nicole boyce
@nicolewboyce
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lesbian but also gay as in stupid. cohost/writer @ Owned from @smartless @campsidemedia . other stuff @newyorker @nymag @comedycentral
new york
Joined September 2012
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Pinned Tweet
I NEVER restore all old tabs. If I lose them in a restart, they're gone. It is a blessing to be set free from a prison of my own creation
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liquidating my assets (merging all my Starbucks gift cards into one gift card in the Starbucks app)
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cara delevingne and ashley benson carrying a sex swing into their apartment is the official marker of the beginning of pride month
Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson seen getting into their home on May. 28
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I was just in an uber pool with a couple going to their WEDDING and they had the audacity to be mad at ME for joining the pool even though they chose UBER POOL on their WEDDING DAY
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i tried to take a screenshot of me “pretend” buying $99.99 worth of stars on the jeremy renner app but I used my thumb to take the screenshot and accidentally authorized the payment. I wish this was a joke
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getting a “can we reschedule” text right before leaving the house
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that makes sense. she invented driving with her 2007 hit “Shut Up and Drive”
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Lady Gaga accidentally being sworn in as president tomorrow
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YES!!!!! [reading second part of tweet] NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barry Keoghan to star in Saddam Hussein movie, but he’s not playing Saddam Hussein
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why are the bachelorette contestant images filled with the saddest fun facts I’ve ever seen in my life
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I can't believe Olivia Wilde killed the queen to distract from her messy movie rollout
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me doing vaccine research
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oh god. Biden just confused Friends with Benefits (2011) with No Strings Attached (2011)
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i made this really high in bed a week ago and forgot about it till now
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just fyi kristin chenoweth has joined tiktok and so far her account is just 2 coronavirus updates and this
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no one asked for another one but here’s the questions from kim kardashian’s 73 questions with the answers from taylor swift’s 73 questions
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wrote this down yesterday while riding pirates of the caribbean
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Cillian just told Margot he cannot bend at the waist. She is freaking out
New look at Cillian Murphy and Margot Robbie for Variety’s Actors on Actors.
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who coming with me to the 3:15pm infants screening of Poor Things
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headed to get my midnight snack
My fridge needed a lightbulb but I missed that it said ‘40 watts maximum’ so I accidentally bought a 200w bulb
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adidas .03 seconds after asking grimes about her training regiment
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I love that the friends reunion is a science experiment in how 6 very rich people approach plastic surgery
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I’m:
⚪️ Straight
⚪️ Gay
🔘 Calling to let you know how disappointed I am in your story. There’s many things that I read in here that were false. Like you saying that I wore six inch louboutin heels to court with my tweed skirt, when I wore four inch little brown bebe shoes
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if we are not careful this is what connections will become
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I'm gonna
1. take my horse to the old town road
2. ride 'til I can't no more
3. take my horse to the old town road
4. ride 'til I can't no more
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Oh no! Jason Derulo has fallen down the stairs of Nicki Minaj refusing to get vaccinated for the Met Gala!
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got my $99.99 back from jeremy renner hell ya I’ll drink to that
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everyone is watching Girls and everyone is listening to Lana Del Rey….. a recession is coming. or another Kony 2012. or both
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BREAKING - Co Star has BANNED Trump from its platform indefinitely
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yall: i dont want gays to get married. weddings are sacred
also yall: im gonna take an uber pool to my wedding
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just heard about this guy that tried to eat a meal without watching tv? he died :/
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DID ANYONE GET A CITY OTHER THAN BERKELEY OR BURLINGTON VERMONT
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the people talking about ""losing a lesbian role model"" ...... i don't really remember ya'll caring about losing role models when we found out ellen killed her interns or whatever
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midnight snack?? you mean you wake up in the middle of the night and you have food in the fridge? that you didn’t eat during the day????? ok wow the queen of france has entered the chat
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please don't comment on my phone's name i am in a CRISIS
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deleting this app is basically equivalent to me opening a savings account
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I created a viewing guide for everyone who thinks The Irishman is too long for one night. Here's how to watch it as 2,090 vines
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there’s a lot of crazy things about love is blind but by far the craziest is that nick lachey says “I’m obviously nick lachey”
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i think her laptop is literally prompting her for the wifi password lmao
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me: h-
meme account: meghan markle's FRIENDS ?? set her up on a BLIND DATE with.... a PRINCE ????? my friends fucking SUCK they would never omg i HATE my ""friends"" i'm gonna KILL THEM ALL
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someone give this family a PEPSI
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me: hi-
mercury in retrograde:
Lana Del Rey's 'Born to Die' re-enters this week's Billboard 200.
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one taught me love, one taught me patience, and one taught me pain
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you would think it would be hard to tell if an alligator is gay… apparently not!
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conservatives when they see a man isn’t wearing his legally mandated $16 khakis that don’t fit
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me: it’s so hard to fall asleep tonight! I wonder if it’s that iced coffee I had at 6pm?
the iced coffee I had at 6pm:
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remember!! if you are voting for taylor swift album of the year: STAY IN LINE!!!! they legally have to count your vote
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every gay person is listening to peppa pig and as a result ... peppa pig radio on spotify is the best playlist of all time ....
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@TommyMcNam
how could i forget, adam and eve's original sin was getting bad at someone that joined their uber pool
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omg i just looked up and the monolith is in my apartment??? wtf do i do
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the best part of the olympics is watching the old announcers try to grapple with the fact that the teenage olympians are on their phones a lot
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between the shawn mendes piece, lena dunham piece, amanda bynes piece ..... I have not read this much in one day since college
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fondly remembering that short period in 2012 when Miley Cyrus would just walk around holding a coffee with her hair in a bun. simpler times ..... where was she going? why always the coffee? where was her car? it didn’t matter....
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it’s a shame U2 never gets to leave the sphere. i hope someone brings them food and water
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your changing room needs cell service because I:
👏 can't 👏 buy 👏anything 👏 unless 👏 I 👏 text 👏 my 👏 girlfriend 👏 a 👏 picture
and she:
👏 does 👏 the 👏 little 👏 heart 👏 reaction
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