Raanan Hershberg
@Raanancomedy
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Following
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Watch my new special BRAVE for free on YouTube 👇👇👇
New York, USA
Joined April 2011
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Thanks to everyone who watched the premiere of my new special BRAVE! What an awesome night. You can now watch the special ANYTIME at the link in the comments. Please like, comment, and share with friends. Thank you so much!!!
#standupcomedy
#jokes
#haha
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Now that OJ Simpson is dead get ready for the woke police to dig into his past to find out something shady he did
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Hilarious that some people think the vaccine is for ‘sheep’, and then will take Ivermectin, which is actually for sheep
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I love how the CDC still gives recommendations for unvaccinated people.
For those who have never listened to a single thing we’ve said, here’s what you can do…
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Russel Brand getting Me Too’d this week is like when an old celebrity dies and you’re like ‘I thought he died two years ago’
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Tested positive for Covid and have been lying in bed for the last couple of days feeling weak and tired and depressed. So the good news is I’m asymptomatic.
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I’m not surprised. Poor people have always been at a higher risk of getting Covid.
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.
@TimJDillon
makes me laugh like no other.
Tim Dillon can fix The View… 😳
The pandemic profiteers are finally together.
@timjdillon
is on
@Flagrant2Army
pod today. INDULGE!
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crazy that a lot of right wing christians don’t believe in climate change when there’s a pretty famous story in the bible about the dangers of not listening to someone who says a flood is coming
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New bit about bathrooms!
Subscribe to my mailing list for discounts and alerts for upcoming shows in your city (link in comments)
#standup
#haha
#transgender
#LGBTQ
#bathrooms
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This is the first Pandemic that people openly admitted enjoying. No one was like ‘you know the bubonic plague really gave me a lot of time to work on myself’.
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People say ‘In the Heights’ isn’t accurate but seeing a bunch of Broadway actors bursting into song in Washington Heights is one of the more honest depictions of gentrification I have ever seen
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If you meet up with a woman and you’re not sure if it’s a date, you can usually tell by how they dressed. I recently had dinner with a woman wearing pajama pants, no make up, and a big hoodie that said ‘I do not want to fuck you’ on it.
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Mom: great job on Fallon. You got a lot of laughs for it being limited capacity.
Me: it wasn’t limited capacity.
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Me rewatching an 80’s comedy: I wonder if this hilarious movie from my childhood holds up.
Opening Scene: 12 nerds in blackface gang rape a woman.
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I don’t want to victim blame, but I feel like Eva Braun ignored a lot of red flags when it came to Hitler.
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My Mom just now: the 2 Hitchcock movies I’ll never forget are Rear Window and Dial M for Window
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The shooter was Muslim which begs the question: was it terrorism or has he just successfully assimilated to American culture?
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Seasonal Affective Disorder is amateur hour. Be depressed all year like a fucking adult.
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I love how Trump is extremely open about turning America into a dictatorship and still everyone is like 'but the other guy is really, really old, this is an impossible choice'
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Saw a kid at a ‘Free Palestine’ rally say Jews should go back where they came from.
They did.
That’s the whole conflict.
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This is so crazy. A Brooklyn comedian actually killing
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Writing a movie about how when Wile E Coyote was a kid he watched his mother get raped by roadrunners. It’s gonna really put the whole show in perspective.
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A woman wasn’t wearing a mask at the gym and I was the only one with the fucking balls to go up to an employee and tell on her
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The young people on TikTok are so annoying it makes me kind of glad Climate Change has robbed them of a future
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Whenever I see a white comic sound like a black comic I'm like who do you think are, an Indian comic?
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Here’s my set from last night on James Corden. Thanks again for all the likes, shares, and messages. It means the world.
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It’s like watching The French Revolution re-enacted by Carnival Cruise passengers
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Saying you’re Queer at a Brooklyn show is not brave. What’s brave there is admitting you’re almost 40.
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First a Pandemic that kills millions, then a 99-year-old woman dies peacefully after a long and successful career. When will the suffering end?
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I'm not saying the U.S. has hit rock bottom yet but it's def not a good sign that when you see someone wearing an American flag on their clothes you just assume they're an asshole.
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Can we please stop making comedies where every single character in the movie talks like they have their own personal Comedy Central Roast Writing Staff
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One time I called to ask my Mom for money and when she answered she said “Raanan, you remembered.”
And I said “Um…Happy Mother’s Day?”
And she said thank you.
That day was today.
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Just got an email from Planet Fitness saying they will be regularly cleaning the machines. This is truly the end of times.
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If a comedian is just saying what everyone else is thinking then they’re not that good.
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New Video of Chris Rock Forgiving Jimmy Fallon turns out to be Fallon in Blackface Yet Again
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People love to talk about how selfish the characters in Seinfeld are despite Jerry showing a level of generosity to his neighbor unparalleled in the history of New York
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It's hard to hate Antisemites because, unlike my Mom, they have complete faith I'm going to make money in my career
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What ultimately concerns me the most about comedians relying more and more on social media algorithms to get a following is that it’s not working for me
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Ethical question: Is it morally wrong for me to be secretly doing the homework of the high school student I’m dating?
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The only way I would ever even THINK about going on Joe Rogan’s podcast is if he asked me
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Just my luck to be fat in the only era where it’s not a symbol of status and wealth
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The entire premise of City Slickers is ‘what if a Jew got on a horse?’
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I feel so bad for Ken Jeong and Robin Thicke. One minute you’re judging celebrities singing in giant animal costumes, and the next you lose your integrity.
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Clarence Thomas won't stop until he makes his marriage illegal
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All the greatest comedians were mainly known for their crowd work clips. Who can forget the classic George Carlin bit where he asks how long two people have been married in the front row and the husband gets the year wrong. Or Richard Pryor making fun of someone's weird laugh.
