Marian Keyes
@MarianKeyes
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Thank you for the fun times. You can find me on Instagram @marian_keyes. I have a Substack, I've written literally 1 piece (on Strictly) but might do more
Ireland
Joined March 2012
My apologies. I've an unholy number of Direct Messages that I haven't read. Modern life is too much betimes. If you are Keanu Reeves, please contact me in our usual manner (sending coded messages through the telly). Non-Keanus, I'm sorry for not responding 😭.
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It's AWFUL news about Sarah Harding. Made worse by all this, "She's a fighter", "She'll beat this thing" etc, because that's not how cancer works. If "fighting" worked everyone would recover. Instead it puts a heavy burden on poor people who are already very sick and very scared.
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In January 18th, 1994, my life was a small, sad mess. I thought alcohol was my only real friend and a life without it would be unliveable. I was wrong.
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Oh LADS! I had a mammogram 10 days ago THEN last week got a letter telling me to come back for more tests and with my customary Sang Froid I've been convinced I was a goner. But! I've just been and I'm IN THE CLEAR and I'm SO RELIEVED 🥳🥳🥳🥳.
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Will I tell yiz something nice, though? If I get to bed tonight without having a drink (and I WON'T have a drink, despite all me whinging) when I wake up tomorrow morning, I will be TWENTY-SIX YEARS SOBER 🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉.
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Hello! Today I'm TWENTY NINE YEARS SOBER 🥳.Back in January 1994 I thought my life was over. But its been the most WONDERFUL journey. If you're struggling with or worried about alcohol I PROMISE you that recovery is possible, that you've nothing to lose but your shame ❤❤❤❤❤.
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Excuse me, hello! Im here looking for PRAISE 🙌 I knitted this cardigan! Yes! Without a pattern! Using Wool and the Gang's Crazy Sexy Wool and size 20 needles. I am SICKENINGLY proud of myself 😜
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Special SPECIAL treat for us 😍 The GLORIOUS and GORGEOUS Queen Hannah Banana has been on this earth for five years today. It is IMPOSSIBLE to overstate how much we all love her. She is the BEST craic ever 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
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Hello 👋 Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary - TWENTY-FIVE years since Himself and meself tied the knot. I am the luckiest person I ever met. He is the VERY BEST of all the people, the kindest man alive, my utter and always favourite ❤ ♥ 💙 💜 💖 💕
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It's HORRIBLY cruel what the photographers are doing to that poor woman. For the love of GOD, she's done nothing wrong, her life has imploded, she's VULNERABLE and she's being hounded. There should be a law to protect people in her position.
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😊 Today its 28 years since I had a drink. I was DEVASTATED, I thought my life was over, that I'd never be happy again. I was wrong.If you're in that awful place where you sense something is terribly wrong with your drinking, I know how you feel.But another life IS available 😘😘.
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Old Vumman! Her first time out of the house since March 17! She apologises for her hair. Isn't she LOVELY
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I'm trying so hard to not succumb to the utter bleakness of it all but by christ it's difficult. Outlawing abortion doesn't stop abortions. It makes the lives of millions upon millions of women terrifying, much more gruelling and dangerous. It reduces us to wombs without agency.
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Hello 👋 Brace yizzer-selves, incoming boasting! Today, it is 10,000 days since I've had a drink!.(I can strongly recommend it. ).
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My friends, it's that time of year again, where we get to revisit the best tweet of ALL TIME! .🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏.
The most stressed out I've ever been about Christmas was when I was 16 and I got my first ever job, working at M&S in Dundrum. As soon as I started I kept hearing these myths about the Christmas Eve Waste Sale, where all the food that wasn't sold on the 24th was marked down 90%.
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Statement: Sweet potato fries are MUCK. Yes, I've said it because someone had to! They are GANK yet we pretend they're not because they've fewer calories than real potato fries and I will collude NO LONGER in this bullshit. Signed. Whistle-blower Keyes.
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It's my birthday tomorrow, I will be FIFTY SEVEN! Life has been verra VERRA kind to me, I feel tremenjussly fortunate 🙂🙂🙂🙂.
