~
@daniel_barker
Followers
5,412
Following
869
Media
4,837
Statuses
176,253
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
花火大会
• 118971 Tweets
BINIVERSE GOES TO GENSAN
• 89330 Tweets
ゲリラ豪雨
• 28248 Tweets
ヒロアカ
• 24098 Tweets
#GoHome
• 21658 Tweets
フレッシュオールスター
• 12567 Tweets
ボクシング
• 12381 Tweets
#consadole
• 11980 Tweets
#WOWOWでラルク
• 10553 Tweets
マリノス
• 10411 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
You, a bright red coward: swimming away from the giant extinct squid boys
Me, a calm, bright red heroic genius: standing gallantly on the seabed amongst the giant extinct squid boys
16
344
1K
I find it odd how the Bible is super relevant if you have to bake a cake for some gays but not if desperate people need your help.
656
47K
87K
So sad, he can make a car that blows up and a rocket that blows up but still can't write a tweet that blows up.
199
9K
62K
-What do we want?
-No more Nazis!
-When do we want it?
-Honestly like 70 years ago I mean it was a whole thing.
59
13K
31K
OK fine I'll concede that sometimes it is important to listen to Nazis and try to understand them.
A group of codebreakers who helped to defeat Hitler were reunited at Bletchley Park yesterday
199
3K
8K
116
6K
19K
Women are like buses - several thousand tech bros are convinced they can be replaced with robots despite never having been on one.
55
2K
13K
If you think Gillette's ad is part of a massive corporate plot to subjugate men through social engineering you might want to try using Occam's razor instead.
113
2K
8K
"you've helped make twitter what it is today" is an absolutely fucking brutal accusation
20
2K
7K
I have to be honest, I didn't even know the Romans laid eggs.
59
2K
7K
Fully amazes me that people still use "eventually you run out of other people's money" as a critique of socialism when the global financial crisis in 2008 literally happened because banks ran out of other people's money.
40
2K
6K
These days you can't even call an election with dignity, because of soak.
5
467
4K
Please stop commissioning articles from confused old men who are terrified they may have to stop masturbating at their desk in the office.
18
806
4K
One of my absolute favourite birds is the Inca Tern. Look at their AMAZING MOUSTACHES.
37
2K
4K
David Hyde Pierce as Niles is maybe the greatest bit of sitcom casting ever.
55
296
3K
Just heard some idiot say you can't do BDSM on your own and honestly I had to restrain myself.
31
732
3K
-So why did you get into politics?
-I wanted to help people. Not lone children fleeing wars though, mostly businessmen I was at school with
21
2K
2K
There's a lot of talk about the British Empire this week and I want to keep reminding people that Operation Legacy was a thing and it worked
35
2K
2K
hey girl, are you compensation following an accident at work because TV keeps trying to convince me I’m entitled to you
23
1K
2K
Your password must contain a ferrous metal, an embarrassing sexual memory, at least one Norse god and the seeds of its own destruction.
51
1K
2K
this is actually one of the most insulting things you can do to a Swiss man
9
181
2K
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like....thank you comrade, my aim will be true.
2
262
1K
I don't know Sonia but I'm very much hoping it'll be "a small but determined band of woodland creatures."
34
543
2K
Abi and Owen look like they were having a nice chat until I interrupted and said something awful.
18
188
1K
No one is above the law. Except astronauts obviously. Up there, doing their space crimes. What can we do.
6
426
1K
From the 1950s to the early 70s the British government systematically destroyed the documentation detailing the worst crimes of the empire.
14
856
1K
God inventing pelicans: cross a handbag with a goose and make it deadly. Stop crying and fucking do it.
10
240
1K
Therapist: and what do we do when we feel like this?
Me: create fictional interlocutors who affirm what we already wish to believe and then tweet the resulting dialogue?
Therapist: yes, good, you are very smart and also attractive
2
201
1K
Absolutely in awe of a) this story about a guy in the fifties testing the human limits of endurance of G force by crashing a sled at 600 miles an hour and b) the choice of pull quote in this write-up.
17
239
1K
This is the most emotional journey a gif has taken me on in a while.
9
743
935
Me: where does all my money GO?
My bank statement: on these things which you purchased
Me: NEVERTHELESS
4
199
952
Borderline pawnagraphic.
The World Chess Championships just released their new logo and THIS is what they came up with 🙈🙈🙈
200
673
1K
10
190
855
I love the idea that bi people are "greedy" as if straight people are just very restrained. Another WHOLE gender? At this hour? I couldn't POSSIBLY
12
180
733
Time to check in with all the Head of NFT lads who definitely exist.
5
60
671
I wish I was a little bit older,
I wish I was a boulder,
I wish I could reside at the bottom of a hill having rolled there
6
163
659
This is EXACTLY how you get accidental Minotaurs.
Massive semen explosion after blaze hits bull artificial insemination facility, firefighters forced to dodge "projectiles"
3K
12K
32K
17
111
623
A limerick is seldom essential,
And this one is inconsequential,
Just the standard five lines,
And some dubious rhymes,
And it’s pointlessly self-referential.
17
218
617
People are appalled that a clock is going to be stopped for repairs but is this horror logical?
