Erewhon member, IBTC Activist, sugar free Red Bull consumer, & slutty thigh tat owner. Hot women + shitposting. Forbes “New Ivy” grad. Un-retired reply-guy.
@1packersfan6969
Let this happen to you one time and you’ll never shit without checking for TP again.
Every man needs these to happen to them at some point in their life
@DarnayTripp
As a grown man, why are you ever saying "my birthday" out loud let alone getting sad on a broadcast about your birthday wish not coming true.
He doesn't need a beer, he needs a tampon. Dodgers in 5.
The gay guy who works at my go to office lunch spot always throws in extra food for me.
As long as he’s giving me double meat, idgaf if he’s fantasizing about my meat.
The first time I ended it with a girl and she didn’t threaten to kill herself I had to look myself in the mirror and ask what I did wrong.
I didn’t leave everything I had on the field.
Had to get back in the gym, watch tape, and grind harder.
-- Please ignore this tweet -- I need to fix my algorithm so going to tweet some keywords of various things I'd like to see more of:
Moo Deng
mackiettaylor_
Fred
June
NFL
Steak
Maisy
Shohei Ohtani
Tatted bisexuals
Posting girls for validation or other people to roast them without permission on this app is weirdo behavior.
1. Glad you need the validation from twitter 👍🏻
2. If you want to bully someone, do it to the old school way and bully them IRL.
Women that give the best head:
- nurses
- hair dressers
- astrology girls
- crazy eyes
- single moms
- long ass nails
- dead dad
- bible verse tattoo
- bisexual lawyers (big law only)
- cross above bed
The more boxes you check, the better.
CEO just called to tell me we’re eliminating the HR guy’s job because he’s too big of an opp and we need this to be more of a free working environment 😭😭
Brother this is my Super Bowl.
I was doing hot yoga and one of the girls next to me was giving off a distinct scent that smelled like an old eater I had’s p*ssy.
Had a p*ssy flashback. Call that PPTSD.
@quokkagatorr
I will not reply guy.
I will not reply guy.
I will not reply guy.
I will not reply guy.
I will not reply guy.
I will not reply guy.
I will not reply guy.
Do you know what a "bottle night" is?
Probably not, because my gf and I invented it during a 2023 blizzard in Buffalo, NY.
We lock our phones away, turn the TV off...
Each grab a bottle of wine, and talk.
That's it, we simply talk and enjoy each other's presence.
We live
The new NFL kickoff rules:
- Onside kicks are illegal before 4th quarter
- The team must be losing to kick an onside kick
- Team must announce intention to kick an onside kick ahead of time
No Fun League strikes again
Today’s plan:
- Hot Yoga
- CFB
- Tan
- Nap
- Fly to Vegas
- Dinner
- Win money
- Camel crushes
- Go feral with my absolute boys
- Try not to text a girl who lives in vegas that threatened to kill herself (hot) after I ended it (semen retention must continue)
Today’s agenda:
Wake up rock hard ���
Gym
Hike
Mani/pedi with my mom
Car getting detailed
Haircut
Beach
Hot yoga
Dinner w/ the fam
Doesn’t get much better.
Let’s have a day:
- walk to local coffee shop (leave if the bisexual barista isn’t there)
- hot yoga
- lift
- tan
- Team USA Gold Medal
- Day drinking in Venice for my favorite cousin’s bday
- flirt with her hot friends
- fuck her hottest friend (past situationship, 37 y/o PA)
My ideal man:
- 6’0+
- Good facial bone structure
- 120+ IQ
- Deep voice
- Funny
- Assertive
- Cowboy personality
- Income > $130K
(Optional)
- Ivy League educated
- Old money
Got to the office 1 minute before our CEO and he sees me at my desk with my computer up + running and a sugar free red bull in hand.
Only one in the office.
I present to you- optics.
I once got with a 6’3 model who played D1 volleyball whose dad was a 9 year NFL vet and to this day I can’t sleep at night knowing she’s not the mother of my children.
Boss (also Jewish, we control the weather together) asked me yesterday if I was going to be working today (holiday). I told him I’m a good Jew and therefore yes I will be contributing to the shareholders.
Damn. At my parents’ house grilling for the first time since putting my childhood dog down and she used to come outside and lay down while I’d grill.
I just got hit by a mack truck.
I love when a buddy's girl tries to set me up with one of her friends and asks "what's your type?" and is shocked when I say I don't have one.
Hot is hot.
I used to go on a 1-2 dates per week.
Now, I practice semen retention.
I’ve deleted all dating apps and I won’t even give a woman the time of day.
I’m building a community of strong VolCels on here. If you’d like to be part of something bigger, please DM me.
Something about girls having their auto-capitalization off is so hot.
Like yes my little princess, text me in all lower case with abbreviations while I text you back with proper spelling & grammar.