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This isnt forever. Some day we'll be able to hug our niece, then hug our Old Vumman; we can have a quick coffee with our pal or do a yoga class. We'll have scoops in the pub and go to the football and our only worry will be for the figurines. Some day things will be normal again.
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Oh lord, this is heartbreaking 💔 How she suffered. Poor, poor Sinead. Rest in peace, you amazing, brave, beautiful, unique wonder 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚.
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We are HERE!!!! Old Vumman is enjoying a cup of tay! But she spurned the free shortbread ("Sawdusht.") Isn't she GORGEOUS 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
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Hey!!!!! We haven't made a big enough deal about KAMALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First female Vice President!!!! And a woman of colour!!!!!!! .HUZZAH for Kamala!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎉🎉.
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Howyiz!!!! I got an AWARD! I am Author of the Year 2022! Yeah! And it's only MAY.
We are DELIGHTED to congratulate @MarianKeyes on winning the Author of The Year Award at the #BritishBookAwards! . We've been the proud publishers of Marian for 25 years, and here's to many, many more!
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It's hard going, isn't it, this fecken pandemic? There's a knot of AWFULNESS, lodged at the base of my ribcage, and it keeps 'coming' for me. A wave of terribleness breaks over my head and I don't know what to do with the feelings. 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱.
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I'm SO HAPPY for Hamza and Jowita but POOR GORKA 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭.
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Myself and Himself have 3 teenagers in the backseat - Luka, Ema, Ema's boyfriend (MORE OF WHICH anon!!!) And I'm feeling unexpectedly sad about not having the paistí. Like my life is LOVELY but there's another life where we had nippers and today I'm sad I never met them 💔.
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Well, hello!!!! I am SO honoured and SO delighted that the National Gallery of Ireland commissioned the AMAZING Margaret Corcoran to paint my portrait. I LOVE it. It will be part of the national collection. On public view from April 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳.
Lovely news to share with you today - a portrait of the wonderful Marian Keyes by artist Margaret Corcoran has been added to our collection and will go on public display in April.
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I propose a show called GOTH ISLAND where sad beautiful types with unwashed but nonetheless gorge tangled hair, float around a draughty vicarage in huge black overcoats and mucho eyeliner, reading Voltaire and Emily Dickenson and falling VIOLENTLY IN LOVE with each other.PLEASE.
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The vigil for Aisling outside the Dail was very gentle, almost silent. At times the only sounds were those of the seagulls high above us. It was a beautiful, clear day and it was strange and awful to think Aisling will never see another. Men killing women, it has to stop
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And now!!!! I am off to take OV for her VACCINATION!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳.
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NEWS!!!!!!! Just in!!!!! I'm getting my first vaccine on FRIDEH!!!!!!!!
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Greetings from Dublin Airport security where - in case you were wondering - the woman shrieking after people I'LL JUST STACK YOUR TRAY, WILL I? SEEING YOU'RE TOO ENTITLED AND LAZY TO DO IT YOURSELF! - is indeed me.
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Life is GRUELLING right now, so. would you like a distraction?.If you've sometimes thought you wouldn't mind trying to write a novel but you're not sure how to go about it, then maybe I can help?
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Breaking! Old Vumman's Covid test has come back negative!.*Vomits with relief*.*Has to lie down for a while*.
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Do you ever watch @sanditoksvig on Channel 4, travelling with really cool women to interesting, beautiful, remote places. It's GORGEOUS and watching it is my sole comfort right now in these BUSY BUSY days. Where, please, do I apply to be one of her companions?.
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I just got LOVELY NEWS!!!! GrownUps has debuted at NUMBER ONE in the Original Fiction Bestseller list! I'm utterly overjoyed and THANK YOU with all of my heart to everyone who has supported it ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤.
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I feel so sorry for Caroline Flack and her evident suffering. May she rest in peace. My sympathy to her poor family 💔💔💔.
