Simon Noble
@SimonNoble
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Marie Curie Professor in Supportive and Palliative Medicine. Director Division of Population Medicine, Cardiff University.
Wales
Joined February 2009
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I am a Professor of Palliative Medicine. I’m vaccinated and have had the booster. I’m a 52 year old fat knacker, with asthma. Vaccination is an important step in protecting my colleagues on ITU whose backs would never recover trying to turn me prone.
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Sure Biden’s speech was good, but check out this letter I sent out to all junior docs in residence when I was President in the ‘90s.
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When I didn't get the grades for medical school, my sister part funded my attendance at cramming college. My parents remortgaged the house to fund the shortfall.
I cannot say how much it means that my big sis is coming to hear my inaugural lecture
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Serious question: just had a letter from a consultant colleague who signs off their letters with 9 qualifications. I admire the achievement but wondered how many are too many?
For the record, I could push past 9 if I included failed attempts at MRCP and my junior swimmer badge.
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I took the MRCP Part 1 seven times. When I eventually passed,
@RCHTWeCare
raised the flag. Tonight I celebrate my inaugural lecture as
@mariecurieuk
Professor. of Supportive and Palliative Medicine.
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Hi I’m a Palliative Medicine physician. You may know me from my greatest hits including “Are you absolutely sure that the cause of confusion in this hyponatraemic hypercalcaemic septic patient with brain metastases is the 10mg of MST that they have been on 2 months?”
Hi! I’m a Haematologist. You may know me from my greatest hits including “Please don’t transfuse patients with iron deficiency but give IV iron” & “No you can’t have FFP the patient isn’t bleeding & their APTT is only 1 sec over normal range, just get on with inserting the line”
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Today a friend of mine died on the Critical Care Unit of the Grange University where she has been a patient for the past week. The care she received from the team was, quite frankly, flawless.
It is a privilege to call these guys colleagues.
Sincerely, I thank them all.
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Designing the vehicle which will carry your coffin is the ultimate in ACP.
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So I took 3 weeks off Twitter as I felt I could use my time more productively.
Discovered TikTok.
That is one crazy arsed rabbit hole I’m glad to have made it out of alive. I was one step away from filming me dancing in my undies and answering questions about waxing products.
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Whatever your opinion on assisted dying, can we all agree that the first paragraph of this article by Simon Jenkins is one of the biggest load of cobblers ever written?
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To cheer up anyone who didn’t pass MRCP Part 1: when I failed it for the 6th time, I got so drunk I got a taxi to the RCP and took a grudge piss on the front door…allegedly. Mercifully passed on 7th go. Just as well. The planned grudge dump was gonna be evil.
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I retook my A-levels.
Now I am a professor.
Do not lose hope.
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My new staff portrait has me looking like the love child of Mr Potato Head and Harold from Neighbours.
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If you are one of those people who thinks it’s sport to ask shitty questions to presenting early career researchers just to prove how clever you are, I think I speak for everyone present when I say “Please stop acting like a humongous knob.”
#bekind
#ICTHIC2022
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You were lucky...
Cocked up A-levels
Cocked up 1st MB
Cocked up 2nd MB
Cocked up MRCP part 1 six times
Got cancer
Am now a professor
And tell that to the youth of today... they won’t believe yer!
To those in 🇬🇧 who just found out they’re going to be trainees in
#orthopedics
, I say “CONGRATULATIONS & WELCOME”
To those with less good news, I say “I failed my A-levels,my MRCS & my 1st go at getting into ortho.All the best people have a cocked up more than they’ve succeeded”
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I’ve sipped Bellinis at Harry’s Bar, Mojitos at La Bodeguita del Medio, Singapore Slings at Raffles and Pisco Sours as the sun set on Machu Picchu. But right now I’d trade my left bollock for a latte with my colleagues at Costa at RGH.
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To those who did not get the exam results they wished for: brave heart.
I retook my A-levels, several under grad retakes and MRCP part 1 (6 times).
Despite all these setbacks I remain frikkin’ awesome.
You will be ok.
This too shall pass.
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Genuinely humbled to be nominated for an Enriching Student Life Award. I have no idea what I did to deserve this but I guess I’ll just carry on doing what I do in the way I currently do it.
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OK, so I got another official photo done. Thought I’d go for the classic Christine Keeler pose. Now I look like the progeny of Timmy Mallet and Mr Tumble.
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Help Maz finish Med School
Dear Friends
Ive been personal tutor to Maz for 3 years. She is a great student. Her story is real and she needs our support. Please be kind by either donating or retweeting. I would be very grateful. Simon
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To the person who returned my lost mobile at Tesco’s: I don’t know you but in my minds eye you are wear a face mask, wash your hands, socially distance and voted against Brexit. Thank you.
