Jesse
@FairlightEx
Followers
38,011
Following
474
Media
1,354
Statuses
15,604
Modern day knight. Gamer, reviewer, entertainer, TTRPG enthusiast. Business contact: fairlightexcalibur @sidequestmedia .com
Portland, OR
Joined January 2014
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Hey
@summit1g
I loved your new stream outro the other day, so I polished it up a bit for ya.
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Hey non-sports folks. I got you covered.
Lebron was a super farmed ADC tonight, but his mid, top, and jungle were all feeding. In the end, his team started Baron without him, with no wards, and got wiped.
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Streamers, don't try to fake it.
If you're exhausted, sick, or overly stressed, it's better to just take a breather than to try to pretend everything is fine.
Your viewers deserve you at your best, don't be afraid to take a mental break or a day off to recover.
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So what's next for
#NetNeutrality
?
1. Congress can still overturn the vote with a majority decision.
2. It can still go to court and be stopped there.
3. Individual states can still implement safeguards - WA and CA have already started.
4. I hear Canada and England are nice.
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I know sponsored streams always feel a bit forced, but that extra $$$ allowed me to send my parents on their first vacation in 20 years.
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@MILFWEEED
"Thread (1/18)"
I was genuinely hoping for a 20,000 word master's thesis-level dissertation on dickonomics and am greatly saddened that this first tweet was the only one.
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Hey
@LoganPaul
,
I heard you're coming to
@Twitch
.
Good timing - the community rules just got rebooted and you have a clean slate.
This is a huge opportunity to show that you've matured and learned from your mistakes.
Please prove everyone wrong by being a positive influence.
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@netflix
He's about halfway there. Once the yellow contacts, the scars, some scruff, and the rest of his outfit are added, he'll be fine.
Unless this is the final product, in which case I'm just depressed.
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Just called up a local pizza place and asked their manager my favorite questions of the year.
"Do you have someone you consider to be the hardest worker? Or someone going through a rough time? Are they working on Christmas Eve?"
We got our answers.
--- TARGET ACQUIRED ---
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3rd Annual Christmas Pizza Tip.
Mission Accomplished.
Thank you so much to everyone who contributed.
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Today marks 7 full years of streaming for me. Longest I've stayed in one spot, held one job, or been in one relationship.
Turn 34 today on top of that.
Feels kinda surreal that it's been so long. Feels like just yesterday I was chasing Goldy around in DayZ.
Bring it on, 2021✌️
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@GloriousArcadum
I remember walking you around Twitchcon and introducing you to everyone I knew, trying to help you get established. Because I really believed in you. Thought you were genuine
Then you get a taste of power, and this it what you do with it?
Walk away, Jeremy. And don't come back.
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Please tell me I'm not the only one who struggles with this sometimes. 💀
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Dear
@Twitch
,
Please make new emote slot unlocks permanent so we don't have to wait and snipe the upload.
Sincerely,
Every Single Streamer
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So my dad just pulled the most baller move in history.
I sent my parents cash for a christmas vacation. They chose to go somewhere warm and tropical.
While they are there my dad just says hold my beer, sells their house, and they just STAYED in the Caribbean.
Well played, dad.
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First convention:
Flight info and confirmation number printed out in advance. All panels, parties, and events programmed into my calendar, with the address included and text alerts set up to remind me 30 minutes before each one.
20th convention:
I think my flight is on Thursday?
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Predictably,
@AjitPaiFCC
has chosen to ignore the voices of thousands in favor of corporate greed.
#NetNeutrality
just died.
Now the decision will be taken to court, and hopefully, decent human beings can still save the day.
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The stomach pain that made me end stream early yesterday has gotten a lot worse; can't eat or sleep due to intense pain. I'm in the ER hooked up to that sweet sweet morphine as we speak.
I'll keep you all posted when I get the results.
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When you're just straight up slicing through kids left and right in For Honor but then you run into a really good player.