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Bonjour mes amies 😊😊😊 Je suis fecken RIDDLED avec le free-floating anxiety. Mais, je will manger un GRAND bar de frûit et nut, avec une GRAND sac de Haribo jelé-bébés et je will be calm encore. Les sweets est plus nicer than les fecky breathing in for 4 and out for 7.
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Admission. I had the honour of being asked to be on this year's Strictly. I am sweating LITERAL BUCKETS that I declined. They are all STUNNINGLY WONDERFUL, I would have been so atrocious.
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I've been sending flowers to Old Vumman to keep her spirits up, she rang just now to tell me to stop sending them and to give the money to Women's Aid instead and that she would send them "A few bob too." Isn't she nice.
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Hello ❤️ For anyone struggling with addiction, I get you ❤️ 30 years ago today I was lucky enough to start a life without alcohol. Faaar from happy about it though. Thought I'd never last without it. Heartbroken 💔.Today EVERYTHING is different. If I could get sober anyone can
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Please forgive the UNBRIDLED boastery 😬 But this has made me SO HAPPY 😁 Thank you to all of you who've read my books over the last 27 years, I'm so grateful that I'm allowed to do this job. (The boastery will cease very soon. By Monday, it will be business as usual)
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I think women need to be allowed to make mistakes and to be forgiven for them. We live in very judgey times where women are defined by their faux pas, fuckups or failures. Can we stop? Because we ALL get it wrong often. (I certainly do).#IWD2020.
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And on Easter Monday the lord brought a great BREEZYNESS upon the land and the shnakey types in their holiday homes wept 'We have no Wifi and no Rasam! And tis too windy to go swimming!'.And the Good people who had stayed at home rejoiced in their top-notch Wifi.
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WAIT till I tell yiz!!! Again, Rachel has gone straight into number 2 in UK bestsellers list with 16k sales - thank you SO MUCH.In Irtlandt its number wan in original fiction. But listen to THIS - 25 years after publication RACHEL'S HOLIDAY is NUMBER WAN in paperback fiction!!.
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11 years ago today, deep in the horrors I made this cake for a gardener friend. It was SUCH a help to immerse myself in all the pretty colours. I never thought I'd feel halfway normal again but today I do, I'm 68% normal today!.If you're down in the depths PLEASE hang on ❤
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15 seconds into some new thing with Gordon Ramsey. Christ alive he's LOATHSOME. Making some desperate chefs jump off a cliff to prove their 'commitment' or some such bollocks. Give them a loan, then fuck off, you fucker!.
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I know these are strange times but I'm feeling VERY tenderly towards Anton, I'm touched and grateful by his undiluted sweetness to the dancers 😢😢😢😢😢😢.
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Hello!!!!!!!!!!! I have EXCITING Netflix-y news 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳.
GROWN UPS. Netflix will bring @MarianKeyes’ best selling novel Grown Ups to the screen as an ensemble family drama. Based on three couples - Nell and Liam, Cara and Ed, Jessie and Rory. Like most families, the Caseys are a complicated bunch. Coming 2026.
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Hello 👋 I'm going out of my effing mind 😊 Other than that, no news.
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Hellos! The BEST GIRL IN THE WHOLE WORLD 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 She loves glittery things, she spotted these glittery shoes, yelled OOOOOOOOH!!! And immediately put them on. We had the LOVELIEST day yesterday with Hannah Banana, gas and wonderful creature that she is 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
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I understand that everyone wants Sarah (and any other misfortune person who gets such a devastating diagnosis) to fully recover, but the language used to convey that goodwill is awful.
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Ah LADS ❤❤❤❤❤ Thank you for all your incredible loveliness, I had the very BEST of times having the chats with the beautiful human being that is @Tommedian, I felt we could have talked forever. A heartfelt go raibh míle MÍLE maith agaibh #tommytiernanshow.
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Lads! LADS!!!! It's HANNAH watching me on the telly!!!!!! Her hands! Her feets! Her little pyjamas!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍.PS she loves that squeaky oul voice of mine.
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Completely brilliant!.
