It's our wedding anniversary today. I'm at home and he's in the hospital on a ventilator. Please keep praying for him, for his health and for him to get better and come back home to us.
Losing my father at 12 made me think it was the end of the world. Losing my husband at 43 made me realise that the world doesn't end when your loved one dies. The world goes on. We continue living each day. Without them.
I thought I was a pragmatic person. I thought I'd be ready to handle the grief. I clearly thought wrong. Day 1 of this life without my husband and already my heart is shattered into a million pieces.
This month has been unbelievably hard. Today my husband was put on the ventilator. I'm praying he gets out of it. I'm unable to talk to anyone, or even text without breaking down. I'm really really praying my next update is positive.
Did I tell you guys about the time my husband and his brother were stopped from boarding a flight because they were carrying a tin of rasgullas with them? They did what exactly anybody would(not me). They opened the tin, ate all the rasgullas, and walked into the flight.
Many people who met my husband only saw the silently supportive side of him when ever he came with me for lit fests or events. At home, he was always laughing, making others laugh, singing along, really a child at heart. I'm just sobbing as I look at his photos and videos. 💔
I'm still trying to come to terms with this loss and I cannot comprehend how my life has been upended in the past month. Thank you for your prayers, your encouragement and hope. Till the last moment, I kept thinking he would make it. I kept hoping he would pull through.
This day last year was the last time I spoke to my husband. He had no idea that his mother was dying in another hospital. I comforted him. We joked. He squeezed my hand and I left, promising to visit him later. Stepped out of icu and found out that my mother in law was no more
India’s new Muslim flaunts the Tricolour on the steps of Jama Masjid, sings national anthem & isn’t afraid to look Muslim...
And wouldn’t allow any majority to reimagine the Constitution’s republic..
My
#NationalInterest
My mother in law passed away today. She and I got admitted together, recovered from covid together but she had underlying heart and bp issues which led to her being admitted to the icu 14 days ago. Today, she gave up the fight. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon.
I caught myself looking at a young girl in a scooter thinking what I wouldn't give to have such slim arms. Then, I reminded myself that these arms have held two babies and rocked them to sleep and baked them numerous cakes and brownies and also banged out 21 novels.
Just a quick update from my end. My husband and mother in law are still in ICU. In fact, mother in law was intubated but she's showing slight signs of improvement. We are praying she pulls through. Husband's oxygen saturation still needs to improve. Keep us in your prayers.
Friends, I've recovered from covid but my mother in law and husband are both in ICU, recovering slowly. The past ten days have been hellish for me and my mental health and it continues to be that way. Do keep us in your prayers.
My grief for my mother in law's passing is consistently mingled with grief for my husband. I'm unable to separate the two. I miss her quiet reassurance, her belief in me, the feeling of freedom she gave me to pursue whatever I wanted.
To everyone checking in on me, texting me, messaging me here and Insta and FB, thank you so much. I feel very cherished. I'm unable to take calls so I probably won't answer if you call me now. But please know that your support and love means a lot to me.
An aunty was surprised to see that I'm still wearing a nose pin. How come it didn't close off during your iddat, she asked. That's because I didn't remove it at all, I told her. Definitely not the answer she was looking for. But I love my nose pin and I'm wearing it. So there.
I was in std. 7 and my older cousin told me I was wasting my time studying when all I would do in life was manage 'choolha chauki'. Not only did I do my BA despite getting married in the middle of it, I did my MA after my kids were born. And I publish my 20th novel this month.
Friends, I'm fine. Mostly fine. Some days are better, some are terrible. But I realised that some people view me as diminished somehow because my husband passed away. I don't feel that way at all. And I don't like the unexpressed pity in their eyes. Just saying...
When my father passed away, 32 years ago, my brother's Arabic teacher consoled him and said something that has remained with me even today. He said that life is like a train journey. Some people's stops come sooner, and some people's come later. But we all have to get off.
That evening we couldn't visit him because we were busy with the funeral. I keep wondering what he must have made of it that no one came to see him. The next morning before we could go to the hospital we got a call, that he needed to be intubated. I never got to speak to him.
Just putting this out there since so many of you have me in your thoughts... ♥ But I had a work related call today that delighted me for the first time in two months. I thought nothing could make me feel this way again. But yes, for a brief period, I was really happy today.
My books have come home and I'm beyond thrilled! I miss Mansoor and mil who would both be a bit gobsmacked that I actually wrote all these words and someone made a book out them. ♥ Thank you
@WestlandBooks
for making this happen!
