Sean Lowe
@SeanLowe09
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I peaked in high school. • Business Inquiries: Matt Kirschner- matt @talentresources .com
Dallas, TX
Joined June 2012
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I just drank my kid’s last apple juice & don’t feel a bit of remorse. I hope when he asks for his “juju” tomorrow, he understands it’s not there bc he doesn’t pay a single bill around here & life doesn’t always give you free handouts. He’s 20 months old, time to grow up.
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My wife bought off-brand Pop-Tarts. Sometimes I think she’s acting out on purpose. Don’t know why she’s trying to drive me away but I’m not going to budge. I’ll love her through this. This is the raw and often ugly side of marriage people don’t want to talk about.
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Want to take a moment to wish all the girls on the new season of The Bachelor good luck on their new social media careers!
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Catherine said the baby was kicking.
I crouched down next to her tummy and told the baby if he kicks his mother again, he’ll be sent to his womb.
Catherine didn’t laugh and I’m certain she regrets marrying me.
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Probably not the best Bachelor ever, but definitely the luckiest.
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My dog Ellie is 11 years old. She’s been chasing squirrels for 11 years now. To date, she’s caught zero squirrels. But every day, she casts doubt aside and chases a new squirrel in hopes of fulfilling her lifelong dream of being a squirrel hunter. May we all be more like Ellie.
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I received a fraud alert on my credit card because they thought spending $109 on cookie dough was “highly unusual”. I told them they should meet my highly unusual wife.
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Our doorbell rang and Samuel immediately yelled, “pizza!”.
How sad is that? We’ve conditioned our son to believe pizza is being delivered every time the bell rings.
It was pizza.
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Missed Bachelor? Here’s a recap of every episode ever:
Her: I have a hard time opening up.
Him: I’m different.
Her: Okay, I’ll open up.
Harrison: Take a moment, say your goodbyes.
Her(crying in limo): I’ll die alone.
Him (toasting other women): We’re going to Jamaica!
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We had a baby girl! Meet Mia Mejia Lowe (Mejia is Catherine’s family name). She’s perfect.
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My wife is mad and yelling at the TV and I’m pretty sure it’s going to ruin my night and I’d kinda like an apology from Barb for that.
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Kylie Jenner sold half of her company for $600 million today and I’m over here checking my account before getting in the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru.
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Samuel’s class sang in front of all the parents today. Samuel spotted me in the crowd right off the bat and just stared at me with this blank look the entire time everyone else sang four songs.
I love this weird kid of mine.
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This makes me incredibly sad. These beautiful lives are just as precious as anyone else's.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you"
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I hope they bring me back to give advice to the next bachelor. Not because I have any wisdom to impart, but because no one remembers me anymore and I want my 15 minutes back.
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Your soulmate is really just the person you want to watch Netflix with every night.
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I asked Catherine if we should start working on baby number three. She said, “Touch me and die.”
I love it when she plays hard to get.
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No Bachelor tonight but don’t worry- I will livestream Catherine and me making out for an hour. After the makeout, she’ll discuss her fears & instead of responding appropriately, I’ll makeout with her some more. At the end of hour 2, I’ll ask her to go home
*pending her approval
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Just went to Chick-fil-A.
After giving the girl at the counter my credit card, she said “Thank you.”
I replied, “My pleasure.”
Her head exploded.
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Meet my boy Isaiah Hendrix. Thank you Lord. And thank you to everyone who has wished mama and baby well.
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In my 20’s, I’d wait until 9:00 or 10:00 pm to go out on a Friday night. Now I’m wearing pajamas with little bears on them at 8:00 while watching The Chronicles of Narnia. And ya know what... I like it better.
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The show was over 30 mins ago and Catherine is still in the red zone. She’s talking so fast I’m not sure she’s getting air. She’s very angry. She’s telling me all the things she would have done to me in if she were Becca. I’m scared.
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The writers of The Bachelor did a great job pairing me with Catherine. Had my doubts when I first read the script, but five years later I’m starting to really like it.
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Catherine said she was never in to bad boys.
I said, “What are you talking about? I’m a bad boy.”
Catherine laughed hysterically.
Well, she’s out of town and I just used her expensive face moisturizer.
Bad boy for life.
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We’re at the airport and Samuel was just playing with my suitcase. It fell over and the handle hit him on the face and he started crying. I told him I’d spank the suitcase for being bad. He said, “No daddy, don’t spank him. He’s a good suitcase.”
The kid has a sweet heart.
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Catherine and I are having date night tonight. I’m stoked! It’s been so long since we’ve had one that I’m kind of feeling those first date jitters I had back when it was just me and her and twenty five other women.
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Don’t get everyone’s obsession with The Bachelor. It’s all scripted. Name one couple who actually got married from that show. Exactly.
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Netflix's movie selection looks like the five dollar DVD bin at Walmart.
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Sunday: Diet starts tomorrow.
Monday: Gym and salads, I can do this.
