aasif mandvi
@aasif
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Sometimes I'm that guy, sometimes I'm this guy.
New York
Joined April 2009
Not only did I fire Peter Parker 18 years ago today, but the iconic “GoOoOoO” was also established. Happy Anniversary #Spiderman 2! @SpiderMan
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I watched that speech and I’m crying, not bc I think #JoeBiden is the answer to everything but bc it occurs to me how oppressed, depressed, traumatized and terrified many of us have felt for the last four years. Feels nice to feel hope again. #BidenHarris2020 #Election2020.
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We are delighted to announce the birth of our son on March 14th, 2020! Who, in true NYC fashion, showed up for his party at 3:27am.
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Elizabeth Warren better bust out some Punjabi if she wants to stay in this debate. #DemocraticDebate #DemDebates.
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When #Trump insults #POC, #Muslims, #immigrants & #Disabled, #GOP don't care. But he insults "hot white women" & he's now #dispicable.
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When old tweets suddenly become relevant again. @realDonaldTrump
Be prepared, there is a small chance that our horrendous leadership could unknowingly lead us into World War III.
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The new Daily Show gang still doing what we did best - walk people right into their own bullshit! . 🎥 : @TheDailyShow (TikTok)
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It is illegal under the #GenevaConvention to target cultural sites. But then again @realDonaldTrump probably thinks the Geneva Convention is something that can be held at #MarALago next year.
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.#DrRonnyJackson says that @realDonaldTrump has no cognitive impairment, so the takeaway is. he's just a lying, racist, corrupt, arrogant, pussy grabbing shithole.
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.#DonaldTrump has attended 3 out of 20 Intel briefings. But he never misses #SNL
Just tried watching Saturday Night Live - unwatchable! Totally biased, not funny and the Baldwin impersonation just can't get any worse. Sad.
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.#Debates2016 "they sued me for being racist and I settled and I never admitted guilt. That's how awesome I am".
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Unless you’re an amoeba, you knew exactly who @realDonaldTrump was when he ran. Now, the handmaidens of his hate-filled agenda, realizing the stench of his insanity won’t wash off them so easily, want the #NYT &WaPo to cleanse them & us to anoint them heroes. Fuck that. #Lodestar.
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Something I’ve learned from this whole fatherhood thing is when the baby sleeps, you sleep. And if the baby sleeps on you. you stay. Still. Forever.
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Womp. Womp. I REALLY DON’T CARE. DO U?
Last night I was told by the owner of Red Hen in Lexington, VA to leave because I work for @POTUS and I politely left. Her actions say far more about her than about me. I always do my best to treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully and will continue to do so.
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This is the episode CNN tried to block from being aired.
when Anthony Bourdain said free Palestine and called out the racist vilification of Palestinians by the media and political class: "The world has visited many terrible things on the Palestinian people, none more shameful than robbing them of their basic humanity."
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Fair point @piersmorgan. You're probably a lot more familiar with how rampant lying can lead to undeserved success than I am. #PiersNonsense
If I'm so dumb, Aasif, how come I knew Trump was going to beat your beloved Hillary & you didn't?
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🇮🇳 @WCKitchen has started deliveries to hospitals in Mumbai, India! They'll be distributing meals 7 days a week in overcrowded hospitals where the people saving lives are struggling with food access. Please consider supporting their life saving work:
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This is the dumbest tweet I have ever read.
In the meantime, there must be active-shooter trained, heavily armed security personnel every place innocents are gathered.
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Hey @Twitter, does trying to goad another nation into a nuclear conflict violate your terms of service?? #TheTrumpEffect #HappyNewYear
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!.
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Guarantee there will be more investigation into the #Oscars2017 #BestPicture mixup than #Russia's interference in our election. #Oscars.
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Dude! Why did you test? If you hadn’t tested you wouldn’t have it!!! #MAGA #TrumpHasCovid.
Tonight, @FLOTUS and I tested positive for COVID-19. We will begin our quarantine and recovery process immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER!.
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I need to do better, we all need to do better at examining our own implicit bias, about what innocence and guilt, good intentions and bad look like. Because people's lives depend on it. 4/4 #ThisIsAmerica.
