Satan
@SpeakingSatan
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Lord of Hell. The Devil in the darkness. I Ramble, and I spout wisdoms and nonsense. Writing = @Phaborg | Enemy of the people, happily.
Hell | [email protected]
Joined October 2020
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If you lot are so fucking marvelous
@Conservatives
how come all your candidates for leadership are talking about fixing things, when you've been in charge for 12 fucking years?
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Hi
@BorisJohnson
With all that's going on in the world i though it important to take a moment, just a moment, to let you know that I haven't forgotten about the downing street parties.
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Hi
@BBCNews
I don't know if you've noticed, but a lot of my followers from around the globe have told me that the countries they live in are not experiencing issues with fuel.
Maybe you could investigate why only the UK is having problems? It's quite a mystery
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Who the fuck looks at Mogg and thinks, do you know what, that's the human I want representing me.
You're all fucking barking
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I'd just like to remind all you humans that
@BorisJohnson
and many of his colleagues are still under a formal police investigation for breaking the law.
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I'm confused
How are all these countries in the EU managing to close borders.
It's almost like they were sovereign countries all along
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How many hungry children could you feed for nine grand?
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"Pull the troops back from Ukraine's border Russia, or we won't take Truss back!"
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There is always money for things they want. A boat. Brexit. HS2, talk of tunnels or bridges. Trident. Etc etc etc etc..
Yet when it's something the public need, they can't afford it.
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I'm tempted to go into the local spoons, order a beer they don't have. Then shout "no beer? Fucking brexit", and storm it.
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24bn for defence.
UNICEF feeding our hungry.
Let that sink in.
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Quick Reminder.
There is no such thing as a leftie lawyer.
There is the law and its interpretation.
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I'm going to go against the grain here and say that I want Johnson to stay put. I want him to stay long enough to bury the fucking Tory party in the ditch he said he would lie in. I want the Tory party to go down in flames and be burnt beyond recognition.
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Riddle me this.
You humans pay more tax than you have in 50+ years. The
@Conservatives
have been in power for the majority of those years.
So why are your public services going to shit?
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If you take photos and videos of you "paying your respects", and post them to social media, you're not paying respects, you're partaking in self promotion.
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Hi
@Jacob_Rees_Mogg
it's me again.
I'm starting to think that your suggestion that the voters want to move on, and everything is fluff, was a load of bollocks.
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Hi
@DailyMailUK
You're gonna be fucking flabbergasted when you discover what political party has been in power for twelve years.
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So, let me get this right. The
@Conservatives
have spent 11 years trashing the place and pissing on everything, and now
@BorisJohnson
is saying you should give him 10 years to fix it, or level up.
I'm not sure you should buy into this humans. It feels like snake oil.
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Hello
@Conservatives
If you got all the big calls right, then why are you running from the covid inquiry?
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Man who hid behind anonymity during rape investigation calls for an end to anonymity for the public online
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Have you ever considered privatising the
@RoyalFamily
?
Surely big business will do it better and for less
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You're all fucking insane
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If you don't want humans coming over and claiming asylum in boats, then reopen the legal routes and means to claim.
This really isn't complicated
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We did everything we could. Except close the borders, lockdown quickly, build a decent working track trace and isolate system, help those who couldn't work, support those isolating, vaccinate at the recommend timeframe, attend cobra meetings, support businesses.
Everything!
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If you got all the big calls right
@Conservatives
then why are so many things going to shit?
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@Nigel_Farage
Did you get the registration number of the van?
I'd like to buy them a pint.
😈
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1. You didn't do your own research. You used fucking Google.
2. It's not the flu. If it was the flu it'd be called the flu.
3. Vaccines are good for you. They are not going to rewrite your DNA, and have fuck all to do with me.
4. You're fucking thick.
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Hi
@BorisJohnson
remember when you and the brexit mob said fuel bills will be lower if humans vote for brexit?
How's that going?
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Hi
@MattHancock
I heard you've fallen in love. That's nice, how does your wife feel about it? Anywhooo just wanted to reach out and let you know that I haven't forgotten about the care homes, PPE, your mate with the pub. You know the one, you removed his photo from the wall.
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The Tories have been in power for 12 years. 7 by themselves.
If the UK needs 'leveling up', it's because they leveled it down.
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I'm fed the fuck up with some humans arguing that the wealthy invest and that their wealth is tied up in assets, so a tax would be unfair.
If you can afford to build a fucking spaceship, you can afford to pay more tax.
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"I'm voting Tory today because Boris gave us buses to keep warm. Labour wouldn't have done that". Tory Voter in North West Devon.
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Humans.
Don't blame GPs, don't blame the NHS. Both have served you so well during the pandemic, as have others.
Place any blame where it is deserved, at those in power.
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EU: Let's use a windfall tax.
UK: fuck it, we'll bill ya kids
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Bleeding Sikh's, living over here and feeding our lorry drivers.