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With everything happening around the corona virus, I have decided to write my will. In the very least I want to leave instructions as to whom inherits all this toilet roll.
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@BakerIdris
Her comment at the time was “I’m just worried people will think I’m just an irresponsible slag”
My response “You brought a stranger back, shagged him and burned the house down. Why would they think that?”
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At the dentist. They have just offered an emergency appointment for someone at two thirty. Sat here sniggering like a schoolboy.
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That embarrassing moment when you sign off a telephone clinic consult with
“Love you. Bye.”
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Tough day at the frontline?
Offloading confidentially might help.
Share, unload, confess or rant: it’s your choice. For more details go to…
Please retweet.
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Submitted this as my photo for a symposium session at a conference. It was rejected.
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To
@CostaCoffee
it’s just a Spider Mallow Shortcake. To me it’s my Lady Hale broach and I’m wearing it with pride.
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Three years ago Hector Noble was born. Words cannot describe how much the cheeky little bastard has enriched our lives. Happy birthday little man. Xxx
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This has not been the easiest of years but I have been very fortunate to have such wonderful Twitter friends who have sustained me through the bad times and laughed sympathetically when I have made some half arsed attempt at humour. Thank you all and happy new year. Peace out. Xx
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For those who need distracting from current affairs, may I recommend a read of
@WelshGasDoc
current twitter thread. Just by lifting his head off the pillow in the morning, he will inadvertently upset/ disgust/ enrage someone.
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I’d pretty much lost faith in humanity this week. Then this card arrived. As always, when I find myself lost and my soul needs a reboot, it’s my patients who lead me back to the light.
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Read this. To every junior doc: recognise and the cherish the Amys in your career. To every nurse: thank you for each time you have pulled one of us back from the abyss. To Amy: I salute you. You’ve saved more lives than just those little fellas admitted to your unit. Thank you.
It’s not often I post a thread tweet- I think I’ve done it once! But if you’re a doctor- I hope you take two minutes to read this!
To All Doctors.
Tonight was an interesting shift for me. It was an odd kind of night shift! I only had 2 admissions, which for me is a record low!
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Don’t know why. Just felt a bit flat today. Then I spent time with my patients and can’t describe how much happier I feel now.
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After careful consideration I have come to the conclusion that you, sir, are a disgrace to the profession and a waste of your mothers milk.
If I have offended you, toughen up.
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Twitter feels really unpleasant and ranty this evening. I can’t change how people feel about people who do not hold the same views as them.
I can, however post a picture of Hector looking particularly cute.
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Sad to be leaving
@CancerCareMASCC
. One of the best conferences I have attended. I cannot recommend it highly enough to my pal care colleagues. No cymbals, no chanting, no singalong. Plenty of multiprofessional data from the big players in their field.
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The look of someone who has competed all their mandatory on line training and scored 100% on the equality and diversity end of course exam.
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20 years ago today I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. There are so many people I owe a huge debt of thanks to for getting me this far. Thank you to
@RCHTWeCare
for all my treatment , care and follow up.
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Hedgehog, check.
Alligator, check.
Duck, check.
Purple llama, check.
Just two sleeps til Christmas y’all.
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For those who think conference presenting is non stop jollies, I am sat waiting for my second delayed flight of the day. Tired, fed up, missing my wife and Hector. On the plus side the conference is at the LEGOLAND hotel and I have requested an upgrade to the Ninja bunk beds.
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Delighted to learn that
@DrMarkTaubert
has been awarded an honorary chair at
@cardiffuni
. Congratulations Prof Taubert.
#Bowiewouldbeproud
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If a patient asks you how long they have to live, responding with the old adage “How long is a piece of string?” is as much help as a fart in a spacesuit. That is all.
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Since I was so unhappy with my official work portrait, I went and sorted one myself.
Pretty much nailed it, I reckon.
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Northernmost point in Denmark where the North and Baltic seas meet.
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Merry Christmas to all those on Twitter who have enhanced my life this year. Seasons greetings to one and all.
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A patient in clinic has just said that they wish they had a belly like mine.
They are on Fragmin.
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Wife and I have just had a slow dance in the kitchen to the song we had as our first dance when we married.
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Five minutes into my new wig and I’m already pro Trump, anti vaccinations and have bought my first tiger online.
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I know the world has turned to shit, Covid rampages, Lockdown sucks, America has entered a whole new dimension of crazy and many of us haven’t held our loved ones for ages. But I GOT A NEW FRIKIN BOBBLE HAT!!!!!
@MerrynGott
I LOVE YA!
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Dear Twitter
I’m leaving you.
It’s not me, it’s you. The fun bits no longer outweigh the nastiness and vitriol that pervade my timeline.