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Millions of ppl at @realDonaldTrump inauguration were wearing invisibility cloaks bc of #DishonestMedia #alternativefacts @KellyannePolls.
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Why does "@AnnCoulter" look like a cheap #Nazi side piece, cryogenically preserved in 1945 and wheeled out 50 yrs later with freezer burn?
Why do these "Native Americans" look exactly like the Trump protesters, Ferguson rioters, college hooligans, Occupy Wall St, etc?
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I think we've reached that point in the movie, where we realize. the killer is inside the house. #TRUMPNAZI.
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No one should minimize the horror of an assassination attempt, but #DonaldTrump is still the same person today that he was on Friday his agenda is still an existential threat to American Democracy. Don’t let them use this to distract you from that. #TrumpAssasinationAttempt.
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“The President does not seem to acknowledge the humanity of all parties affected by this conflict,” a former Biden aministration official said. “He has described Israeli suffering in great detail, while Palestinian suffering is left vague if mentioned at all.”.
“How Joe Biden Became America’s Top Israel Hawk”. This investigation from @MotherJones is your damning, depressing, and #mustread piece of the day. Filled with important revelations, facts, and testimony:
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Cancelling 'Evil' May Go Down as One of the Most Bonehead Decisions In TV History
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Our porcine faced #POTUS called upon a foreign nation to ban the travel of citizens of his own country that he doesn’t like. Those citizens also happen to be members of an equal branch of the #UnitedStatesGovernment @SpeakerPelosi what are you waiting for??? @Ilhan @RashidaTlaib.
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.@marcorubio you have taken almost $3,303,355 from the #NRA. Save your thoughts and prayers, we don't need them. You are complicit! #FloridaShooting #guncontrol.
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Shopping in Whole Foods today and saw an average looking white woman pick up an apple from the produce section and just start eating it. My wife was shocked but I said perhaps she’s gonna pay for it later. I assumed good intentions. A few minutes later. 1/4 #ThisIsAmerica.
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On the one year anniversary of Trump's presidency, he actually broke our Government. #TrumpShutdown.
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I am here today to represent the African American girls who are victims of gun violence whose stories don't make the front page of every national newspaper- #naomiwadler.
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Hey @realDonaldTrump, let me explain something to you- #MuhammadAli was the poster child for athletes using their platform to protest injustice. He doesn't need your pardon. #TakeAKnee.
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.@realDonaldTrump Your visit to #PuertoRico today gives me faith. that God has a special place in #hell for you.
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.#PuertoRicans are dying and u made it about your fucking ego! Not just a #PieceofShitPresident ur a piece of shit human! @realDonaldTrump.
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If we are going to force our children to lead us, least we can do is follow them. In solidarity with U.S high school students on 4/20, every American should boycott work, malls, airports, concerts, movies - all places mass shootings happen. #FloridaSchoolShooting.
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I left today's Colts game because @POTUS and I will not dignify any event that disrespects our soldiers, our Flag, or our National Anthem.
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.@JeffFlake being trapped in an elevator might have just saved our country. Thank you to those two women for their bravery. #DelayKavanaugh #NoOnKavanaugh.
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Translation: This Sunday night on ITV, I will act like a giggly teenage girl while sitting in @realDonaldTrump's lap as he strokes my hair and tells me how pretty I am.
*BREAKING NEWS*.I will sit down today in Davos with @realDonaldTrump for his 1st International TV interview since becoming President. It will air exclusively on ITV, this Sunday night at 10pm.
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.@realDonaldTrump here’s how your hometown reacted to the fact that you are no longer our President!!! #ByeByeTrump #BidenHarris2020 #BidenHarrisLandslide2020
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He’s gonna lead us into a war with #Russia and kill thousands of civilians just to distract from the fact he’s a criminal. #SyriaStrikes.
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Everyday we see stories of perfectly innocent black people being treated as criminals for perfectly legal behavior. While white people have a presumption of innocence so strong, they can openly engage in illegal behavior without repercussion. But I realized. 3/4 #ThisIsAmerica.
