Martin “Doomsday” Pfeiffer 🏳️🌈
@NuclearAnthro
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Anthro PhD Cand| nukes, cats, semiotics | gonzo journo |QUEER | RT/Fave/etc ≠agree |he/him| | |
Occupied Tewa Land (ABQ, NM)
Joined April 2014
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Lifeboats for when this place becomes unusable:
Bsky
Mstdn
@nuclearanthro
@mastodon
.social
enable my work:
Pfeiffer Nuclear Weapons & National Security Archive:
Youtube:
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2018:
The year that PornHub’s analytics become data for my dissertation.
my favorite part is the, um, stiff rise in viewership as folk turned to masturbation after thinking death was imminent.
#SexAndDeath
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Holy. Fucking. Shit.
The single best & concise analysis of Brexit I have yet to see.
So I just re-watched the classic Simpsons episode ‘Bart Gets An Elephant’. It is 25 years old, but a parable for our times. [thread]
Bart wins a radio station phone-in and is given a binary choice: $10,000 in cash or a full grown African elephant.
Bart chooses the elephant.
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Neanderthal were real people.
They cared for their sick. They had art. They ceremonially buried their dead.
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Me at the beginning of 2018 vs me 50 days into 2018:
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Now I am pissed off.
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Nuclear weapons prevent war.
Nuclear deterrence will work forever.
There will be no accidents.
#DeusExAtomica
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Obviously not a nuke ffs.
The Wilson Cloud-like effect is result of blast wave compressing & rarifying air w/attendant effects on humidity.
A nuke, amongst other things:
-blinding white flash
-heat of a nuclear detonation FAR exceeds chemical & cloud rises more rapidly
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I feel like he’s SO CLOSE to the realization but then he goes all Elon Musk.
WHO THE FUCK ACTUALLY THINKS SETTLING AND TERRAFORMING A WHOLE OTHER PLANET IS EASIER THAN NUCLEAR DISARMAMENT AND NOT HAVING WWIII?!?
Elon Musk: we must colonise Mars to preserve our species in a third world war
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Oh, holy fucking shit, that’s video from the surface of a fucking comet!!!!!!
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👏🏾nobody👏🏾wins👏🏾in👏🏾a👏🏾nuclear👏🏾war👏🏾you👏🏾fucking👏🏾pieces👏🏾of👏🏾shit👏🏾
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Not gonna lie, Anthroponuclear Worlds Theory makes a FUCKLOAD of sense to me these days.
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This absolutely fucking destroyed me last night.
It is, for me, difficult to read such things & not think of both the species we have already exterminated as well as those we will extinguish.
No flower shall remain to remember us after we devour ourselves.
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There are two kinds of people in the world. I would not have solved that correctly.
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We survived the Cold War more by luck than anything else.
The strong description of nuclear deterrence is a myth (folkloric sense of term) and it will eventually fail catastrophically through accident, miscalculation, or ineptitude.
Please quote this tweet with a thing that everyone in your field knows and nobody in your industry talks about because it would lead to general chaos.
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Yup. Waited tables for like 7 years.
Every flu season it was like John Snow’s cholera spreading water pump.
Don’t want sick people handling your food?
Make it possible for them to access medical care & to take time off to recover.
I used to work in the food industry.
I can’t tell you how many times the people who handle your food - who are already overworked & underpaid - show up sick to work because our country refuses to guarantee healthcare or paid sick leave.
We need
#MedicareForAll
.
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Look at Kelvin, what an Absolute Unit!
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”lighting a cigarette with a nuclear weapon” story going around.
US did at least twice.
1) Ted Taylor on June 1, 1952 (from Miller Under the Cloud).
2) for shits and giggles apparently in 1955. It made its way into the official DOD effects studies video.
#DeusExAtomica
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Rest in peace Little Fluff.
She was the Most Loving Creature on Earth & I loved how she would crawl on my chest & purr her heart out.
I gave her the best, love-filled life and death I could and she gave me friendship, & love, & joy & fun.