You no longer provide space for self deprecation, irony or nuance.
It’s not me, it’s you.
Love Simon
PS look after
@WelshGasDoc
for me.
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I don’t claim to understand everything but 31 years of adult learning has taught me this:
There’s no cure for stupid.
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After yesterday’s debacle, I have decided that from now on I shall be using this as my official conference speaker portrait. What embodies seriousness more than “Noble:the Goth years”?
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6 years ago today Hector Gubernaculum Noble came into this world. He has spent the time bringing happiness to all he meets, chasing tennis balls and munching his bum hole.
Happy Birthday my beautiful little man.
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Congratulations
@adyeoman
on being conferred the title “Honorary Senior Lecturer” by
@cardiffuni
Much deserved.
@AneurinBevanUHB
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Hector and I wearing our colours in memory of Matt Watkins on the day of his funeral. Much love to Stacey and family. He was a patient like no other and faced his illness with dignity and courage. Rest in peace buddy.
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Having garnered so much interest in my official portrait to be put up at the entrance to our department, I thought I’d share a few other contenders. Today I give you Dr Evil.
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COVID-19 confessions: a qualitative exploration of healthcare workers experiences of working with COVID-19
@BMJ_Open
call him ex medical student, call him ventilator monkey, call him bearded rainbow dude. To me he is my co-author.
@WelshGasDoc
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I’ve eaten two marathons.
@SimonNoble
I'm 50, I've run two marathons and regularly workout. I've not had no vaccine and I've never been fitter.
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When should we stop anticoagulation in patients with far advanced cancer? What are the challenges in CAT management as end of life approaches? Our humble offering...
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Merry Christmas to all my friends. Thanks for supporting me me during a rubbish year.
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The legend that is
@PaulChuckle2
congratulates
@SDolwani
on his promotion to personal chair.
@DPMRes
@cardiffuni
#DPMRocks
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On November 11th 6pm I shall be delivering my inaugural lecture as
@MCPCRCCardiff
Professor;
"Abject Failure and Other Secrets of my Success" at the Pierpoint, Cardiff Bay.
Thanks to
@RhunapIorwerth
for sponsoring the event. To sign up:
@cardiffuni
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Today has been a great day at
@DPMRes
Three of our excellent colleagues have been promoted to reader.
Congratulations
@lisashurt
@NJosephWilliams
and
@harryahmed01
#DPMRocks
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Clinic has been more complicated now I’m no longer shaking hands with my patients. Today’s tally: 4 Iranian foot taps, 2 elbow to elbows and one slightly strange hip to hip shaky thing.
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Hi
@WelshGasDoc
one of my straight female colleagues thinks you are gorgeous and even more attractive in real life. She wants to know whether you are “straight up gay” or a “teensy weensy bit bi”. Don’t know what “straight up gay”means. Asking for a friend.
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To all my friends:
Thanks for being you. You support and sustain me. Many times you will have lifted me without even knowing I needed it.
Please keep being you and I’ll do my best not to piss you off too much.
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For those who have been missing pictures of Hector, it is my privilege to model for you my new Hector shirt.
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My favourite referral by email today...
“Dear Dr Noble,
I am told you have been known to dabble with cancer associated thrombosis”
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Delighted to accept this invitation. I know first hand the excellent compassionate and innovative work
@HOTVFundraising
deliver to their community. A true privilege to be involved.
We have the pleasure of welcoming Professor Simon Noble to his new role of Special Clinical Advisor to the Board of Hospice of the Valleys. We look forward to working with him in delivering our services over the coming years.
@SimonNoble
#governance
@HOTVFundraising
@hospiceuk
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Todays offering is titled “Waiting 3 days now for the lactulose to kick in”
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A pal from medical school sent me this. Cheeky bugger has done a shoddy job of photoshopping images of booze over the medical textbooks.
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Just so you know friends, I’m three gins in and getting a bit emosh.
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Sure, I was chuffed with papers published in
@bmj_latest
and
@nature
but I will always be most proud of my pies.
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My late father was captured early in WWII after a bloody battle in Arras. A POW in Germany for 5 years. Today we remember him and all those served.
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I didn’t get the grades for medical school.
My parents remortgaged the house to pay for me to retake through cramming college. I qualified as a doctor in 1993.
Because of them I have thousands of examples to
#ShareAStoryInOneTweet
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What are the palliative care needs of a Jedi? Do they engage in ACP? Are there end of life rituals to be observed? If only someone could tell us.
#minoritygroups
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Just made it out of Lidl with a 12 pack of bog roll. The way people in the car park were eyeing me up, I could have been walking through Croydon at night in a pair of box fresh limited edition Nikes.
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Spend your life wondering if there is anywhere in the world you truly belong and then…
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