@Strippin
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Streamer PSA: There's a company actively trying to recruit your mods into an advertisement/referral program. Watch out for that crap.
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So, I hit level 35 today.
More importantly, today marks 7 years as a full time content creator. Thank you to everyone who has been part of that ride, from the inspirational figures who helped me get to started, to the anonymous lurkers who tune in nightly.
Love you all. ♥️
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DayZ. Reign of Kings. Ark: Survival Evolved. Overwatch. The Culling. Evolve. PUBG. Rainbow Six Siege. Rimworld. For Honor. League of Legends. Red Dead 2. Atlas. GTA 5. And more.
Thanks to all four hundred thousand of you for keeping me company no matter which game I'm learning.
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When your favorite broadcaster puts in 50/60/70 hours a week, respect that dedication instead of pressuring for more.
We're humans too.
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Update:
I have Pancreatitus. I can't eat any solid food, and it seriously hurts to breathe, digest, or move.
Hospital is keeping me here, I'm not fit to go home.
Good news is, this condition is treatable and only lasts a few days.
Bad news is, it might come back regularly.
The stomach pain that made me end stream early yesterday has gotten a lot worse; can't eat or sleep due to intense pain. I'm in the ER hooked up to that sweet sweet morphine as we speak.
I'll keep you all posted when I get the results.
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Out for dinner with everyone from the
@ForHonorGame
event.
I requested the table farthest away from any edges or cliffs.
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Reminder: Most of your favorite streamers love it when you walk up and say hi to them.
Being nervous is normal, don't let that stop you.
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@ChulozN
Lebron and JR Smith are the last two alive on Dust 2. Enemy has 3 alive, and has already planted.
Lebron blitzes into B and gets the triple kill, but dies to a nade in the process. Smith somehow thinks they still have one up, and rotates all the way from doors to tuns. Times up.
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Don't quit your job to live "the dream life" as a streamer until you put in the thousands of hours of work to lay a solid foundation first.
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Our little family just got much larger. Ally surprised me brought these guys home.
Meet Cloud & Radio.
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Streaming is actually an easy job, and the people who say "streaming is such a hard job" have never faced any real challenge.
What opinion about content creation will have you like this?
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Had the most fun in
@bstategames
'
#EscapeFromTarkov
last night since I started the game. Spent the whole time dropping hot memes and gag weapons. It was beautiful and horrific at the same time.
Just one of several:
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Amazon didn't have instant happiness available, but lucky for us nature delivered overnight.
Snow hype. ☺
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Streaming isn't just about games.
Encourage. Inspire. Face your fears. Live your life.
And *ALWAYS* be yourself
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Update:
Walking again ✅
Able to sleep ✅
Breathing normally ✅
Eating liquids and soup ✅
Pain no longer mindshattering ✅
Doc says I can probably go home tomorrow but it may be a while before I can keep solid foods down.
Update:
I have Pancreatitus. I can't eat any solid food, and it seriously hurts to breathe, digest, or move.
Hospital is keeping me here, I'm not fit to go home.
Good news is, this condition is treatable and only lasts a few days.
Bad news is, it might come back regularly.
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Hi
@Twitch
Sub gifting is great. I love being able to drop gifts on other communities, and my viewers are sharing the love too.
But PLEEEASE give us an option for longer subs. The current gifts are all so temporary, resulting in spikes and dropoffs. I wanna gift a year's worth.
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You want to know why I hate the internet?
"I'm donating $1,000 to a breast cancer foundati..."
"BUT WHAT ABOUT BRAIN CANCER??? WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR THEM?!"
Like, chill. There are plenty of good causes out there, and you can't support all of them at once.
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My journey on
@Twitch
started with a 2:30am conversation with
@GoldGloveTV
.
3 years later, not much has changed.
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I watch the Uber pull away like a heavenly chariot, taking drunk bro to paradise.
It's late, I'm freezing, but getting another Uber will take only a few minutes and I refuse to live the rest of my life known as the Cockblock of the Century.
