Kae Kurd
@KaeKurd
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Stand-Up Comedian Enquiries: @utcartistmgmt : polly @utcgroup .co.uk #MUFC fan. Watch my specials on
South London, United Kingdom
Joined April 2010
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This is a nation of professional protesters.
TIL: French unions have designed special barbecues that fit in tram tracks, so they can grill sausages while they march.
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He’s a credit to journalism and a brave man, but sky news gotta be taking the mick, that’s gotta be a safeguarding issue.
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Man said this is how London will line up
Brixton, Peckham, Deptford, Croydon, Lewisham, Camberwell, Gipsy Hill, Woolwich, Clapham Junction, Stratford, Hackney (the entire borough), Tower Hamlets, Tottenham, Wood Green, Harlesden, Stonebridge Park, South Kilburn, Wembley, Shepherds Bush and Islington specifically!
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Scores goals and then does Kier Starmer’s job as a hobby.
Marcus Rashford to hold talks with Deliveroo after Mirror probe finds riders average less than minimum wage on thousands of shifts
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I know how this ends
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The Southgate experiment should have ended at the World Cup. This is the best bunch of England players you’re ever going to get and we’re at risk of throwing it all away because we have a dude that done half decent with Middlesbrough in charge
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SKY is them at their mums house CBS is them at their first UNI flat.
Separate, they don't stand a chance. But together,
@sixers
star
@JoelEmbiid
has got nothing on
@MicahRichards
and
@Carra23
🤣
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Abstaining from votes in parliament shouldn’t be allowed.
No space for cowards either say yes or no with your chest innit.
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All the Saudi dudes in the crowd hearing Usyk and Fury saying thank you Jesus
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Bellingham is 19. Assisting at the World Cup.
What were you doing at 19? Sitting in a Uni kitchen crying about coursework like a waste man.
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Stop calling it racism in football it’s racism in society.
These people don’t leave the football ground and suddenly become model members of society.
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There’s a Jamaican man at my Gym called Walter that nicknamed me “Forensic” cos he found out I studied a science degree.
8 years on he still greets me as “forensic”. He doesn’t know my name.
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LOOK AT THIS FAILURE
THIS TROPICAL STEWART DOWNING
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Can’t even make a joke about the heat without one of my religious mates going
“Bro this is merely a fraction of what it will be like in the hell fire, wallahi my brother we must be grateful”
Calm down Rashid I just want a solero
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Been a lot of people job shaming creatives. Today was my last day working at Apple. I’ve been here for 4 years while juggling comedy, podcasting, writing and touring/gigging up and down the country it’s been a friend but that’s the reality.
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Everyone working from home right now on conference calls.
Day 5, everyone’s going mental now. 75 people in one call, everyone being told to mute their mics when they’re not talking. What a ting.
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French dude sat in the front row yesterday
I want him to do audio books...
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Good, no room for fascism
🚨 UEFA confirm 2 game ban for Merih Demiral with immediate effect.
He’s not gonna be available for game vs Netherlands and if they proceed to the semi finals.
Turkish Federation has appealed to CAS.
↪️ Bellingham will be available, Demiral will not be available.
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Some man thought Arsenal would win because arteta used to carry Pep’s lucozade bottles for him
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Arranged marriage love island
I helped write this and that’s me doing the voiceover 😂
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All his teams mates love him yet Alan from Salford thinks he’s a virus and bad for team morale
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There’s guys out there that got free school meals, EMA - went to a terrible school. Somehow managed to get to Uni - received a maintenance grant, and now they own some machine washable suit and take the jubilee line to work and proudly proclaim “I did it all by myself”
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Who’s your favourite character?
What accents do you want to see next? 👀😂
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You eat Pizza with your hands
Burgers with your hands
Fries with your hands
Hotdogs with your hands
Lots of snacks and stuff too.
But yeah sure.
Africans hide behind all types of perverted disgusting immoralities and call it tradition. 🤦🏽♀️ it’s not tradition, most things = lack of basic shit. EG, eating with hands isn’t traditional, they didn’t have cutleries 🤦🏽♀️ see basic things.
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Dressed like he’s the boss of a Pokémon gym
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Someone reverse this video I’m going back 😂😂😂😂
Been a lot of people job shaming creatives. Today was my last day working at Apple. I’ve been here for 4 years while juggling comedy, podcasting, writing and touring/gigging up and down the country it’s been a friend but that’s the reality.
