Bill Hanstock
@sundownmotel
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Screenwriter // Emmy Award winner // Author // Product Operations Manager @SBNation // Formerly @FOXSports // #SFGiants fan
Los Angeles
Joined January 2009
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#NevaPlay
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SAROCHA X MODERN GURU
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Tzuyu
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Chiefs
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namjoon
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Ravens
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Lamar
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Adalet
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Chester
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#ZeeNunew1stFMinJapan
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サブスク解禁
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小泉進次郎
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Hayırlı Cumalar
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FANZA
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小泉さん
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MUSINSA BEAUTY WITH KARINA
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TransisiSEJUK PRABOWOJKW
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モモンガ
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KitaKOMPAK KitaMENANG
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ちいかわ寿司
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アストロボット
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資さんうどん
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知的レベル
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すかいらーく
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KPLC
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進次郎さん
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資さん買収
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Engin Polat
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ベイマックス
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PRETTY GIRL ERA MILKLOVE
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Pinned Tweet
still looking for
#screenwriting
representation. i have a dozen features ready to shop and pitches for dozens more.
let me know if you have any leads or want to rep me. let’s get movies made
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i forgot about when hitler bragged about his sopping wet vagina
John Cooper of Christian rock band Skillet strongly condemned Cardi B's Grammys performance and likened the ceremony to Hitler's propaganda: "If you go back and you read some of Hitler's speeches ... that's what's happening right now on the Grammys".
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cocaine
what does Cardinals coach Kliff Kingsbury look like he does for a living
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how can they justify this
nbc keeps showing celebs in the crowd at gymnastics and putting their name up on the screen, BUT THE NAMES AREN’T CENTERED IN THE BOXES. IT’S MAKING ME FEEL CRAZY.
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dalé parton
It's an honor to be collaborating with one of music’s most powerful women, gracias
@dollyparton
! Dale!
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him getting thwarted by the automatic trash can lid EACH TIME makes this absolute art
I am DONE with these gutless, heartless, playoff frauds.
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love ordering “whatever makes sense” at a donut shop
JD Vance had a very awkward visit to a donut shop in Georgia earlier. Trust us, it’s worse than you even think.
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handing out YOU’RE FIRED signs to people standing behind vance is a democrat-level unforced error
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reminder that jesse ventura attempted to get the wwf locker room to unionize before hulk hogan ratted him out to vince
What an honor! Thrilled to be endorsed by
@GovJVentura
.
I'm committed to being a governor for all Minnesotans, and I’ll work with anyone who’s willing to work with me to get things done.
Thank you, Jesse, for taking the unprecedented step to cast your independent vote for me!
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holy shit every person in Imagine Dragons is just a macklemore from a different universe
http://t.co/QVhGpYhDvQ
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fellas … i’m putting together one last heist
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kyle gass got fired for something people stopped caring about 36 hours later
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i cannot believe we have already forgotten about ryan lochte, the gronk of the sea
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lol this is supposed to be an ad for jesus but it makes satan seem fuckin rad as hell
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it was splash day at preschool and they sent the wrong towel home with my son
this was someone’s towel at preschool today
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they fuckin called ken bone
open letter to every single media outlet:
do not call ken bone
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RUSH DIED ON JUGGALO DAY BLESS UP
Happy Juggalo Day to Juggalos far and wide, worldwide, on the Dirtball and every other planet in the universe times 17,000! We here at Psychopathic Records wish everyone Much Clown Love and Karma on this greatest of Juggalo Days, February 17th!
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[kramer enters, pacing and chain smoking]
KRAMER: i figured it out, jerry. edible mascot
JERRY: edible mascot?
KRAMER: EDIBLE MASCOT!
[jerry and george exchange a glance, flummoxed]
JERRY: so you just EAT the mascot?
KRAMER: ALL THE WAY DOWN BABY
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RAYS: the secret is finding the best cheapest players and flipping them for the best cheapest players when they get expensive
BRAVES: the secret is early long-term extensions below market value
DODGERS: the secret is ~magical future money~ you fucking nerds
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FAST AND FURIOUS 1: illegal street racing
FAST AND FURIOUS 8: punching a torpedo over a glacier into a submarine
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IT GOT WILD AFTER THE WIN
ALEX MORGAN WENT INTO THE STANDS AND STOLE A BABY
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@WholeMarsBlog
i’m sure legacy auto is very afraid of an ugly expensive car that doesn’t work
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i am overjoyed at how unprepared normal people are for this von erich movie
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NOLA FATHER: i will support my sons by wearing an austin nola jersey and hat, and an aaron nola jersey over my austin nola jersey
NOLA MOTHER: i will support neither of my awful, awful sons
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this photo of shaq is the coolest goddamn thing of all time
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every other accent was tied for first
Boston accent ranked second sexiest in America, survey says
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MLB ATTORNEY: your honor, shall i explain to the court what a relief pitcher is?