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Since Christianity has historically been the most violent religion on earth, I would say yes, it’s your violent and aggressive cultural upbringing.
Listening to the lovely bells of Winchester, one of our great mediaeval cathedrals. So much nicer than the aggressive-sounding “Allahu Akhbar.” Or is that just my cultural upbringing?
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.@FLOTUS decision to not move into the #WhiteHouse, costs country more in security than entire budget for #NEA
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.#Pussy.
I will not be attending the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner this year. Please wish everyone well and have a great evening!.
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We agree, @StephenKing! #MoreEvil If one of the best in the genre gets it. who else will? 🤔
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On my way to be a guest on @TheDailyShow and see if my old dressing room still has that weird smell.
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I’m convinced there’s a group text out there with all the world leaders that @realDonaldTrump is not on.
AMERICA IS RESPECTED AGAIN!.
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Just saw @Oprah's empowering & inspiring speech at last night’s #GoldenGlobes. Let’s all come together, women & men, & say #TIMESUP! #United
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Paraphrasing Obama:- "What the fuck is wrong with America and Fuck you NRA".
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What an extraordinary journey, an extraordinary show & I’m proud and grateful to have been part of it. Thank you Robert King and Michelle King for your brilliance. If you want more Evil Series, let your voice be heard -Ben Voyage!
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Just arrived in Scotland. Place is going wild over the vote. They took their country back, just like we will take America back. No games!.
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Oh good. Sounds like we can all rest easy. #massshootings.
Today, I authorized the lowering of the flags to half-staff at all Federal Government buildings in honor of the victims of the tragedies in El Paso, Texas, and Dayton, Ohio. .
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.@realDonaldTrump "Take the oil?" What are you talking about. With a ziplock bag? It's a war crime. Dumbass! #debates2016.
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Imposing 20% tx hike on Mexico cos they won't pay for your stupid wall means we pay more for goods = we still pay for wall.
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This is out of an Autocrat playbook. Attack peaceful protesters so you can look tough and threaten to deploy the military onto the streets of America. Then take an awkward photo-op in front of a religious bldg. #protests2020 #BlackLivesMatter #CowardinChief @realDonaldTrump.
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The President of the United States just publicly insulted a private citizen who built schools for children in his community, while he chooses to puts kids in cages. This is where we are. #LebronJames 2020!.
Lebron James was just interviewed by the dumbest man on television, Don Lemon. He made Lebron look smart, which isn’t easy to do. I like Mike!.
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don't worry @realDonaldTrump supporters. When you're paying 20% more for food & gas, you can be comforted by that beautiful #wall.
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Translation: Tragic attack! Perfect moment for my political agenda of bigotry, ignorance & fear! Thank you #ISIS. #LondonBridgeAttack
We need to be smart, vigilant and tough. We need the courts to give us back our rights. We need the Travel Ban as an extra level of safety!.
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Go to hell you pathetic spineless piece of human garbage!
To the students, families, teachers of Santa Fe High School, all of those affected and the entire community: We are with you, you are in our prayers, and you're in the prayers of the American people.
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in 1944, the Supreme Court made the morally reprehensible decision to uphold Japanese Internment camps. History will look at today's decision about the #MuslimBan, and the 5 Justices who supported it, with the same revulsion. #SCOTUS #TravelBan.
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Disappointed that @MSNBC would choose to silence @mehdirhasan a prominent Muslim voice when hate crimes against Muslims in America continue to rise.
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If you’re worried about proximity to insults maybe focus on the fact that @PressSec insults the media and citizens of this country everyday with lies and disinformation campaign. #Fascism #WHCD
That @PressSec sat and absorbed intense criticism of her physical appearance, her job performance, and so forth, instead of walking out, on national television, was impressive.
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.@DineshDSouza you have said publicly that in our society "we have too little truth" Well here's some truth; You are a DESPICABLE person.
Worst news since their parents told them to get summer jobs
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.#HappyBirthdayPresidentObama He wasn't perfect. You can and should criticize his policies, but remember when the President was a fundamentally decent person. We can no longer say that, it's not true anymore. #ObamaDay
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