emily nagoski
@emilynagoski
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sex educator, nyt bestselling author (), podcast host
Joined February 2009
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The secret sadism of the sex educator: I totally love hearing that my book made someone cry on the bus.
http://t.co/PqyQe0rAPM
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Look. You want to end abortion? I get that. Cool. Do you. The neat thing is: we already know how to reduce abortions A LOT. 4 Simple Steps to End (Most) Abortion
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Wellness tip: Just because you have dealt with (at least some of) the CAUSE of your stress doesn't mean your body has completed the stress cycles activated by that cause.
In this case we're talking about YEARS' worth of accumulation.
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If what you really wanted was to end abortion, you'd prevent unwanted pregnancies. And if you're not interested in policies that prevent pregnancy, then ending abortion isn't really what you want.
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4. End rape culture. End male sexual entitlement, which is the primary cause of sexual violence. You don't want a rape victim who gets pregnant to get an abortion? Prevent the rapist from raping her. This is not rocket science.
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1. Comprehensive evidence-based sex education. It reduces rates of unwanted pregnancy, which reduces rates of abortion. Hey it also DELAYS young people starting to have sex, if that matters to you.
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You want a pregnant mom not to abort a pregnancy bc she's already struggling to feed the child(ren) she has? The solution is not to make abortion illegal, it's to end poverty. I think there was some guy, nice guy, really famous, had something to say about that...?
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2. Access to free, effective, safe contraception. It prevents pregnancy, which prevents abortion.
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If you feel great, GREAT.
But if now or tomorrow or on a few days you just feel exhausted, know that that's normal.
Just because a hurricane passes doesn't mean the house is fine now. You've got to rebuild from the damage.
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Hi my 10th grade English teacher is now
@FLOTUS
and I just kinda feel like things make a little more sense today.
(Delaware is a very small state.)
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I just want to say that if a student of mine submitted an essay like JK Rowling's I'd give it back and ask if they wanted to try again so I didn't have to fail them.
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3. Educational and economic opportunities for women and girls, including, sure, free college. Support parents, too -
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(And if you believe contraception is abortion, you were persuaded that by powerful assholes who realized contraception prevents abortion and so they had to REAL QUICK DECIDE CONTRACEPTION KILLS BABIES to keep you engaged and voting for them.)
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It's about controlling women's bodies and punishing them for making choices and being in situations you don't approve of.
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Nothing I've suggested here is controversial. The public health question has been settled, empirically, for decades. It's not that we don't know how, it's that we lack the political will. We lack the will because the abortion debate isn't really about abortion. -
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I just published “I’m sorry you’re lonely but it’s not my job to help you: the science of incels”
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These are families that have been decorating the nursery, deciding on names... the last thing they need is a law interfering with a moment that should be between them, their medical provider, and their faith.
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Now none of these prevents the small percentage of abortions that happen after the first trimester, especially the wanted pregnancies where something goes dangerously, heartbreakingly wrong. -
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This has been a sex nerd tweetstorm. I feel a little better. And I hope maybe it offered handy language for anyone having this argument with friends and family.
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Okay. "Scuse me. My turn." That's when he lost. That's when every woman in America went, "Oh hell no."
#debatenight
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long email from a man, explaining to me how sex works, ending with "Hope this helps you understand." because: his penis > my PhD
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my 10th grade English teacher's husband is going to be the president.
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Delightful fact I just learned: when you're making butter and suddenly the fat separates from the buttermilk? That's called "coming." The butter "comes."
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My sister and I just finished a year-long podcast about surviving 2020, and I'm surprised at how relevant it feels now, in the face of relief. If you're looking for ways to feel stabilized, start at the beginning.
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"sex positive" is not “I love me some sex!” But “I honor everyone’s right to a diverse set of consensual sexual possibilities "
@carolqueen
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This is my 10th grade English teacher, and she spoke from my 10th grade English classroom, and 2020 is really weird. (Hi
@DrBiden
I'm a bestselling author now! Thanks!)
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A journalist recently asked me why it's important to talk about sex, and I could not come up with a sound-bitey answer.
Next time, maybe I can share a story like this one. Reposting
@comeasyouareco
who are reposting
@yxesexualhealth
・・・ It’s true. …
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"Stupid fucking cunt." A Twitter egg called me that when I said sex isn't a drive bc: science. Thanks for the feedback, egg.