Tuesday: Feeling good.
Wednesday: I wonder if they deliver?
Thursday: It’s a cheat meal.
Friday: I should be happy with who I am.
Saturday: I hate myself.
Sunday: Diet starts tomorrow.
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There’s no way Jesus is okay with Peeps being the most popular Easter candy.
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Today's my birthday. Five years ago Catherine and I celebrated at a club in Vegas. Today, we celebrated with the kids at the IHOP near our house.
Life comes at you fast.
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My parents help us out with the kids all the time. As a big, overdue thank you, last night we told them we were taking them to Maui for a family vacation in January. My dad sends me this and says he’s packed and ready.
This is why I am the way I am.
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My wife said she was making mac and cheese tonight. I was excited. Even made a “mac and please” joke.
She tried to pass her vegan mac and cheese off as the real thing not thinking I’d notice. Trust is broken. Relationship damaged. Run it again
@LifeandStyle
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Six months ago, the vet told us she only had a few months left. Today, she’s doing great and thinks that vet is an idiot. Aging like a fine wine.
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Five years ago today, my face exploded on national TV after marrying my best friend.
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Every time Catherine and I encounter a bump in our marriage (as all married couples do), I just remind myself that our marriage is built upon the most solid of foundations- a reality TV show.
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Some of you have asked why I’m not watching the Bachelor. I’m not watching because I spend my nights feeding, bathing, changing, wiping and chasing these little creatures in my house.
And The Bachelor is responsible for all of it so I’m kinda mad at them too.
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When I was putting Samuel to bed tonight, I gave him a kiss and said, “I love you buddy.”
He looked me square in the eyes and replied, “I love Lion King.”
Goodnight, jerk.
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I just got home from a ski trip with my buddies.
While I was gone, my pregnant wife watched our toddler while working at the same time.
I told her I was sore from snowboarding all week and asked her if she’d rub my back.
There’s a good chance I get murdered tonight.
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My dad sent me this picture. He said he went to my grandpa’s house and my grandpa was wearing my old high school football jersey.
Papa told him he wears it because it makes him feel close to me.
He’s 94, WWII Vet, he loves God and his family, and coolest guy I know.
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I’ve been watching this season for a total of 15 minutes but I feel like I can safely say Pilot Pete is not the person for Madison.
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I’m going to be a father today!
For the 3rd time in 3.5 years!
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Update: I’ve quarantined myself from the rest of my family. Not because I feel ill, but because I’m tired of their crap.
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Seems like yesterday. Today, I’m up to my elbows in baby poop. Life comes at you fast. Good luck
@colton
.
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Jokingly, I told the guy at Chick-fil-A I was going to miss him tomorrow (closed on Sundays). He paused for a second and then said, “I’ll miss you too.” Now things are weird and I think I have to leave Catherine.
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We’re back at the vet today. I asked the doctor if I could donate any of my organs to extend her life a little longer and he laughed like I was joking.
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I just hope the next bachelor is sincere. Someone who is truly ready to settle down and dedicate himself to Dancing with the Stars.
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Tonight’s our first night at home as a family of four. I was getting Samuel ready for his bath as he ran into Isaiah’s room naked and peed on the floor.
Not gonna lie, not even slightly upset. Impressed with the power move. Didn’t know the kid had it in him.
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I want to address this first before anyone else does...
Catherine and I have agreed to separate.
I’ve been instructed to spend the rest of the day upstairs because she “can’t stand to look at my stupid face anymore.”
Hoping to reconcile by dinner. Will keep you posted.
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Haven’t been watching Bachelor but I’ve seen some criticism towards Pilot Pete here on Twitter. Y’all need to chill.
What you don’t realize is how serious this is for him. Just one wrong step and he could wind up married with 3 kids. Think we can all agree no one deserves that.
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Before proposing to a woman they’ve only known for a few weeks, I think the final guys on The Bachelorette should come help me scrub my kid’s diarrhea out of my living room rug just to make sure they’re serious about the whole “I want a family with you” thing.
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God is good! We had a healthy baby boy named Samuel Thomas. Thank you everyone for your prayers and support!
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Kids are at my parent’s house and I’m on a date with my wife. Still waiting on our waiter to place the rose on the table so Catherine can stare at it during dinner while wondering if I’m going to send her home or not.
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My wife has informed me that if this next baby is not a girl, we will in fact be that crazy couple who keeps having babies until she gets one.
If you guys need me, I’ll be out back punching myself in the groin today.
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I don’t get online dating. Seems unnatural. In my day, we found our wives on TV- the respectable way.
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Flight sucked. This guy next to me talked my ear off the whole time. Little too friendly for my liking.
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If Catherine were on death row and the warden asked her what she wanted for her last meal, I’m certain she’d respond, “I don’t care, what do you want?” and then reject his suggestion.
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Today I learned that Kylie Jenner is a billionaire while I’m over here shopping prices for trash bags and deodorant on Amazon.
