http://t.co/muCx2smdYM Nothing's louder than a quiet bathroom.

I'm sorry I can't go out tonight because of the internet. http://t.co/LSQfn67OdM

http://t.co/15gRSsTWHE Some girls on Facebook are cute until their 30-day photoshop trial expires.

In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing. http://t.co/QfePgf2PBF

Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell. http://t.co/RqlkOe654p

http://t.co/0UcDqkPNtL I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman.

Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you? http://t.co/ImnZoUHUC3

Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you? http://t.co/rMk6QtuAvS

I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home. http://t.co/OFJn1SFTLt

http://t.co/UjH91nUh "BRB" - Hindu Gravestone

http://t.co/YCvz1RFO Do not blow kisses to loved ones. Ghosts intercept them mid-flight and put them on their butts.

http://t.co/qIglMFZZ The twist in M. Night Shyamalan's next film is that it turns out to be a good movie.

http://t.co/514bHbHM

flipcamera interative live tv for #ampleic pals at my new job ideal world tv. sky 644/virgin747/freeview22/freesat812. email the show 2!

invictus cried. my shirts. my soul.

MURRAYS TEARS: the disappointment necessary for success. He hurts he will work. bring on wimbledon, home turf its his vendetta! a lesson4I

has just put the twit in twitter- hello#ampleic

I have finally stepped into the world of tweeting.... help!!! whats all the # stuff..