Gabriel Oguda
@gabrieloguda
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'If you must bow, let it be to a lofty mountain' - Wisdom Of The Maori.
Nairobi, Kenya
Joined July 2013
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بن زكري
• 10638 Tweets
Yaani that CS who called me a terrorist on Citizen TV has been fired for real? Mungu bariki wengine sasa.
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Those Subaru guys thought they had my phone in their custody only to see my scheduled tweets coming in thick and fast. Bwana they sent another platoon to Kajiado Police Station at breakneck speed thinking I had broken from jail. Bwana you should've seen the panic in their faces.
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Gen Zs have said they will also host their parallel X Space session at the same time Ruto will be speaking to his children tomorrow. This is the violence I signed up for.
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For those asking. The guru behind the restoration of my X account is
@suprimoheywood
kijana wa nguvu sana. He will also go to heaven straight.
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At a time like this, last week, there's a Gen Z who was dumped into our cell and the first thing he told us was that they finally managed to Occupy Parliament. Bwana I hugged him so tightly I almost died with joy. Bwana Ng'ash if you're reading this, get in touch bro.
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The Bible says that when you see Persons With Disability braving police brutality to come out and cry for their country, know that you're living in the end times.
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You guys want me to walk naked for real, or you just want to see something?
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Nyahururu people are asking for Ruto to stop hiding inside the church and come out to address them if he's man enough. They will not believe. They will not believe.
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But that Ford Ranger Double Cab is so comfy, you guys. As we were flying to Kajiado, Nyashinki's Naogopa Mungu Pekee came on the stereo. Bwana I started singing along only to stop when the co-driver asked me if I was sure. NRG Radio you guys are bad people.
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Gen Z's in Eldoret have struck first. They will not believe.
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The Twitter space should be run by Gen Zs with Ruto joining as a guest. If he doesn't want that he can go organize his own Space with his children in his house.
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Gen Z's wamefika Wall Street Journal front page, you guy my guy. American Businesses are about to call State House to ask some difficult questions. They will not believe. They will not believe.
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Here is the withering speech by Kisii Senator Richard Onyonka that could boil my grandmother's yams.
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It's Deco has released his long awaited monster banger featuring Polycarp of Sauti Sol, just in time for the Total Shutdown today. All hands are now on deck, you guy my guy. They will not believe.
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BREAKING: ODM Secretary General Edwin Sifuna announces that they're going to pick two MPs who voted YES to the Finance Bill 2024, to teach them a lesson that they will never forget. They will not believe. They will not believe.
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Ruto thinks this generation is like the one he grew up in, which used to shake like a leaf whenever Moi cleared his throat.
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They've printed t-shirts with Jacob Juma's prophetic tweets for next week's demos, you guy my guy. They will not believe. They will not believe.
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Intern doctors have said they shall not return home, until Health CS Susan Nakhumicha is fired, or they receive their appointment letters, whichever comes first. They will not believe.
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State House intercessors invited Pastor Nganga to their Gov't sponsored prayer for peace rally, only for them to be told to go play in the grass over there. Bwana someone find Pastor Nganga and give him my Malaria vaccine.
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Citizen TV reporting that Gen Z's in Nyahururu have sent greetings to the ACK Church where Ruto is going to attend a church function tomorrow. They're saying if there won't be seats for them, they will come with theirs. They will not believe.
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MC Jessy is roasting Ababu Namwamba bwana, telling him the 300,000 he's contributed towards Fred Omondi's burial is peanuts, upon which the crowd reminds him, "na ni pesa yetu!". They will not believe. They will not believe.
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Kumbe police stations have a resident chaplain? Bwana some female police officer came to pray for those going to court that Tuesday morning, the Gen Zs in my cell asked her to go pray for Ruto instead. Bwana there was no one to hold me.
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BREAKING: Phelix Odiwuor Khodhe, alias Jalango, MP Langata, and one of the six rebel ODM MPs who went to State House to work with Ruto, has just announced on the floor of the House that he rejects the Finance Bill 2024 in toto." Class, does the pressure increases or decreases?
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Golden Star Restaurant, you're on the right side of history. We will remember not to forget.
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BREAKING: For those asking what's next after the MPs betrayed the will of Kenyans, Gen Z's have come out to give us the next course of action. Share widely and remind them that this time they will not believe.
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Ruto sent the Kenyan military to the streets to back up overwhelmed police, only for the public to abandon demos and start cheering them on. Whoever came up with that idea will not believe.
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This is Eldoret, William Ruto's stomping ground. He will not believe. He will not believe.
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Have you guys seen that video of villagers storming a police station in Kigumo, Muranga, to lynch a murder suspect to death? Boss, they fought cops for six hours back-to-back until the police surrendered and let them do whatever they wanted. They will not believe.
