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@DesiJed

Followers
28,263
Following
1,108
Media
6,331
Statuses
79,995

America's Sweetheart, co-host of Hollywood Crime Scene.

los angeles
Joined November 2010
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@DesiJed
Desi
5 years
The movie "Yesterday" but Meghan McCain wakes up and no one remembers who her dad is.
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@DesiJed
Desi
6 years
If Sarah Huckabee Sanders says “Live from New York...” in the near future, I will burn this fucking country down.
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
I hope they never catch him
@kcranews
kcranews
3 years
A 500-pound black bear has been the source of more than 150 calls between law enforcement and wildlife personnel recently. The Department of Fish and Wildlife says they will euthanize him once they catch him. Read more >>
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Call me crazy but I think possible treason should be investigated as thoroughly as a blow job.
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@DesiJed
Desi
5 years
Hard to believe a guy who made the tough decision to fire Andrew Dice Clay after he fucked up a cupcake challenge is not handling a pandemic well.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Considering that Republicans say Obama did nothing in 8 years, sure seems like they're rescinding a lot of things he did.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 months
Amazing
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@DesiJed
Desi
9 years
Hey boy, are you a software update? Because not now
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Elon Musk would give up all his money to be funny.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Any Postcards From the Edge fan has to darkly appreciate the thunder stealing.
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Norm made the best points
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Who is this show for
@DEADLINE
Deadline
3 years
Bill Maher’s ‘Real Time’ Says Russia Is Like Kanye West, Ukraine Is Kim Kardashian, NATO Is Pete Davidson
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
This is the same guy at different ages
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
The important thing is we all ruined Ted Cruz’s vacation.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Good luck writing a headline that makes me laugh more than this.
@BostonGlobe
The Boston Globe
8 years
Chris Christie says President Trump made him order meatloaf when they dined together at the White House this week
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
It’s ok to be happy about this and recognize things still fucking suck
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@DesiJed
Desi
7 years
Maybe if we call the deaths of uninsured poor people "late term abortion" Republicans will give a fuck about them?
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@DesiJed
Desi
2 months
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Dolly Parton does more good than every religious leader combined.
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@DesiJed
Desi
2 months
I respect RFK jr. for being like ‘I’ll show you fucking weird.’
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
me watching a psychological thriller: if something happens to this woman's cat i'm going to fucking lose it.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
Trust me, Democrats could never get it together enough to steal an election.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
I think White House staffers should #DressLikeAWoman when Steve Bannon stops dressing like he was arrested for exposing himself in an IHOP.
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@DesiJed
Desi
10 years
In your face, Larry http://t.co/I0l2y0vAKv
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
I like people who stood up to Trump before they thought he was losing.
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Was searching for a rainbow with a pot of gold cookie cutter for St. Patrick’s Day and um...
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
When I saw Tony Meatballs trending, I genuinely thought Trump’s legal team had a new member.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Let me get this straight, the people who screamed "Lock her up!" for months on end are now complaining about witch hunts?
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Absolutely deranged film category
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@DesiJed
Desi
5 months
There’s gotta be an easier way to get rid of billionaires but this is certainly the most dramatic way
@nypost
New York Post
5 months
Ohio billionaire plans to take $20M sub to Titanic site to prove industry’s safer after OceanGate implosion
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
FYI: what we're paying so that Melania doesn't have to fuck her husband could fund Meals On Wheels.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
I’ve hated girls like Kyrsten Sinema my whole life. They proudly proclaim their weirdness while being the absolute most basic bitches alive.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
The internet mistakenly made everyone think their opinions mattered.
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@DesiJed
Desi
2 years
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
ObamaCare vs. GOP Replacement
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
He’s guilty...of being cool as hell😎
@wsvn
WSVN 7 News
4 years
Daytona Beach Police are searching for the person who drove through a drawbridge crossing arm and jumped the bridge as it was rising into the air. STORY:
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
I miss the good old days, when racist, sexist, homophobes knew enough to be ashamed about their beliefs and shut the fuck up about them.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
Am I the only one who worries about gun violence being worse than ever when things start opening up?
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
There’s nothing cuter than when a cat puts its paw under a door looking for a secret latch.
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@DesiJed
Desi
7 years
The In-N-Out order taker just said “Hello again.” to me and I have never felt more owned.
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@DesiJed
Desi
10 years
I will never stop laughing at this http://t.co/uZ6z3m4cvs
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@DesiJed
Desi
5 years
I got your dad an edible arrangement for father’s day. *points to pussy
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
So Barron Trump doesn't have to be uncomfortable switching schools,but fuck trans kids' right to be comfortable in their schools? FUCK TRUMP
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Me: astrology is not real Also me: this is horseshit I’m obviously a baked potato
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@DesiJed
Desi
7 years