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Try rotating the cards 90 degrees
I’ve just spent 90 minutes finishing off writing my Christmas cards.
None of the envelopes fit.
I’m broken.
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Claire Fox.
Liam Fox,
Laurence Fox.
I say bring back Fox hunting!
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Saying, "this is a shit deal and we shouldn't be breaking international law", and then abstaining really is the most cowardly way of conducting yourself
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He's just a bit handsy, it's no big deal.
He's just a bit burglary
He's just a bit murderey
He's just a bit rapey
He's just a bit punchy
He's just a bit arsoney
He's just a bit stealey
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Couldn't the 'right' have come up with a comedy program to counter 'The Mash Report' rather than it being cancelled? They could have called it BBC news at six, or something similar.
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"I'm voting conservative from now on. We had Labour for years, and they didn't even give us furlough". N. Shropshire voter.
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Dominic Cummings isn't your friend.
However, sometimes it is okay to laugh when your enemies throw grenades at each other.
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14 years and about the only thing you've achieved
@Conservatives
is normalising the usage of the word "cunt."
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Just a suggestion.
Why not deport the brexiteers and keep any migrants?
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Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to add DNR to people with learning disabilities.
That's just evil. I could perhaps pick other words but I think evil covers it quite adequately
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How many times have the Tories been found to have broken a law or acted 'unlawfully' now?
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If you say
#JohnsonVariant
three times into a mirror
@BorisJohnson
might come out of your fridge and tell you a lie.
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"Tories manage to find the only three Russians who haven't donated to the party".
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If you didn't want to be known as the
#TorySewageParty
@Conservatives
you could have, you know, voted for the amendment that would have prevented it.
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Could you point me to the section in your manifesto that covered starving children and cronyism please
@Conservatives
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This may shock you
@Jacob_Rees_Mogg
but I'm pretty sure the phone manufacturers are not going to treat the UK any differently than they do the EU when it comes to phone chargers.
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Hi
@bbclaurak
how about asking how we can afford to go to space but not help the poorest in society with the UC uplift?
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Hi
@trussliz
. Remember when you thought remain was right, and the time you wanted to abolish the monarchy.
Good times. So, niceties out of the way. How many universal credit claimants did you have to remove the uplift from so you could claim for a swanky Mayfair meal?
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"I will solve the NHS crisis by cutting waiting lists by 20%. Doctors must treat more people". Liz Truss.
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"I have read many times that the UK could have followed New Zealand in this crisis. We couldn't have as New Zealand is an island and we are a Kingdom. The two are simply not comparable" Laura K.
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Nothing says, "I'm innocent", like an out of court settlement
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Can't help feel that if Cardiff Carl didn't want his photos shared then he shouldn't send them out.
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I'm just going to say, if you can afford to build a spaceship. I'm pretty sure you can afford to pay a little more tax.
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Wanna know who the real heroes are this Satanmas?
The NHS. The key workers. The RNLI. The frontline staff still doing their jobs. The humans helping others, wearing masks and getting jabbed Depher UK. Me.
Not, Boris fucking Johnson. Not, the fucking Tory party.
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I see we've entered the "I swam in shit and I'm fine. If you can't afford food, don't eat," stage of existence
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Wait, the taxpayer spends 250 million, that's a quarter of a billion. He's bored and moans about it being slow. A woman holds a sword dressed as a Poundland sponsor. A 12 million£ pay off. A load of humans make a mess, and they are "proud" of him?
You're all fucking insane.
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Why are some brexiteers getting upset over the strikes?
Isn't better pay and conditions what brexit was all about!
Or, was it about something else........😈
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I really can't think of anything Liz Truss has done apart from dressing up
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Why do they need portaloos? Can't you just shit in the Thames? That's where it all ends up these days anyway
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Are the fish still happy now that they are swimming in human shit
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Imagine hiring a spin doctor and the best he can come up with is, "you're not a complete clown".
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Hi
@Conservatives
Is it true that you're considering both Rolf Harris and Gary Glitter for the roles of ethics minister and chief whip?
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If a human works a full time job and then has to claim social security to survive, or use for banks etc, then the system is fucked.
This isn't about political sides, this is about sense. So
@Conservatives
you've been in power 12 years. Why is this still happening?
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So, tell me if I've got this right. Johnson has spent 24mnts being world beating and getting everything right.
But now Tories are saying you need to give him time to fix the things he has broken. Even though he's been world beating and stuff?
I'm not sure this adds up.
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"Nadine Dorries announces plans to privatise ITV news" No. 10 Spokesperson.
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I vote to put
@DominicRaab
in an office with no air con during the heat wave so he can enjoy the summertime
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Breaking News: Gammons reported exploding across the country.
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I think it'll be quite sad
I'm not a monarchist, but overall I never minded the queen.
However, the media coverage is going to be fucking nauseating.
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