I got you, drunk bro. Go get laid.
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Hey everyone. HUGE announcement!
After careful thought and planning, I'm extremely excited to announce that my streams from now on will be moving to
@Twitch
!
I appreciate your support so far, and I'm looking forward to what the future holds.
#bleedpurple
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Those playing World of Warcraft BfA a full week early are paid shills. They are walking advertisements, not true gamers, and are doing so solely for a paycheck. I'll be PAYING FOR THE GAME and playing it this Friday just like many of you, and my reactions will be legit as always.
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I've dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life. On most days, I feel like I have a good handle on it.
Then yesterday I accidentally ordered a soy burger and now I understand true sadness.
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Almost forgot. The cat came with an owner, so I guess I'm stuck with her too.
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Me: Passes out while stream outro is still running and it stays on overnight.
Chat: MAYBE IF WE ALL SPAM CAPS IT'LL WAKE HIM UP!!!
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One of IKEA's delivery people is somehow sitting on my wall. She's clearly a professional.
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Divinity: Original Sin 2 is one of those games where you need 3 PHDs and a life coach every time you gain one skill point to spend.
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Decided to get hair/beard nicely trimmed. I usually go to a typical barber, but today ended up at a high end salon.
Four gay Asian men stared in horror and confusion at my mountain man beard, until one of them said "We can fix it!" and everyone cheered.
This is hilarious 😂
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Final Hospital Update -
Bacon: Devoured
Pancreatitus: Defeated
Hospital Stay: Completed
Destination: Home
I've been released and can eat solid food, but I'm still supposed to eat minimal solid food and stay on mostly liquid. It may still be a day or 2 before streams resume.
Update:
I've been on liquids only for my hospital stay. Before I can go home, the doc wants to see me put down some solid food.
The final boss of my hospital stay is pancake and bacon.
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It's official. I'm moving back home to Washington.
It's been fun in California, but this chapter of my life draws to its conclusion.
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The Cockblock of the Century
a Boston short story
by Fairlight Excalibur
At a party. Everyone else is drunk, it's noisy, it's 2am. Time to head home.
Called for an Uber and then waited inside where it's warm.
The car pulls up outside but parks 100ft away. I start walking.
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Atlas may have gotten off to a rough start and still has things to fix, but it has put me in more unique scenarios than any other game to this day. Off stream negotiations, secret alliances, actual in game diplomacy, and other stuff I haven't seen in a long time. I love it.
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I was taught for 23 years that being gay was evil & wrong, yet still chose to love and respect all people.
Trump's had how many years now?
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That is one crazy number.
Thank you to everyone who helped make my community what it is, and the proudest achievement of my life.
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Making good on my sub goal promise to stream as a woman for 1 day.
Jessica comes to visit on the 3rd.
You are not prepared.
(neither am I)
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So Henry Cavill is officially going to be Geralt in
#TheWitcher
on
@netflix
.
This is fine and all, but I'm going to
🔥LITERALLY🔥RIOT🔥IN🔥THE🔥STREETS if they don't get
@HamillHimself
to be Vesemir.
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There's already a lot of controversy about your arrival, and a lot of folks are expecting you'll crash and burn.
I truly hope you'll seize this opportunity to show your young audience that people can learn from their mistakes and grow as a human being.
Good luck,
Your Neighbor
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Good job, team. We got another one 😎
Not actually a pizza this year but who's counting
Beginning of the video is a bit awkward as Kristen didn't want to step into my house at first, so I had to set the camera down to take food and sign the receipt etc.
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Explaining my issue to comcast tech at my house. He seems distracted and isn't listening.
Then I realize he's staring past me at the giant purple dildo that Ally hung on the wall.
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Between the sponsorships, ads, and brand deals, take a second to remember that you started twitch/youtube because you love games & people.
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You ever wake up in the hospital in a cold sweat, coming to a chilling realization in the dead of night.