Good luck writing a headline that I enjoy more than this one:
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
When will the press realize ratings will soar when they start telling the truth about Trump. We crave it and he'll tweet about it non stop.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
Read the room, Mindy
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
I love when people are like ‘that’s a violation of the Hatch Act’ like anything fucking matters anymore.
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@DesiJed
Desi
2 years
Guys who are baffled by how Pete Davidson keeps landing babes despite being average looking like them are so close to getting that their personality is actually the problem.
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@DesiJed
Desi
2 years
Tom Brady emotionally eating ten almonds.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Whenever Trump takes 9 minutes to tweet the second half of a two part tweet, I like to imagine someone's trying to pry his phone from him.
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@DesiJed
Desi
1 year
Imagine being the assistant who had to take this?
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@DesiJed
Desi
6 years
The key thing to remember is it kills Trump that all the cool and talented people hate his fucking guts. He would run his supporters down with his limo if DeNiro invited him to dinner and they were in the way.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Spoiler Alert: this ends fucking terribly.
@POLITICOEurope
POLITICOEurope
8 years
If the choice is Macron or Le Pen, many leftist supporters would rather not vote at all
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Wishing all of your cats a happy new year.
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@DesiJed
Desi
7 years
I grew up in a family that used food stamps and I got free lunch at school. I regret being ashamed of this. The people who should be ashamed are the ones who seem to criminalize poverty and use it as a divisive political issue.
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
What a way to find out Popeye was on Twitter
@PopeyeTweetsk
Popeye the Sailorman
3 years
Today we remembersk those who served and did not makes it home. Thank ya fer yer sacrifice. #memorialday2021
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
So many people turned him down he had to invite Tiffany
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
the fact that she left the e out of Berkeley is too fucking priceless
@mtgreenee
Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸
3 years
It’s Greene with an “e” on the end. Don’t know you, but when I saw Berkley in your bio, I got it. Just put the hammer and sickle with it. Being a communists professor, you’ve never done the real hard work that builds the economy, you just teach ideas that will destroy it.
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@DesiJed
Desi
5 years
@RepKatieHill you should not resign.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Issac Asimov nails what a million 'Trump voter' think pieces can't in just a few sentences.
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@DesiJed
Desi
5 years
@TheRealOJ32 OJ, how mad do I have to make you before you kill me?
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
It’s a boy!
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
Kimberly Guilfoyle has already set her sights on Hunter Biden.
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Saying Nancy Reagan blew everyone in Hollywood is not slut-shaming, it’s finding one nice thing to say about an absolute trash goblin.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
Trump can now achieve his final form: the King of Florida.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Behind the Candelabra: 2 looks terrible
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Legalize drugs and make them safe. Also stop treating addicts like their lives are worthless.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
Is this the first time an incumbent has run on the message to re-elect them so they can fix everything that’s wrong while they are currently President?
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@DesiJed
Desi
2 years
If you aren’t enjoying the destruction of Alex Jones we probably have nothing in common.
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@DesiJed
Desi
9 years
Fun Fact: Defending Bill Cosby is way more embarrassing than liking fingers in your ass.
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
The only way Leo would be unrecognizable is if he was with a woman his age.
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@DesiJed
Desi
7 years
HOLY SHIT
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
I need see the tattoos people got in Georgia today.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
I hope this is who takes Trump down:
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
I respect that Ellen quit when she could no longer be mean. Her heart just wasn’t in it anymore.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
Why is the cooking video trying to make me horny?
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@DesiJed
Desi
6 years
I love how we have to build a wall that costs billions because some Americans were killed by immigrants but nothing can be done for all of the death by gun violence via American citizens.
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@DesiJed
Desi
6 years
@realDonaldTrump Have you apologized for demanding the death penalty for the innocent Central Park Five, dumb bitch?
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Defunding Planned Parenthood isn't about stopping abortions since govt. doesn't pay for that,it's about controlling women & their sexuality.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
Why don't women report? Because a man who brags about sexual assault just got elected President.
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@DesiJed
Desi
2 years
A sentence that’s never been said before
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
Republicans only think kids are adults if the police shoot them or Matt Gaetz fucks them.
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@DesiJed
Desi
8 years
We pay millions so Barron Trump doesn't have to disrupt his school year while Flint still doesn't have clean drinking water, great country.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
What’s the inverse of imposter syndrome?
@MysterySolvent
Mystery Solvent
4 years
Live shot of Kimberly Guilfoyle at CPAC.
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@DesiJed
Desi
4 years
nothing more infuriating than a movie I want to watch not being on one of my 15 fucking streaming services.
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@DesiJed
Desi
3 years
Please stop we all hate you
@BLCKSMTHdesign
Michael James Schneider
3 years
it’s a marathon not a sprint (quote by @stephenszczerba )
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