MLB JUDGE: i think the jeurys familia
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he mocked hillary when she had pneumonia
he mocked a reporter with disabilities
he mocked people for social distancing
he mocked people for wearing masks
i think it’s safe to say he’s open season, everyone
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annnnnd we have officially reached "drinking public pisswater to own the libs"
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ME: i’ll have the shepherd’s pie, that sounds good
[10 minutes later]
YARD HOUSE: here’s your shepherd’s pie sir
ME: surely you fucking jest
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people keep saying “trea turner” but it’s actually called a lazy susan
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we are absolutely in the golden age of the onion, enjoy it before all the people who write there are sent to prison for jokes
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it goes over your mouth bethany
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MOTHER
TELL YOUR CHILDREN NOT TO WALK MY WAY
I'M A 9,000-YEAR-OLD GREEK TEEN GIRL
MOTHER
Scientists recreated the face of a 9,000-year-old Greek teenage girl:
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this is the only stolen valor debate i’m interested in
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every super bowl commercial for the past few years is like “we paid the original cast of something you used to love to get back in the old costumes to advertise some sort of business solution”
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looking very good sir, very healthy. definitely not beginning to resemble the trash can man after returning from the nuclear silo
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@KileyWrestling
like anyone who meets him just instantly hates him. even if they don’t know who he is
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we talk a lot about how paul rudd looks good for his age but BD WONG IS 58 FUCKING YEARS OLD Y’ALL
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EVERY OTHER DEVELOPED COUNTRY: we unilaterally shut down for months and it sucked but now life is getting back to normal and we’re seeing very few new cases
THE UNITED STATES: but how MUCH demon semen is dangerous
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NFL COACHES: back in my day people knew their place
NBA COACHES: haha man fuck this fake-ass president
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DODGERS: our starting lineup is the nine NL WAR leaders. our payroll is $290 million
GIANTS: we found these players under a rock, no one was usin em
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INDIANA JONES: [falls into a mine shaft]
BOYD CROWDER: why indiana jones! as i live and breathe!
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i have never seen a wwe statement like that in my life, so whatever actually happened, sasha and naomi were right
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“it’s called my quote. it means even if i do a bad match, they have to give me another two mil”
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i just realized mr. freeze is a doctor who calls HIMSELF “mister”
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just realized han and leia named their kid “ben” when leia never met obi-wan and han only went on one road trip with that motherfucker
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thank you mr. oreo for putting a face on bradley cooper's only good role
Mr. Oreo, the real life model for Rocket Raccoon passed away this morning at the age of 10
(via Quinta Layla | Facebook)
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imagine you're drake and then after one terrible week the bologna company is freely windmill dunking on you
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sopranos, wire, breaking bad. it isn’t particularly close
You can only save three of these shows.
The rest are deleted from history.
Which are you saving?
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he also appears to have bought like three times as much merch as the LAST TIME he stormed into his spotless kitchen to throw away his cowboys gear while announcing victory twitter video he was finished with these playoff frauds
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since they will inevitably be brought up again, it’s worth noting that jay briscoe spent years showing contrition and regret for his past comments
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i feel it is extremely important to note that mr. magoo went to rutgers
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please don't lose sight of the fact that the airline confirmed he had originally booked his return ticket for NOT the next day
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i still can’t believe the cops basically blew up a city block in a failed publicity stunt, literally killed an elderly person and every local news station spent three weeks doing LAPD PR spin for them
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open letter to every single media outlet:
do not call ken bone
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HEARTWARMING: Rich Person Gives Other Rich Person Money
Rihanna spent $500,000 to rent an Arizona man’s house during Super Bowl week—it was enough to pay off 2 years of his mortgage (via
@CNBCMakeIt
)
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jack gallagher's umbrella is identified by name on this banner. that's detail
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normies please don't be alarmed but you're about to see your TL turned into 20 straight minutes of everyone you know begging for a woman named "rhea" to stand on their neck and/or end their life
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get thee beside me satan
on the couch. let’s watch some GBBO
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my preschool teacher said my son “talks about grave digger a LOT”
yeah of course he does man have you fuckin seen grave digger it’s cool as shit
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my brain when i walk past the huge tub of hummus at costco:
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dick vitale accidentally commiserating with big daddy cool is an all-time moment
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there is no scene in film this year more purely joyous than naacho naacho in RRR
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when you get home and immediately take your jeans off
How Wednesday started/how it's going, Melania outfits edition
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can't believe it's called Mario Kart and not Mario Speedwagon
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FRIENDS characters ranked in terms of how good they are at literally being friends:
1. phoebe
2. joey
3. monica
4. chandler
5. the monkey
6. rachel
7. the coffee machine
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boy that sentence just kept going huh
A New York fertility doctor who was accused of using his own sperm to impregnate several patients died over the weekend when the hand-built airplane he was in fell apart mid-flight and crashed, authorities say.
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gary sheffield's account of his trade to the dodgers is spectacular
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reminder that jared goff is the exact midpoint of michael cera and ryan gosling
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I don't mean to alarm you but this is unarguably the best photo of the weekend
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lamonte wade is over .900 OPS and 150 OPS+ and absolutely no one outside of northern california knows or gives a shit
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me rolling up on the homies after we all get the vaccine
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BUCKS: we should just start our OWN company lmao
[four years later]
BUCKS: this sucks lol
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people acting upset about canceling thanksgiving like it’s worth talking to your pentecostal cousins about chemtrails for three hours just to scarf some costco dinner rolls
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