Prapor just jacked all my insurance from the weekend nooooooooooooo
I'll get you for this you scammer
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Wearing all black today because when I play For Honor tonight, it's gonna be a funeral.
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I don't care. Mental health and personal well-being are more important than $5 per person for a day or two.
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"When I was 11, my first dog died."
Yeah, so?
"When I was 14, the girl I liked went out of her way to embarrass me in front of the whole school."
Yeah, so?
"When I was 23, my house burnt down along with my life savings."
Yeah, so?
"I have Comcast."
OMG I'M SO SORRY 😭
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I've been doing some research on the whole 'PARTNER vs AFFILIATE' argument and came up with some shocking statistics.
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You played Fallout 4 early, and uploaded a 16 minute long rant about why it was okay for you but everyone else was clearly a fake money grubber.
This is your cue to stop talking about this subject, now or ever.
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I feel more at home and at peace in one day here than I ever did in ten years in California.
For the first time in a long time, I'm home.
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Following the censorship of youtubers like
@PhillyD
, YouTube is now proud to unveil their newest logo update.
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It's that time of year again!
For the 4th year in a row, we're gonna make a special Christmas for a stranger when they deliver food to my door. This year's goal is $10,000!
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Might be a long shot, it's my birthday so I'm gonna go for it.
@bstategames
I've streamed thousands of hours of Tarkov to 10s of thousands of people since the very first alpha. What's a guy gotta do to get a streamer item put in?
I need my sword already so I can slay the rats!
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When
@N0M4DTV
lost his hands, he started gaming by using his face, literally.
He still wins.
#dedication
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Dad's 70 years old and retired more than 5 years ago. Now he runs a talent agency for musicians and is also getting my brother's stream studio set up.
For some types of people, the hustle is lifelong.
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The PAX East classic 4am diner photo.
Good food, better friends.
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While packing, I found an older (pre-beard) picture of me from when I auditioned for the lead role in Frozen.
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I'm gonna do the huge $$$ tip for a pizza guy again this year. Can't wait to blow some random dude's mind. Christmas miracle incoming. :)
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If you have an issue with someone, try to resolve it with them. It may be painful, but that is far better than years of resentment or fear.
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Roadhog's Guide to Dating Widowmaker
Step One - Approach carefully, show that you are friendly.
Step Two - Eliminate potential competition.
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Targeting smaller broadcasters with passive-aggressive mockery instead of the actual game company is unbecoming and unprofessional, John.
Maybe if we work hard enough we can be as influential as these channels and finally get access XD -
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When you try to build a campfire and instead burn down the world.
The whole world. All of it.
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My mind is blown. One quarter million on twitch now. Thanks for the love and support these past 2 years. Hard to wrap my head around it. <3
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Update:
I've been on liquids only for my hospital stay. Before I can go home, the doc wants to see me put down some solid food.
The final boss of my hospital stay is pancake and bacon.
Update:
Walking again ✅
Able to sleep ✅
Breathing normally ✅
Eating liquids and soup ✅
Pain no longer mindshattering ✅
Doc says I can probably go home tomorrow but it may be a while before I can keep solid foods down.
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Nine years on the grind today.
Thanks to everyone who's been part of the journey.
Also, another trip around the sun completed 🥳
Glad I started streaming on my birthday so I can knock them both out at once 😎
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Four years on
@Twitch
now. That's pretty crazy to think about. Thanks for the love and support!
Join me tomorrow for a celebratory stream, and have a good laugh at the fact that I've been parading around the internet in plate mail now for longer than any previous job I've held.
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It's 3:30am and I'm sitting by the hotel pool with 30+ twitch folks and just ordered 200+ chicken nuggets and 15 cheeseburgers because yes
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Invaded
@BikeMan
in Deathloop, and my internet immediately shut off. Checked with my ISP - the entire area is down, several blocks wide, almost directly centered on my house like an EMP went off here.
So basically, don't mess with Bikeman.
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