See you in the next life, my love.
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Some unknown rapscallion put googly eyes on the 9 megaton B53 nuclear weapon casing. 😍🤯😍
Now the B53 looks thoughtfully depressed like someone told it to reconsider its role in life as a city killing weapon of mass murder.
#LickTheBomb
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Y'all this thread resonates deeply with me and is well worth your time.
Start at the beginning.
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GOP:
Estate tax on millionaires is killing our economy! Taxation is theft!
Also GOP:
WE MUST TAX GRADUATE STUDENT FINANCIAL AID RIGHT NOW!
1. GOP tax bill would tax tuition wavers for grad students. This would be a disaster for US STEM PhD education.
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Y’all.
STOP IT.
That war scare, the nuclear crisis, that was a self-inflicted result of Trump bloviating about fire and fury and threatening to obliterate DPRK at the UN.
ALL TRUMP HAD TO DO WAS SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THERE WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN A NUCLEAR WAR SCARE.
Bottom line: Tensions on Korean Peninsula have been reduced; danger of war has receded; we have a process towards peace endorsed by hard-liners in both North Korea & US; but this could all collapse unless there is a lot more done to concretize these vague promises and quickly.
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By age 35 you should have licked AT LEAST a dozen nuclear weapon casings and re-entry vehicles in at least 3 different states and be able to suggest appropriate wine pairings if necessary. All in the service of nuclear disarmament.
#LickTheBomb
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TFW you have to recover Pu from your own bile because you accidentally ate a big chunk of world's supply.
#PhDLife
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🚨GATHER ROUND!🚨
Time for me to explain why I LOATHE
@NoradSanta
and the fuzzy myth (in anthropological sense) of its founding and how it is mobilized to peddle US the US Nuclear Doomsday Machine and military apparatus to kids.
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Me at the beginning of 2018 vs me four days into 2018.
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Hi, anthropologist here!
Whose “old way” and for whom did it “work? “🤔
buddy, humanity has organized sex, kinship, marriage in myriad ways over the last 130,000 years & you & your homophobic, misogynistic (🎶and racist🎶) 1950s imaginary can go drown in a hurricane of piss.
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*sighs deeply, prepares self*
I despise NORAD Tracks Santa.
Cynical, Cold War gimmick complete w/false founding myth aimed at getting kids & adults to stop worrying and love the bomb (and associated US “defense policy”).
Let NOAA or NASA do it.
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No, nuking Japan was neither necessary nor sufficient to end WWII in the pacific (unless you’re from the US in which case THIS IS AN ARTICLE OF FAITH).
Allow me to suggest some readings that I have compiled FOR JUST THIS OCCASION: A Thread!
1/n
#PhDLife
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Today’s “holy fuck are you fucking kidding me” research moment:
“Counterforce from Space” (1961), Aie Force Special Weapons Center.
A brief paraphrase to start:
…a ONE GIGATON NUCLEAR WEAPON detonated 95 miles above Earth will burn 11,000 square miles.
Simultaneously.
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This is what it looks like when a TACAMO plane drops it’s five mile long wire and flys in circles to keep it straight to transmit Very Low Frequency with submarines.
Never seen a track chart like this with them doing it.
If I were piloting this E-6B TACAMO submarine comms plane, I would be very dizzy.
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The first hearings on US Presidential nuclear launch authority since 1976! 😍
Tomorrow,
@SenBobCorker
will convene a hearing to re-examine the limits of the president’s power to launch nukes and indiscriminately kill millions of civilians.
#RestrictFirstUse
@SenMarkey
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Given the Hawaii missile attack false alarm, have a whole thread of false alarms and oopsies from the Cold War:
That time in 1979 they woke up Brzezinski b/c they thought USSR had launched nukes at US
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“A man who can be baited with a tweet is not a man who can be trusted with nuclear weapons.”
To Iranian President Rouhani: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!
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🚨I passed my PHD Specials (Quals/Comps/whatever) 🚨😍
Now: to the dissertation proposal & then research & then writing then graduation.
