent condition, I’m down 70 pounds, and I’m in great shape from hiking Runyon Canyon every day! Thanks for the concern!
Farewell my filmmaking friend! Your Boyz story and your laser disc commentary inspired me back before I shot my first film. You made me believe I might be able to be like you: heard. Thank you for leading, John. Wish we had one last chance to talk comics again...
#JohnSingleton
SNOOGANS! Rather than make you wait until Saturday night after Hall H, we’re gonna show you the
#JayAndSilentBobReboot
trailer RIGHT NOW! If you like it, come see the movie, me &
@JayMewes
on the
#RebootRoadshow
Tour this fall!
People tell me the quality of my flicks went to shit when I got married and had a kid. If so, it was a fair trade: whatever ailed me as a piss-&-vinegar 20-something was gone, replaced by joy and contentment. Great art comes from pain - so maybe happy people don’t make great art.
It DOES get so much better, Keaton! As a kid I was bullied for being a butterball. It hurt like hell. But you seem to understand that it’s THEM not you. Bullies are always deficient assholes; you are a clearly a soulful person. And that has earned you a friend (& fan) over here!
I *know* me:
I’d be posting about my struggles on the daily, milking it until my last breath, desperate for attention and relevancy.
But not Paul Reubens.
If I’m not at least trying to be a person this classy and considerate in life, then maybe it’s time I start.
Thanks, Pee-Wee.
This film is why I survived my heart attack. I refuse to die til I see
@Avengers
. In fact, anticipation for all of these flicks might keep me alive for decades. I will accept eternity only if/when the most important Kevin in the world (Kevin Faige) is done making
@Marvel
movies.
This is the 5th time this week that I’ve hiked
#RunyonCanyon
. It’s sweaty work but not as hard as it used to be for me to do. And tomorrow, the dork who made
@YogaHosers
is going to try actual Yoga for the first time...
SPOILERS! 3rd time seeing
@Avengers
at home. Tony running into Howard is my favorite scene. And this exchange paves the way for Tony’s last stand. The movie deserves a Best Screenplay nomination for this moment alone. Tony finally learns to lay down on the wire - thanks to Dad.😭
After growing up going to shopping centers, I made MALLRATS in ‘95. It debuted in theaters 25 years ago today as an instant critical & commercial failure. But a quarter of a century later it’s now considered a cult classic. If you’re not truly gifted it helps to be patient, Kids!
And Justice for all!
@ShannonElizab
is gonna help
#JayAndSilentBobReboot
! We’re halfway done with production at the point; so sadly, there are only 10 more days left. Trying to remember to slow down enough to savor it all before it ends. But
@JayMewes
is CRUSHING it on the daily!
Hiking Runyon tonight, I saw a teenager on a bench wearing a Clerks hat watching a video on his phone. Trying to surprise him, I said “I like your hat.” He said “Thanks,” without ever glancing up. I lingered for a good minute so he could finally recognize me, but he never looked.
Yelled at me from a car at a stop sign in Burbank: “Are you Kevin James?!” I call back “Not him. I’m the OTHER one.” And when he looks at me confused, I clarify by pointing at myself and saying “Leah Remini.”
The great
#AlanRickman
passed away two years ago today. I was such a fan of his cinematic work that I cast him in DOGMA as the Voice of God. But it was my friendship with Alan that I cherished most. I miss you, Metatron...
May the Force Be with You,
#PeterMayhew
! As the King of the Cinematic Sidekicks, your performance helped make my childhood fun! Thank you for bringing Chewbacca to life and for always waving the flag for fandom! We may have let the Wookie win, but YOU won our hearts, sir!
This is not only one of my favorite moments in any
@MarvelStudios
movie, it’s also one of my favorite moments in any movie ever. “Thank you for saving me,” is as powerful as “Don’t waste your life.” Tony may already be in the suit, but this is the exact moment Iron Man is born.
HOLY SITH! Congrats
@rosariodawson
! Your dream came true! I have no doubt that you will be the greatest addition to the live action
@starwars
universe since The Child! (Teach Mando how to dance on the Cantina roof!) Thank you to
@Jon_Favreau
and anyone else who made this happen!
This will never not be the most hilarious and genuinely genius thing ever.
@ThatKevinSmith
is and has always been a fuckin’ icon. 😂😂
Definitely gonna be watching “Dogma” later ‘cause of this.
Since ‘77,
@starwars
has been the love of my pop cultural life. So when I saw that sea of Star Destroyers, I felt like a kid again. It’s like JJ said to the
@Avengers
“I’ve got an Endgame too!”
The story of a generation comes to an end. Watch the
#D23Expo
Special Look for Star Wars:
#TheRiseofSkywalker
. See the film in theaters on December 20.