JP
@jpbrammer
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Writer. Illustrator. Award-winning Joto.
Brooklyn, NY
Joined September 2009
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I've been waiting most of my life to say this. My book is now available for preorder! If you've ever enjoyed something I've written, I would so appreciate you ordering or sharing with someone who has. I think this book contains my best. Con mucho amor! ❤️
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fellas, is it gay to have a wife?
The Emasculation of Prince Harry in Six Pictures.
The toxic impact of SJW Hollywood feminism on Western man cannot be understated.
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asking my girl which hospital she’s in because someone told me the queen was dying
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this is the one that’s been frying rice
Does anybody care about this shrimp they caught in Florida
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when I leave the Zoom and my smile disappears I do feel like a serial killer
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I am CRYING laughing at this like imagine being a fish and minding your own business but humans fucked up the world so bad that their version of helping you is launching you through a giant silly straw
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well selectively activate them
Human DNA contains all the necessary genes to produce feathers - it's merely a matter of selective activation.
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I detest the world that hurt Big Poppa
Big Poppa has been so sad today, I think he miss playing with the kids in the building. He just watches them from the patio
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pornbot response to a post about someone’s dad dying in a train crash in January: ░MY░PUSSY░IN░BIO░
pornbot response to a post about someone’s dad dying in a train crash in August: “I was the conductor. It crashed because I was touching myself too much”
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how did they crucify a pea
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We are quite literally not being tested
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I don’t need to “see myself” in a president. I need to stop seeing GoFundMe campaigns for insulin.
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what it feels like scrolling through northern lights photos as someone who didn’t see them despite being kind and compassionate and deserving
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I hope the virus that gets unfrozen in the arctic is kindness ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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in solidarity with the Cheesecake Factory I will not be paying rent either
The Cheesecake Factory tells landlords it will not be paying rents on April 1
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so I am “at” Pride and there is no way this is what you guys are constantly fighting about
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Parasite
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people are shocked by this but you don't write Liability without being close friends with pain itself
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naming my daughter The Meg
Due to the release of the
#BarbieMovie
, the Baby Names website has seen a 300% increase in searching “Barbie” as a baby name and a 200% increase in searching “Ken” as a baby name.
🔗:
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“One of you will betray me” is such a dramatic thing to say at dinner????
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if someone spoke like this while interviewing for a job at Applebee’s the police would be called
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do you know how useless my anxiety is like I catastrophized about a million scenarios yet somehow not this one
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this image is like if you typed “divorced” into an AI art generator
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a breakup text that begins with "As we continue to navigate our new normal in a world ravaged by covid,"
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I was getting called “beaner” in middle school. I lied and said I was actually half German so they changed it to “beanerschnitzel”
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winter is just me asking my body "are you sick?" and my body being like "maybe ;)"
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being gay but only allowed to channel it through arts and crafts
What inspired human beings to build places like this?
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mewtwo had the correct reaction to being forced into existence. it was on sight
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welcome back diva
Scientists have revived a worm that was frozen 46,000 years ago — at a time when woolly mammoths, sabre-toothed tigers and giant elks still roamed the Earth
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thinking of my high school classmate who said "my people built that" referring to the gothic architecture of Notre-Dame because she identified as a goth
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release the Catholic cut
Shame and Guilt were originally new emotions Riley got in ‘INSIDE OUT 2’
“It was not fun to watch. It was too heavy.”
(Source: )
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a man in the dog park with a thick eastern european accent dipped the puppy he was holding and said “your friends are now upside down”
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ok so it turns out I was in fact dressing up for other people and not "myself"
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already a god tier emoji, it's made even better by being cut in half. spiritually, he is halfway out the door, so ready is he to carry out his duty
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this is an incredibly compelling image to me
Hundreds of people in the crowd raised Palestinian flags and led chants
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after spending a solid two weeks with no one but myself I’m starting to narrow down the source of many of my problems and you’re not going to believe this—
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one thing I really love about Parasite is that rather than depict the family as scammers pretending to be good at their jobs, they actually do their jobs flawlessly! what they lack isn't skill, but institutional stamps of approval and the bows and ribbons that rich people love
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I’m sorry but it would be so easy to make a Mii of her
Florida woman allegedly assaulted 2 people for doing ‘inappropriate’ stretches at a pool: ‘She f–king attacked us’
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I miss being asked to watch over someone’s stuff at a coffee shop and wondering if I’m ready to fight
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surely there is something between this and a card that’s slightly too large for your wallet
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excited that I get to drink coffee tomorrow. I do every day and tomorrow will be no different
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this was a good use of one of the 600 tweets I’m allowed to see per day
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“laughing Kamala” isn’t just a weak nickname it makes her sound ominous in a way that benefits her
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she wears short skirts I'm trapped in an amulet. she's cheer captain and I'm in this amulet
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just saw something I've never seen in my life. this airplane bathroom has a WINDOW. I felt serene. like an angel...
