existential_shorty
@existentialbby
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notes app investigative journalist
Brooklyn, NY
Joined April 2023
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Pinned Tweet
I am a first responder in the male loneliness epidemic
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Sending unreleased Lana tracks to a 50 year old man
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I adapt to whatever place I am in for example I just filmed myself smoking in Los Angeles for 10 minutes straight
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accidentally ended up at The Bev*rly Hills Hotel, sleep deprived and under dressed drinking 20$ activated charcoal juice
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Your future wife is in a cave 200 feet below the earth’s surface
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On my way to the casino applying my lipstick on the CTA
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At five guys time square. The energy is absolutely sinister. A girl passed me and hissed “the fuck u looking at”. No one should have to work here. Food is incredible
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Last leg of my trip.. free bleeding on the west coast of Norway. Body is destroyed from hiking. Picking up random half smoked cigs I find in ash trays. 3 hours of sleep. Staring at the water, feeling close to god
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Just woke up from an anxiety dream about moving to NY. I was in a taxi looking out the window at 3 hot girls in a convertible fully submerged in the Hudson River. They were probably about to die yet they were giggling and screaming for joy as if nothing was wrong
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In 6th grade I texted my boyfriend “are you random?:)” on my maroon LG chocolate cell phone and he said “not really” and that was the beginning of dating men who aren’t right for me
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Side hustle idea: offer ketamine therapy (snort not injections) out of your apartment to ppl who want to do treatment but don’t want to pay 300$ a session
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I hope all the girls are who had stickers on their laptops in college are thriving
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Pisces behavior is being Deeply affected by your dreams for the first 4 hours of the day
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New client showed up in a red Ferrari and wanted to get kicked in the balls for 30 min straight
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Client request to go to Dubai and I actually can’t think of a place that is more incompatible with my nature and soul. Would rather go to Kansas or Indiana. On Dubai Reddit just getting pissed
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In a sex shop craving pure, unadulterated missionary
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It took me forever to buy molly because my dr*g dealer asked me to chant with him and of course I said yes
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If u really wanna be good w girls always have access to
-uppers
-downers
-good food w lots of dipping sauces
-soft blankets
-good lighting
-the depths of your subconscious
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Woke at sunrise again ; having mild low self esteem. neurotically stretching while I listen to a vocabulary podcast. considering going to community college. For now I will just go jogging in queens
-J
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My client has coke dick so I’m just sitting here like “so what are your greatest fears?”
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Doing my first real modeling shoot and being so drama. Bringing a giant suitcase with way too many clothing options, getting juice from Whole Foods, on speaker phone
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Me on SW Twitter: gonna have a day of rest and relaxation at the spa 😍🥰
Me on my regular Twitter: vitamin deficient low dopamine and searching for furniture in the garbage in bushwick
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Not me walking into the bank in pink velvet booty shorts that say babygirl and a crop top
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have truly been over extending myself so I am spending the day in my house gown, eating croissants and Nutella and milk (judge me Twitter) and deep on sex and the city Reddit
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In my purity era where I am very thrilled by analog solitaire and reading about bodies of water (marshes, bogs, lagoons)
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I am multifaceted and talented . I am simultaneously at the mechanic, on the phone with Southwest customer service, and running a Ta*get scam
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I’m obsessed with hosting should I open an awful bed and breakfast in Bushwick
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Not to generalize but boys with one dangly earring seem evil and I can’t even imagine going on one date with a one earring boy (studs ok, hoops ok)
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The other day I gave myself a haircut on ketamine. I didn’t follow any tutorial, just my intuition- and it’s actually not bad. Afterward I did a spell and threw my hair out the window (the spell worked for those wondering)
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our host took us to this dinner the town was having and we expected a romantic feast in an Italian field or something and it was actually if small town Illinois was in Italy- a vintage motorcycle contest, guys in Jack Daniels t shirts, a bad cover band
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Being a good daughter and trying to relate to my dad through his coin autism
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Good morning girls it’s a beautiful day for me to get 5 hours of sleep and end my situationship
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I thought I wouldn’t like my new therapist bc I found a pic of him online in a tiny beanie but I just met him and I love. I feel I might see him at basement
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Back in my hometown, remembering when I would take benzos and skip community college class to go to this barn and fuck this Mormon guy who did parkour
