Presuming Ed
@JamesOldham
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Hanging on in quiet desperation... The opinions contained herein are plagiarised. The moral rights of the author are not asserted.
Erehwon
Joined February 2009
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All I'm saying is that it's not inconceivable that this is the same woman 16 years apart...
#jayslater
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"so you know you asked me to to ask Eamonn Holmes out for you? He said no."
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but James Acaster isn't funny...
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Terry Christian complaining about the BBC reporting on a War that ended 75 years ago, yet opens his Twitter Bio with a reference to his "Awards" won 34 years ago is one of the reasons why I blocked the vacuous little twat. 👍
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Even if Jeremy Vine successfully sues Joey Barton, his nickname will always now be
#BikeNonce
.
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Or you can just sit on the grass for, you know, free... 🙄
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Please don't make Steve Bray A Thing again.
He's spent the last 8 years of his life achieving the Square Root of Fuck All, beyond making a few simpletons on Twitter laugh at his "Crazy Antics".
He's an absolute C**T and so is anybody who supports him.
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Take a bow, Margaret Hodge.
“You’re a fucking anti-Semite and a racist,” Hodge told him. “You have proved you don’t want people like me in the party”.
You've just become a legend. 👍
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but Frankie Boyle isn't funny...
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@Novembervivi
@Pandamoanimum
She's amazing. Rare to see something so wholesome and joyous on Twitter these days. 😀
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Fuxache. I'm no fan of Farage, but you need to have the mental age of a two year old to find pouring a milkshake over a Politician you don't like even remotely big, clever or funny.
I'm a big fan of John Prescott in this matter.
NEW: Nigel Farage had what appeared to be a milkshake poured over him as he left Clacton Wetherspoons
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@DavidLammy
really? Your mum claimed tax credits for you in 2003, when they were introduced, when you were 31? Was that even legal?
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Gary Neville finding out that Real Life and Twitter are not the same thing is pretty funny.
Just saying "F-ing Tories" on Twitter will only get him as far as the Labour Party conference, he's got no comeback when he can't just block the person pointing out how terrible he is.
A very awkward moment for Gary Neville on
#HIGNFY
as Ian Hislop points out he could criticise Qatar's human rights from home without taking their money.
[Via BBC]
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Bloody Hell! That Naz Shah tweet was real!
Can you imagine a Tory MP getting away with this, let alone telling victims of horrific child abuse to "shut their mouths for the good of diversity".
This is calibre of the current crop of Corbynite MP's within the Labour Party.
👀
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I've no idea who Darrell is, but he's described Stewart Lee's career perfectly.
His act's just sneering at people more successful than he is, whilst his fans believe they're in on some kind of high level intellectual joke which must make them intellectuals themselves. 🙄
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Fresh from being Missing Person Investigation Experts, Twitter effortlessly pivots to being experts in the European Food Chain and the agricultural impact of unseasonal weather.
#BrexitFoodShortages
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As much as I don't care about Kate Middleton'photo, they knew exactly what they were doing when she posted a badly photoshopped picture, with an out of season plant in the background, without her Wedding Rings...
It's like they're playing with the press.
#PhotoGate
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There's a case for saying walking out in front of a Jew Hating Mob, whilst openly being a Jew, is asking for trouble.
But if a PoC was told not to walk out in front of a protesting Racist Mob, I suspect the main question would be "why would you allow a racist mob to assemble?"
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Maureen Lipman - "There is nowhere safe to be Jewish at the moment"
Twitter - "Maureen Lipman is an out of touch racist.'
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Did they spell your name right on the meeting minutes documenting Gordon Brown's attempts to get DUP support to cling to power in 2010?
Ffs why can nobody spell ALASTAIR - fed up of these misspelled twitter trendings whenever I tell truth about this shambles of a government
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Maybe it's because you're flogging it for £40 / kg, you absolute Grifter?
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Jerry Sadowitz once got punched for opening his Montreal Comedy Festival slot with "Hello Moose Fuckers. The two worst things about Canada is that half of you speak French and the other half let them"
What the hell did those idiots in Edinburgh expect to happen at his shows?
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Whilst taking a break from making jokes about raping woman and disabled people,
@frankieboyle
is taking a pop at
@rickygervais
for making insensitive jokes.
You really couldn't make it up. 🙄
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So when Macron does it, it's diplomacy.
When Theresa May does it, it's sucking up to a horrible sexist & must be called out.
