Scarfolk Council
@Scarfolk
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Official #Scarfolk account. Also here: Buy books etc here: . For more information please reread.
Joined November 2013
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A reminder that the Scarfolk gift shop is open. Pick up copies of Discovering Scarfolk, the Scarfolk Annual 197X, the Scarfolk map pack, and Scarfolk pandemic beer mats, to name but a few.
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It will soon be One Britain One Nation Day at your school. Free copies of I-Spy: Unpatriotic Classmates will be given to all pupils so that they can keep a record of any schoolfriends who do not sing the
#OBONDAY21
anthem loudly enough.
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Wow. This has made my week. This is from the government's *own* publication about the history of government communications. They mistakenly included a Scarfolk poster which encourages the killing of children. Clearly, nobody thought it was too extreme. (via
@CraigHeap
)
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Roy the telekinetic child-owl is now back in production.
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"Light is expensive. When you're not using your eyes KEEP THEM SHUT... Or we'll shut them for you."
From 'Discovering Scarfolk' (Ebury Press, 2014)
#EnergyCrisis
#EnergyPriceCap
#EnergyPrices
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Here's the Covid
#winterplan
in summary.
1. No
2. Stop
3. Don't
If you fail to No, Stop or Don't, you could face a fine.
For more information please reread.
#downingstreetbriefing
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"Dear Prime Minister, It is with great sadness and regret that I must tender my resignation to you..."
#BorisJohnson
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Public information reminder: It will soon be illegal to gather in groups of one or more. You must maintain a distance of 6 feet from yourself at all times.
#Covid19UK
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We've just found this 1970s Government employee eye-test slide in our archives.
#DominicCummnings
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Scarfolk Council public information messages for
#MayDay
.
1. Be aware that illegal morris dancers have been sighted in this area. Do NOT approach them. They are thought to be dangerous and armed with prohibited handkerchiefs.
#BankHolidayMonday
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We've been
#ReadyforRishi
since 1970 and we've already started constructing deradicalisation camps for the under-10s Prevent People programme.
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This year's wicker man event is cancelled. In the interest of public health and safety, please sacrifice yourself in your own home at least 2 metres from household members who are sacrificing themselves.
#MayDay
#MayDay2020
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Here's some clarification about the current guidance:
1. Stay alert means stay alert. You can stay alert by staying alert.
2. Do not gather in groups of one or more.
For more information please reread.
#BorisJohnsonSpeech
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Tier 5 is Scarfolk.
You'll soon be our property.
It was always going to be this way.
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An important reminder from your local council: In the north of England it is now illegal to gather in groups of one.
#manchesterlockdown
More info:
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Here is the latest update:
NO*
For more information please reread.
*no
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Wash your hands or we will remove them and wash them for you.
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We wish you all a good night, and leave you with the latest government guidance. Please comment in the thread if you'd like us to help you during this time of crisis.
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Thread: The pubs will reopen in a few days. Every day this week we will post a 1970s beer mat from the Scarfolk council archives. Visit Scarfolk & collect them all!
#1
: "10"
#PubsReopen
#PubsReopening
#4thofJuly
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Here's a thread of records we're listening to on
#RecordStoreDay18
#RSD18
.
#1
. British Tutting (BBC Records, 1970)
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Unfortunately, some citizens have been under the illusion that they are as important as people who work in government. Rest assured that this is not the case. You'll be relieved to know that you're not as important as you think you are. Not even close.
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"If a crime is in progress, or there is some other emergency, please write to Scarfolk Police Station and clearly write 'emergency' on the envelope."
#SueGrayReport
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Once again, the
#Glastonbury
line-up pales in comparison with the 1978 Scarfolk Festival. Which of these bands have you seen live?
#Glastonbury2019
#glastonburyfestival2019
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NEW! In 1972, the government drew up plans to construct a deportation facility that could house the entire population of the UK, if need be. The intention was to make it an exact replica of the United Kingdom and call it Bad Kingdom. More info:
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Fake Britain: A Map Of Fictional Locations In England, Scotland And Wales (Scarfolk included) via
@soullessparty
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Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
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Has he been yet? Face the walls: The Council Christmas Boy has started doing his rounds...
More info:
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"And later on in the programme, Lesley will be showing you how to sew all your now-worthless paper money into your clothes to keep you warm over winter, and I'll be telling you which parts of your pets are most nutritious..."
