lil stinker
@superlameballs
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me: so... should we be naughty and order the mozzarella sticks..?
my date, a young prostitute who has somehow time travelled from 1830s paris: [discreetly coughing bloody phlegm into silk handkerchief before tucking it away] oui... zat sounds.. ow you say? amazingballs..?
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don't have much to talk about today.... i made this festive bread
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hater alert ‼️👇👇👇 moles walking just fine, sweaty 💅 worry about yourself
Moles are so specialized at digging, they can't walk very well.
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I would simply enjoy them the way they are. Not many people seem to just enjoy things the way they are these days.
Ketchup isn’t available, what are you putting on these?
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worm gf: would you still love me if i was a human woman
worm bf: honey, no. honestly the mere thought of that repulses me
the humble mole, a creature capable of eating 100% of their body weight in earthworms a day: [crawling toward worm vibrations]
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imagine if someone picked you up and put you down right onto the orange chicken at the chinese buffet....
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my friend: hey, do you wanna grab some dinner later?
me, flipping over tarot card with image of me enjoying a delicious spaghetti dinner on it: ya, that sounds great
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imagine the kind of beer a frog might drink...maybe something like Bug Light?? or...perhaps something called Pabst Blue Ribbet?? just spitballing here and having a little fun with it. hopefully this hasn't offended anyone today
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me: not feeeling too good today. super run down, bone tired. unhappy ...
one of the many japanese frog breeders i follow on my TL: [picture of a frog in a small plastic container] Let's eat many bugs and become round today! Happy happy!
me: ok.
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they should add an extra hour in the night. to allow proper time for brooding and being wistful and so on
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me: so girl dinner is basically a big bag of seeds and boy dinner is something like a vape and a can of beer,
turtle in the middle of the road: you can hit me with your car. im ready to die
me: i'm not done explaining, please don't interrupt me
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lmaooooo he's totally off it, brother!!! lol he's absolutely lost in it.... [getting kind of jealous] i'm sure it's actually not that fucking good, though.... i find pleasure and joy in things just as easily as well, he's not special for this
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stay at home gf: not sure how to explain this but autumn has red, orange, and yellow energy. like the numbers 9, 10, and 11...
me: yes, baby girl. i love you so much. you bring so much meaning to my life
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guys will make something called "the ultimate treat" and it's just a meatball sub 😂 it's just a meatball sub made on toasted garlic bread with cheese, homemade sauce, and all the love in their heart- their heart so filled to bursting with love you can taste it in the sandwich
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this is a 10/10. perfection.... the soda of the summer ... a little lime in here would go so crazy....
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main: meatballs for dinner 😋
locked alt: meatballs for dinner...only thing keeping me from killing myself tonight
no follower no following secret third account: 🎶 YOU SPIN 🌀☝️😵💫ME RIHHT ROUND 👶BABY 🚼RIGHT ROUND 🎶LIKE A 💿 RECORD 💿BABY RIGHT RLUND⭕️ ROUND ⭕️ RIUND ⭕️ 🎶
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me and my buddies undulating this past weekend 👇 such a wild time
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me omw to fuck your shit up 👇 lol.... no.... i kid.... simply looking for nectars or similar substances
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[at goblin mcdonalds]
uhhhh yeah lemme get a rotten cheesemorsel and a small fetid fries
goblin mcdonalds cashier: [slowly unsheathing dagger] are you prepared to fight for it
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"yoo my homeboy a little shy but he thinks you're cute" the homeboy! 👇👇👇🤣😂 playing tho... this is actually the chicken i am going to fix for dinner with spices and herbs and garlic and lemon and potatoes and such
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after one sip of dew from the hollow of a raspberry i found growing in the meadow: i love all the creatures of the wood equally! they are all important members of our ecosystem!
after six sips of dew: *slurred* i don't care for mosquitos
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everyone got that one homie who’s always scrounging 🙄🤣🤣
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[text from Goblin Dave]: I saw what you wrote about me on Twitter. It was very hurtful. If my proclivity for scrounging upset you, you could have told me in person.
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quite frankly laughable to think this was cake... grow up
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i think a new sauce would probably make my life worth living.....an interesting sauce with a complex flavor profile could definitely fix me,and make me whole... something to dip into... would that i could... dip my troubles away
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imagine drinking an ice cold wild cherry pepsi out of this thing
Tankard, 1923-4. Silver-gilt, agate, onyx, sardonyx, jasper, amethyst, Siberian amethyst, chrysoprase, emeralds, ruby, Russian aquamarine, Russian green beryl, sapphires from Sri Lanka, pink sapphire, turquoises. Royal Collection.
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one thing about me - if you shine a bright light at me, you know my ass is gonna scamper !