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Omwami,
@AbabuNamwamba
. Just so that you know, we aren't asking for the list of those going to the Paris Olympic Games alone, we need a breakdown of how much it will cost the taxpayer to fly you and your entourage. Also, we want to see you flying cattle class. Thank you.
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That tea I declined to drink came with one triangle mandazi the size of Nakhumicha's brain. I took one bite on it to scare the enzymes away, bwana that thing almost broke my tooth.
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This is your weekly reminder that Uhuru Kenyatta constructed these affordable housing units without the Housing Levy.
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Amerix has lectured Aaron Cheruiyot a good one. He will not believe. He will not believe.
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Ati Ruto replaced Salaam Aleko with Aleko Salaam. Mimi Kenya sihami.
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Dear,
@IAmSteveHarvey
. Are you aware the Kenyans you took photos with at Tyler Perry studios last month are currently kidnapping young Kenyans and holding them incommunicado? Are these the people you call your friends? Why are you quiet? Whose side are you on?
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BREAKING: Ababu Namwamba is seeing bad things at the Carnivore Restaurant right now. They will not believe. They will not believe.
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BREAKING: Ruto thought he could buy out the Law Society of Kenya (LSK) with loose change the way he does to his chicken in Sugoi. He's been told to fold it nicely and shove it down his alimentary canal. Class, does the pressure increases or decreases?
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Someone find the KTN NEWS crew and give them my Malaria vaccine.
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Even if Rachel Ruto prays for heavy rains to wash away the sins of her husband, we will still float on the flood waters chanting Ruto Must Go.
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Denzel Omondi, the 23yo JKUAT student, died by drowning after being tortured by Govt officers, but you'll still hear that Cricket Sounds CS denying abductions and torture of young Kenyans forgetting power is transient. Bwana, the day Kindiki will fall from grace, I will be there.
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It now makes sense why Ruto chose Gachagua over Kindiki.
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Someone find Salasya and give him my Malaria vaccine.
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Those Anon guys were serious. Parliament website is down.
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Gen Z have said the plan this Sunday is to Occupy all the Churches that are run by pastors who are on record to have received money from State House to oppress the people. They will not believe. They will not believe.
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But who are you?
What are you?
Who the hell do you think you are?
Do you know me?
Do I know you?
Get the hell out of my face
Because eh!
I Am Unbwogable!
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Dr Mukhisa Kituyi has called Ruto "economically illiterate", LIVE on Citizen TV. Bwana someone hold me.
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Bondo MP Gideon Ochanda voted YES to the Finance Bill 2024, so Gen Z's in Bondo woke up this morning to organize a funeral procession to his home. They will not believe. They will not believe.
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Boniface Mwangi deserves all the grace he can get. For someone who has put his life on the line to defend basic freedoms on behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves, the least we can give back is to restrain ourselves from being thankless.
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I'm seeing here in today's NATION pg 3 that the Narok police shot dead 19yo Brian Kasaine, who scored a B+ in last year's KCSE and was waiting to join university. I thought your favourite God chosen locust promised there would be no extrajudicial killings under his watch?
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BREAKING: Juja MP George Koimburi has decided to tell Rigathi Gachagua straight to his face why he voted NO to the Finance Bill 2024, amid wild cheers from the crowd. They will not believe. They will not believe.
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It has just occurred to me, that I might walk naked this evening, alafu Ruto arudishe huyo Cricket Sounds back to Cabinet. Bwana si hapo atakuwa amekuja sana?
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Bwana whoever advised me to wait until the new cabinet is appointed before walking naked on Langata Road, bwana God bless you so much, you have saved my life.
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BREAKING: The clergy at the All Saints Cathedral have agreed to open their grounds to all injured protestors who may need medical help today. We will remember not to forget.
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Saturday Standard p9 wanasema the US and UK Embassies are finalizing a list of National and County Gov't officials, their advisors and spouses, who are about to be slapped with VISA bans, in an ongoing crackdown on corruption in Kenya. Class, what is happening to the pressure?
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Kithure Kindiki should start telling us why Kenyans were murdered under his watch, before someone drags him to court. He shouldn't think we will let him go like that.
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Oya,
@DCI_Kenya
. Kenyans have saved you money, we'd like to see you pulling up at Sylvanus Osoro's home in that Ford Ranger Double Cab at 1.40am to break his gate. Msitubebe ufala roundi hii. We are watching you. All of you.
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Someone inform Pastor Nganga that Kindiki has been reappointed back to cabinet. Sunday's service at Neno Evangelism Centre will be lit.
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Today's NATION stumbled on an NIS brief listing six politicians and two NGOs as the sponsors behind the goons who ran riot on the streets yesterday. But the Interior CS will not arrest any of them, anangoja 1.40am na hio sauti yake ya cricket kushika watu innocent na Subaru.