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The true miracle of Easter is that someone could come back so soon after being canceled.
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don't want to brag but i almost have as many followers as a hot girl who started comedy 2 weeks ago
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I’m sorry for the loss of Matthew Perry, but it’s still important to remember how problematic the show Friends was, as it perpetuated the very harmful illusion that hot people are funny.
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Can't wait till Kanye watches Jonah Hill in 'You People' and goes back to being antisemitic
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Serious question: I found a book about a kid raised by two Dads in my son's bullet proof backpack. Apparently he was reading it during a 3 hour school shooting drill the other day. I'm worried it will mess him up. Am I right to worry?
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I’m so inundated by comic book movies that the other day I referred to Mein Kampf as Hitler’s Origin Story.
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The Oscars were like ‘sorry Zelensky, we’d love to invite you but we already have a comedian being attacked by a megalomaniac on the show’
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I do the elliptical for 20 minutes every day and a trainer just explained that I’m essentially doing a warm up exercise and then immediately leaving the gym
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I'm on a Delta flight and there's coughing all around me. It's like being on a Magic School Bus Ride inside the Variant.
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If Jews control everything then I should be much farther along in my career
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I’m not saying God is Jewish but Hanukkah went without a glitch this year
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Hey I just wanted to say thanks to the guy at my show
@tacomacomedy
today who, when asked to leave, put a security guard in a choke hold, and needed 5 people to drag him out. My jokes on why abortion is important landed a lot better after your demonstration.
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Pretty grateful to be on the 'not dying' side of the culture war
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Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for your next comedian? You know them from their hot pictures on Instagram, their tweets that aren’t attempting to be funny, and their interesting, unique background
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A joke from my set on
@FallonTonight
yesterday. You can watch the full video on YouTube (link in comments!). Would love for you to leave a nice comment, give it a share. Thanks everyone! It was so much fun.
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The funniest thing about the term woke is that it was culturally appropriated from black people
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SUPER EXCITED to announce I'll be recording a NEW SPECIAL
@ComedyCellarUSA
on Tuesday, Dec. 21st at 8 and 10 pm. Reserve your TICKETS now (link in Comments!). It's gonna be the event of the century. I'm trying to be confident for the first time- is it working?
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“Getting rejected from art school can really suck”- Sheriff in Atlanta explaining the Holocaust.
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Grammar seems to be the only type of Nazi Trump isn't influenced by
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Turns out the big difference between Bill Cosby and Justice is only Cosby is blind
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Comedy is hard. Sometimes you think you've written a killer joke but then it turns out to just be a racist diatribe at a KKK Rally.
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I admit Biden isn't great.
After Trump this country really needed an F.D.R. type President and the closest we got is someone who also has trouble walking.
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I'm not saying young people don't understand comedy, but literally every video I have uploaded to TikTok of me telling jokes into a microphone to people laughing has a bunch of comments asking if I'm serious.
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So excited to announce my new album 'Downhill Ever Since' is out right now. Give it a listen and spread the word. I'm actually proud of it, which is something I rarely feel. Thank you!
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I'll take Katt Williams' bitter, paranoid ramblings over Kevin Hart's positive affirmation tweets any day.
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Right Wing Christians: The Apocalypse is Coming.
Everyone else: Yes, it's called Climate Cha-.
Right Wing Christians: No, no, not that one. A different one.
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Cuomo’s such a narcissist I’m surprised his resignation speech wasn’t just ‘Thanks to me, we now have New York’s first female governor!’
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Once in my 20’s I cheated and I felt so guilty I confessed it to my girlfriend and she looked into my eyes with a sorrowful expression and said something that still haunts me to this day:
“I’m not your girlfriend.”
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Thanks to everyone whose watched the Special so far (link in Comments). We are almost at 17K views in a day & a half which is awesome. If you haven't watched it yet, you're Antisemitic. But you can change all that this weekend! Would love 4 you to watch, subscribe, & share!
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Comedy has literally been reduced to just the cancelling part
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I figured out what’s so annoying about Aaron Sorkin: he writes every line like it’s going to be in the preview
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Excited to announce that I am working on a solo show about dealing with the grief from my Grandma's death. Right now it's still in the early stages, by which I mean I've just hired the hit man, but I can't wait for you to see it.
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My friend complained Cruella did not address the racism/sexism of the time period but to be fair it would be a little awkward if the movie was like 'the 70's were a very oppressive time for black people, women, and most importantly...Dalmatians'.
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Jews have a lot of range. We’re either super cautious about Covid or dancing indoors at weddings 5 times a week.
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Thanks so much to everyone whose watched my special so far (link in Comments!) We’re at 30K views in only a couple days which-
for someone with one of the hardest names to spell when searching for- is pretty sweet.
#standupcomedy
#jokes
#haha
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Call me an optimist, but I truly believe we can find room in our hearts to hate both Hamas and Netanyahu.
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"So wait now crowd work clips are cool?"
- Michael Richards
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My new special ‘Jokes from the Underground’ premieres on YouTube on Sept. 14th. Subscribe to my channel now- link in bio.
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You think you have it hard in comedy?
Try being a fat guy whose brand isn't 'fun drunk'
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Pre-flight Announcement: at this time, please insure that your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright and locked position.
Pre-Greyhound Bus Announcement:
Anyone caught smoking crack will get two warnings and then be asked to leave.
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How do you tell the difference between Long Covid and being 37?
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Before comedy I worked for the Census Bureau but then I quit because I was so sick of asking strangers their occupation and relationship status and that's literally all stand up is now.
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I’m not saying comedians are mentally ill but five years ago face-fronting videos were done exclusively by mass murderers before a rampage
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Proof of vaccination! What next? I have to tell people before I have sex with them that I have Herpes?
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