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god I love this stunt queen retiring every few years then being like “well,”
Hayao Miyazaki will return to direct one final film for Studio Ghibli — a “fantasy on a grand scale.”
(Source: )
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beginning a breakup text with "as the situation with the supply chain continues to develop,"
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ok thank u science
Technically lava can kill coronavirus, but there's a good reason why no-one is using it in the fight against the ongoing pandemic: nothing else would survive the encounter with molten rock either.
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Hello. My name is Joo Dee, and I work for Amazon. We are treated very well and I love my coworkers. My manager listens to me and I have plenty of bathroom breaks. There is no war in Ba Sing Se.
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that’s a “finished first place on the Masked Singer” kind of request big guy
Hours after finishing in second place on The Masked Singer, former Dukes of Hazzard star John Schneider called for the execution of Joe Biden on social media:
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several oomfs need not imagine
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the idea that people in the global south are homophobic for noble, anti-capitalist reasons is condescending from a really incredible and specific angle
western queers will proudly march alongside raytheon and unilever and then wonder why it's difficult for global south cultures to be accepting of queerness
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I'm watching a lot of videos about ancient Rome and one thing that kills me every time is one historical figure getting mad at another and having to sustain that anger for several months as they travel across Italy to confront them
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[a can of white claw bounces off my tax-funded Iron Man mech suit] this is unacceptably violent
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Lol. There’s a lot I can’t say right now and it’s a story for another time but anyone who has experience working with this owl will know she’s a notorious diva and makes the set a very toxic environment… congrats to her tho…
#KillersOfTheFlowerMoon
is Eli the owl's first movie role 🦉
She beat out 5 other owls for the part and Leonardo DiCaprio took a break from filming to watch her scenes
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fair enough
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“we hate you and will spread a rumor that you fuck furniture” is a funny immediate reaction to have to someone
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ah shit ah fuck we bringing back the curtsy
JUST IN: Fauci: I don't think we should shake hands "ever again"
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baking banana bread and shaving your head is not "spiraling" rob a fucking bank
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that doesn’t make any sense
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where’s the blue baddie with flesh ponytails
Fully convinced that if you grew up with the Star Wars Prequels, one of the guys was your favorite Jedi for no explainable reason
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the only bread my grocery store had left was mini croissants and well guess what ᵇᵒⁿʲᵒᵘʳ ᵇᶦᵗᶜʰ
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this image has a genuine dreamlike quality that AI could never replicate
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I tried to run away from home once as a child but signed the letter "goobdye" and for years after that my family would be like "ok goobdye" every time I left the house for school
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the moral of the Phantom of the Opera is that sometimes there's this weird guy who is impossible to deal with
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Wattpad has assumed control of the simulation
harry’s car broke down so a fans dad let him in his house and while they waited harry fed their fish and left notes for the fan and for that reason your honor, he is the only man to ever exist
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It is
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my critique is this should be several hours long, or perhaps weeks
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Pathological liar. Former drag queen. Far-right reactionary. Devoted husband. Disgraced politician. Diva. Scoundrel. He should be in jail. His face should be printed on our money.
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a corporate phrase I dislike is “just to piggyback off what you said…” Get off me
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I don't think my neighbor, Totoro, would be too pleased to hear about this
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Subway should ditch the "healthy eating" angle imo. no one really buys into that myth anymore. they should be like "we're Subway and actually we're bad now 😈" and film an ad where they kill someone
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I asked my friend in high school to come with me to catholic mass once because I was bored and she was like don’t they do animal sacrifices and I was like what the hell are you talking about? but then the day she went with me my church had a bunch of goats tied up outside
For folks who grew up in the church… Name a memory right now
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I can’t believe I have as many hours in my day as George Santos this guy is always up to something
JUST IN: Santos accused of orchestrating credit card skimming operation
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“mayor” is like THE office to do corruption in. the kind of corruption cartoon villains do. nothing like a corrupt mayor doing corruption, wearing a huge mayor hat
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