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"Are you amongst us, spirit? Wake up, be bright, be golden and light. Bagpuss, oh hear what I sing..." (from the Children's Guide To Séances & Cuddly Demons, Scarfolk Books, 1973)
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We're slipping. We said on Sunday that the government's flagrant gaslighting would begin in 'the coming days'.
It was one day.
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You know it's 2020 when the Pennsylvania state treasury retweets Scarfolk and people aren't sure whether or not the treasury truly understands what Scarfolk is.
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We hoped you enjoyed the 1970s Scarfolk beer mats we posted this week. Here they all are in one place.
#Coronavirus
#Covid19
#covidiots
#DominicCummings
#BorisJohnson
#SuperSpreaderSaturday
#SecondWave
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This book is about a woman who tries to explain simple modern concepts, such as hygiene, to backward villagers. She's killed by a devout lynch mob whose grasp of such things extends to believing the demonic spirits of pigs can destroy crops by hiding in your nose
#RoeVsWade
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Believe it or not, we created this a few days ago but hadn't had time to finish it.
Shared here in its incomplete state.
#Trump
#Dettol
#Bleach
#TrumpPressBriefing
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Correction.
Wash your hands regularly, with soap and water, to protect yourself against coronavirus.
#StayAlert
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2. Scarfolk's annual May Pylon Dance will commence at 2pm. For optimal conductivity, pleasure ensure all participants have been adequately drenched beforehand.
#BankHolidayMonday
#MayDay
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Here's the latest advice from the government about going back to work and school.
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"We reject foreign influences in England. Multiculturalism is our bête noire. English culture is destined to become kaput if the current zeitgeist continues to be de rigueur. But it doesn't have to be a fait accompli..."
#stgeorgesday2020
#ProudToBeEnglish
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In the event of a
#NoDealBrexit
, we're getting ready to republish this edition of the Radio Times.
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It's that time of the year again.
Who should receive the 'honour' this year?
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Suffering in the
#UKHeatwave
? Cool down with a Scarfolk lolly! Which is your favourite?
#Heatwave2022
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If, like some tabloid columnists, you too are tired of scientists, experts in lab coats, and others who have become highly skilled & accomplished in their field, why not sign up for one of our de-education classes & 'learn to unlearn'? See also: Fact Bans
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"When immigrants started coming to Scarfolk in the mid-1970s, many local criminals worried that foreign offenders would threaten their livelihoods. They formed an organisation called the Campaign for Real British Crime (CRBC), which fought for the rights of UK born criminals"
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Affected by the
#TubeStrike
? For those who missed it, here's Scarfolk's replacement tube map.
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Please take a few moments to read about men and truly understand how they function. Thank you.
#InternationalMensDay
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Public Information: One hour has been deleted from your memory because you did or saw something you shouldn't have. If you would like to get it back please write to Scarfolk Council, Extortion & Intimidation Offer, The High St., SC47 FLK.
#clocksforward
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NEW! "To find out your current value in pounds & pence write to your MP and include a self-addressed stamped envelope, unless your previous evaluation was less than a stamp." Government self-support scheme posters 1/2.
More info:
#FreedomDay
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We're taking a break from Scarfolk because we've been approached by the government who need advisers while Dominic Cummings is in self-isolation. Of course, we won't ever be as shamelessly totalitarian as Mr Cummings but we'll just have to do the best we can.
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Struggling to gauge safe distances when you are outside? The Government has provided a helpful guide.
#StayAlert
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It's
#SuperSpreaderSaturday
! The next in our series of pub mats to celebrate the pubs reopening will be posted later on today.
#PubsOpening
#WelcomeBackPubs
Thread: The pubs will reopen in a few days. Every day this week we will post a 1970s beer mat from the Scarfolk council archives. Visit Scarfolk & collect them all!
#1
: "10"
#PubsReopen
#PubsReopening
#4thofJuly
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Today's pub fact: Wetherspoons was founded in 1979 by Tim Martin.
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Win the right to be acknowledged as a human being in our exciting
#humanrights
lottery competition! Sees terms & conditions.
#ECHR
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The very first Scarfolk image was posted on the blog ten years ago today.
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Scarfolk: Coming true one day at a time...
From the Scarfolk Annual 197X (2019).
#PolicingBill
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"1976. John Noakes lights the million-mile-long fuse that will trigger the bomb designed to destroy Earth in December 2016."
#AdventCalendar
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