Rotten Soldier: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes
@Rotten_Soldier
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Right, I know, yes, me and Balzac
I'm an adult
Joined August 2022
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Pinned Tweet
A pinned thread of my Our Flag Means Death fics:
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"You've heard of me?"
"Oh, yeah. I've heard all about you."
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Okay so do I just. Introduce myself to my neighbors? Like do I need to bake something first or what
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🎉💤 Imagine Wee John leading Izzy away at the end of the night, to some private corner of the ship. Izzy's completely plastered, but he does his best with his hands when John asks for help getting out of Calypso's dress. 🧵
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You mean to tell me that Oluwande pulled off all of the action and derring-do of Episode 8 without switching his Crocs to sport mode??
#ofmds2spoilers
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@metricalfoot
If anything, I wish MORE baby billionaires would use their inherited wealth to fund middling sketch comedy shows instead of trying to 'disrupt' labor in an endless quest to generate more generational wealth.
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Now with the original soundtrack lovingly restored
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Dear Ed,
By the time you read this, I’ll be dead. This is how I think it’s gonna happen: Ricky will shoot me then I’ll shoot Ricky then Izzy will enter and get shot by Ricky. Then you’ll come in and get shot by Izzy, Ricky, and I multiple times. Lov-
#ofmds2spoilers
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His arc
i dont know who needs to hear this, but your identity is not your job. your identity is a sick ass jacket everyone recognizes you by
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Lazy Sunday vibes for the boys. Art by Zach Brunner, who is not on twitter.
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(•_•)
<) ) ╯
/ \
(•_•)/
<) )
/ \
(•_•)
<) )> I did a punch!
/ \
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I'm not trying to start Wall discourse here, but... has Chauncey always been standing over them for the foot touch? I've never noticed him there before.
changed the trajectory of my life, the earth and the whole universe
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I've seen an awful lot of headcanons calling Calico Jack a Florida Man, and that's fine, but don't forget that we already have a violent, impulsive, unpredictable Floridian in canon.
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In honor of Rhys Darby's birthday, please enjoy this video of Rhys Darby being drunk & disorderly that I like to gaze at sometimes. 🍻
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OFMD AU where everything is exactly the same except Izzy Hands is played by Reba McEntire circa 1991
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...I need help reacting to something
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Therapist: So you find a lot of joy in this show? A big part of that came from the celebration of queerness without homophobia?
Yes: Yeah
Therapist: And then you wrote a fanfiction that re-centered the show on 1950s homophobia?
Me: Hell yeah
Me: Wait why are you writing that down
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Who gave Rhys Darby the right to be so leggy?
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You people are making me lose my mind
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Frenchie's Season 2 Kraken Crew look, PLEASE
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@ArtistFailure
@pervocracy
Halt and Catch Fire tried to put them in ugly period hair, but the cast was too hot to pull it off
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@felicianista
@kymbappes
@PopBase
She gets $1 and the satisfaction of being proven gwynnocent in the court of law
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What if, WHAT IF, the FancyFuck reunion is anonymous and online, just as they first met through the fax machine. And they develop a comfortable connection that neither has felt since 1987, and when they finally decide to meet face to face...
#Pi
ñaColadasSMAU
#fancyfuck
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I love Our Flag Means Death Season Two
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OR should I continue to linger in front of their apartment building and take pictures, like somebody who is neither a creep nor a perv
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Finally, we get a peek of Ed and Stede dancing at Calypso's Birthday (they are grinding to Country Grammar by Nelly)
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"He heard Ed moan into his mouth when their kiss deepened, felt the vibrations of it, tasted the raindrops on Ed’s lips. Every sensation felt like an atom bomb. Every nudge of Ed’s tongue felt like the end of the world, and the very beginning."
Thank you so much
@pan_od_tortur
!
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Sure, I love reunion fics where Stede and Ed heal their trauma and build a strong foundation for a long, stable life together. But what if they spend the rest of their lives dramatically breaking up at the slightest misunderstanding and loudly getting back together 6 hours later?