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yearning is fully OUT for 2024!! lol [turns to look out of window, smile slowly fades]
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sorry, can't make it over later. i'm hatching something evil from an egg.... yeah the egg is very obviously housing and nurturing something evil ...but i have a feeling.... i have a feeling it's going to hatch soon and i wanna be there when it does
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this little guy tugs on your pant leg and begs you to put him out of his misery, wyd?
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ma... pa... i done swallered a lil lego feller... and i ain't feelin so good
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nelly furtado: 🗣️🎶 OOOH YOU DONT MEAN NOTHING AT ALL TO MEEE
timbaland: [bleating at regular intervals like a smoke detector with low battery]
me: goddamn! they just don't make pop songs like they used to
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imagine a world where there's like 30 other guys who look exactly like you and you all go everywhere together and you're all constantly screaming. that's what being a crow is like. hard not to be jealous of that lifestyle...
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imagine crawling inside of this and passing away...
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7:27 am: unfurling my proboscis to sip some nectar
9:32 am: unfurling my proboscis yet again...
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don't forget to look up at the moon tonight. it's going to be pretty big in a way that is probably only easily distinguishable by high powered telescope. it'll only look exactly like this again 9 years from now. imagine how much suffering you will know by then
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me: i'll just take a normal water, please. no sugar in it. thanks.
hummingbird maître d': [visibly disgusted] very good, madam...
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this is actually quite a thumbs up image, in my opinion
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me: robot butler, my hands ache. please tweet the following for me: robopussy got me acting zeros and ones
my robot butler: [simultaneously quote tweeting my tweet on his private account with "she mocks our culture"] very good, ma'am
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me and my buddies going in on the nutrient cylinders on a friday night
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imagine you are simply doing your business and someone takes a picture of you and applies this caption...
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pitching my voice up a couple octaves and calling into work claiming my head shrank
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Today, my account will be a safe place for those who wish not to be pranked. Please, have a seat on this normal chair, and rest.
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does anyone even care?? does anyone even care that i made the tomatoes look like little hearts on this focaccia bread i made for a potluck and they sort of turned out pretty ok???? it's like no one even cares about this anymore...
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huge hand plucked me from my bed this morning, held me for a bit, then set me down several miles away from my home
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drop me onto a patch of dirt and i could have a decent size hole going in 3 maybe 4 hours
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[leaking negative energy like a black ooze] just gonna wing it this new year. no goals or nothing, just gonna feel it out, chill vibes and such
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all poisonous mushrooms are known by names like "the bitch's fool"
and all choice edible mushrooms are known by names like "the fool's bitch"
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me, immediately upon waking: yup
another miserable day..
spider making a web in my 12 pack of pepsi: aaand this'll be the den here, where i catch bugs for food. and over here will be the kitchen, where i'll catch bugs for food. and i'm thinking i'll use the basement to catch bug
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i got my ribs removed so i could curl by body into a perfect ball and roll down a hill into a gutter and get stuck there and die there
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cyberpunks on thanksgiving would be like: i'm surfing the stuffing line. i'm jacked into the turkey. i'm jacking in the ham.... i'm jacked into the mashed potatoes ... fiberops caught me jacking the cybergravy....
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if you see me pecking seed and grubs out your front lawn.......no u didn't 😂
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me: [stuck in terrible traffic, almost late for work] does any of this even matter? what's the point of it all?
crow: [flying overhead, carrying a stick of pine] ah!! the perfect branch to pillow my beloved!!! i fly to her now!!!!
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[presents you with an incredibly smooth rock i found] feel free to use this as a tool or to simply gaze upon its beauty
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british person in the 1300s whose child is dying of disease: fairies nicked me baby.... swapped it with this new one that's pure shite
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me: ouuuhh i'm so miserable i'm so miserable i'm so miserable im so miserable ouuuhghh
blue-tailed skink lying motionless on a smooth rock: mmm.........subnlight...
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me: [showing off my snack of melted cheese on corn chips to alien i found half-dead in a ditch] it's like crunchy salty. crunchy salty is a really good snack combination i think.
alien: [telepathically] please kill me
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basically i call this a chiputerie board. it allows you to sample many different chips at once.
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*does a little jig* *is immediately snatched up by a hawk and carried away*
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me: imagine your card declines at the kill yourself store and they make you keep living lol
my precious little worm: *continues to writhe in my hand*
me: yeah, that's ok...i wouldn't really expect you to get it anyway *gently closes palm*
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me, when i'm proud of my pile: just amassed this large pile of materials practically on a whim. i'd hate for anyone to fall into it...
me, when i'm not proud of my pile: *hands in pockets, sullenly kicking pile* might as well be a heap....