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Dear,
@WhiteHouse
. Could we kindly get a statement from President Joe Biden on the deteriorating human rights situation in Kenya right now? Please, do not put a blind eye to the Govt sponsored abductions being perpetuated by your global friends. Stand with Kenyans. Please.
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"Itumbi I worked with you, ulinitumia kufanya kazi chafu ya kuchapa opposition. Hatujasau maneno ya Bogonko Bosire wewe. Mimi siku hizi huwezi ninunua na 527 bob."
Bwana that space is going down.
They will not believe.
They will not believe.
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BREAKING: Speaker Moses Wetangula has bowed to pressure and ruled that voting will be conducted manually. Bwana all traitors will now have their faces marked live on television for Gen Z to deal with them perpendicularly. They will not believe. They will not believe.
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When they were kidnapping Twitter users at the dead of the night, didn't anyone remind them that they will need the same people to attend their Spaces later on? Malipo ni hapa hapa duniani.
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Over there in Kitengela, Gen Zs have not only told the police to go back to their families, but they've also decided to escort them there. They will not believe.
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Citizen TV have decided to do the Lord's work tonight, as the whole country keeps vigil for tomorrow's mother of all street bashes. They will not believe.
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I'm told Ombachi is doing the Lord's work on some space right now, and I can't help but stan a Kenyan legend. Bwana, someone find that GOAT and give him my Malaria vaccine.
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Ruto doesn't know it yet, but he will have to explain why he gazetted the firing of those CSs and even provided the grounds for their dismissal. If you have sacked somebody publicly, that dismissal has to mean something. He will not believe.
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Saa hii ukijaribu kupiga simu ya CS ama PS by mistake inachukuliwa haraka upesi sana. People who were two weeks ago walking like they own the world are now perusing Bible verses you'd think Jesus is coming back tomorrow. They will not believe.
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Today's Standard has mentioned the following Cabinet Secretaries as those Ruto is under pressure to fire: Mithika Linturi, Susan Nakhumicha, Kipchumba Murkomen, Ezekiel Machogu, Moses Kuria and Davis Chirchir. Class, what is happening to the pressure?
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Daily Nation is saying that Ruto was to shakeup his Cabinet yesterday, but he was waiting for Gachagua to finish burying his sister. So, anytime between today afternoon and Friday midmorning, call the cops when you see Tupac.
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Yvonne Okwara is on my TV saying that Gov't Spokesperson Isaac Mwaura, begged Citizen TV for a slot this evening, and after they granted his wish, the guy sent back word saying he wouldn't be coming after all.
Ruto told Linus Kaikai, Eric Latiff and Joe Ageyo that his Comms
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Asubuhi na mapema. If you meet any police officer threatening you on the streets today, play this message for them with an open chest. They will not believe.
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BREAKING: The ODM Party has announced they shall begin the recall process of Gem, Bondo, Navakholo, Kajiado Central, Ikolomani and Suba South MPs with immediate effect. Bwana if you're a Gen Z in any those places, this is your time to shine.
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Kithure Kindiki should know ile siku he will fall from grace I will walk naked on Langata Road sipping guava juice. and hi-fiving everyone on the road. God is not Kamau.
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Arrow Boy came on stage and asked the DJ to cue in the Bado Mapambano track, upon which the crowd rose up to sing along. Bwana they will not believe. They will not believe.
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David Ndii made fun of Gen Z, calling them online wankers. Today, they reached out for their tennis rackets, informed their coaches that they will be absconding training today to answer to Gov't arrogance and hubris. From today onwards, things will never be the same again.
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When telcos share our personal numbers with betting companies to send us unsolicited messages - you are silent.
When telcos collude with KRA to share our personal numbers for them to snoop into our MPESA messages - you are silent.
When telcos collude with mobile money
CAUTIONARY STATEMENT ON SHARING OF PERSONAL DATA
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Ruto has called the media to the signing of the IEBC Bill tomorrow at the KICC. Yaani you guys locked the guy inside State House until he's suffocating for fresh air like my grandmother's dog, Osama. They will not believe.
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Gen Zs in Eldoret have decided they will not sleep, as they rehearse for tomorrow's shutdown. They will not believe.
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Ruto's voice is too dry, he needs to start drinking beer, as the anointing oil is clearly not working.
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BREAKING: President William Ruto has dissolved his Cabinet, except Deputy President Rigathi Gachagua and Prime CS Musalia Mudavadi.
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As for me, I just want to ask Ruto what I did to him to send cops to break my gate at ungodly hours. If there's any of his chicken I ever ate to justify his violence on me, he will have to tell me so I can repay him aachane na mimi.
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