I joined the wrong reality show.
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My wife keeps buying junk food when she knows I can’t resist.
Me: Why?
Her: If I have to be pregnant & fat, you’re going to be fat with me.
Me: That’s fair I guess.
Her: Oh, so I’m fat?
Me: Wait, what? No. You said that.
Her: But you didn’t disagree.
Dangerous times.
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Found my old Bachelor application. Totally forgot there were only 2 questions.
-Are you interested in quitting your job and selling Fit Tea from home?
-Do you want to start a podcast?
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If you’re wondering where I get my dumb sense of humor from, my dad suggested we name our second son Samuel too so we would could have a First Samuel and a Second Samuel.
That’s just good, clean biblical humor.
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Catherine and I just finished reading bedtime stories to Samuel in his room. As I was reading the books, he was sitting it Catherine’s lap, wearing his little onesie. It was one of those special moments that made me think about how much I miss going out on Friday nights.
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Stuff like this is the only reason I haven’t deleted Twitter.
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Catherine and I are coming up on four years of marriage next month. At what point does the director yell cut? I had no idea The Bachelor would last so long when I signed up.
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I asked Samuel if he was daddy’s boy or mama’s boy and he said, “Donut’s boy!” and I’ve never related to him more.
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We’re having a 3rd baby because I’m a glutton for punishment and my wife can’t keep her hands off of me.
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Catherine left for a bachelorette party this morning so it’s going to be a boys weekend at the house. Samuel is already naked, beer bonging apple juice. No way he lasts all weekend.
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Is it too late to tell Catherine I’d just rather date? I’m not big on commitment. I didn’t know that was an option.
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My wife just said, “I’m pregnant and irritable today so don’t be your normal self.”
That one stung.
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I know we’re all worried about The Bachelor and all but I have much bigger, real world concerns. My kid didn’t want to eat a cinnamon roll this morning. A CINNAMON ROLL. Son... what son?
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Secret to a good marriage: find someone you want to hang out in sweatpants with but also make out with.
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Have you seen that Apple commercial where the lady asks the young girl next door what she’s doing on her computer and the girl looks up from her iPad and asks, “What’s a computer?”
Don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone, but she’s close.
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Catherine asked Samuel what color his arm is and he said brown. She asked him what color her arm is and he said brown again. So then I asked him what color my arm is and he had the nerve to say pink. PINK. Even my kid is making fun of my inability to tan.
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Catherine: I am so freaking full.
Me: So no dessert?
Catherine: Of course I’m getting dessert.
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My favorite alternative to doing cardio is convincing myself I’m perfect just the way I am.
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I just judged a mac and cheese contest for charity and it was the single greatest experience of my life. Wedding and birth of my child are a very distant second place.
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Hardest part about going on vacation is trying to explain to your dog that you would take her if you could but you can’t and you’re sorry but you’ll be back soon and you love her so much.
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We’re having a baby today! When the nurse at the front desk asked for our insurance card, I told her I also had a half off coupon and now I get to sit in the waiting room during the birth!
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I’m taking a little road trip to Oklahoma City this morning with Catherine.
I was excited to spend time with my wife without being interrupted by kids.
She opens the car door and puts her purse on the seat.
I ask why she’s brought tortillas.
She’s now wearing headphones.
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If you’re single and looking to get married, I’d suggest going on The Bachelor.
You probably won’t find a spouse but you’ll wind up selling stuff on the internet and that’s cool too.
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I’ve been eating clean and working out the last couple of weeks. I was excited to tell Catherine that I’ve dropped 5 pounds.
Did you know- pregnant women aren’t crazy about hearing about your amazing weight loss stories. I do now.
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Catherine shouted, “Did you tell Samuel he could have chocolate?” She was mad.
Samuel ate a Reese’s Cup after she told him not to. He told her I said it was OK- I didn’t.
He stared at me, eyes begging for mercy.
I said no.
I’ve never felt like such a dirty snitch in my life.
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Yesterday was an amazing day for so many reasons but mainly because Ellie celebrated her 13th birthday after the vet said she only had a couple months left back in May. My eldest and favorite. Here’s to another 13!
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Catherine is feeding Isaiah as I watch the game. I told her I heard her breastaurant was rated highly on Yelp.
I get to watch TV upstairs now.
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Apparently, “It was seven years ago,” is not a valid defense in my house and I’m still an idiot.
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Apparently I lost 20k followers because they were all bots. I’m kinda worried they were the only ones liking my tweets and I’m about to discover my wife has been right all along and I’m not as funny as I think I am.
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My wife has been binging Love is Blind on Netflix. I don’t get it. What kind of losers need a silly TV show to find love?
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There are two types of people in this world- dog people and terrible people.
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Toughest day for a parent is the day you sit your kids down and explain to them that they’re the byproduct of a reality TV show.
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Never a good idea to mention the other woman during your proposal. But what do I know?
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