I plan to move back home by next weekend InshaAllah. Not sure I've told you guys, how much your wishes and prayers mean to me. This is a new beginning that the boys and I are trying to embrace even if it feels all wrong without Mansoor. ♥
I tested positive yesterday but I've been under isolation since Monday night. I'm doing all right except for the bone numbing fatigue and the absolute lethargy. I have to tell myself 20 times to just get up from bed. The rest of it is hopefully mild and manageable at home.
It's Eid tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it even one bit. The last Eid, both of them were in hospital, and I was worried and anxious. No worry, no anxiety now. Just emptiness.
Last month, I was taking each day as it came, because there was just too much going on. Now, I'm taking each moment as it comes, because grief is a wave, and I'm the rock it keeps crashing upon, relentlessly.
I was quietly living my imperfect little life in some corner of the universe. Don't know why this happened to us. I feel like a broken record, but sometimes I still can't believe he's gone. That this new reality is my life now. How will I ever get used to it?
It's four months to the date since he passed away, today. I want to remember him with a funny story that involved both him and my mother-in-law. Several years ago, he was waiting for a man to pick up a package from home. However, something came up and we all had to go out +
Dear friends. I know many of you mean well, and have my best interests at heart but please don't tell me that maybe it's for the best if I leave India and go away to say, Canada or some place like that. Firstly there's no place that's really free from Islamophobia so kisi
As promised, here's the gorgeous cover for All Drama No Queen! I'm so excited to bring book no. 28 to you all, a heartwarming love story between two lost souls.
Preorder here:
Amazed that people are wondering that I don't sound 'normal' yet when they call to speak to me on the phone. They think I should get over 'it' already? No, they should get over themselves first. My life has changed forever. There is no normal now.
My husband is not there with me. He will never be with me again. And he never dictated what I could wear or not. He knew I wouldn't stand for it. So if I like the way my face looks with a nose pin, I'm going to go ahead and do just that. Sorry for the Monday morning rant.
Asmara's summer takes an unexpected turn when she is sent to her grandparents' neighbourhood as a form of punishment. To maintain appearances with her friends, she pretends to be in Canada. Amidst the struggles of a traditional setting, she learns new life lessons.
Reaching out to a bereaved person takes courage. Thank you to everyone who was courageous enough to reach out to me, write to me, offer me support and love. Those days might seem like a blur, but I'll always remember the love and support you all gave. ♥
Need to get this out there once again. You're free to hate my book/s. Free to post about it on your social media. But why tag me on it? Why show me exactly what you hated about my book? I can't do a single thing about it now, right? People, be kind. Please.
I was named after this novel by parents who were avid readers of Urdu books. Feels like a self fulfilling prophecy that I went on to become a writer! 😊
Time to share this annual meme that my soul sister
@lubilafdewali
made for me because a) because it never stops being funny b) FB memories shows it to me every year. And c) because I'm hitting Book no. 40 with Bad Girl Gone Rogue. InshaAllah! 😊 Maybe…
They were such a pair, the two of them. May Allah grant them both the highest place in Jannah. Aameen. I'm sad, yes, but it's not the crushing sadness of four months ago. It's a different sort of persisting sadness that won't ever go. Anyway, have a great Sunday y'all.
This year has been the worst and I wondered what was the point of anything. But one of the glimmers of excitement for me continues to be my writing thanks to which I wrote a YA horror novel during the darkest period of my life and sold it to
@HarperCollinsIN
This is a Ramzan like no other for me and my boys. I haven't wished anyone Ramzan Mubarak and I don't feel like. It's also the time when things started to fall apart in my life last year. Trying hard to keep it together. Trying very hard.
Year end reminder to desi writers to not italicize words from their mother tongue when they're writing in English. Honest to God, so many of you out there still do this.
When
@priyaramani
asked me to meet up with her and I talked SO much, she was able to condense it all into this amazing interview for
@livemint
! I'm SO kicked about this! :-)
I think about that now, because it feels like Mansoor's gone away somewhere on some silly adventure without me. And I want to sit him down and ask him all the details. Listen to him recount everything. But I can't. Just wish his station hadn't come so soon.
Every time I reach out to people here, talking about the state of my mind or my heart, I'm blessed to receive so much love and compassion in return. Thank you everyone for the love. Don't mind my maudlin tweets too much. Sometimes, I just don't know where to put the sadness.