The names you are called do not define who you become. Thank you
@Monica
Lewinsky for
#DefyTheName
#BullyingPreventionMonth
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This week (Tues & Thurs), I'm the first guest ✨ever✨ on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast talking with
@GlennonDoyle
,
@AbbyWambach
& Amanda about how we can build toward joyful, confident sex lives. Listen at the link in my bio:
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Is uh... is anyone else noticing that whenever he stops being president, today or 2 weeks from now, he'll pretty much immediately have a private army with tendrils reaching into national military and police? Is that um... is that not... I mean...?
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So let me reiterate the most important & relevant message in the book: if it feels too hard, that's because IT IS TOO HARD, not because you're "not enough." You don't need more "grit," you need & deserve more HELP. You don't need more discipline you need more SUPPORT.
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Hey. Are you enraged? Wanna DO SOMETHING? Well there's an election on Tuesday. Fucking VOTE, will you?
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READERS OF QUEER ROMANCE: What are the BEST queer (esp lesbian!) romances to recommend to a young person who has just come out and wants to read stories where she can see herself?
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This thread feels timely again (and again)
Wellness tip: Just because you have dealt with (at least some of) the CAUSE of your stress doesn't mean your body has completed the stress cycles activated by that cause.
In this case we're talking about YEARS' worth of accumulation.
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Where was I when the white supremacist douchebags did the coup? I was on zoom talking about women's sexual pleasure. That's my life right now, and I have no regrets.
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I saw
#50shades
, to write a post ranking the orgasms - humorous yet celebrating women's pleasure. Here are my notes.
http://t.co/FOV7Kzq9Xh
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Dear pollsters, I have been fired for doing a better job than you.
Sincerely,
Emily
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For the record, sex - as in sexual intercourse, which seems like what he means here - is not "the key step ... to relationship." There is no one key step, and ALMOST ALL of our relationships are 100% sex-free: family, all the friends ya don't fuck, co-workers, your barista...
NYU professor Scott Galloway speaking on the rise of lonely single men. It’s interesting to me that loneliness in women isn’t something people often link to anger / violent crimes... Also lonely women lean into community - other women. Do men support other men in the same way?
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When you hear your Senator's vote about Kavanaugh, the question they've just been asked is: "Senator, are women people? Yay or nay?"
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In the 2000s, sex researchers had to learn to work around keyword triggers (like "homosexual," saying instead "same sex") in order to have their research funded.
We all thought that was sick and wrong.
This is way worse than that.
@bylenasun
@eilperin
So "science-based" and "evidence-based" are forbidden (no less the other words). This is really sick.
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A tip for dudes in relationships with exhausted, overwhelmed women: start by doing whatever it takes to PROTECT AND PRIORITIZE YOUR PARTNER'S SLEEP. Make the middle of the night your job. I know you're tired too, but step up to this task.
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Christ on a bike will AP please just call this thing and put us out of this misery so we can move on to dealing with all the misery that predates this misery
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22 weeks from today, the election will be wrapping up. 22 weeks from now, our window of opportunity closes. White people, if you're sad or mad vote. If you asked "but what can I do?" the answer is VOTE. It's literally the least you can do. Promise me you'll vote.
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Thank you Twitter for not completely collapsing before I could tell everyone that the Come As You Are Podcast launches NEXT WEEK!
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Last night I was like, "
@rstevens
I need a metaphor for a thing you do when there are unwanted consequences of something you did. You tried to prevent those consequences but shit happens, so here you are. It's not fun, but it's what you need to do." And he goes...
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Taking a break from my own copyedits to read
@kate_manne
's brilliant "Entitled," and I can't help wondering if she had to fight, like I do, for gender inclusive language like "pregnant person," against copyeditors who can't help "correcting" it to "woman."
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Does
@teenvogue
need a sex columnist? I want to channel my intersectional feminist rage into promoting sexual pleasure for women & girls
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BETA READERS SOUGHT. I'm writing a WORKBOOK companion to Come As You Are. It's much shorter, basically a collection of worksheets and a little science. If you're interested in checking it out and maybe giving me some feedback, email me enagoski at gmail - Please RT!
