Pat Rothfuss
@PatrickRothfuss
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Following
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17,265
Manic Pixie Dream Hobo. Iconoclast. He/Him
Wisconsin
Joined February 2012
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गुरु पूर्णिमा
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가요대전
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Dangote
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Pinned Tweet
Whenever you start to question your own artistic choices, just remember: Picasso drew a butt.
http://t.co/vAg02FBNsN
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Just in case anyone was wondering, "I hope you don't die before you write that book I want to read" isn't actually a compliment.
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Hey there everybody,
It's really easy to be hard on yourself this time of year.
If you're tempted to do that, I'd like you to know that I just spent 15 minutes trying, and failing, to find maple syrup in a grocery store. In Canada.
You're doing great. You are loved.
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If you don't vote, you're not a rebel. You're *part* of the system.
Not voting says: "I'm fine with the state of this country right now."
And hear my words: If you're okay with this country right now, you are either woefully uninformed, or monstrously evil.
Vote.
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*In the airport, TSA guy gives my groin a solid frisk*
TSA guy: (gesturing) Do you have anything there?
Me: Oh yes.
*Guy stares at me*
Me: Oh. You mean other than, like... my dick?
Guy: I'm going to go over the area again.
Me: I don't blame you, it's pretty great.
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Hey
@realDonaldTrump
,
Your policies have greatly angered me, so I have summoned a powerful dragon. As proof of its existence, I have commanded it to begin eating the moon.
Resign at once, or I will command it to destroy you.
Sincerely yours,
Pat Rothfuss (Wizard)
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It is traditional to give flowers, but there are no flowers in winter.
Instead, I, your Winter Boyfriend, bring wood that I have cut for our fire. My love for you is not decorative, it is purposeful and solid. It will keep you safe and warm through the dark hours of the night.
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I feel attacked.
|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
FINISH THAT BOOK
YOU'VE BEEN MEANING
TO FINISH ALREADY
|＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿__＿|
\ (•◡•) /
\ /
---
| |
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For the record, I'm still angry they canceled Firefly.
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When I grow up, I want to be Moana's grandma. But I'm worried I'm going to spend my whole life as Moana's dad....
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The Doors of Stone.
You’re on a first date with someone, and they tell you the name of their favorite book. You immediately leave. What’s the book?
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Today I will do my best to love the people around me and not be afraid.
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Writing a novel is like having sex. I'm really good at it, and everyone is constantly asking me to do it again.
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Can I write the entirety of book three as a series of bulleted lists?
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Sorry about that previous re-tweet. I thought it was just cool fanart, not someone selling NFT's.
To be clear: Fuck NFT's.
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He's a 7, but he's an innkeeper with severe emotional damage and you can't tell whether or not he's in a relationship with his hot assistant.
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I just shut down Firefox in a way it didn't like, and lost all my open tabs.
There were at least 40 of them, many had been open for more than a year...
Half of me feels like my house just burned down.
The other half is looking around, thinking: "Free. Finally. I'm free."
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Me to my children: You know how before you throw up you feel really bad? But *after* you throw up you feel really good?
Them: Nodding.
Me: Crying is like throwing up, but for your heart.
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My son: *Incessant prattling about Pokemon*
Me: [interupting] Which Pokemon would taste the best?
Him: ...
Me: I think Bulbasaur.
Him: ...
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Flame. Thunder. Broken tree.
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This.
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I have no idea to do this.
How on earth do I just *mention* I'm working with
@Lin_Manuel
on adapting Kingkiller?
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I'm out at the bar tonight, trying my best to be drunk and sullen and bitter, then look at what someone gives me...
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I, your Winter Boyfriend, have ventured forth to bring you coffee.
This drink and I are much alike: dark and bitter, but also warm and willing to lend you our strength that you might persevere on this chill and slate-grey day.
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Well folks, it's release day for the new novella: The Narrow Road Between Desires.
To celebrate, I'm posting up an interview with Nate Taylor (
@MajorSheep
) who did more 40+ illustrations for the book.
Link:
Share and Enjoy...
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Any room can be a panic room if you just try hard enough.
