Tofu Tomato 🍅
@oluwatofunmii_
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Asking if the folks @lottielabhq can see my screen | Baby Coco Gauff 🎾 | What would Mellie Grant do? | Views are yours. 🐦🔥✨
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Joined July 2011
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I’ve been thinking about this babe on TikTok who said she knew it was time to end things with her boyfriend because he said/did something and she thought ‘my future husband wouldn’t say that to me, wouldn’t speak to me like that, that’s not the love story I want to tell my kids’.
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How do you advertise skincare products with a full face of makeup?
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I applied for a job, got rejected and you added me to your mailing list. Are you mad??
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And I think this is a way to see whatever situation you’re in from the outside. Is it a story you can tell without feeling embarrassed?
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This is NOT a sign for you. 🫵🏾
Us reconnecting after a really painful breakup, telling each other we love each other (still 😅) a few weeks in, then eventually getting engaged a year ago, and 5 days later getting married will definitely always be my favourite love story. God restored and I’m grateful. 💙
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There are men who will buy you vitamins and send flowers. It doesn’t *always* have to be one or the other.
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I hope all the women who love flowers meet men who love to send flowers. The rest of you can find yourselves. Win-win for everyone.
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Jo Malone paid people in NY to carry empty branded shopping bags to spark FOMO. Red Bull littered bins outside clubs with empty cans, so people would think that’s what was sold in the clubs.
It’s called Walking The Dog Marketing, and I’m intrigued.
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‘Come with me to go vote’
‘A day in my life as a first time voter’
‘GRWM: Election Day edition’
‘Story time: How election went in my polling unit’
Nigerian TikTok is going to be on fire this weekend.
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Look at us demanding for change. Indomie generation, Big Brother generation, ‘it’s only phone they know’ generation, ‘bad gang’ generation. 😍😍. Love to see it.
#SarsMustEnd
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‘Bobo yen o funny naw. He has never made me laugh in my life’.
Get ready to laugh out loud with
@AYCOMEDIAN
's first-ever stand-up special on Netflix! Coming tomorrow, May 5 🎙️
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Only Nikos Living
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Gbagada/Bariga/Somolu confuses me. You can be on a street in Somolu and your next left is in Gbagada and your next right is in Bariga. Take another turn and you’re back in Somolu.
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If I catch better days ahead, I go hold am for neck.
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We talk a lot about this thing but this is actually unfair and scary. We have a generation of children who are not eating well because of Buhari’s economy.
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We said this is the year for lovers and yearners. I’m glad a lot of people are taking it seriously. To loving and yearning! 🍾🥂💞
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Okay and? I’m on probation, you too are on probation. 2 ge four.
Soon, we should talk about how employees ditch their employers for better offers less than 2 months after resumption too.
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The Lagosification of Nigerian data.
Chowdeck, Jumia food, Glovo, Ubereats. Access to junk food has never been easier in Nigeria. There is a high chance that we would approach the UK level of overweight and obesity(about 63% of the population) in 5-10years time. We are currently at 42% FYI.
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If Paul were still alive, he would have written to RCCG a million times. There’s something wrong with your church when corrupt politicians feel comfortable going there because they know there’s nobody to confront them. Every shady politician has some connection with you. Ahn ahn.
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In this in one tweet, you’ve called the reason for their behaviour a big lie. You’ve said they’re cowards who lack communication skills. You’ve preemptively assumed that they’ll apologize in cowardice. You still don’t see why people don’t want to confront you?
I actually really dislike non-confrontational people because of their lack of good communication skills and how manipulative they can be. They’ll tell you they’re not confrontational because they don’t like wahala but it’s a big lie. They’re cowards who don’t like to face issues
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You’re a supporter of someone who asked ‘where are the bodies?’ but you’re also tweeting ‘we’ll never forget’.
You’re sick. You’re very sick.
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People have been asking the church to take a stand all weekend against thuggery and tribalism.
Radio silence.
People announce they’re leaving the church. They suddenly found their voice to tell them they’re not important. LOL.
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Do you know how hard it is to get people to do the job they’re being paid for?
Project manager is such a fraudulent job. Lmaoooo your job description is to make sure other people do their job. I'm sorry but that's just a made up role for niggas to earn bar.
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Sharon’s stylist used 100% of their brain. All her outfits ate down. 10/10, no notes. 💕
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Do you guys know what this means? GRV can win Lagos!
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This is a Nigerian small business you’re making fun of for ‘content’.
And the shoes are cute, you’re just unfashionable.
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‘I hate this cooking conversation’.
‘Feminists should talk about something else asides cooking’
A thread of men killing their wives over food. 🙏🏾
1. Enugu man allegedly kills pregnant wife over food
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This ‘flu’ everybody is coming down with is the omigbona variant abi?
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There’s the acknowledgment that you’re an adult—‘agba’ but you’re an agba-iya - an unfortunate adult, an utterly useless and pathetic adult.
Yoruba people snapped with the word Agbaya. A truly perfect adjective.
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‘Asake spends 1b in club’
‘Ooni wears 50kg crown’
Do we have issues conceptualizing numbers? Do you know what 50kg is???