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Once again, let's all consider, what if the economic sidelining of women is not so much a byproduct of the pandemic but a motivation to delay aid | The economy could lose a generation of working mothers
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Note to self (and anyone else who needs an occasional reminder): When you feel you need more discipline, you need more kindness. When you feel you need more "grit," you need more help.
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The Burnout Workbook is finally here! Amelia did an amazing job on it. If you liked the original book, we hope you'll love the exercises in the workbook.
#burnout
@penguinrandom
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Real quick: Like if Kavanaugh reminds you of your perpetrator. RT if you're triggered AF by this week.
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I wrote this because every time I tried to "practice gratitude" I felt like an asshole. Then I read the actual research.
News flash: If trying to practice gratitude leads to feelings of shame or anger, there’s a good chance you’re doing it wrong. Learn another method from
@emilynagoski
and Amelia Nagoski, authors of Burnout, on the blog:
#powellsbooks
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"I want to discuss the entitled shame that results in destructive, vengeful fury. Its most vivid illustration is provided by family annihilators."
I hope
@BreneBrown
can invite
@kate_manne
on her podcast to discuss recent (and age old) events
Most, if not all, of us can feel shame. But many white men harbor what I call "entitled shame," which is not content to hide its face. Rather, it "wants to destroy the eyes of the world" which induced that sense of shame. It may want to destroy the other.
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2014
#yesallwomen
2015
#notguilty
#heforshe
#itsonus
2016
#notokay
#pussygrabsback
2017
#metoo
2018
#actualchange
?
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Inspired by this tweet to tell my own story. It’s about how people can and must reach out to people who can’t reach out themselves, and what systemic barriers might look like to people living with depression. Read her whole thread first. Different stories, harmonizing messages /1
The year after my dad died was so bad I don't remember 90% of it. I moved to a new apt and was unable to unpack. For MONTHS. I was ashamed I couldn't unpack. How can you be UNABLE to unpack? Just open the g.d. boxes. That was the year I cried for 19 days. Straight. /1
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HEY COOL today in my email a man explained the function of the clitoris to me. That literally happened. Men know so much. I'm really lucky.
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I have a new podcast "coming" this fall. I need your questions!
Call Our Hotline:
(646) 397-8557
Or email a voice memo to:
caya
@pushkin
.fm
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It's the final episode of the Come As You Are Podcast – You can listen to the whole series for free now. I really hope you all enjoyed it.
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I spent the morning reading the research on weight bias and sexism among physicians and bias's impact on patients' health outcomes and here is a photo of my cute dog because it's too early for wine.
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Can someone who has read Come As You Are have a chat with Katharine Smyth about the brakes? Can someone who has read Burnout talk to her about rage?
And if you read this article and were like, "YEAH!" may I humbly recommend Come As You Are?
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Now that it has been announced officially (
) I can tell y'all:
I've been...
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Today's post debunks Victorians and vibrators – with huge thanks to
@FernRiddell
and
@dmeconis
!
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QUICK QUESTION PLEASE RT:
When a woman says she can orgasm "quickly and easily" during masturbation, how much time do you imagine she means by "quickly"? Like, culturally, what message have you absorbed about "quick" orgasms?
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The parent company of my publisher just canceled a book contract w a misogynist, anti-trans, white supremacist wankmaggot. So. Phew.
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There's a lot of bad stuff on Twitter, but maybe dumbest bad stuff is when celebrities go up against experts and win bc follower count beats knowledge.
Is it too much to ask that famous people pause 5min to do some research before they throw their followers' shit at a doctor?
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And if you're like "but emily I need a book for teens" I have good news!
The excitement for Let's Talk About It has been so, well, exciting! Pre-ordering really makes a difference for new books! If you've been thinking of picking up a copy of our sex & relationship guide for teens, get in early. -SP
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I'm a cisgender woman, nobody needs to care about my opinion of the Atlantic cover story about gender nonconforming kids. Care how trans and nonbinary folks feel. But I teach & write about sex and gender from a scientific POV & I've learned things maybe I can teach cis folks 1/
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Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
The latter practice self-pollination,
But hey listen, that's nothing to be ashamed of.
