a rube
@PinkoChimney
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this moment of TV is greater than all of the sopranos, breaking bad, and the wire combined
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get in loser, we're vandalizing statues of Christopher Columbus
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me: i'm not dating for a while
him: i'm an unemployed artist with a cocaine dependency
me:
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I accidentally texted my pharmacist this before-after kathleen turner pic
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when the squad is outside smoking and the phantom thread OST comes on
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if you're curious about gay sex, just watch this video, it's exactly like this
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PRINCESS PEACH IS MONARCHIST, COLONIALIST, INCOMPETENT FILTH AND WE MUST SEE HER TO THE GUILLOTINES
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I'm listening to shania deep cuts so i'm bringing this thing back and there is nothing that can be done to stop me
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oscar isaac could throw me into the mouth of an active volcano and i would shriek "call me" with my last breath before the magma consumed me
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Sneak peek of me waking up tomorrow and entering a work week after abusing my body for four days
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@ZacharySchaffer
@me_im_chloe
@Mepbon
zack i know you love the taste of the nypd’s boots almost as much as you love the oxford comma but you endangered people by doing this!!!
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i know better than to like a politician but it is THRILLING to watch alexandria ocasio-cortez say "fuck you" to this proper channels bullshit
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me when i'm asked to leave the applebee's after drinking 13 $1 long island iced teas
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me resisting the impulse to tweet my "oprah has no governing experience, and also all presidents are inherently evil" take
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my entire belief system is derived from a gay sailor moon meme page i found on fb
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me last night when P*ter Trav*rs said CMBYN wasn't a "gay love story but a universal one"
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imagine if white leftists fucking stopped using generalized ideology to deflect criticism from POC
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@ZacharySchaffer
@me_im_chloe
@Mepbon
“Here in Brooklyn, the vast majority is seeking peaceful protests” bitch did you do at least do a doodle poll before you appointed yourself leader of this movement
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the kinsey scale as chips:
0 - lays
1 - munchos
2 - ruffles
3 - doritos
4 - sunchips
5 - popcorn chips
6 - salt & vinegar kettle cooked
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me: i want to quit my job and become a militant leftist
also me:
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got an offer and am moving to nola this summer :)
i get assigned an attorney and we travel across texas, mississippi, and louisiana and represent people facing the death penalty
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@ZacharySchaffer
@me_im_chloe
@Mepbon
everyone on this thread has been out there every day and night and lives here and you called the cops on us!!!!! thanks narc!
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I ghosted the Bob Dylan wannabe I was shacked up with in Paris because he told me I complain about wealth inequality too much
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running list of people i would die for:
-cardi b
-chelsea manning
-laura dern
-tiffany pollard
-angela lansbury
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just deposited several thousand dollars into my bank account the nypd had to pay me for illegally arresting, battering, and searching me back in summer 2020
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love when you can see your own growth right there in front of you 😤👌💁💋💪👏💃
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Detox. Your looks caused the judges to short-circuit, but your performance in the "future is female" acting challenge was ....... robotic.
I'm sorry my dear but you are up for elimination.
My wig line might have been a joke but that doesn't mean I can't sample some new looks...
#Sophiatherobot
#Wigs
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That went from "I'll just eat half of this edible" to "I'm dissociating in this laundromat's queer sex shop" quickly
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I hate having a body. Would like to become a mist or maybe a fog
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one time i walked in on my white nationalist brother masturbating to the scene in armageddon when ben affleck is making animal crackers crawl on liv tyler’s tits
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accidentally stabbed myself and had to get seven stitches on thumbprint and the doctor (while making small talk to calm me down) learned I was almost a lawyer and said “don’t sue me if this goes wrong!!” — not what you wanna hear from someone sewing your hand back together
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mom is coming to new york for graduation and bought a dress with the manhattan skyline on it to wear and it’s insane to think this would have embarrassed me at some points of my humiliating life
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*usher voice* these are my jeff sessions, just when you thought he said all that he could say, he compared antifa to racists in the KKK
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there is an entire town for sale in Georgia for $1.7m we need to secure it LA COMMUNE
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me when pokemon crystal came out and i was finally able to be a girl pokemon trainer
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a dude who played aladdin at disneyworld is trying to have sex with me rn and i literally have waited and trained for this moment since the mid-1990s
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just finished the new york law exam
OMFGGGG I PASSED THE BABY BAR EXAM!!!!
Looking in the mirror, I am really proud of the woman looking back today in the reflection.
For anyone who doesn’t know my law school journey, know this wasn’t easy or handed to me.
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ok so i technically never came out to my dad in person, but he did walk in on me during the scene in final fantasy x when yuna and tidus are making out underwater to j-pop then said "what the fuck is this gay shit" and i think that's close enough
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and just like that… I finished law school
(turned in my last exam ever seconds ago)
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my sister’s pregnant again and she said “it was not planned but not prevented if that makes sense” ... love this christian girl autumn way of saying “my husband nuts in me”
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the universe has, in effect, Eternal Sunshine'd my most recent ex by making me fall into a swamp and break my phone + only providing me with an icloud backup from the week before we met
I have no pictures of him, and no way to reach him. Iconic.
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trump's worst abuse of power: replacing a pic of Kate Winslet
A Time Magazine with Trump on the cover hangs in his golf clubs. It’s fake.
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honestly thinking about just mass-texting to all of the men who are ghosting me
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England’s all fun and games until you’re at a party with some girl named Gemma who’s like “I do fink Jo Rowling has a point”
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And now, a story: my friends and I scammed our way into a plastic surgeon's Fire Island mansion, and we gradually realized that he did not want us to leave.
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this weekend, after three glasses of red wine, i felt the urge to text my ex. I then said aloud, "do something else." anyways i became a dues-paying member of the communist party lmao
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hera on her way to destroy the trojans after paris selects aphrodite as the most beautiful of the goddesses
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sry to brag but once this dude mugged me while holding a knife to my throat and said he would come back to kill me if I called the cops so I said "I've never called the cops and don't plan on starting now" or something and he gave my wallet back lol pretty legendary if you ask me
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is anything more cursed than these pics of my sister and her childhood best friend pregnant at the same time in a field
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some lady in court today told me her landlord was havana syndrome-ing her (using an electromagnetic device to quietly kill her) and i believe her
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got a full ride to law school and a living expenses stipend..... not taking out a single loan to become a public defender bitch!!!!!!!
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a white actress running as a democratic socialist is the only effective method i've seen to trick a lot of white gays into having even halfway decent politics. let's do it again! someone get monica potter on board with BDS and have her run in ohio
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my sister just confessed to me she's jealous of my "glamorous new york city life" and it's like sweetie it's just risky sexual behavior, questionable cocaine use, an eating disorder, and an increasing loneliness
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sorry to tweet about lawyer stuff but getting to tell people their case settled and they’re about to get a bunch of money from their old boss rocks
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boy is picking me up on a moped i’m lizzie mcguire in rome bitch!!!!!!
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kept saying “not us being lawyers” while still drunk and running on two hours of sleep at commencement today
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put out a call for a place to stay so I don’t get my roommates sick by going out to protests and the hottest dude i’ve ever met invited me to isolate in his apartment we love this moment for me
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every time i think of heather heyer, until i die, i will feel overwhelming grief. such a wonderful life cut so short by nazi filth.
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