Ooni Of Ife putting on the sacred crown “Ade Aare”. It weighs over 50kg and it is the first ever crown in Yoruba land.
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I’m a simple girl. I see a video of Yul and July Edochie, and I scroll pass.
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Stop naw. You know why we’re taking the heat. It’s not about the presidential election. It’s about the gubernatorial election in Lagos state. We’re too old to be lying to ourselves naw. A ti dagba naw. Agbalagba ni wa naw. We can’t keep being dishonest about these conversations.
Yorubas voted for Obi sha, I don’t know why na Yorubas dey take the heat.
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Sunmi bought a cake and a new phone for Todowede with his 1k daily stipend from the bakery.
If he wants to, he would. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
#BreadedLife
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National Bureau of Oriburuku Statistics.
90% of Nigerian ladies including married women and single mothers are into hook up, and 85% of them are working class.
In the next 5 years hook up will be the highest-paid job for females
Something needs to be done
Why do hookups?
Who started this?
How did we get here?
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The irony of an Igbo musician releasing a song titled…MC Oluomo. Like there’s not a whole video where he’s threatening your people and warning ‘Mama Chukwudi’ not to come out to vote. Make it make sense please.
WHERE IS THE OLUOMO IN YOU?
WHERE?
ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE WHATS YOURS OR AT LEAST GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT BEFORE YOU GIVE UP?
IS YOUR BLOODLINE WEAK?
WHAT ARE YOU MADE OF?
STEEL OR PAPER?
GO OUT THERE AND TAKE WHATS YOURS.
MC OLUOMO DROPS AT MIDNIGHT
#MCOLUOMO
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Made that video at 1am. You just know he tried to ‘you up?’ someone and she ignored him.
That Israel Adesanya video is funny because he’s in fact looking for sex but he’s upset nobody is offering him “free” sex 😂😂😂
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I bathe myself in the river of efficiency this week. All my tasks are ticked off and all my goals are met. My brain works at full capacity. I come against panic and anxiety attacks. IJMN.
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*Should have just left it.
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This is someone’s website. Website.
Again, it feels dubious when vendors don't publicly post their prices. And it is honestly confusing because why is it a secret?
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You’re dating somebody that has ‘of Lagos’ at the back of his name?
How do you want your tears? Solemn or with a bit of display?
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Those barbershops are where your domestic staff cut their hair. The canteens are where your drivers, security guards etc eat daily. But the sight irritates you so
#SecureIkoyi
. 🤡
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Rooting for Hilda Baci. I hope she gets the strength to break the current record. ❤️
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His own wahala is shooting up clubs and stepping on people’s head, bffr.
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The hill I'm sleeping on. Nobody is that busy. To send a short text? To have a quick 1-minute call? To block out an hour or two on their calendar for 'you and me' time?
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Lagos is experiencing a restaurant pandemic. By December 2024, we’ll have more restaurants than human beings.
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PU: School For The Blind, Jabi (Abuja)
Presidential:
LP - 21
APC - 5
PDP - 0
Senatorial:
LP - 20
APC - 3
PDP - 2
Bwari Constituency
LP - 18
APC - 4
PDP - 2
SDP - 1
Number of registered voters: 41.
Number of accredited voters: 26.
🙏🏾
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Where did this idea that feminism needs to be sweet, calm and palatable come from? Can we be serious here?
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They’re not shocked. The largesse never touch their hand, that’s why. They’re not shocked, they’re pained that some people are cashing out while they’re shouting ‘Akanbi, Akanbi’ for free.
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@graxemeda
Should have packed her bags at the sight of the Ouai if we’re being serious. The Olaplex I can excuse.
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If you know you live in a relatively secure environment, come out and vote! Do it for those who are scared to come out in other parts of Lagos! There are places thugs know they must not reach.
Ikoyi, Lekki, Gbagada, Magodo, UNILAG, come out and vote!!! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
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Hopefully, the next documentary is about Buhari. You know, the man you whitewashed into power. 👍🏾
So, my people, I have another big announcement 🙏🏿
—
Over the past two years,
a 100+ member team has been working quietly
on the most ambitious, biggest-budget docu-series project from our dear country.
Shot across 3 countries,
Covering 8 cities,
We traced confirmed and alleged
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The second offence is wearing that strawberries print pyjamas.
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let us hear fxcking word please
me detaching from people is crazy because the way I stop caring afterwards you will think I was lying about ever giving af about you fr 😭😭
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Idk if it’s a good thing, but I practice delayed malice. Because sometimes my brain doesn’t comprehend the hurt on the spot. So I let it slide. But when I sit down later to really think about it and dissect actions and intent, my mind cannot take it. 🥲
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There’s no pain women have tried to share here that has not being invalidated. Rape, sexual abuse and now child birth.
Women: E dey pain.
Men : I’m a pain doctor. E no dey pain like that.
Tf??
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You never see good marriages in that your UK?
13years of Marriage in Nigeria crashed in 4months in UK💔
UK is surely a payback time for so many couples.