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I'm effing destroyed. I'd like to go to sleep till it's time for my vaccine. There is too much worry and not enough craic.
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Celebrating anything feels wrong right now but after 10 days in hospital, Old Vumman is getting sprung today and a huge weight has lifted. she's already issuing orders. .
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PLEASE READ THIS THREAD ITS THE BEST THING IVE EVER READ!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!.
If I ever met Jurgen Klopp I’d say “omg if we have a baby we should call it Klipp” just so he’d raise an eyebrow at me and tell me I’m a moron and I’d be so naked by the time he’d finished doing that.
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I've been feeling so guilty because my concentration is in flitters and I'm not getting any work done. Then i realised I can barely READ a book, never mind WRITE one! .
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News!!!! I watched 👀 the FIRST (1st) episode of Unforgotten and now, THAT'S A SHOW!!! I am IN LOVE with the woman investigator, I find her to be quietly MESMERISEN! .😯 ⬅️ that is me watching her.
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VERY VERY VERY VERY EXCITING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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It's just a SMALL thing but if you're going through airport security PLEASE stack your tray afterwards. The staff is OVERworked and UNDERpaid and the number of entitled assholes at Dublin Airport right now, striding away leaving 'someone else' to do it, would make you cry.
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Look, I can't not retweet this. It's NIGELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍.
Happy Publication Day to the fabliss @MarianKeyes and #MyFavouriteMistake! What heaven to be in the company of the Walshes again! Wish it could go on forever
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I've just typed this. Like, I'm a LOOOOONG way from the end, there are 8 million loose ends to be tidied up and my editor hasn't even seen it yet. BUT! The whole fecken story from start to finish *is* sort of strung together. *Weakly punches the air*.*Lies down*
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I've been OVERWHELMED* with demands for a full length photo of last night's dress. So here's a few bad, blurry ones where I look like I've been partying all night instead of getting home at 10.30 and celebrating by ateing a Magnum.*2 people asked
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I can't believe it's Friday again. Like, the weeks keep *passing* but nothing keeps *changing*.
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When The Current Appallingness is over, let's all go TOGETHER to the Sephora on the Champs Elysee!!!!!!.
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Children being held in cages.Disabled people being publically mocked.BLM peaceful protesters being treated like terrorists.White Supremacists being lauded as 'Very Fine People'.A hundred thousand wounds, small and huge, inflicted on the most vulnerable.He was the fucking WORST.
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Like, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've NEVER felt so LET DOWN!!!!!! #LineOfDuty.
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We had SUCH fun on the photo shoot 🎊🎉💐🥳.
This Sunday's cover. Bestselling novelists @MarianKeyes and @richardosman on the heights of success and the lows of addiction. ✍️ @LisaAllardice.📸 @davidvintiner
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Hello! I'm 'up', available to be viewed! My gratitude is IMMENSE! 😍😍😍😍.
We’re open this Easter weekend, and there’s a new hang of the National Portrait Collection to explore!
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It's been an ASTONISHING year, it's genuinely broken new ground and in a world that often seems cruel and retrograde, this season of Strictly has been a GENUINE FORCE FOR GOOD.
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What *actually* ails D0na1d 7rump, does anyone know? Like, he's obviously non-sane but does his condition have a name? Other than Mad Fucker Syndrome, like.
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Hello 😊👋 I must on the mend from The Mads because I'm feeling able to the Irish Book Awards tonight. I couldn't get a proper photo of my dress because the sequins were 'interfering' with the light 😜.Most of today was spent haring around the city looking for a 'low-backed bra
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When I finish writing my current book I'm going to write one about 8/9 people who've been friends for 40 years - but! And this is my daring twist! - they DID NOT 'meet at uni'!!!!! I know!!! This is experimental writing, few people will get it, but I have to be true to My Muse.
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My husband, a quiet but wise man, sez that Show Dances are defunct because of the Couples Choice business.
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I have Covid AGAIN 😭😭😭😭 I only had it in July and never fully recovered. In FAIRNESS!.My temperature is 37.9 and if they could link me up to the national grid, everyone in Ireland could have a weekend of free electricity.