39
311
596
You know, when I made the decision to live alone in a small flat, I considered a lot of factors. Not all the factors of course. Not all of them.
8
48
597
don't dress for the job you have, dress for the post-apocalyptic dystopia following the fall of capitalism you want to bring about
9
437
566
The phrase "avoid it like the plague" has really taken a battering recently but "a prince among men" isn't holding up well either.
4
139
579
I like my coffee like I like my women: integral to the functioning of all major organisations, not just a constant focus for my desire.
15
576
569
Why is Theresa May, who has deported people to be executed, not standing up to Trump on human rights? We just don't know.
3
379
539
Really hard to know whether to read the second word as a verb or a noun here.
Shark advocates call for rebranding violent attacks as 'interactions'
2K
1K
6K
5
103
558
Acceptable desserts for men:
-Gun Sorbet
-Brofiteroles
-Menringue
-Truck Pie
-Victor Sponge
-Man Custard™
25
278
527
Everyone who is "just asking questions" has precisely three questions:
-what are you going to do about this scenario I made up
-what if we stop these people who I hate from having rights
-am I the real victim here
0
156
519
RIP ms paint you showed everyone that software does not need to be defined by its marital status
11
181
501
Records of abuse, torture, rape and mass slaughter. Because they didn't want history to know what we did. Cobain again.
5
375
476
Who looked at this little lad and thought: oh yes, the most distinctive feature, the white brow, just hard to see past that brow and its whiteness really
12
135
509
Apparently lots of us now believe the British Empire was wonderful. We're supposed to. People have worked hard to make us think that.
8
275
453
If you rotate this tunnel at King's Cross through 90 degrees you get a very Mario Kart vibe.
9
53
482
This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read. This is how America works? Fucking HELL.
20
473
451
imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever but occasionally the human face mouths “fuck this” and people tut disapprovingly
9
186
410
Might start wearing a massive leather glove and occasionally looking at the sky so people think I own a falcon.
14
104
453
Boris: I am the most embarrassing and inept political figure you will ever see in British politics.
May: ho d my be r
4
225
419
Capitalism's cataclysmic failure, unleashing huge disruption and suffering, happened because banks took too much risk in greedy pursuit of cash and then got screwed when a bunch of ordinary people couldn't pay them enough of it back fast enough.
6
55
411
The best thing about twitter is you can just say "FUCK how is it still Tuesday" and loads of people will be like "RIGHT??" and the worst thing about twitter is loads of other people will then start earnestly explaining how linear time works and what days are.
14
86
433
When we continue to look away from the horrors of the empire we are complicit in the quiet sins of those men.
6
195
382
Thousands of people over many years burned and dropped into the sea documents that showed the true barbarity of what Britain had done.
3
271
385
Shall I compere thee to a summer's day? Thou art not meant to be here right now.
4
117
412
Huge fan of this picture of Grealish where maybe he's deliberately showing off his rippling torso or maybe he's just been outwitted by a jumper.
18
38
412
-Follow your dreams! You can be whatever you want to be! Just believe in yourself!
-My parents are poor.
-OK forget what I said then.
7
375
394
Next time you want to write “didn’t happen” about someone’s tweet ask yourself: is the world really a drab, mundane place devoid of whimsy, surprise and joy or are you just a bellend.
14
96
402
But yeah OK socialism is the monster under your bed that's going to somehow make everything worse than it is now.
4
40
368
FORBIDDEN TYPOGRAPHY
‡ - the double-cross
ᴥ - squidpostrophe
ʔ - unanswerable question
Ơ – fertilisation
ʝ - extra jam
ѽ – the bum lookout
4
184
381
Actually Neil no one can be full of shit because the digestive tract only comprises a limited proportion of the body's total volume.
Science literacy empowers you to know when someone else is full of shit.
2K
50K
165K
5
75
368
when you really wanted to get a dart for christmas and you get a dart for christmas
8
111
377
It is my belief that the Queen is deliberately staying alive until The Crown catches up with her so she can watch herself on Netflix in real-time and stare directly at her own death.
8
57
387
hey girl are you my online banking password because the satisfaction I feel in entering you correctly is tempered by a sickening foreboding
6
231
377
I don't even have a daughter so I have absolutely no idea if assaulting women is bad or not.
As the grandfather of two precious girls, I find that no apology can excuse away Donald Trump's reprehensible comments degrading women.
11K
46K
113K
6
209
366
I met a child who identified as "it." I explained I would not respect this pronoun. They tagged me and declared I was now "it." Deeply shocking behaviour.
2
129
378
When I feel anxious for no particular reason, I like to read twitter for a bit, which helps me to become anxious for specific reasons.
1
80
377
Beyond that, it left countries gaining independence without records of their own history, of the subjugation that informed their new freedom
1
198
343
GARETH SOUTHGATE IMMEDIATELY TALKING ABOUT THOSE WHO HAVEN'T BEEN INCLUDED AND HOW THEY MATTER. MY HEART
4
20
358
A small narrative emerges on the Guardian's "Most Popular" article list.
2
106
349
Can Australians please be considerate and not tweet spoilers as most of us haven't seen 2016 yet.
11
346
324