Chip Clark
@Chipotle
Followers
1K
Following
206
Media
69
Statuses
3K
They have the Internet on computers, now? --Homer Simpson
The Whale's V
Joined March 2007
I want to remind everybody that I'm just a random dude who tweets dad jokes. Direct your ecoli tweets to @chipotletweets.
36
367
1K
You're right, I actually hate sunsets and long walks on the beach.
4
1
22
Just burned 2000 calories. Leaving brownies in the oven while I napped was probably a mistake.
0
10
21
Since @Chipotletweets released their guacamole recipe, I feel obligated to give away my recipe for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
0
9
15
"It" is a bit rude, but I get your point. Also, it's not really a mystery - I got old.
0
2
13
This is a great as far as it goes, but it's missing an important item - adobo blush. (an essential part of my morning routine).
3
1
11
WTF! . How the hell am I supposed to do this? Way too much work - I need to take a nap after I make myself a sandwich.
1
0
13
0
8
15
Hang in there, making pottery on a wheel is hard. With a little more practice your bowls will rock!.
1
1
14
@benshapiro So, were those that accused the women in Salem of being witches "the right" or "the left"? Just trying to figure out who started this.
1
1
13
Hey everybody, it's not like I don't like all the attention, but you should probably direct your anger, sarcasm and jokes to @chipotletweets.
1
13
7
Crap! The guac I made this morning is already brown. I'm screwed.
0
1
9
Fact check: mostly true (correct description = some random dude).
1
1
8
In reality, I'm horizontal on the couch eating Cocoa Puffs, but for the Twitterverse let's go with teaching refugee children English.
0
1
9
I wish to welcome all my new Twitter followers. I'm sure you'll find the tweets of some random old dude funny yet informative.
0
8
8
Unfortunately due to overwhelming demand I will not be available until spring of 2021.
0
1
6
jak, you're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!.
0
0
7
That's a nice thing to say, but a word of warning - my nightly bagpipe lessons begin next week.
0
0
7
@roddreher Is “my Alabama friend texted” another version of “I was in a Brooklyn coffee shop and overheard…”.
0
0
6
Thanks, but elite is a stretch. I'm solidly mediocre on a good day.
1
1
6
But Amanda, is bank worth losing the attention of people who refer to me as 'my dude'? I think not. (also note: I'm not very smart).
1
2
5
Are you sure? I'm not much of a cook, but I guess I could pick up some mini-quiches at Costco.
1
0
5
I'm not sure it applies to you, but my problem is that I haven't left the house in over 2 years and people freak me out.
0
1
4
I don't know about the other Chips, but I'm old and don't get out much.
1
1
6
Evidently I've been tagged here to mediate this dispute and to render a judgement. I am currently reviewing the evidence and will announce my decision shortly.
1
0
4
I'm really sorry, I truly didn't know how hard it is to walk and chew gum at the same time.
0
0
4
And, farewell to my new Twitter (un)followers who just left. Evidently my last tweet was neither funny or informative.
0
4
6
OK, but a word of warning. After a year in lock down I'm not exactly fastidious about my personal hygiene.
0
0
5
@LandonAustin While it is true that I am delicious, it is also true that i am already spoken for.
1
2
4
Again?! I'm not sure why so many people are interested, but as of today it's 24,846.
0
0
4
Buddies?? I was good friends with Gorilla Garfield, but I'm pretty sure we've never met.
1
0
4
@DanCrenshawTX So, what happened to individual sacrifice for the common good? Do we want this to happen again?
2
0
6
Fact check: true. (The consensus is that I peaked in the early 80s).
0
0
5
Evidently the surgeon general's warningI I have tattoo'd on my arm is not effective. More preventative measures will be rolled out soon.
0
1
6