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Just asked my missus where half of my teaspoons have gone. She’s told me that sometimes she bins them when she takes them to work because she can’t be bothered washing them and now my head is on Mars. I don’t think I can look her in the eyes again without wanting to spit on her.
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And now we’re live as she’s approached for comment
🔴 BREAKING: Margaret Thatcher's old seat of Finchley has been GAINED by Labour
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Wayne Bridge coming home to find his fridge turned off every other day
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Liverpool have made a bid worth £60 million for Al-Ittihad midfielder Fabinho
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“Hello mate, are you the bill payer? No? Are your mum or dad about?”
‘Hiya mate, I can see you’re on you’re lunch break but who’s your internet provider?’
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My girlfriends has asked if the people on the sub “will even know if they’re lost”
When they’re 4 days in to a 12 hour trip I would think so.
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Update: I’ve hidden the remaining three teaspoons I own around the house so when I go out in a bit and she wants a cup of tea this afternoon she can’t find them and will have to inconvenience herself with using table spoons.
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“Bring as many kids as possible!!”
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@Matty_Boyes16
She doesn’t think it’s a big issue but I honestly don’t understand what’s wrong with her haha
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Me outside Goodison trying to burn it down
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Someone has definitely bought this account and is on the wind up haha
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Their fans will be asking Werder fuck he is every week too
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Thoughts and prayers to the Blue who has a Bobby Firmino mural on the side of his gaff
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@BHLFC7
This is the same person who moans at me for leaving a glass in the sink when I’m rushing out but is secretly disposing of my spoons out of sheer laziness. I feel like I’ve been cheated on.
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While the Brazilian international is open to the move, he is thought to prefer a move to Chelsea who have bid £55 million
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Just Oil are stat padding frauds, they don’t turn up against the big events.
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@CPerm74303
That’s already happened unfortunately. I use those to help me cut raw meat only. Shite.
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People buzzing over this when he’s been the best free signing we’ve ever made. Gave it everything every time he played, no matter the position. He shouldn’t get another contract purely because of his age, but I hope he stays in some capacity. Liverpool legend.
🥈| It seems increasingly unlikely that James Milner will continue with Liverpool next season. [
@IanDoyleSport
]
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When we’re 3-0 down to Brighton and the police burst through the door
BREAKING: Police to visit 1,000 homes in crackdown on illegal Premier League streaming. [Mirror]
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We literally conceded a goal to a beach ball once and the goal stood mate
As far as football goes at this level… this is the most dodgy decision I’ve ever seen. Everything, the linesman flagging, (still no idea what he’s seen to put his flag up), the lack of VAR lines at Ainfield. How more hasn’t been made of this is mind blowing. Sickener for Wolves.
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Twitter at 5:28pm on Saturday
Liverpool to play national anthem pre-match in mark of respect for Coronation
✍️
@_ChrisBascombe
#TelegraphFootball
#LFC
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Moving in with my missus this week, I’ve only ever lived on my own and with my mates (family aside) has anyone got any advice on how to co-exist together?
Ignoring her isn’t an option, I try that now and it doesn’t even work when I live on my own.
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While thieves are scum of the earth, I reckon stabbing someone (probably to death) over some vapes is a little too much.
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That Var audio is better than the moon landing commentary MCFC LG x
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Disgusting, if you listen carefully you can actually hear Torres saying it to him.
Yesterday A Madrid u19 manager Fernando Torres was sent off for threatening to "blow the head off" of the Real Madrid u19 manager & former Liverpool teammate Alvaro Arbeloa 👊🇪🇸🙈
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Meanwhile, in gardens up and down County Road.
Carlo Ancelotti suing Everton in high court two years after leaving as manager
Real Madrid coach’s claim due to be heard in commercial court
Action comes at time when board and owner are under pressure
Carlo Ancelotti, the Real Madrid coach and forme…
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Some fella sat in the Upper Annie before had the words to You’ll Never Walk Alone printed out, clearly speaking Spanish but wants to be involved, and there’s people buzzing off him taking pictures of it then sitting there like the miserable bastards they are not singing all game.
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@BarryBags11
No, I lived on my own and managed to maintain 7 teaspoons over the years. We’ve lived together a few weeks and my teaspoons have taken heavy casualties.
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Reckon people will look back on this one in 10-15 years and realise it’s one of the best we’ve ever had
What’s the most underrated kit your club’s ever had? 🤔👕
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My wife has suggested laminating this and turning it into a set of table mats … excellent idea! 💙
My wife has suggested laminating this and turning it into a set of table mats … excellent idea! 💙
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“SAVE R KIDS” from lemo monsters who put them in front of a new random fella every weekend
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Who knew that so many Mancs cared about what happens to the children of Liverpool?