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When you put the arguments this way around, you really see how ridiculous they are
#QuotasFull
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A man is wearing a waistcoat made by gymshark, that’s not a man you want to challenge in any physical altercation
That click of the fingers from Francis Ngannou to Tyson Fury in the front row 🥶
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I asked an American in the crowd what she does and her was her answer
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I think a lot of people would be happy paying higher taxes if they could get a Doctor's appointment when they needed one, the streets were clean, an ambulance would turn up in minutes and we had state of the art transport systems.
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Wow I can’t believe that’s what Mourinho actually said to Pogba. 👀😂
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Conversations on the Central Line
“I’m getting off at Stratford”
“Haha shame, I’m getting off at Oxford Circus”
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Horrific news, RIP David Amess.
What other democracy has had two sitting MPs murdered in 5 years? Something has to change.
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Conservative Fan TV
Talking to Tory Fans about the Downing St Christmas Party. Cheese and Wine.
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You have Bellingham, Rice, Madisson, Harry Kane and Saka.
But we have a manager that’s scared to attack. It’s done man.
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Pierluigi Collina was the best referee we will ever see.
This guy was on covers of games bruv
Anders Frisk, Mark Clattenberg and Uriah Rennie would shake when they heard his name.
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Boris is speaking in the same language Elon musk named his child
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When you get your ears pierced at Claire’s accessories
BREAKING: Trump raising fist as blood drips on his ear and face
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I can’t believe what I’m seeing. They got Danica running around like a man doing his shopping on Christmas Eve.
#loveisland
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Oi no croissants, pain au chocolats or baguettes till Saturday lads. We got a quarter final to win 🏴🏴
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All I’m saying is we never played this way when we were in the EU.
Brexit Britain mate 🍺 🍻
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?????
Prince Charles announces Katy Perry as British Asian Trust ambassador
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Arsenal paying tribute to Thierry Henry by being number 14 in the Premier League.
Beautiful tribute.
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We haven’t seen an English teenager this good since Wayne Rooney
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I cannot believe
@Channel4News
has had to apologise for
@jonsnowC4
calling white people: “white people”. 😂😂 wtf Bruv
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Imagine boasting that you took money away from deprived areas
Do you know how much of a disgrace this is. I can’t believe he just said that 😳
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Why the hell is this breaking news?
Make breaking news important again.
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A whole new generation will experience what it was like to have Fabian Barthez as a keeper
💣🚨| Onana will sign for Man Utd. Verbal agreement in all parties!
£45m plus add ons (approx £10m) to Inter. Offer to be submitted with knowledge of acceptance.
Player had zero issues on personal terms as he was desperate for move.
Andre Onana becomes new no.1. ✍🏻✅
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I cannot believe I’m typing this, this has floored me. RIP Jamal Edwards.
Forged his own path. A trailblazer, always had a smile on his face and was nice to everyone. Rest in Peace bro.
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This is one of the craziest transformations I’ve seen:
Ethan Suplee
Then vs Now
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Saw him at carnival and he was like “FAAAAREEEENZIC, whaaaat you ah do ere”
At this point I’m resigned to the fact I will always be forensic to this dude
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Today 6th of April is my 30th birthday. While I could moan about spending it in isolation, I’m grateful that I’m alive and I’ve made it this far especially while we see people losing their loved ones during this period. My heart goes out to those families.
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Don’t worry Meghan, half the starting eleven don’t know the anthem when they get on the pitch at Wembley
#MeghanandHarryonOprah
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My SPECIAL IS OUT NOW on YouTube
I’m very proud of this - self funded I made sure it was available for everyone to watch and SHARE. So please have a watch, like, comment and share x
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Why are they apologising for the language? 😂
What kind of person watches grown men punch each other up but draws the line at hearing a swear word
#DuboisJoyce
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The first power couple I remember
CBBC’s finest
Angelica Bell and Michael Underwood
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Sometimes when you’re chatting to the crowd you can pick on the wrong person 😂🤷🏻♂️
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@mindofprospect
Couple reasons for that - the torch thing still happens but it’s usually in the host country and the other one is a changing media landscape. I think coverage is shared and also less people watch tv anyway to see an ad for the olympics
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Translating for immigrant parents.
God bless our parents - but we’ve been through it too.
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The only way 2020 could be saved is Michael Jackson comes back alive and completes the arena tour.
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