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What if: something like this but with a little Captain Stede Bonnet painted on the glass, trying to hold the books in
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🎉💤 Izzy wakes up sweating. He's still draped over John's soft chest, the gentle rise and fall of it balancing against the movement of he ship. He's miserably hugover. Every part of his body aches. Greasepaint is smeared everywhere.
It's going to be a good day.
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I've been seeing a lot of thirst for Lee Pace, so I want to spread the gospel of Halt and Catch Fire, a magnificent show where he plays a genius chaos bisexual at the forefront of the tech explosions of the 80s and 90s.
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Season 2 finale discourse is getting quieter... fanart is reappearing... we're having conversations like this again...
Nature is healing.
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Can we talk about Ned Low's musical theatre past?
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Izzy's brain on a loop for the next 12 hours
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Every time I start drilling down and expanding my fanfic outlines:
#OFMD2Spoilers
#ofmds2
#ofmdseason2spoilers
#ofmdspoilers
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When you have the special brainrot that turns everything into OFMD AU:
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🎉💤 He cradles Izzy to his big, broad chest and doesn't say a word. Izzy goes taut, waiting to be pawed at or pulled onto John's lap, but Wee John just breathes.
Eventually, Izzy just breathes, too.
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🎉💤Wee John settles in on the deck, and for once, Izzy doesn't have to crane his neck to see him. He nods, wipes his mouth. "Look- I'm too drunk to get it up tonight, but I can-"
"Oh, shut up," Wee John grumbles softly. He pulls Izzy in and just- holds him. 🧵
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I love when a modern AU goes like this:
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Blackbeard kidnaps Frenchie because he needs somebody to lay down that sick bassline when he shows up at the Bonnet Estate to sing You Oughta Know to a very confused Mary and Doug.
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📺: Lucius is mistaken for a dignitary, and Stede has to pretend to be his manservant for a heist
📺: the gang finds a lost pathetic stowaway kid who turns out to be a con artist
📺: Roach gets hit on the head and has a different personality
📺: Abshir is back, why not
Forget 10 episodes, I need 24 episodes. I need filler episodes. I need a musical episode. I need a "Stede accidentally joins a cult" episode. GIVE ME MORE GAY PIRATES.
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Never forget the meltdowns on Usenet when DS9 wrote Nana Visitor's pregnancy onto the show.
DS9 will forever remain undefeated in the “writing a cast member’s pregnancy into the show” sweepstakes
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@cerealitomagic0
@Lucyddreams
Mmhmm, Boy really hits different once you've seen Taika's real dad.
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All right, I'm doing a thing! The Reno Cure: An Our Flag Means Death AMAU. 🌵💍 Updating on Twitter and Archive of Our Own.
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Y'all aren't ready to hear this, but what this fandom needs is a Titanic AU that is Mary/Doug, and Stede is relegated to the role of the frivolous, self-absorbed wealthy fiancé that Mary is trying to throw herself off the ship to avoid marrying.
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GOD why do I have to work when there are pirates to think about
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Something about this is so Calvin
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If you have an ongoing SMAU rooted in a Season One premise and you're wondering if your audience still wants to read it... hi, hello, I still want to read it.
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Here is the complicated bit: as far as I can tell, this is a four-unit apartment building.
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In honor of Fancyfuck finally getting their act together, here's a sampling of the Piña Coladas love out in the wild.
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@levionok
@OurFlagHBOMax
@HBO
@david_jenkins__
@rhysiedarby
@TaikaWaititi
A) this is perfect and you're perfect and this is perfect
B) may I make this my header image? I'll credit you, of course.
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@awardnopoints
@GreatCheshire
Somebody recently said to me that Meryl Streep has mostly done "extended easter eggs and cameos" in movies since 2018, citing Mary Poppins, Little Women and Don't Look Up. It took me a minute to realize that he was trying to describe a supporting role.
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I took a CPR course, but none of you were there, so I had to mutter "the Gentleman Pirate, I presume" to myself. 😢
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Hey I don't want to get too ✨emotional✨ here, but Our Flag Means Death showed up at a time in my life when I really, really needed it. And if that wasn't joy enough, I started writing fiction (!?!) which has been a joy in itself. And that led me to all y'all. A third joy. 💛
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@A_B_Allen
I have called people "you Midwestern floozyyYY!" too many times in the last ~7 years because of this.