😏👆this one's for pile fans only
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girls: sugar, spice, everything nice
boys: snips, snails, puppy dog tails
moles(nature's perfect creature): large, powerful forelimbs (for digging)
sensitive snout & sharp teeth (for hunting & eating grubs & worms)
velvety, nondirectional fur a (for ease of movement in tunnels)
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[walking up behind you and whispering in your ear] slami..... [running hand down your spine] and bebberoni ...
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catharsis tonite queen? 👀
a moment of emotional release tonite queen? 👀
bit of a cry tonite? 👀
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bermuda one cent coin with hog on it that i found in 7-11 earlier👇 is this doing anything for anyone? anyone at all...?
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just made what the manager at trader joe's called "some of the worst purchases of all time." he then led me outside and held my arms back and all the employees were allowed to get "one good gut punch in" as per company policy
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not my bioluminescent ass emitting a faint green glow 🙈🙈😳
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me: hey, is everything ok? i've noticed you've been kind of preoccupied by nutrients lately...
my best friend who is a beetle: [lumbering along the forest floor in search of nutrients]
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uhhhh, welcome to the WARP ZONE, baby! ☝️😵💫 his ass got WARPED! 😂😂💀 get warped , BITCH!!!! 🖕
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sorry this took so long
new year's eve salami sandwich in the works..... stay tuned
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i hand-fed a mosquito to this spider yesterday and now it won't leave me alone. it thinks we're friends or something lol go away. can't you see i was just using you to dispose of a pest? we could never be friends. we come from two completely different worlds...it could never work
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me if i was a weird fish with a big fat head! me if i was an incredibly curious but hideously ugly fush...! me if i was a huge ugly fish with incredibly expressive, almost human-like eyes and a man was hitting something with a hammer near me...
This fish is cracking me up
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*tightening my grip on your wrist* if you were a mushroom, would you grow solo, in a cluster, or in a shelf
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my 9 year old cousin: i like wearing black clothes because then people can't tell when it gets dirty
me [sucking bbq sauce off of my white t shirt]: that's actually pretty fucking genious... hey if i sent you my screenplay do you think you could like give me some feedback ..?
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wwyd if you cracked open an egg and saw my slimy bare ass inside just chilling ? would you fry me in a pan? you’re sick. you disgust me.
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you're listening to stinker in the morning [fart noise] on 98.6 WOOD FM [woodpecker pecking noise] [exaggerated female orgasm noise] [the sigh of a strong wind through tall grass] [rap airhorn] [the haunting cry of a lone owl searching for its mate in the night]
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just you and four of your stinkiest little homies running down the road, getting a little curious with it.... that's what life's all about
I'm already forgotten when I've already posted. Aww yiss.
Merp Merp. Merp.
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message to my haters 👇👇
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hey, what's that over there? *quickly extends my proboscis to steal a sip of your drink*
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doctor; any changes in your medications?
me: Mmm, ice cream so good! Mmm, ice cream so good! 👅👅👅
doctor: it is
me: Thank you Tash, thank you kaylee!
doctor: [nodding, scribbling "very healthy" in notes]
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oh? this is a normal adult size shoe and a two fully grown oyster mushrooms. embarrassed?
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this image goes so incredibly hard
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*thrashing pathetically against my restraints* AHHHHHHH!! AHHHHHHH! AH! AH! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
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me just arriving at work, 8:30 am on monday: only 5 more days until the 2 days of every 7 day cycle i get to myself!
bird bathing in filthy strip mall parking lot puddle, 5:27 pm on monday: wow. that feels sooo good lol...i should do this more often [drinks a little]
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you are about to receive a transmission from your future self, do you accept?
No >>Yes
Transmission from the year 2058 accepted, it follows:
tumy fucked ip you must NOT eat the bean dip February 15, 2058 i rrepeat AVOID the bean dip at all costs
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seeing a deer get obliterated by a truck going 85 mph: unfortunate but that's nature. it'll feed the crows and vultures. and you know, when you think about it, that's actually kinda beautiful
seeing a mole dead in the woods: how could this happen...? the world is so ugly..
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me: all we do is make crumbs. until death, we are making crumbs
podcast host: explain that
me: well, humans tend to eat a lot of crackers/chips/other salty crunchies
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they dumped me into the deepest part of the ocean to see if i would develop a little thingy on my head that glows but i just died
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in the woods we pay for groceries with acorns. but our groceries are also the acorns. one acorn is equal to roughly 1,000,000 acorns. inflation is killing us
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instead of working with the cops, scooby and the gang should have their own oubliette where they imprison the bad guys, torture them, etc. the scoobliette
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