#sexnerdvalentine
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@hels
Pleasure, desire, arousal, and consent are FOUR DIFFERENT THINGS. Also sex is not a drive. Also: vulva. You wouldn't call your face your throat, so why would you call your vulva your vagina? I could go on forever.
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I got up early and put on makeup to tell everyone to complete the stress cycle and take extra care of each other. (Amelia and I are in a quarantine bubble so that we can do stuff like this.)
#worthit
Emily and Amelia Nagoski, the authors of "Beating Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle," share tips to overcome and handle stress.
@emilynagoski
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I'm no expert in world affairs and maybe it's just me but it sure seems like the US is kinda devolving into a petty dictatorship led by a spoiled 1% tween who started running with a bad crowd & got his hands on Daddy's gun & someone stop him before he breaks Earth.
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Led a consent education program at noon, wore black in solidarity with Dr Ford and
#timesup
, finished my program in time for the walkout. Now enjoying a bubbling rose that supports LGBTQ equality. It's been an all right day.
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I work from home, and my experience is different from the other "advice from people who already work from home" threads, so I thought I'd out this out there, to normalize a variety of experiences: 1/x
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So there you have it. The abortion analogy I've all been searching for: Abortion is the roadside assistance of reproductive health.
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So there you have it. Inspired by the women of Ireland, with whom I share ancestors, the ultimate analogy for abortion. It may even show you people in your life who kinda sorta believe women don't belong behind the wheel.
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My Italian publisher gave me an Italian edition of Come As You Are!! Isn't that cover bellissimo?
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In addition to BURNOUT
#burnoutbook
I'm also finishing a new workbook full of worksheets to apply the science of Come As You Are in your actual life. Coming in June! It's on my mind because today I
#amcopyediting
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In the before times I wrote about loneliness and violence:
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I just published “Girl? Let’s Talk about Your Beautiful Face”
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Another small reminder to myself and anyone else who might need it: feeling like you're not "enough" is really just a form of loneliness. If you feel like you're not enough, connect with people who make you feel loved.
#selfcare
#feministselfcare
#femi
…
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I was getting ready for bed when
@rstevens
brought me the clips of
@EmCeeHammock
voicing the patriarchy for the audiobook of the new edition of Come As You Are. Better than tearing paper in front of a baby.
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Here's a thread that pointed me to a resource that I'm pretty sure will save me $400 a month on a maintenance medication I haven't been taking because my insurance doesn't cover it.
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here is something I got clear about during a workshop I led last week:
sometimes (often?) the path to self-care goes unavoidably through rage.
people looking for self-care want peace. but between them and peace is an enormous and ancient rage about the…
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Nobody gets in their car thinking "Gosh I hope I get a flat/get in an accident," but if those things happen, you call a tow truck. And here's the kicker: it doesn't mean you shouldn't have been on the road.
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A sex tip for Friday afternoon: you're already sexy enough. You don't need any sex tips. Just enjoy the sex you're having.
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The moral of the story is not "his book was bad" - who cares? of course it was! - but that Milo's intellectual rigor was cockblocked by his ego. It happens to all of us from time to time. Beware.
I went to the New York county clerk’s website and found this filing. It includes the entire manuscript with allllllll the editor’s comments as exhibit B.
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I just published “what to do when someone tells you they were sexually assaulted”
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@burnoutbookgroup
and I have started a podcast called the Feminist Survival Project: 2020, for feminists who feel overwhelmed and exhausted by everything that has to get done in 2020 and yet still worry they're not doing enough. First episodes just went …
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My dad was an alcoholic photographer. My mom made his photography business viable while earning undergrad, masters, and doctoral degrees in music and raising three children. I teach women to live with confidence & joy in their bodies.
What did your parents/guardians do for a living? What do you do for a living?
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Evidence-based. Science-based. Fetus. Entitlement. Diversity. Transgender. Vulnerable.
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Specifically the black people of Alabama are sending a powerful message - especially the black WOMEN of Alabama. I say we cut out the middle man: Let's just fill the Senate with black women, so we can get some shit done.
Tonight Alabama is sending a powerful message across the country. The American people will fight back against bigotry, hate &, yes, pedophilia – & reject a man totally unfit to serve in the US Senate. Republican, Democrat, Independent – on this, there will be no compromise.
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