#PhDLife
#PhDLifeSpecialsExams
You can enable my research and work AND my celebratory pie:
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🚨FORBIDDEN JUICER🚨
My uranium glass juicer arrived.
For research & display or redistribution not for use.
Uranium is a toxic heavy metal & bad for the kidneys & that + acidic fruit mashing…
I did have a lemon to juice to macerate some shallots & I was BRIEFLY tempted.
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That feeling when you’re so good at Juche you have to put medals on your pants.
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Good children get candy & gifts!
Bad children get vaporized by a Santa Atlas D ICBM carrying a 1.4 megatonne W49 nuclear warhead.
Heavy casualties in surrounding communities may extend to 7+ miles.
HE’S CHECKING HIS TARGET LIST TWICE!
#NuclearWarOnChristmas
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The long & short is: I made $16,000 last year but under GOP tax plan, I would be liable for taxes on $36,000 b/c of $20k in tuition waivers.
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🚨ANNOUNCEMENT🚨
I HAVE NOW (thru counsel) OFFICIALLY SUED THE DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY for, amongst other things, their illegal fee status harassment that blocks me from records I have a right to under the Freedom of Information Act.
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This thread from someone in the service industry is fucking appalling.
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The President of the United States, who has virtually unrestricted authority to order launch of nuclear weapons, is not subject to Personnel Reliability measures.
Roger Fisher in 1981 had a provocative proposal for ensuring POTUS understood magnitude of decision to use nukes:
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🚨HOLY FUCK🚨
CLEANSING THERMONUCLEAR FIRE IS CANCELED FOR THE YEAR!
I'm getting paid to study nukes!
👏🏾PAID👏🏾TO👏🏾STUDY👏🏾NUKES👏🏾
#PhDLife
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Truly a Republican tale: clinging to life, enabled by his outstanding healthcare, he risks death just so he can vote to murder the poor.
BREAKING:
@SenJohnMcCain
returns to the Senate tomorrow after cancer diagnosis for key health care votes
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From the Licorne (unicorn) French nuclear test. 914kt, 1970.
Not my image but gives idea of scale of the mushroom cloud.
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Holy fuck.
Project Furtherance was a Doomsday Plan to FIRE EVERYTHING at USSR & China in event President was killed or went missing in an attack:
-regardless if attack was conventional or nuclear
-regardless of size of attack
-regardless of who attacked
#DeusExAtomica
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The forbidden chocolate orange.,
Half sphere of gallium-stabilized δ-phase plutonium that was produced by vacuum distillation in a levitation furnace.
Source: Los Alamos
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The Mooch is out already.
White House continues to run perfectly smoothly, like a fine tuned machine.
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🚨
#PhDLife
Level Up Event🚨
I will be making available in public record around 11,000 pages of previously inaccessible documents from a critical node of US nuclear weapon complex.
This is great for my dissertation AND I am creating a resource for other scholars.
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cube of uranium from German World War II nuclear project.
Was intended to be used in a chandelier configuration with heavy water to demonstrate a chain reaction.
Germany never succeeded in reaching criticality during war while US did Dec 2, 1942.
My picture.
#PhDLife
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I have signed and sealed on a new apartment:
-slightly smaller
-better part of area
-all tile floors
-leave behind neighbors who have physically threatened me & who are harassing me
-my new apartment comes with an exotic matter ballistic missile defense system (plasma)?
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What the fuck, Russia.
What. The. Fuck.
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Oh. Holy fuck.
You know why the accretion region looks like a halo?
Gravitational bending of space-time so that no matter what angle you look from...
😱IT ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE A HALO😱
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WHO COULD HAVE EVER FUCKING IMAGINED A KEY PART OF SOLUTION TO HOMELESSNESS & ASSOCIATED ISSUES WAS PROVIDING PEOPLE WITH FUCKING HOUSING?!?