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Those doctors are in a bush somewhere scared to their bones praying and hoping. Not a word from the National Assembly, IGP. No one has said anything.
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Why
#SanwooluOut
?
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#EndSars
- The shooting on 20.10.20. Who gave the order? The army insists that Sanwoolu invited them to the toll gate. He has since denied it, shifted the blame back to the army but has not given an answer to who gave the order.
2. Banned Gokada, OPay…
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I miss Nigeria’s early 2012-2015 blog run. All the cool girls had a Wordpress or blogpost account. The girlies were writing mehn. Organic content with only Facebook to promote it. People still left comments on BellaNaija then. There was even the Nigeria Blog Awards.
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There’s someone out there pissed because he bought plantains and got home to see bananas in the bag.
I have his plantains. He has my bananas. This is a Hallmark rom-com. 💀
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Be mindful of why you have Netflix. Don’t start posting Bridgerton spoilers until at least Saturday.
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Did you see anyone in corset and mesh? Gen Z touches ko.
I really think the children of these mums always help them dress up like “mummy ee wo eleyi, oo ma je ke pop mo”
Cos these women cannot have this much steeze without GenZ touches😍
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Parents abuse. Teachers abuse. Pastors abuse. The authorities that are supposed to protect you from the aforementioned are the chief custodians of abuse. A vicious cycle.
The abusive nature of Nigerian parenting makes it hard for Nigerians to challenge abusive authority throughout their lives
Because abuse has been normalized as a society on all levels
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I love Twitter because something may be off about a post, but you can’t explain it, and someone will put your thoughts into words for you. I was going to quote that tweet with ‘if Osinbajo was doing his job right, those kids wouldn’t be under the bridge in the first place’.
You can draw a straight line from the children’s poverty to the policies of this government.
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The more I experience Monday public holidays, the more I believe God did not plan for the work week to start on Monday.
We really need to adopt that four day work week asap.
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In case you people have forgotten. He PAID IN ADVANCE TILL THEY GRADUATE. Every time Law School session, we crowdfund for students but someone is using state funds to pay school fees in advance for his children.
One ex governor stole his state to penury to pay for his children’s school fees abroad in advance till they graduate.
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Because they can’t, biologically.
But they have hidden families everywhere so this doesn’t even make sense.
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‘Okay, I’ll send my driver to drop a new charge for you’ >>>>> ‘Is the charger mad?’
Men that enable your baby-ness>>
“I just lost my charger” is the charger mad? How dare it get lost?
“I got beat by the rain” sorry love, is the rain mad?
“this person just ripped me off” what?! How dare they?
“I just mistakenly ate food by 1am” how dare the food test my baby?
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29 hours down.
#Hildabacicookathon
💕
Rooting for Hilda Baci. I hope she gets the strength to break the current record. ❤️
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Um hello? Need for this place to open immediately because wow! 🥹
📍 VI, Lagos
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Replacement of the liquid fragrance in the Office of Mr Governor, Lagos House, Ikeja - N7,475,000.
God abeg.
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This modern one-bedroom FURNISHED loft in Yaba is calling your name. 💚
🍽️Kitchen has a cooker, heat extractor, washing machine, oven and microwave
🛌Queen-size bed, vanity table and chair, AC and a wardrobe
Book a FREE inspection here:
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‘It’s always been my dream to visit Paris. I’m so happy to have visited this beautiful city. I’m grateful for the experience.’
Actual situation: Layover in Paris.
Did I not go to Paris?
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Delay is not denial.
I moved into a new apartment in June and got a new job in August. 🙌🏾❤️
I need two wins before the end of June. Very specific wins. From my heart to God’s ears. 😔
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‘Let’s give a round of applause to our amiable and charismatic First Lady. A woman of class and panache, a dedicated philanthropist, quintessential public administrator and an epitome of beauty’ nko?
😭😭
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Opinion: Rape apologists are loud in their defense of rapists because believing victims mean they have to admit that a past action(s) of theirs is on the rape/abuse spectrum.
They’re not defending the person, they are trying to convince themselves they’re not abusers.
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When next your tyre burst on Lekki-Epe expressway, remember that they could have fixed the road but decided to buy air freshener instead. 👍🏾
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By God’s Grace, I should be in a relationship boya Monday or Tuesday.
O pe ju ni Wednesday. Pata pata e Thursday. A wa ri iru e ri, Friday abi ale Saturday.
But o pe ju, aaro Sunday, mo ti marry.
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Use your privilege!
If you’re Yoruba, stand up and come out.
If you live within a secure estate or environment, come out and vote!
You’re respected on your street? Come out and speak to the thugs you know.
We all have a part to play. Vote!
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You can’t support APC and criticize voter intimidation oh. Stay in one place. That’s your party’s brand. Embrace it. You knew what your party was capable of. Don’t come and start posturing this morning. There’s no such thing as a ‘the good APC supporters’. APC na APC.
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If Tiannah lived in the US, she’ll be making serious bank. She’s fashion editorial material. A little finesse here and there in the production but she totally gets the idea. She’s very creative.
#RHOLagos
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