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I'm keeping my posts free of politics because of fear of The Horrors but I can't let it pass that I noticed during Nadine Dorries pap walk, that her ridiculous dress is from David Camerons wife's company. It is a gift I have 😊 To know these things, like.
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My view, I cant TELL you how much it calms me. The thing I love most about Ireland is the light, mostly muted. But sometimes you get that cold clarity which sharpens any bright colours. Like below
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Have you seen this 😍.
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Once again, a PLEA. Can we, for the LOVE OF GOD dispense with the phrase Guilty Pleasure?!?.If I like something, I like it! Who do I need to explain myself to?.So long as I'm not doing damage to another person - or indeed bayshte of the field - where's the problem.
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I left the HOUSE! I went up Killiney Hill!!! 'Twas like ITALY! In August! (Except much MUCH colder. 😬😬😬😬😬)
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HONESTLY!!!!!!!!!!!! HELEN'S FINEST HOUR!!!!!!! THE ACTING, THE ATTITUDE, THE ENERGY!!!!!!!!!.
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Come on! This is SO GREAT.
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I have instigated a NEW DINNER REGIME! Instead of ateing our dinner on the couch shouting abuse at the news, the telly is now OFF and we sit at the kitchen table. 1st go was yesterday, we made awkward small talk about our day. Imagine Himself's horror when I did it again today!.
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The hardest part of all of this awfulness is the middle of the night. I wake at about 4 and the feelings are HUGE and HORRIBLE, a thousand times worse than they are during the day. Its like being in hell. This is hard fecken going, amirite.
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For the last several weeks, it's all been a bit, 'Hello twilight my old friend' in my head. But this morning, when I woke up I did NOT spend the first 40 minutes wanting to die! .*Cautiously throws small hat in the air*.
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Oh my GODDD, the beautiful BUNNIES 😍 ❤ ♥ 💕 💖 😢 😍 ❤ .This did my heart so much GOOD.
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I understand now why everyone drank their heads off in the 1930s. Witnessing fascism in action is no craic at all.
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Mammy Keyes had heard reports over the last few years of the fun the bunnies have swimming - and here she is VIEWING it! Also sitting in the sun by the lake! Also at the lunch with her coushins. The entire weekend was, she said, "a blasht".It was indescribably wonderful 😍😍😍😍
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I'm going to the dentist for not WAN but TWO fillings! I'm putting on my high boots and good coat! An outing is an outing, amirite?!?!.
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Things are grim af, I know, BUT! Could you *imagine* how much worse they'd be if it was TROY (That Revolting Orange Yoke) getting inaugurated tomorrow? 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱.
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I've been seeing a bit of "YEAH! Gonna read MORE BOOKS in 2023! I accept the CHALLENGE and I've a kickass PLAN!". lookit, don't. If reading feels like a chore or a thing to tick off a list then STOP.We are more than a collection of jobs done. Life is HARD, do things you like.
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This evening I'm really missing my dad because before he got Alzheimers I could always ring him and ask him to bring me over some ice-cream because he was a man who understood double-entry book-keeping AND sugar cravings.
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I've just had THE MOST heartbreaking conversation with Old Vumman about a Mass being said for my Dad's 2nd anniversary. She says he needs the mass to "get him up a couple of levels in Purgatory." That people believe this distressing bullshit just breaks my heart.
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Hello! 🤸♀️ My FIRST sighting of Again, Rachel in the wild 🥳 I am GIDDY (and happier than I look in this photo 😄) .Thank you all so SO much for your loveliness about it.#RachelsBack
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Exsqueeze me there, hello! I've been knitting cardigans! Commissions! The sombre-toned one is for my VERRA stylish friend Lynn, who doesn't do brights. The green one was commissioned by Old Vumman for a cousin (a young one) but I want to keep it for myself 😜
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BEST CRIPS IN THE WORLD 🌍🇮🇪!!!!!!!.(No, this is not a discussion)
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