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Well shit. I just cried at a commercial. I'm becoming my mom.
Which is just about the best thing I could hope for in the long run, really.
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I, your Winter Boyfriend, would like to remind you that it is always Winter somewhere...
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I, your Winter Boyfriend, hope you are continuing well through this dark season.
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My two boys (ages 6 and 10) just burst into an impromptu duet of Katy Perry's Roar.
Toxic masculinity is dead and they are covered in glitter and dancing while shoveling dirt into its open grave.
#Ootsays
#CutieSays
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Oh my God. I'm watching Scott Pilgrim vs. The World for the first time.
I'm... I'm kind of having a lot of feelings here.
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I, your Birthday Boyfriend, wish you the best on this most felicitous of days.
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"Once there was a boy who wanted to get into a library, but he couldn't get into the library, but then he played some music instead, and had trouble, but then it was okay and everyone liked it. Also he got an extra shirt. The end."
^ The best summary of my book I've ever done.
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For the record: I will *not* be using my vast wealth to spend roughly 8 minutes in space.
It's not that I'm uninterested in the experience, it's that I abhor inefficiency.
So I'm spending 17 bucks, drinking a liter of Fireball Whisky, then spinning around in my yard til I puke.
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*whispering* psssst. everyone. check it out.
Neil Gaiman thinks I'm fancy.
shhhhh. shhhhhhhhh. be cool. everyone just be cool.
@PatrickRothfuss
You are fancy now. But you were doing smart things when you weren't Pat Rothfuss, as it were.
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Just took a drink and there was something in my mouth and I was sure it was a spider.
The relief of discovering I *didn't* have a spider in my mouth was AMAZING.
So remember, no matter what shitty thing happens today, you don't have a spider in your mouth.
And that's great.
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I, your Winter Boyfriend, am having a difficult day.
I want to be honest with you about that. Even archetypes can feel hopeless and scared.
If you have desperate need, call upon me. Barring that I will keep to myself and tend my heart, so tomorrow I can better care for yours.
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You folk hating on The Doctor today disgust me.
*I've* been pissed since they *named* the show. It should be Doctor Whom.
#DoctorWho
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I'll admit, I didn't expect to stumble onto this tonight....
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I'm thinking of starting a podcast where all I do is eat chips and cry.
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I'm not a violent man, but if
#CreatorClash
opens up a bracket for authors, I'd consider it.
I'm currently Season 2 Uncle Iroh, but with a 6 months run-up, I'm pretty confident I could hit more of a Season 3 vibe.
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A lot of fledgling authors ask me the best way to find their voice.
I always tell them the same thing: Where's the last place you remember having your voice? Have you looked there?
If your voice isn't where you last saw it, then you should look in the pockets of your coat.
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I just spelled the word bourgeoisie so badly that my computer crashed.
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We are all so terribly broken. So shattered and fractured and wonderful and strange.
Take care of yourselves. Do your best. Make good choices.
#MentalHealthDay
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Today I woke up at 6 am. Just now finished my final meeting.
I wrote over 1500 words of fiction, a piece of comic script, some blog. I did art direction, laundry, bought part of a business, and talked to people in six states.
This must be what it feels like to be
@Lin_Manuel
.
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Honestly? I'm not great tonight.
But I'm coping. Doing my best
Its okay to not be okay sometimes.
#MentalHealthDay
@PatrickRothfuss
You ok tonight Pat?
You’re one of the good ones. We all need your beautiful presence in this world.
Take care of yourself.
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Still you doubt me?
Wretch! Gaze upon the night sky, inky as your own black heart, and you will see that all I have foretold is coming to pass!
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I'm seeing a lot of talk about free speech today, but oddly *not* seeing this
@xkcdComic
, which sums things up really well:
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He's a 9, but he won't shut up about that one time he fucked a faery.
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I haven't had any coffee since Christmas.
In unrelated news, love isn't real, colors don't exist, and god is dead.
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I, your Winter boyfriend, would like you to know that my love for you is vast and deep as the snow that wraps and blankets the land.
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I have been hearing folk say that much like winter itself, I am dark and grim.