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I love delusionally thinking my period aligns with the moon, weather & holidays. It is significant that it started on NY’s first major snow day, and that I will be bleeding on Valentine’s Day. I’m meant to be at home relaxing, tuning into my romanticism, doing little chores
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No one:
Every psychic in Manhattan: I’ll give you a discount if you leave me a Google review
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at the small town Italian dive, it’s called “bar sport”
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Your future wife just booked a flight on 9/11. She’s crazy
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You’re in her DMs and she doesn’t follow you back, she’s sending me 15 minute voice messages about her worldview
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I should go to a silent meditation retreat because I can’t shut the fuck up
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Stumbled upon the Italian “adult couples/singles club” in the smallest village and they had a sign that translated to “we all sin with our minds, only brave souls sin with their bodies”
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Men are always like “I’m not gay at all but I did get my dick sucked by a guy once”
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My SD took me shopping in LA and I was expecting to buy like 70s mini skirts but somehow ended up w a bunch of hypebeast clothes
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Trying to find ways to relate to my dad so I texted him a picture of a war memorial I went past on my bike ride. He “loved” the message
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Good afternoon girls it’s a beautiful day to unfollow men
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I love when people are like what are you gonna do for work in nyc and I’m like ??? Start a graphic t shirt business
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had to email my bar regular, now he has my number bc it was in my signature
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Living in nyc feels so primal because you’re just out all day, constantly in survival mode.. balancing not getting dehydrated while not drinking so much water that you get stuck w no place to pee, blisters on feet, hungry,
(Today, glass in my thumb)
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I’m kind of unhinged on Twitter when I’m in europe good thing I only have 45 followers
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Today I broke my record of least amount of time spent at the gym. I was there for 12 minutes and left in the name of “autonomy”
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Seeing kids at upscale Beverly Hills cafes is crazy. They grow up having no concept that hot dogs don’t cost 35$
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Should I go get coffee from my frenemy downstairs (cafe owner) or should I walk to a new shop
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It’s not me going to a sex hotel with a water slide in downers grove, it’s investigative journalism
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I almost hit this guy with my car and he smiled at me
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Lost My headphones and they are playing a house mix of somewhere over the rainbow at my gym and I’m having suicidal ideation
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Said goodbye to my 50 year old man in a neon lit Chinatown restaurant, one tear going down my face
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ChatGPT is it normal to be sad the day after the strawberry moon
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Me looking at a mountain range: yeah that’s definitely not real
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Got the worst and shortest haircut of my life the other day and I didn’t even care. That’s stoicism
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Season 1 episode 6. I get that things are tense but if I were Kate in the early 2000s smash hit series Lost I would have already fucked Jack
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Feeling loved and validated by an old New Jersey bus driver. His kindness and his soul
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What is it about small-town America that makes me want to put little processed hazelnut gas station creams in my coffee
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Found an apartment with a medieval looking stone chamber in the basement, pray that I get it girls
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Not me in my Harley Davidson shirt and Levi’s putting oil into my car
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Me on SW Twitter: I love a hotel with an elegant bathtub 💘💘
Me on regular Twitter: in New Jersey with cum in my hair wondering where the hell I parked my car
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Guy sitting next to me on plane has an “Amazon basics” branded backpack and mask. Scared
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So exhausted in our apartment but only in our apartment , so we are developing a theory that we are slowly being CO2 poisoned
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Catching feelings for my client who’s ugly and weird
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It’s 9 am at the coffee shop, my nipples are completely showing (crochet top)
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Oh god want you on my lips
It’s me your little Venice bitch
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First time in a year Im having a sleepover w a boy. Neurotically showed him all my pillows to ensure he’s using his fav. He’s snoring, I’m starving n waiting for the Xanax to hit. Wondering if I’m capable of cumming hard if the situation is healthy. Thinking about coffee tmrw
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At this French restaurant in New Jersey with my new stuffy French client. Eating raw meat. My burning question the entire time is “does he laugh?”
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I’ve had this copy of infinite jest that’s in the most pristine condition (because I’ve probably touched it one time) (it was a gift) I feel I’ll never read it, I can barely finish a regular length book. But something about it haunts me!! Have you read it and if so wtf
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Psycho behavior is mapping out all the hotel lobbies I can get free coffee from
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