Got it. 👍
Even in the face of Trump’s sexism, Macron is a genius in diplomacy | Mary Dejevsky
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Sad news in our household, after 18.5 years we have lost our beloved Pippin. She's had the BEST life we could give her. We are devastated. 😢
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@AlisonMoyet
This was a game changer for me when I worked this out.
See also, cutting Pizza with Scissors. 👍
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"... you get the beef joint, the frying steaks, half a pound of sausages, a pack of braising steak, not one but TWO pounds of mince beef, all for Twenty Quid, and if that's not enough, I'll throw in a box of eggs..."
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@lnsavs78
@ElContador2000
@DavidLammy
never forget that this was the man who tweeted this...
#BlitheringIdiot
http://t.co/sVZsOUSBd3
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Didn't think a pub is a suitable venue for an AA Meeting...
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Who is an acceptable role model for teenage boys and young men?
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Spitting Image proving just how relevant it still is today...
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@nt4michelangelo
Is that... Is that Pauline from The League of Gentlemen in the audience? 👀
@SP1nightonly
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Me, recognising Mel Gibson.
Mel Gibson, 68, looks unrecognizable at Vince Vaughn's Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony in LA
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Wow! Really made up for
@Coldwar_Steve
!
Art collectors, go and buy yourself a peice of Twitter history! 😀
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@Sam__FCB
@PoliticsForAlI
@TheSun
Raynor could be on a sticky wicket after a reverse swing delivery down the corridor of uncertainty...
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Matt Hancock earns £145,492 a year.
Most top flight footballers earn that in less than a month.
Matt is working long hours 7 Days a week, footballers are keeping themselves fit in their luxury mansions.
Give your head a wobble, Dominic. 🙄
So after asking footballers to take a pay cut and being told that New Zealand’s govt are taking 20% pay cuts, Matt Hancock is asked by
@piersmorgan
if he will take a pay cut.
“I will work even harder,” he replies.
In other words, a big “no.”
Clearly, do as I say not as I do.
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I've always disliked the hate peddler Andy Dawson.
He thinks he's one of life's good guys, he really isn't. This is vile.
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@ryanjohnbutcher
@jeremycorbyn
@PinkNews
Ask him what he thinks of Iran's treatment of homosexuals, and what did he spend all that lovely money they gave him on? 🙄
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@jeremycorbyn
@theresa_may
You lost, Steptoe... You can't get a majority if you tried. It's over until the PM calls another election. 🙄
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"Gentlemen, I but outside
have decided the cruel world
that I will of politics"
remain a public
servant...
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@Blueshum
@jeremycorbyn
@theresa_may
If you add up ALL the other parties with the exception of the DUP & Tories, Labour are STILL short of a majority. What aren't you getting?
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Maybe he just sailed off into the distance to get away from his stupid family? 🤔
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@theBananaquit
@KevinHearne
It's a brilliant book, you should read it.
Also, The Crow Road, it is my favourite of his non Sci-Fi books. 👍
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Amazed at how many explosion experts have been on Twitter all this time and we never knew until now... 👀
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When you're feeling a bit down, Twitter has a great way of throwing something truly wonderful into your timeline... 👍
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"Mum, where's Dad?"
"He's gone off to London to convince the UK to rejoin The EU via the medium of Interpretive Dance, he'll be back later."
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@saralikeclara
Nice reference to Thatcher, who was out of power about ten years before she was born... 🙄
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@als3idi_f
@Natpirks
Qatar has sent out an invitation to the World. They should respect the the beliefs of their guests.
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Stephen Fry didn't say those words, but, he DID say these words.
Basically Stephen Fry isn't bothered. 👍
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What an absolute bellend. Just get the bloody paper and stop judging the person who brought you into the world, FFS.
Hideous moral dilemma when your 82 year-old mum is staying and asks if you'll fetch her the Daily Mail for the crossword.
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@TheFastShow1
I'm pretty sure I found this account because members of the show retweeted it. I'm sure they don't care you don't own the copyright.
Keep up the good work and joke about what you want to joke about. 👍
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Whoever said "Wearing a mask is like trying to keep a fart in your trousers" has obviously never worn a pair of these bad boys...
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Embarrassing. This wasn't an assault, Chorley Council passing a motion for a Ceasefire is about as effective as me passing a motion for a lottery win.
It's pointless virtue signalling like this that makes the hard left a laughing stock.
“THIS IS CHORLEY, NOT GAZA”
Tory councillor, Craige Southern, ASSAULTS me when we challenge Chorley council on why they have not passed a motion for ceasefire in Gaza during the horrific genocide.
First Hoyle stops our voice, now this!
Chorley will be heard!
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