Study: A Los Angeles program that provides supportive housing to people experiencing
#homelessness
led to a dramatic reduction in service use — and savings for the county.
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This is voter suppression and it is purposeful and targeted.
Night has fallen, but voting lines continue in Marietta, Georgia. The
@WCKitchen
team just finished serving dinner. They met someone walking out who arrived at 8am — he waited 12 hours to vote today. We must do better! Until then,
#ChefsForThePolls
will try to keep everyone fed.
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😻CLEANSING THERMONUCLEAR FIRE IS CANCELED FOR THE EVENING IN HONOR😻
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A round of applause for Sally Yates for carrying out her obligation to the Constitution.
Compliance is consent.
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SHOULDN'T THEY HAVE LOOKED THIS UP BEFORE VOTING?!?
+250% spike in "what happens if we leave the EU" in the past hour
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Words cannot express how much I want this hideous Three Mile Islamd lamp and mug set.
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OF COURSE THEY’RE FUCKING CONCENTRATION CAMPS READ SOME FUCKING HISTORY.
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Jesus fucking christ, we are all going go die.
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!
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The Vigilante pooped nukes.
Not. Kidding.
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“In the event of a nuclear war please don your fedora. Do not remove your fedora until after the nuclear war has ended.”
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I have clarified:
😍it was an unconditional/non-contingent pass!😍
I passed out-right AND they want some minor revisions!
As close to unqualified victory as one gets in the
#PhDLife
process!
And it means they read it! 😍
😍PASS WITH MINOR REVISIONS😍 for my Proposal Defense.
Not an unqualified victory but A VICTORY!
ABD is the way to be!
ONWARD TO RESEARCH!
#PhDLife
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I don't know who any of these people are but I have literal fucking Tourette's Disorder and I have never "accidentally" dropped an n-bomb.
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I don’t understand having an in-person sportsball during a plague when 400,000 people+ are dead and 3,000+ are dying a day.
Also football should be banned in current incarnation b/c head trauma. And players should own the leagues.
But fuck yeah heavy bombers & plague!
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😻😻😻GIANT MURDER KITTY IS RESTING ATOP THE CAR!!!😻😻😻
Oh damn. Seen 25kms east of Vancouver. Yes, that’s a cougar.
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is your child dabbling in nuclear deterrence or proliferation?!? Check their texts!
FML: Fissile Material Lover
BRB: Blunt Reentry Body
LMAO: Let’s Mutually Assure Oblivion
LOL: Launch Or Lose
VACIB: Verified Arms Control Is Best
4:20: time it takes to launch ICBMs
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HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHABAHHAHAHABBAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
*passes out from lack of oxygen*
You know, this is right up there with me angrily telling my parents “I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC” back when I totally was.
"North Korea's decision to relinquish its nuclear program has been officialized to a degree that not even those within North Korea can reverse." — Moon Jae-in today.
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I know it isn't but I REALLY FUCKING NEED IT TO BE ALIENS THIS ONCE FFS.
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@poloniumman
@XOofXOs
@iAmTheWarax
Accidentally grab bomb release handle (or let their jacket get caught on it) in the bomb bay...
...thereby dropping a 40,000lb Mk17 thermonuclear weapon (with a yield of 13.5 megatons) on Albuquerque.
Fortunately the core was removed but HE went off
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By pressing ancient phone camera against eclipse glasses…
….got a semi-decent photo of maximal coverage of sun by moon in today’s annular eclipse.
Also a photo of tree pinhole camera effects at maximal coverage.
As seen from Albuquerque, New Mexico.
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That sinking feeling when you're working on a nuclear weapon and it goes *thunk* when you rotate it.
From the Defense Nuclear Facilities Board Resident Inspectors' report for Pantex week ending 17 November 2023.
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I saw a roadrunner walking home from class!
I immediately stopped and began screeching ROADRUNNER! ROADRUNNER!
I was so excited I told the guy getting into his car two houses down!
#PhDLife
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Who among us?