Maybe now they’ll stop singing Hillsborough related songs about the 22 children that died as a result?
I didn’t think so.
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@Tynegall
1. They’re mine, I purchased them with my own hard earned money when I lived on my own.
2. We aren’t married.
3. After what she’s done we never will be.
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Still rattled 20 odd years on
Pep Guardiola: “It’s our fault Steven Gerrard slipped at Anfield” 🔵
#MCFC
🎥
@BeanymanSports
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Why didn’t the animal protestors turn up to help the 11 donkeys on the pitch at Goodison Park?
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Plenty of time for Tuchel to now pursue what he was put on the planet for, to be a seedy pervert who looks under toilet doors.
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Up the nurses, posties and rail workers who in their own ways keep the country moving and on its feet. All labour is skilled labour and they deserve the pay they’re worth to put food on the table and put clothes on their kids backs. If you’re against them you are a SCAB.
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Oh well lads, back to watching your tinpot clubs in the Johnstones Paint trophy.
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Again, with all due respect, Dixie was playing against alcoholics who had shell shock.
Dixie Dean had a mention because Haaland scored.
No
@btsport
Haaland isn’t anywhere near being “In Dixie Dean territory”
Dixie Dean scored 60 league goals.
Haaland has scored 30 league goals.
Dixie scored 100 in all competitions
Haaland has scored 45 goals in all comps 👍
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He’s literally an La Noire meme
Good to see Peter Reid taking some time out from his ongoing hunt for the Beer Baron.
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Spend your money in the Baltic Market which has been there for years now and was a catalyst in regenerating the whole Baltic Triangle.
The Cockney turd lobbers wouldn’t have looked twice at Liverpool for a Boxpark without the success of the Baltic Market 👍🏻
First look inside BOXPARK Liverpool before its grand opening
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Luton Town have been promoted.
This is the main entrance to their stadium.
Incredible to think this ground will be in the Premier League next season.
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Won £9, I’ll put that towards my LFC membership increase so I can jump on for tickets and be 39,000th in the queue for 500 tickets every week.
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Did he think he was going to pass through the fence like it was Platform Nine and Three Quarters?
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@brigandbandit
True, but I’m forcing her into the use of table spoons, which will go one of two ways:
1. She’ll replenish the teaspoons
2. She’ll eventually work her way through the big spoons too, and will have to replace both as I won’t fold.
Either way I come out of this smelling of roses.
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The great socialist who chose to side with the police and Margaret Thatcher over the deaths of 96 innocent football supporters. Smelly pisshead.
‘Of course I’m a Champagne Socialist. The difference between me and a good Tory is he keeps his money while I share mine.’
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Always
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Jib the “Most of them aren’t Scouse” shouts either, about 75% of them are in Montirex right outs haha
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Fair play to them. A proper football club that got its house in order and didn’t cry about its own financial misdeeds.
A few could learn from their actions.
Wolves took the bold step of selling 17 players in the summer to avoid future punishment from the Premier League.
✍️
@JPercyTelegraph
#TelegraphFootball
|
#WWFC
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Nearly let out a primeval roar when the Wijnaldum one started
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Tourism authority hahaha. We should go after Benzema and send someone from the Beatles museum as part of the delegation just for a laugh.
🚨🗣️ The final meeting between
#AlIttihad
and
#Liverpool
for
#Salah
will take place tomorrow morning.
🔥 A big effort for the 🇸🇦 delegation that will be represented by:
- 2 members of the Club;
- 2 members of the PIF;
- 1 member of the Tourism Authority.
🔜 More details soon.
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@SkySportsNews
It’s only fair that they’re kicked out of the competition and whoever finished 5th last season takes their place
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Counter point:
🟢NEW:
Sociedad manager has given Zubimendi a presentation on why he should stay, including reference to the mountains and Basque region.
🗣️
@LewisSteele_
via DM WhatsApp
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Reckon when someone drops the “10 years ago today” of this in 2 years I’ll combust
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Trey Nyoni was born 4 days before Fernando Torres signed for Liverpool
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@taylor24_matt
@bradyp86
@The_PaulSykes
It is 100% Bobby Moore, Michael Kane is an actor and never played professional soccer.
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Karius next week after the performance of his life in the League Cup final
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Easy
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