But I, your Winter Boyfriend, would like to reassure you that I am not without my lighter side. Behold! I have donned a whimsical hat for the purpose of amusing you.
#WinterBoyfriend
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I, your Winter Boyfriend, can feel the world turning beneath me. The wind is warmer. Icicles fall from the eves, and the sky is no longer the color of slate.
Things are changing. I fear my season is coming to an end.
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FOOL! YOUR FAILURE TO APPEASE ME HAS INVOKED MY DARK ASPECT!
WITNESS AS MY WRATH AND POWER ACT IN CONCERT AND THE MOON IS MADE LIKE UNTO BLOOD!
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I just returned a bag of mini Reese's peanut butter cups to the cupboard, unopened, and ate some dried apricots instead.
I'm not saying I deserve a medal or anything, but a sticker or something would be nice....
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If I live a thousand years, I'll never write a book as good as Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik.
@naominovik
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In the last 24 hour hours I've gone from not knowing who Donald Glover is, to being a semi-obsessed fanboi.
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Writing a novel is like having sex. I thought I'd be able to do it three times in a row, but...
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She's a 10 but If you have sex with her you go crazy and die.
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Thanks for taking the time to turn someone else's announcement of good news into an excuse to be shitty to me on twitter.
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My seven-year-old leans over the bathtub, into which he has just violently puked a mix of apple juice, pickles, and soup.
With slow, deadly earnestness, only slightly tinged with of self-pity, he says: "I'm really unhappy with how my life is going right now."
#CutieSays
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Dear
#VoxMachina
,
I never said I'd give the displacer cloak back.
Sincerely,
Kerr
#CriticalRole
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Interesting correlations noted when I started blocking folk for being anti-mask and dicks about book 3.
To a man, their feeds showed evidence they were bigots, bullies, homophobes, misogynists... even a flat-earther.
And when I say, "To a man" I mean literally. All men.
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Nightcake is the name of my solo project.
(I am literally just eating cake.)
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Can I take, "Things that will get you blocked if you tweet them to Pat Rothfuss for $200, Alex?"
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I don't think it's really going to feel like my birthday until I've had way more caffeine than this...
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The Rick and Morty comic I've been tinkering on for months is finally out today.
It's nice to finally hold it in my hands.
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People ask me, "Why do you live in small town Wisconsin?"
There are many reasons, but one is this:
I just bought a gin and tonic for $2.75
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My four-year-old son held up this oddly shaped piece of wood to me and said:
"Dad. This is the key of Despair. It can open any lock."
He handed it to me.
"It's for you. You need it."
#CutieSays
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It's time for another round of my favorite game: Do I Hate Everything, Or Am I Just In An Airport?
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I'm not saying I'm wearing thin, but I did just walk blankley into a room and then started to put on a shirt over my regular shirt for no reason I can think of.
#twoshirts
#burnout
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I, your Winter Boyfriend, would like to make you a drink that will warm you on this cold, dark night.
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If you're looking to get blocked for being an entitled, self-absorbed, tone-deaf fuckwit, today's the day. Queue up.
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It's the last day of the fundraiser, and I, your Winter Boyfriend, aim to misbehave.
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Heya folks, Tune in at 1:00 (Central Time) for Pat's live announcement of his new upcoming novella...
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In the interest of full disclosure, I feel obliged to mention that I still might disappoint you if you even if you show up early.
We are delighted to announce that
@PatrickRothfuss
will be signing copies of his books this Sunday 11th August at
@ForbiddenPlanet
's London Megastore, 1pm - 2pm only. Please arrive early to avoid disppointment. More info here >>>
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Today at my son's school they had to dress up as a character from a book, or the author of a book.
Can anyone guess who he went as?
#OotSays
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I'm a big fan of Trans Rights.👋
Raise your hand if you support trans rights.
Shout it.
Don't let the awful people think they're winning.
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Just ran into the following quote:
"We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry."
Wish I'd heard and internalized that *long* ago.
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No woman will ever love me as much as my children love buttered noodles.
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I haven't thought this a lot lately, but sometimes it's still true:
How lucky we are to be alive right now.
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