A man had to be rescued after a night of partying led to him plunging 40 feet down a hole at an abandoned missile site in Chatsworth.
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Stanislav Petrov may have saved the world on September 27, 1983. The circumstances resonate today still.
#ThankYouPetrov
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...sometimes, your Co60 source for your gamma field gets stuck.
You are a US National Laboratory, at the cutting edge of research.
So of course you just fucking shoot at it.
And miss the first time but at least you didn’t hit the Co60 source!
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Gay bars have gotten tougher than I remember.
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My grandfather was just killed in a car accident.
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Nixon was drunk to the point of incapacitation on October 11, 1973 when UK Prime Minister Heath called to talk about the Yom Kippur war.
Two weeks later Nixon was drunkenly asleep when Kissenger, Schlesinger, etc decided to raise US nuclear force readiness to signal Soviets.
Under increasing stress from Watergate and impeachment proceedings, Nixon got plastered and talked to White House paintings. Facing blowback from his own ignorant and arrogant decision-making processes, Trump retreats to his bedroom to binge on Fox News and talks ... to Twitter.
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ARGLE BARGLE
I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE NOW.
LIKE. FUCK IT, WHY NOT? FIRE UP THE MINUTEMAN IIIs, THEY AREN’T DOING SHIT ANYWAY!
*coughs*
A brief thread on why this doesn’t work but people keep suggesting it.
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Scoop: Trump suggested nuking hurricanes to stop them from hitting U.S.
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This link is the sort of shit I think about when Americans imply other countries can’t have nukes because they’re religious zealots:
Dear
@nytimes
: I know space for A1 headlines is tight, so it’s curious that you would use the lengthy “Islamic Republic” instead of simply “Pakistan.”
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One of my favorite nuclear weapon advertisements ever.
1958
The feminine coded hand, the bracelet, the phallic submarine, ADVERTISING NUCLEAR WEAPON WORK IN SCIENTIFIC AMErican...
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Today is 74th anniversary of Trinity nuclear test—the world’s 1st nuclear detonation—near Socorro, New Mexico.
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We live still in the shadow of the bomb, cowering in its darkness and calling that “peace.”
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How do you arm a nine megaton Mk53 nuclear bomb?
Easy!
Now almost ready to drop!
It wasn’t until October 1988 that all B53s had been field fitted with a single strong link.
#PhDLife
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Magic.
They want magic.
Separately, some members of congress are beginning to advocate for a non-kinetic no-fly zone – something to the effect of using electromagnetic pulse, sonar, and cyber to keep Russian jets on the ground so they can never take off. Unclear how much support this will end up getting
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...did we just threaten to target cultural and archaeological heritage as a form of collective punishment?
Not that it matters to Trump et al but pretty sure that’s a violation of various international agreements and International Humanitarian Law.
....targeted 52 Iranian sites (representing the 52 American hostages taken by Iran many years ago), some at a very high level & important to Iran & the Iranian culture, and those targets, and Iran itself, WILL BE HIT VERY FAST AND VERY HARD. The USA wants no more threats!
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Yup.
Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" was published 61 years ago today, and since then has served as an excellent way to weed out potential romantic partners.
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What the hell is the Open Skies Treaty?
Why might it matter that we’re withdrawing?
Outstanding and updated backgrounder from Congressional Research Service (
@Woolaf
).
.
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“Operators reported that they did not suspect a cyber attack because unexplained crashes were normal for the sytem” 😬
GAO: "Weapons System Cybersecurity: DOD Just Beginning to Grapple with Scale of Vulnerabilities"
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Tired: why aren’t millennials buying boats?
Wired:
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Paul Boyer recounts Atomic Fireball candy maker extolling it's anti-marijuana virtues.
#WTF
#DeusExAtomica
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NO FUCKING SHIT IT’S A CHANGE IN THE CALENDAR NOT A GODDAMNED DIMENSIONAL SHIFT YOU FUCKING ASSHATS.
The new year is only a few hours old, but the political forces that are likely to shape a turbulent 2019 are already in play
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