Myrna Tellingheusen
@PearlsFromMyrna
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NOW ON MASTODON @[email protected] Retired executive secretary for Mr. Stanley Bogenshoots, Senior Vice President at Hughes Aircraft.
Vaca Muerta Estates
Joined September 2015
The outburst I had at JoAnn’s Fabrics is not reflective of who I am.
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Gender reveal parties are also IQ reveal parties.
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Dear Graduating Ladies,. Never let a millionaire who isn’t even 30 lecture you about “staying in your lane.”. Hop in your Buick, put on that turn signal, and merge onto your own highway. Sincerely, .Aunt Myrna.
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I will not plant my begonias until I find out where that 23-ton rocket will crash land.
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MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT! My official Myrna Tellingheusen Digital Trading Card collection is here! These limited edition cards feature amazing ART of my life & career as executive secretary to Stanley Bogenshoots at Hughes Aircraft! Only $99 each! Would make a Christmas gift.
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Some man called me to ask if he could tweet on my account but I said no.
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If the Twitter goes away l will resume my outbursts at JoAnn Fabrics.
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DO I HAVE TO TURN THIS BUICK AROUND AND RUN THE COUNTRY MYSELF.
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You haven’t lived until you’ve slammed down a rotary phone.
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Though it takes extra effort, I clip my coupons with scallop-edge scissors to bring extra cheer to the Kohl's cashiers. GivingBack#.
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Lois has had Covid since 1972. I know this because she’s never had taste.
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Fran called. She cracked her television monitor with a fly swatter.
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I do not know what Coachella is, but I hope they find a cure soon.
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The road to Hell is paved with boxed stuffing mix.
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I'm starting my fourth (4th) spiral notebook of people who have wronged me.
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Parked in front of the Cheesecake Factory, reminiscing.
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⛪️ Dear Christmas Eve Celebrants,. THERE WILL BE NO SEAT-SAVING FOR YOUR TARDY HEATHEN FRIENDS. Blessings,.Myrna.
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People would be a lot less angry if they just put more butter on everything.
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I feel disappointed when obituaries don't include the cause of death.
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Twitter people act as if they’ve never seen mittens and sensible parkas before.
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Here comes Helen with her last-minute CVS endcap gift.
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Single-ply is what happens when men are left to make important decisions.
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Bernice wore her new yellow shoes to church yesterday. She had neither the decency nor the self-restraint to save them for Easter.
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I wore my blue velour jogging suit to Sunrise Bible Study to let everyone know whom they’re dealing with.
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Dear Young People,. I don’t “throw shade.”. I launch it. MT.
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I don’t care for the aesthetics of this particular Kohl’s.
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I’m still not over Bob Barker leaving The Price Is Right.
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It's the official campaign season, and Darlene Van der Pooten is going down! Myrna2020HOA#
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I like stackable things, like Tupperware and grudges.
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I never thought I’d have to add the US Postal Service to my prayer list. But here we are.
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When you lose good people, carry their torches.
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Miracle Whip is the Devil’s condiment. There. I said it.
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Beto, Keto, Paleo—I can't even keep track of all these fad diets.
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I did not drive all the way to The Cheesecake Factory to share a dessert, Helen.
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I am now carrying salad tongs to push elevator buttons.
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With my advancing age, I like to keep my mind active by plotting revenge.
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Dear Chris Wallace,. In the future, you are welcome to borrow my air horn.
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Just sitting here watching my Kohl’s cash expire.
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If a man can wear loud golf pants in public he can certainly wear a mask.
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We would literally be a stronger nation if more people mashed their own potatoes.
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For the love of God clean your toaster crumb tray.
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During the virtual book club meeting, I saw my missing Pyrex lid on Helen’s counter. 😡.
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It is NOT time for Christmas cookies. I will announce when it is time for Christmas cookies, and now is not the time.
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Update:. The “Brazilian Wax” store was not a boutique candle shop. That’s all I’m going to say.
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I preferred “meta” when it was attached to “mucil.”.
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I have carefully color-matched my appliances in avocado green. I will not apologize for my high aesthetic standards.
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Dear Young People,. It's time to "vibe check" your elders. Use your computer wizardry to help sign them up for vaccines on the online. Try their county health departments. Grandma's landline isn't cracking it now, sweeties. Love,.Aunt Myrna. 🍪🍪🍪.
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Reminder: Now is the time to change out your seasonal dish towels to less Christmas-theme. cc: Margaret.
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We may disagree on many things, but everyone loves tater-tots.
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Cast-iron is good for two (2) things. —cornbread .—self defense.
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I’m still recovering from finding suds on my decorative seashell soaps.
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I will not open my recipe files until l’m certain that balloon is gone.
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I don’t need oven mitts. I have an excellent immune system.
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In honor of Burt Reynolds, Lyle has rented “Deliverance” for me and Fran to watch. Lyle says it’s a “romantic comedy with a twist.”. GIRLSNIGHT# POPCORN#.
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Never trust a man who smells like livestock medication.
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My friendship with Eleanor became strained the day she used my Reader’s Digest as a coaster.
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Margaret wore ankle weights during this morning’s mall walk. She always has to make a spectacle of herself.
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THIS “I Voted” STICKER BETTER NOT LEAVE A STICKY RESIDUE ON MY CARDIGAN.
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Fran called. She wants to buy up all the Tic Tacs before they are banned.
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January. I’m expecting a larger mall walking crowd tomorrow so I’m practicing my Pope slap.
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We also need an emergency distribution of common sense.
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If you can’t walk three (3) laps around the mall without succumbing to the siren call of Cinnabon, then maybe mall walking is not the sport for you. cc: Barb.
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I do not lose my temper. I know exactly where it is all the time.
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I'm now wearing my whistle around my neck so I can blow it whenever someone comes within six (6) feet of me.
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If Mr. Alec Baldwin ever tries to take my Walgreens’ parking space, I secretly will be thinking “Bring it on big man.”.
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I learned long ago there’s no such thing as an honor system. Decorative hand towels always wind up damp.
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Lyle said the (F-word) right in front of my Precious Moments curio cabinet.
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Say NO to pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again!.🇺🇸.
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Fran called. She said she felt the earth shake while Mitch the Maintenance Man was checking her plumbing. I asked her not to say this again.
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I am a lady. I call it Heckmann’s Mayonnaise.
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I can tell it’s a big football sport weekend by the grocery stores’ Velveeta towers.
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I did not join the Senior Center to hear about your pickle ball injuries.
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This explains the fuchsia shortage at JoAnn Fabrics.
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If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you bananas, make banana bread. If life gives you another fruit, maybe it’s time to ask difficult questions about your life.
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I carry a whistle to the grocery store in case someone violates the sanctity of the "15 Items Or Less" lane.
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The crumb tray in your toaster is full, isn’t it?.
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Whatever is going on with the Royal family had better not decrease the value of my Franklin Mint Princess Diana plates.
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