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How could I forget the one in front of Blackbeard's own street art!?
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Y'all ever think about Ed and Stede
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@downstar_ao3
There's a reason every fanwork used to start with "I don't own these characters! Everything belongs to Gene Roddenberry (or Joss Whedon or Robert Tapert or whoever)!! Don't sue me!!!!"
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@chillsandtrills
I have such a soft spot for people throwing tantrums about Trek through time
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Ordering two t-shirts that say "Ask Us About Our Slyly Complicated Butch/Femme Dynamic" right now
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Jim is great because yes, they're the silent mysterious hyper-competent assassin with the Tragic Anime Backstory, but they're ALSO the brash, smirking, easily-baited "how DARE you set such a low ransom for ME!?" troublemaker. Something for everybody.
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Stede stubbornly rowing away from The Revenge because he had a dream that Ed betrayed him, while Ed shouts at everybody to let him go (which they do; this happens every few months) until finally Ed jumps in and swims after him and they have messy apology sex, capsizing the dinghy
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Jackie's no dummy. This was all her slowburn revenge for the nose jar.
#ofmds2spoilers
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Ed furiously confronting Stede for flirting with a young bartender in Nassau, making a real scene before realizing that it's not even Stede, it's just some other blond man. It's a dark tavern, and Ed’s too proud to publicly wear the bifocals Stede gave him last year.
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@Hakanakiki
Counterpoint: for years and years the ONLY queer stories that were widely told were stories of suffering. Gay life was seen through the lens of AIDS and shame and hatecrimes, nearly exclusively, for decades. Queer joy is still a new, precious gift. Don't gatekeep queer joy!
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We are living in the Rhynnaisance
Here is a first look at Luke Higgison's time travel romp RELAX I'M FROM THE FUTURE starring Rhys Darby and Gabrielle Graham in this high-concept, comedic gem.
Opening in North American theaters and on VOD September 22nd! 🍿
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Draw Stede Bonnet in this, you cowards
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@butch_snufkin
Jack exclusively calls handjobs handies, and exclusively calls Izzy Hands "Handies", and Izzy never, ever learns to stop being visibly annoyed by it.
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Nurples, Perky [
@perkynurples
]. “Liquid Gold.” Twitter, 2022.
I will never tire of this website. Someone will say “i love spending time with my husband” and the replies are all like “WOW that’s great for you but I am ALLERGIC to BEES”
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@Lucyddreams
A reversal of the stabbing scene: another character hiding and cringing, afraid to look at how badly Ed is beating Stede at their duel, while grunts and groans fill the air- but the audience knows they're just fucking.
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Who is he passing to? Whose sleeves and hands do we spy there in the foreground?
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In honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, here's my favorite thing a pirate has ever said.
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If you told me Calico Jack was the name of one of the cats from CATS the musical, I would believe you.
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Modern AU- Stede has Covid but Ed doesn't. It's been 5 days and they're sleeping in separate rooms to prevent transmission. Stede is bored and lonely and coming up with increasingly deranged schematics for how to touch Ed's butt from six feet away.
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📺: "Ed, you never mentioned your brother!" / "That's 'cause he's a DICK!" (feat. Jemaine Clement)
📺: The crew threaten mutiny unless Ed and Stede start sharing their cabin
📺: Frenchie invents Dungeons & Dragons
📺: Oluwande's mom shows up, she's so mean
📺: Bedbugs
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@parasocialyte
Yes, but in the long-term I kind of love it. There's something fun about looking back and seeing how generations of movies applied their own beauty standards to the same period.
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Stede: Does this mean you're back on the crew?
Ed: For now. I guess.
Stede: So I'm your captain again?
Ed (eyes huge): ...Yeah.
Stede: Stay alive. That's an order.
(Ed yoinks him into a kiss)
so Jim and Archie got a pre-battle/fuckery “stay alive” kiss and i just think they should have one too. that’s all
is it finished? who knows. am *i* finished with it? please. take it away.
#ofmd
#OFMDfanart
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Happy Wee John Wednesday, party people! Let's show some love to an underappreciated king.
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OFMD characters as Mike Wozniak Taskmaster moments: a thread.
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