One of the most difficult scenes I've written in my life, was from More than Just Biryani where Zubi's father dies. I drew upon my own experience of losing my father at 12. I wrote about a wife's heart break at losing her husband because I had seen my mother go thru it
It wasn't easy to write this. Thank you to everyone who has been reading my tweets and commiserating with me. Thank you
@kan_writersside
for asking me to write this and thank you
@scroll_in
for publishing it.
‘My husband died of
#Covid19
. To channel my pain, I went back to writing the novel I had started’
Writer Andaleeb Wajid on how going back to writing her novels is helping her live after the loss of her husband and mother-in-law to the pandemic. ✍️
I've developed a kind of anxiety to the phone ringing since the past month. Keeping the phone close while hoping it wouldn't ring was something that kept playing in my head all the time. Last Wednesday, at around 11.15 pm I got that life changing phone call from the hospital.
I remember my tenth graduation ceremony three decades ago. My father wasn't there, having passed away two years earlier. Yday was my little boy's tenth graduation too. Sat through it with my older boy, tried not to think too much about Mansoor not being there for this as well.
Every time I say something about my husband here, it breaks everyone's hearts and I feel bad for everyone who feels bad for me. But you guys have been with me on this journey and I just want to say thank you to all of you. ♥
My 3 y.o nephew walked into my home office and asked where is bade abbu (what he used to call Mansoor). I told him the euphemism that we always tell children. I said, he's gone to Allah. He looked at me and then said, he'll read namaz and be back. He'll come back on his scooter.
Of all the books I've written, this one has been the hardest to write. Thank you
@kan_writersside
for taking on my memoir, of the harrowing time I went through in 2021 and my life as it is now, and giving it such careful consideration and love. I'm hopeful and a little daunted.
Two years ago, my mother in law and I were hospitalised on this day. I remember the date because my husband and I got engaged on this day in 1996. Anyhow, two years ago was the last time I saw him looking fairly normal as he got us admitted into the hospital and left.
But little did I know that I would be on the other side of it too, one day. Feeling all my feelings, thinking of what I have lost, understanding that my life has now changed forever. Tahera was my mother, fictionalized. I didn't think I would be her too, one day.
My life will always be divided into - before May 2021 and after May 2021. How I wish I could go back to the oblivion of those days. To the quietly foolish assumption that we would all be together, as long as it would be possible.
I don't think I was ever smug about how ordinarily satisfying my life was. But I was content in it. This, being taken away from me, has left me feeling stripped and bare.
There's a huge void where he used to be - the calls, the messages, the exasperation(mine because he wouldn't listen about following a diet), the life to look forward to, the anxiety of what tomorrow would bring. We're healing but yes, the wide aching emptiness is also there.
Friends, I've been sitting on this announcement, waiting to share it but now I can! 😊 Pratilipi and Westland are bringing out my indie series Jasmine Villa! The books are already live on the Pratilipi platform.
The next time I meet someone new and they look at me up and down (seeing as I wear a burkha) and ask me if I write in English, I'm going to respond, no, I write in hieroglyphics, the language of my ancestors. 🥲
This excerpt from my new book Mirror Mirror was published a month ago in Scroll. I was in the hospital when it came out. I did share it around but half-heartedly. My life has upended since then but here I am, trying to pick up the pieces as I go along.
I was coming to meet my aunt as my iddat got over today, and was anxious about visiting her house because Mansoor and mother in law's funerals had been held here. But this morning, she passed away in her sleep, and I'm at her house, yet again for another funeral. 😔
I avoid posting my writing journey here because I don't think anyone's rlly interested but I'm happy today and want to share that I finished writing a YA novel today about a young Muslim girl I could have been in another lifetime. And I wish I had access to such books growing up.
The tiny hole had closed up. Undeterred, I dragged my husband with me to commercial street and got my nose pierced again. And it's been thus since the year 1997. Removed it only for surgery etc. Not removing it because my wearing it doesn't imply disrespect towards my husband.
Alhamdulillah, blessed. Despite all the books I've written, I've often been disappointed whenever I walked into a store, especially an airport bookstore, where I've never found my books But that's changed now! Jasmine Villa and
@WestlandBooks
did it!
It's my husband's birthday month. I remember the first year after we got married, I got him gifts for his birthday and he was so surprised (they never took birthdays seriously in his family). And when it was my birthday I kept waiting for him to spring a surprise but he didn't.
Three years ago, when I had to go to Kolkata for a lit fest, Mansoor insisted on accompanying me only so he could go and eat at this restaurant which he last ate at around thirty years ago. He was looking at the food most lovingly. I asked him to look up…